Lost

Lost (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress

Message

Snapper2580 -> Lost (8/6/2008 12:03:29 PM)
I feel lost and in need of guidance. I'm a older slave that is uncollared. I currently live in the Sacramento area but used to live in Arizona, Texas, Arkansas (born and raised), Ohio, South Carolina, Florida, Hawaii, and Wyoming. Also lived in Germany and Greece. Those were wonderful years! I have been searching for The Mistress for quite a long time. My current problem seems to be lack of high income. I currently make approximately $700 per month. A month ago I went thru cervical spine surgery and now in the recovery stages. I can no longer work in my previous profession so now have to find another. Which may include going back to school. I am very up front about my status, as I'm a very honest person. It seems that whenever I pass this information on to a Domme that I am communicating with I never hear from Her again. That is my delima!!!!!!!!!!!! I am even willing to relocate if I finally find The Mistress!!!!!! I have never asked the opinion of Mistress' on this site before but I am becoming very frustrated and in need of some guidance! Thank You in advance slave larry

MamaDomme1 -> RE: Lost (8/6/2008 12:54:35 PM)
larry, I looked over your profile and you seem to be kind to others and a considerate individual. Unfortunately, there are many people online that are only seeking a meal ticket and once finding out that you wouldn't be that, they poofed on you. That's ok-- you didn't need them anyway. I suggest being as active as possible in real life-- go to events, muches, etc and meet people that may know of other people that might be compatible with you. And I sure don't blame you in wishing to move from California-- there are far more economical places to live! Best of luck to you~~~

MaamJay -> RE: Lost (8/6/2008 8:07:39 PM)
larry, being in Australia, I can't help you directly. I can only agree with Mama Domme's advice and get out in real as much as you can. And keep trying here at CMe too. I wish you a good recovery with your neck, I've had 3 whiplashes ... I empathise! Maam Jay aka violet[A]

blackrosegoddess -> RE: Lost (8/6/2008 8:41:32 PM)
I am sorry that you are being jerked around by others. I agree with what has been said above. Sometimes, getting out and meeting people will get you more than a profile here. I know the mixers I go to in my area, if I like the person and know them, income doesnt matter. If I am able to have coffee and chat with someone before these things happen, then that is key. I have a current that has been with me for quite some time now. He is down and out and though he doesnt get the newest gadgets and play items ( for sanitary reasons, I cant use them on him and then on another.. I am odd that way!) But he does get his immediate needs met and I get the pleasure of his company. Because he is a decent person going through a tough time. I wish you luck on your career endevors, your recovery and your quest to finding her.

dreamerdreaming -> RE: Lost (8/7/2008 1:22:46 PM)
Take heart, slave Larry- everything will be alright. I just had surgery recently myself and after much rehab I'm finally getting back into shape. you will find your owner. Broaden your scope. Cast a wide net. Make lots of contacts both here and R/T. Volume, volume, *volume!* That's the secret. That, and enjoying being single! And CONFIDENCE in yourself. Confidence is extremely alluring. When you are truly happy being on your own, that's when someone will show up to "ruin" it all. A truly happy person is very attractive! So, do what you need to do, to be happy alone. Once you really begin enjoying the fact that no one is there to mess up your day, and you can do exactly as you please... That's when your Owner will show up and enslave you. Oh and my slave is poor as dirt too. That didn't stop me. A woman of quality can make her own money, and will see past your current financial status, to the real you. When she arrives, open up to her. She'll want you to enrich her emotionally.

