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Internet BDSM Chats - 11/18/2005 1:42:23 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Since ive been chatting (about 3 years) ogod doesnt time fly...ive noticed a few things...one of which....

When i express about types of play that are recognised within the general bdsm community..ie. needles/cutting/caning/whatever...the reaction to it for the majority is one of silence..or someone making a comment about too extreme..or making some other judgement on me....why is that? Is it that most people on chats really havent experienced anything in reality and have some romantic notion about what is involved in bdsm? i thought i was really funny last week when i shared about my first cutting (blood tattoo) on one of the internet chats (not here)..i was so thrilled and excited about it and just wanted to share...so anyways..there was a *gorean* Master in there with his slave..and He made some smart ass comments..basically inferring to his slave that what Master had done to me was the sign of a bad Master..and a sign that our relationship was bad...he would never do such a thing (umm ive read a Gor book..all slaves are branded ...so there :P )...(actually i think that incident is what motivated me to search for another method of communicating with people within the BDSM community rather than relying solely on chats..and i winded up here)..anyways..why is there is so much judgement on internet chats? Is it really a vanilla world in disguise?

p.s. Just fyi..Master and i dont have a Gorean Relationship..but we do have a Master/slave relationship...but i can respect those who are attracted to it..cuz ive read a book and i like the underlaying feeling of them. So, im not dissing Goreans in what i said..it was just that situation at the time that involved a Gorean Master...i could relate other stories of non-gorean people doing pretty much exactly the same thing on internet chats...Oh jali and her Master are so extreme,...yeah right.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Internet BDSM Chats - 11/18/2005 1:46:52 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali
Is it that most people on chats really havent experienced anything in reality and have some romantic notion about what is involved in bdsm?

Pretty much. Remember- there's a REASON they have spent so much time online and making all those cyber relationships. It's because they aren't OFFLINE as much.

I used to be like that.

quote:

it really a vanilla world in disguise?

Oh it's not that disguised. People in bdsm are just like everyone else.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Internet BDSM Chats - 11/18/2005 1:55:28 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Master and i met on an internet chat site. We continue to use it as we developed friendships and also as Master is pretty much deaf, it gives him an opportunity to be in a social setting and actually be able to *hear* group discussion, something He could never do with a group of people face to face, He is ok one on one..but if there is more than one person talking its very hard for Him to keep up...so anyways..its kinda frustrating that there is rarely any quality in the discussions on internet chats..well maybe these forums will work for us *grin*..im enjoying it so far and Master is enjoying reading the posts etc.
Typing is a good medium for me to discuss in depth things with Master too, its much easier than having to repeat myself over and over again which can kinda dampen conversation flow.

< Message edited by slavejali -- 11/18/2005 2:00:11 PM >

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Internet BDSM Chats - 11/18/2005 4:03:41 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali
Typing is a good medium for me to discuss in depth things with Master too, its much easier than having to repeat myself over and over again which can kinda dampen conversation flow.

I have hearing loss as well and it is one of the things I enjoy about chats too. But I type and read fast so I can handle multiple people at once.

Chatrooms have their phases. SOme are awesome and intense for awhile, some are fluffy...they all go through their phases.

Are you learning ASL?

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Internet BDSM Chats - 11/18/2005 4:06:19 PM   
subaltern1


Posts: 36
Joined: 11/18/2005
Status: offline
Where are the awesome ones ?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Internet BDSM Chats - 11/18/2005 4:41:35 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Master doesnt sign... He lost His hearing in his early twenties..He is 46 now....It wasnt till about 5 years ago He actually starting tell people he was deaf..his low range is good..medium and high range effected...He says thankgod those bass sound systems werent around in his teens or all his hearing would be gone. He is an excellent lip reader and he is very observant of body language..so i can imagine how he got away without telling people he was deaf for so long.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Internet BDSM Chats - 11/18/2005 5:10:31 PM   
MissDiandSirHugh


Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
Status: offline 		May be just like many things in the Vanilla world jali many know or have ideas of things in life but just turn away or shut their eyes to admitting its there and being small minded to that knowledge just hope by not wanting to say any thing about it then then what ever will go away and not exist.
As to those in the BDSM Life it can also be the the same but also as you said you were over the moon on your cutting some just enjoy taking the wind out of the sails of others no matter what side of it all they are part of.

Congratulations from us to you both also for the joyous occasion.

< Message edited by MissDiandSirHugh -- 11/18/2005 5:11:40 PM >

_____________________________

HoRoo for now from Us both and enjoy all you read even if you don"t agree with us or others.
Knowledge is no Burden to Carry

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Internet BDSM Chats - 11/18/2005 5:16:58 PM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Are you learning ASL?



Oh! I am (or at least trying to). I am only partially deaf, but it isn't improving any (my partner is the same way). I figure that one day or another we (or at least I) will need it.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Internet BDSM Chats - 11/18/2005 5:19:32 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:

some just enjoy taking the wind out of the sails of others no matter what side of it all they are part of.


