Mercnbeth
Posts: 11766
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quote:
So, where do you sit? Are you always the fantasy french maid, who never feels angry, frustrated, tired, aggravated, etc? Are you allowed to express when you don't like what you are told to do, or are you required to stuff your feelings and pretend to be happy about it? For the domly types, would you prefer honest emotion, or do you expect cheerful acquiescence evey time? If that's the case, do you believe your sub truly enjoys all that you ask of her/him? Going in with a conscience effort to keep it short, but I don't know if it's possible. It is too complex and complicated an issue; but here goes... You should 'act' as little as possible within your relationship. Acting requires effort and it is work, another thing we both try to avoid in our personal life. beth is not only allowed, but she is required to disclose her feelings and mental/physical heath status for my consideration. I still hold the ability to ignore them for my personal pleasure and/or benefit; however, that gets back to how we set our relationship up in the first place. she knew going in that I have a low threshold of tolerance for infirmities; but I have understanding and can deal with them. That's not the case with 'attitude' where she knows I have zero tolerance rule in place. Yes, I do want her to "truly enjoy" all that I ask of her. However, I don't think that enjoyment is pointed to the direction you are going. The best way I can answer this is by providing a non 'lifestyle' example. Suppose you met a person who became your partner and was a huge baseball fan, specifically for one team in particular. You, on the other hand, didn't know a bunt from a balk; and have no interest in doing so. Your partner's interest isn't going to change. It's been a long time interest, a source of enjoyment. What do you do? Do you assimilate some knowledge and sit there and enjoy the game, and put up with the silly 'fan-aticism'; or do you walk away every time baseball appears on the screen with a gesture of disgust and a "tell me when its over!" comment? How you answer that question within the context of any situation determines my attitude to any specific activity and/or situation. That doesn't mean that sitting through something, or doing something you don't enjoy shouldn't be considered by your partner. If you've been honest, your partner should know and understand your perspective. Working it out may require a degree of disassociation from the act/activity. Going back to the example, remove the baseball game from the equation and consider that regardless of what you are watching you are doing it together. You get to see the joy, and sorrow, of your partner's reaction to what's happening with the team. You share the experience. Whatever the experience is, the fact that your partner is enjoying it, having fun, or getting some satisfaction should be a consideration for you and influence your attitude. To try to be clearer, I'll point to looking at the other side. Conveying your disgust, having an attitude, translates differently for different people. I tend to avoid potential conflict and attitude in my personal life. Having to deal with so much of it in business; I want partners who have fun and who exude the same enthusiasm for a shared experience as I do. I'm too old, and time provided too short to waste it arguing, fighting, or forcing my definition of 'fun' on anyone. What do you do? Everyone will have their coping method, but what we do is put our relationship at a higher level than either individual. We represent that both of us serve (sub or slave - you pick!) that entity. With that perspective you should be able to do anything with a smile and have fun doing it. You do need confidence to accomplish this. Confidence in yourself, your partner, and trusting each other without reservation. If it's a life or lifestyle, you have to be sure that you are working from a foundation within your relationship that won't be traumatized or destroyed. It helps to go in thinking it may even be enhanced. Most times it is, because you've shared something that your partner knows wasn't something you would do without their influence. I love giving gifts, almost as much as I hate the idea of giving them at Christmas. I have a 'attitude' about it. Why? Simple - I perceive a Christmas gift as a gift given because I 'have to' instead of giving it because I 'want to'. There are a lot of things you do in life because you 'have to'. The 'have to' defines attitude. When I sense 'have to' in my personal life I tend to deliberately avoid the situation or potential situation that caused it. I know I'm fortunate that I don't 'have to' perceive it anymore since I've been with beth. I don't think 'attitude' is limited to one side of the flogger. The relationship holds priority over both. You can 'give' while being in the process of 'getting'. I knew it wasn't going to be short! As a succinct summation I'd offer this. YES - I want my slave to "truly enjoy" doing everything I tell her to do. Not because she does or doesn't enjoy the act, activity, sensation, experience; I want her to truly enjoy it, without 'attitude', because her mind processes what she is doing outside her personal desires, likes and dislikes and instead processes it as an act, activity, sensation, or experience being shared, and enjoyed, with ME. I represent the same requirement for myself regarding her. If, by my standands, we can't reconcile doing whatever without 'attitude'; it won't be done. EDITED TO ADD: Damn - just noticed that while giving my long winded answer beth's already chimmed in. Glad to see she didn't give an 'attitude'!
< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 8/6/2008 12:08:11 PM >
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