The Courtship Process (Not advice, just your personal style)

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The Courtship Process (Not advice, just your personal s... - 8/6/2008 4:15:12 PM

Untouched1282

Posts: 142
Joined: 2/12/2008
Status: offline

How do you personally go about seeking out your ideal sub/switch? How active are you in the pursuit, especially during the early stages, or do you like to see the other party initiate the interaction?

I personally consider myself a switch, which has been questioned by most on this website (LOL!), but could never initiate any sort of courtship; I'm entirely too passive, even in vanilla life.

Is there any protocol that you've uncovered to deal with this situation? Obviously this is a to-each-their-own world, but it seems like there are quite a few people that live by the code book in this world of ours.

Just a few random questions, personal anecdotes and gentle nudges to get you through the afternoon :)

I'd love to chat with more if you! Send me a message :)

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RE: The Courtship Process (Not advice, just your person... - 8/6/2008 4:55:05 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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In general I've found those I trained when I wasn't actively looking.

I saw them at munches and workshops/lectures. Observed them, talked to them, and exchanged information. We talked in email or in person and decided to do formal training. That has led in a few cases then slave-owner dynamic.

I can be romantic after the training period but my years of experience have proven to me that a more formal process works best for me because it sorts out the less serious and lessens the emotional risks for each person.

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RE: The Courtship Process (Not advice, just your person... - 8/6/2008 5:03:38 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Untouched1282

I'd love to chat with more if you! Send me a message :)

Untouched, I think your original question was legitimate until you turned it into a personal ad with what I've quoted above.

- pixel

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Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

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RE: The Courtship Process (Not advice, just your person... - 8/6/2008 6:29:24 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Untouched1282

How do you personally go about seeking out your ideal sub/switch? How active are you in the pursuit, especially during the early stages, or do you like to see the other party initiate the interaction?

I personally consider myself a switch, which has been questioned by most on this website (LOL!), but could never initiate any sort of courtship; I'm entirely too passive, even in vanilla life.

Is there any protocol that you've uncovered to deal with this situation? Obviously this is a to-each-their-own world, but it seems like there are quite a few people that live by the code book in this world of ours.

Just a few random questions, personal anecdotes and gentle nudges to get you through the afternoon :)

I'd love to chat with more if you! Send me a message :)

I would give a guy my phone number and order him, "Call me."

In dance clubs (alternative clubs not really kinky S&M clubs) I used to tell a guy I thought he was hot and I'd ask if he'd ever been tied up. Sometimes I'd send a girlfriend to go "get" a guy and she'd tell him, "My friend was checking you out. I want to give you to her as a present." I have enjoyed being the pursuer in most of my relationships. I'd tell him where I wanted to go on a date, I'd drive, I'd pay. There were times that I enjoyed having a guy ask me out and take initiative, but I was generally the more aggressive one. Regardless, I wanted a man to be equally involved - equally flirty, not a wet blanket. He'd need to be showing some iniative, holding up his end of the conversations, giving opinions, vocalizing his interest, showing affection, and making moves. Even though I may be the one to generally pick when, and where, and I prefered to pay, I liked men who weren't afraid to say, "I want to see you again," or, even better, "I NEED to see you again..."

In day to day places or in normal social situations, I enjoyed flirting with a guy in a manner that he knew I was clearly interested, then waiting for him to make the appropriate moves - to ask me out or ask for my phone number. Somewhere along the way, usually during the first date, I'd take control back.

Akasha

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RE: The Courtship Process (Not advice, just your person... - 8/6/2008 11:57:45 PM

Untouched1282

Posts: 142
Joined: 2/12/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

Untouched, I think your original question was legitimate until you turned it into a personal ad with what I've quoted above.

- pixel

Sir --

I am no noob when it comes to posting to this site, and have never used this feature as a means of meeting interested Dominants. I assure you I don't need extra attention. I was simply interested in BEFRIENDING fellow message board users, female OR male, not use this as a "forum" to get into their pants.