That's true, its always one thing about human nature that amuses me...everyone wants to be happy..but lotsa people cant be happy for other people...which kinda doesnt make sense to me...it seems to me taht if you can be happy for others you attract good things to yourself.

(in reply to MissDiandSirHugh)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Internet BDSM Chats - 11/18/2005 6:58:52 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		Remembering the time i spent in chat rooms, i have to smile. They were some of my happiest, even as i was going through some of the worst times of my life -- my mother dying and my marriage going down the tubes. i found acceptance, understanding and some of the best friends i've ever had. Yes, there were some that i could have done without, maybe, but even in their HNG'ing, i learned and grew and even learned to laugh again..something i wasn't ever sure i'd do again.

The one thing i learned, early on, is that the people who frequent adult (i.e., bdsm) chatrooms are like anyone else, some wise and wonderful, others clueless or dishonest, close minded or accepting, some inbetween...being a Master/Dom/Top or a slave/sub doesn't really change who people are at their most basic level.

Just my thoughts,
jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Internet BDSM Chats - 11/19/2005 9:25:43 AM   
ehlovindom


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

..anyways..why is there is so much judgement on internet chats? Is it really a vanilla world in disguise?



The same reason there is as much offline although it is much easier to do so from the anonymity of your computer. My experiences chatting with people online have run the gamut from good friendship to out and out lying. I guess you have to take the good with the bad. In the end, does it really matter what other people think of you as long as “it” works for you and your master?

_____________________________

Know which bridge to build, which one to cross, and which one to burn!

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Internet BDSM Chats - 11/19/2005 11:08:12 AM   
HenryMiller


Posts: 26
Joined: 10/16/2005
Status: offline 		Chatrooms are too busy for me. I prefer bulletin boards.

(in reply to ehlovindom)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Internet BDSM Chats - 11/19/2005 12:16:33 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:

Remembering the time i spent in chat rooms, i have to smile. They were some of my happiest, even as i was going through some of the worst times of my life -- my mother dying and my marriage going down the tubes. i found acceptance, understanding and some of the best friends i've ever had.


I originally joined chatrooms just after my late husband died, to get my mind off my grief. Less than a year before that my mom had died and about 4 months after that my dad died as well. i was a mess emotionally and mentally. It worked, during my chat time i played around and was able to take my mind off sinking into unbearable pain...i also met Master *smile*


(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Internet BDSM Chats - 11/19/2005 12:24:16 PM   
HenryMiller


Posts: 26
Joined: 10/16/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

quote:

i also met Master *smile*




And Master is no doubt a lucky man.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Internet BDSM Chats - 11/19/2005 12:47:56 PM   
krystalsub


Posts: 2
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Peterborough (but Scottish)
Status: offline 		In the UK, chat rooms can be either awful or awesome. As a novice submissive I was lucky not to be led out of my submission. Chatting in internet rooms led me to meet my first Dominant who thought he was a Master. He said all the right things, his principles were "spot on" - for me at any rate; the irony was the way that he practiced those principles was nothing like his theory! After 18 months of being used, abused and regularly abandoned I realised that I wasn't a submissive but a doormat.

However, a few months later when the "itch" for submission slowly worked its way back I wandered into them again and that's where I found my Master Steve, the greatest love of my life and the person to whom I give complete surrender and devotion. He restored my faith in the BDSM community but most importantly he restored my faith in my submission and I am truly grateful for that.

I guess my point is there's good and bad in everything. It's only as we become more experienced we learn to make those judgements that are important. Nowadays I still venture into chatrooms but I like to observe and listen rather than participate, but that's how I am in real life too.

_____________________________

krystal x0x0x0x

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Internet BDSM Chats - 11/19/2005 1:01:54 PM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

Since ive been chatting (about 3 years) ogod doesnt time fly...ive noticed a few things...one of which....

When i express about types of play that are recognised within the general bdsm community..ie. needles/cutting/caning/whatever...the reaction to it for the majority is one of silence..or someone making a comment about too extreme..or making some other judgement on me....why is that? Is it that most people on chats really havent experienced anything in reality and have some romantic notion about what is involved in bdsm?



As I was introduced to BDSM by a man I met in real life, my experience with chat rooms and message boards, such as this one, was nil. Trying to find out more on my own, I went in search of information on the net. There I discovered the chat rooms. I joined a number of them, only to discover that most of the people participating had never done anything in the lifestyle outside of their virtual reality.

When I would ask questions (thinking these people were more experienced than me), I was met with ridicule. When I had been with my dominant for three months, the chat folks were telling me I wasn't real because I wasn't collared yet. I learned from others that practiced in life that collars generally symbolize a "marriage" of sort. Having been married for a long (20 years) time, that wasn't going to be in the cards for me anytime soon.