MmeGigs -> RE: Lost (8/8/2008 1:49:55 PM)
We've all got stuff going on that will limit our partner pool. While keeping secrets from a partner is never a good idea, you aren't partners with these women, you're just getting acquainted. You don't have to tell them everything right away. Why not wait until after you've met her in real life and know that you have some interest in pursuing a relationship with her before telling her about your financial situation? On a first date, a fellow told me that he had a restraining order against his ex-wife, another told me that his teenaged daughter was a monster-beast who breaks into his house and robs him blind, and another told me at some length how much he hates his job but that he's stuck there for the benefits. There were no second dates. It was too much information too soon. I had no solid knowledge of the good parts of these guys to counterbalance this not-so-good stuff. Had they waited until I had a chance to get to know them before spilling their guts, things might have worked out differently. One fellow had some serious financial issues - rivalling yours, certainly - but waited to tell me about them until things were starting to get serious. I liked him well enough by then that I was willing to take his issues on in order to have him. I am not advocating dishonesty, I'm saying that honesty often needs some context. Telling someone about some big limitation or personal issue puts them in the position of having to make an immediate decision about whether or not they're willing to accept that thing. Sometimes it's appropriate to put stuff right up front, like if you're married, but often it's just too much too soon. If I'm interested enough in a guy to want to know about his income, I'll ask. One post mentioned "meal ticket". To be honest, if a fellow told me in our early conversations about his very-low income, I'd be wondering if he was looking for a meal ticket. There are plenty of fellows out there looking for a woman to take care of them.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Lost (8/8/2008 2:26:04 PM)
This doesn't seem like a BDSM thing. Finances are a big part of life, and of any relationship. Beyond that, I don't do the material possessions thing, and I have to say I was stunned the first time a woman refused to meet me because I don't own a television. I guess if it was that important to her, then she was right and we were not a good match. It's happened a few times now! Then there's the young lady who said I should grow a beard and go Amish, but still wants to meet me. Takes all kinds. I agree with the tone of MmeGigs' post. Does "I am up front" mean you tell women right away that you are broke? Why is it any of their business? Are they telling you how much they make? You haven't even met them in real life yet. Talk about what you can bring to a relationship, and why you think the woman you are conversing with is special.

AcademyForSlaves -> RE: Lost (8/8/2008 8:35:31 PM)
Hi. We agree with what others have said here. A slave's qualities vary and aren't just about helping out financially. We even own slaves who don't have money. They offer to make up for it in other ways thru servitude. Maybe money isn't the reason why Mistresses haven't owned you but if it is a concern then when you apply to a Mistress warn her right away you have financial restrictions but that you'd be happy to make it up to her in other ways by doing slave labour for her. See what her response is to that. Everyone knows money isn't everything. Hope this helps.

Snapper2580 -> RE: Lost (8/9/2008 1:26:25 PM)
I would like to thank everyone for the wonderful advice. I'm sitting back and digesting the advice presented. I do think I must address the term "meal ticket" which was mentioned in a couple of replies. I have never and will never look for a meal ticket from anyone. I am just going through some hard times due to an injury to my neck. I do plan on going back to school to learn a new trade when able. I am a member of a Fem Domme Group here in the area and do attend munches. They do know of my situation and are very supportive. Again thank you All!!! slave larry

youngsubgeoff -> RE: Lost (8/9/2008 1:50:59 PM)
Larry, The one peice of advice I can offer you is this: do not give up. There is one out there for you. She will come.

MizSexyVixen -> RE: Lost (8/9/2008 2:05:02 PM)
You sound like such a sweetie, larry. Very kind and very genuine, and these are real qualties that money can not buy. I know you are going through a hard time with your health, but don't give up. Work hard on being as happy as you can be with where you are now, and someone somewhere will notice that and snatch your sweet ass right up!

MamaDomme1 -> RE: Lost (8/9/2008 3:47:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Snapper2580 I do think I must address the term "meal ticket" which was mentioned in a couple of replies. I have never and will never look for a meal ticket from anyone. slave larry Oh hun, I didn't mean that I thought you were! In fact, I meant that if THEY were looking for a meal ticket and found out that you would not be THEIR meal ticket, maybe that's why the disappeared on you. I should have posted that a little more clear the first time.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Lost (8/9/2008 4:10:03 PM)
You might also want to leave your financial information for later. Some might think the only reason you are bringing it up right away was becasue you wanted help with it. True or not, its like meeting someone in a bar and starting to talk about your lousy paychecks. Its a bad first (or early) impression. Leave that until it might be relavent. Anyone who cannot be tolerant or supportive of your return to school and your recovery isnt a good match anyway, as Red said. Unless your income is going to somehow inpact them and your interactions, sharing it is unnecessary. Id actualy question WHY someone would ask upfront. Concentrate on you, what you can offer and how you can serve. Dont worry about money until you have to. DV