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RE: The Courtship Process (Not advice, just your person... - 8/7/2008 1:03:54 AM

AllietheKitten

Posts: 115
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Untouched1282
I was simply interested in BEFRIENDING fellow message board users, female OR male, not use this as a "forum" to get into their pants.

Too bad.

LOL

I like to be the pursuer but I do require some reciprocity from a sub. I like to have him call me, take me out, ect. but I try to be as obvious about this as possible. I hate those head games where a girl will be like "Call me sometime" and then sit by the phone for the next week, stewing. I will usually say, "Call me tomorrow around 8."
I like it all to be very natural (dare I say, vanilla?); friendly conversations, no real Domme/sub stuff at first. I usually don't even talk about D/s or sex for awhile. And never engage in phone sex...I like to prove that we could be compatible in other ways before adding the D/s dynamic to it. (Plus, there are way too many subs eager to get their rocks off by talking turkey with a Domme. I'm not interesting in being used.) I would never have a relationship with a sub that I couldn't have in my everyday vanilla life. I'm just not interesting in scening or playing.

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I don't believe in Destiny
Or the guiding hand of Fate
I don't believe in forever
of love as a mystical state
But I believe there's a ghost of a chance
We can find someone to love and make it last.
~Rush

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RE: The Courtship Process (Not advice, just your person... - 8/7/2008 2:57:35 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

The majority of the time, I don't make a lot of initial contact with the purpose of being interested in someone for a BDSM context. The reasons behind that vary. For starters, I'm poly. Not everyone is cut out for poly situations, so I prefer being contacted by those who had already made that decision for themselves. If I already know the other person is poly, or for the occasional interesting maso that comes along, I might speak up first, but generally only after I've gotten a good sense of that person.

As to actual courtship, it sounds lame, but I like things to evolve naturally. I prefer bonds to build over time, even with those that I play with casually. I do best with people I can establish a connection. I even have a line in My profile that says something to the effect of, if we can't enjoy each other's company and have decent dinner conversations, we probably aren't going to make good play partners. I actually prefer playing with close friends who I've gotten to know over a while. I like enjoying them as a person, and not just a bottom. I don't cultivate that just in the play space, but I find it makes the times we do play more rewarding.

I hope that answers your question decently. It's a bit early for Me.

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RE: The Courtship Process (Not advice, just your person... - 8/7/2008 8:30:17 AM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

I just want to start out by saying oddly enough I’m shy. I do make the first move some times but I’ve also realized I somehow have better luck over all when the guy makes first connect (it just seems this way doesn’t stop me from sending the first email or saying hi). I do like it when s/he initiates connect just because that means they like me or they see something about me they like. I just like it better when they do so.

Now once we get to dating, I like equal interaction. I’m not going to make the frist move all of the time. I want him to do some of that too. It’s a way which I’m able to tell that he’s interested. If he calls or makes time for me in his life (I work really odd hours so making time is a big gesture for me). One of the few things I do early on is ask them to make connect with me on a daily basis (it’s simple im, text, call something) it lets me know that they want to get to know me. Also if they can talk to me about other things then just kink.

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RE: The Courtship Process (Not advice, just your person... - 8/7/2008 8:04:15 PM

Untouched1282

Posts: 142
Joined: 2/12/2008
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Thanks for your responses, ladies. :)

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RE: The Courtship Process (Not advice, just your person... - 8/7/2008 8:14:36 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I am not shy. I talk to strangers in elevators and supermarket lines. If I meet someone interesting, I express interest in pursuing a friendship. After that, whatever happens, happens. I prefer to have things evolve naturally, and follow whatever path seems most natural.

In spite of that, I am not really the aggressor in these situations. If someone writes to me and I like them, I continue contact, but I do like to go to realtime as fast as is reasonably possible. If the local mister can't manage to make a date within the first few tries, well...

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