I've seen stuff that made my head roll on the chats as people "scened" in them. I was told to get on my knees and suck some Dom or another because, after all, I am submissive and should do as any of them said. Some demanded to be addressed as "sir". After seeing a person whipped with a single tail in real life, I was horrified when a person in one of the chats related how her Master had whipped her with a single tail 100 times the night before. She related how she screamed and begged him to stop, while the blood dripped down her body. I cringed until I found out it was all virtual. None had done anything outside of their "computer space".

And, a few, very few, were experienced with this lifestyle for real. They actually were helpful and even directed me here, explaining that there were a higher percentage of people living this lifesyle on this site.

I've given up the chat rooms. I'm glad that some have found them to be a refuge, but mostly I've found them to be garbage.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Internet BDSM Chats - 11/19/2005 1:19:32 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:

I was met with ridicule. .... the chat folks were telling me I wasn't real because


i got that a bit too....had lotsa subbie types msging me telling me i wasnt a real slave, or that i wasnt real etc etc...

their reasons were

1. i didnt take it serious enough
2. i didnt act like them ( i had no clue about internet protocal)
3. i would say one thing then contradict myself ( main thing here was i would call my late husband..husband one day and my best friend the next...this amounted to me lying apparently..when the reality was...he was my best friend..and we got married just before he died as a gift to each other..so he was both to me *grin*)
4. i have had a lot of rl experience..and life experience..one of those people who has been there done that (sorry we exist)..but apprently me sharing stuff about my life and experiences amounted to me being a liar as well hehe

cie la vie

*grin*

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Internet BDSM Chats - 11/19/2005 1:37:18 PM   
Phoenxx


Posts: 253
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Swift Current
Status: offline 		Time sure does fly. I recall the days of chatting on irc with my cool new 2400-baud modem.
And often the comments you get will depend on the server you are on. Check out the room and get to know people. And just like the boards here or a group in life, your going to find some good, some bad and the other types LOL.
Often you can find people with more real life experience by going to adult only servers.
Also, it is easier to be a jerk a player online then it is face to face. It’s easy to be a Master or anything online then in life.
Tony

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Internet BDSM Chats - 11/22/2005 6:05:31 AM   
sothernnyte


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/22/2005
Status: offline 		truthfully, i started out in the BDSM lifestyle via online. but not as far as relationships go. i read a lot of info available on here as well as joined some groups because it was something i truly wanted to know more about having experienced desires i recognized nowhere else.

i have been in the life for 7 years now, the first year being nothing but reading and learning. the rest of the time has been r/l. although it is nice to come online and see others that enjoy the life as well and develop friendships with those i have much in common with.

and i agree with several of the posts. i think the reason some people are repelled by the more 'exotic' or more 'extreme' conversations about the Life is due to a lack of real participation. it is easy to say online that you love being caned. i wonder how many would really enjoy it r/l. lol.i have never been caned but i have been cut...and i adored it. not to mention many other scenes that some may find 'unspeakable.'

and you piqued my interest immediately when i read the brief details of the blood tattoo. i havent had one but it is something else to add to my list to investigate. and i would love to hear about that experience.

i have met more fakes online than i have met in person. and it can be tiring especially if you are hoping to connect with someone seriously.

but i do credit to the Oones that i have met and known in r/l. Tthose are the people that make this Lifestyle work and make it better.

sincerely
sothernnyte

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Internet BDSM Chats - 11/22/2005 6:41:10 AM   
riskrewarded


Posts: 23
Joined: 8/26/2005
Status: offline 		its funny how quicky life changes.

I started out chatting on excite I guess about 3 or 4 years back

I had a seriously great time. I met people I would have never met and learned a ton about not opnly BDSM but myself and other people.

Ive found that I dont really enjoy chat as much since they shut down excite a couple years back for a few reasons

The rooms with less people tend to just have a few regulars who only are interested in gossiping with their old buddies.

I just dont enjoy the rules in most every room as a Dominant, its set up for people who have all day to chat in the public room before you even try to say hello in private to a submissive. If you just message a simple compliment you are likely to get booted from the room for being "rude".

Who has the time to listen to all the yenta conversations about this or that before you say hi to someone you actually might enjoy a chat with?

I undertstand that these girls receive lots of messages but if you are in a room called "subs seeking Doms" why are the rules set up so that people who arent seeking other people can not be contacted. The whole thing will never make any sense to me.

I would go to that old yahoo site sluts craving humiliation just to watch the girls go on and on about the rude things people say to poor old them, yet there they were the next day and next day.

Maybe they should have called it yentas who like to bitch about guys who want sluts who crave humiliation.

I still though meet great people (yes I break the rules) just not as often though and i dont devote the time I used to.

Like most things one must sift through the rocks to find the gold.

(in reply to sothernnyte)
Profile   Post #: 20
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