MistressPav -> RE: Lost (8/9/2008 9:37:01 PM)
Diurnal hit it right on. Keep financial info to yourself. The Mistress doesn't need to know that. In my life experiences thus far, I have realized that fate doesn't give you what you want, she gives you what you need. Rest assured that you will meet the Mistress that's right for you, it just may be that she finds You first, in a most peculiar place. She may be where you never thought to look. {{{HUGGSS}} for slave larry

Snapper2580 -> RE: Lost (8/11/2008 6:07:29 PM)
WOW!!!! Actually, when I posted this question I didn't expect all the replies that I received. Thanks to all that gave me their thoughts and great advice. Very enlightening!!!!! I had posted a question on here before but didn't get the response I got on this occasion. Again thanks! slave larry

thetammyjo -> RE: Lost (8/11/2008 6:13:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire You might also want to leave your financial information for later. Some might think the only reason you are bringing it up right away was becasue you wanted help with it. True or not, its like meeting someone in a bar and starting to talk about your lousy paychecks. Its a bad first (or early) impression. Leave that until it might be relavent. Anyone who cannot be tolerant or supportive of your return to school and your recovery isnt a good match anyway, as Red said. Unless your income is going to somehow inpact them and your interactions, sharing it is unnecessary. Id actualy question WHY someone would ask upfront. Concentrate on you, what you can offer and how you can serve. Dont worry about money until you have to. DV This is a good idea though.... Granted, I don't know the standard of living where you are, Snapper2580, but $700 a month doesn't seem like very solid financial ground especially right after surgery and between jobs in this economic climate. In all honesty most people, regardless of kink or orientation, want someone who has all their stuff as together as possible. It may not be a matter of someone wanting you to have money for them but wanting you to have money and resources for yourself. Starting out any new dynamic is stressful and worry about finances, on either side, is a level of stress no one needs. IF your financial situation allows you to go to munches or get involved in the local community then do that. But don't spend beyond your means because that's not good for anyone.

Snapper2580 -> RE: Lost (8/11/2008 6:29:56 PM)
I guess I should add that I did have a sizable savings account but when you can't work for approx 2 years that savings tend to dwendle quite rapidly. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I'm glad I had my surgery done. My health is better for it. Because of the scare my surgeon put on me, I also was able to quit smoking!!!! I have now been smoke free for almost 2 months and really starting to feel much better. I try to walk at least 5 miles per day and I'm feeling much stronger. My life will be much better because of my situation. I'm proud to be the person I am ----- a slave that is willing to give himself to a strong and deserving Woman, to be owned and to make her life as easier as I possible can. All the replies to my post has lifted my spirits and made me realize that all is not lost just because I have found myself going through some dificult times. Again thank you all!!!!!!! slave larry

EvilGenie -> RE: Lost (8/12/2008 12:22:30 AM)
Hey larry, So what? I do not mean that in an insincere tone but I am disabled and work when I am able to work. My base income is $674.00 per month. I am living in the US right now, have a decent roof over my head, food on the table, my bills paid, run a car and have some left over. I had to stop working in April again so my savings is indeed low. My husband, who I have not seen since 11 days after our wedding, is not in a position to help me and I really don't need him to. He is a professional (a teacher) and owns a computer business in Morocco. His teaching wage is half of my disability check. We are all human beings before we are anything else. Perhaps not looking for the ''Mistress Types'' and begin to look for the Dominants may help. Anybody who cannot see you as a human being first is most often in it for something else. Best of Luck, EG

TNstepsout -> RE: Lost (8/12/2008 4:51:27 AM)
They may have been worried that you are looking for someone to take you in and take care of you financially. You have to know there are a lot of people who view a sub/slave position as the opportunity to be "kept".

thetammyjo -> RE: Lost (8/12/2008 9:42:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TNstepsout They may have been worried that you are looking for someone to take you in and take care of you financially. You have to know there are a lot of people who view a sub/slave position as the opportunity to be "kept". At the very least some of us don't want a slave who is an extra burden financially.

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

3.100586E-02