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relationship question - 11/18/2005 6:23:22 PM   
GordonFreeman


Posts: 30
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline 		Nice to be back here and see some familiar people and some new ones too. If you are scratching your head, no problem, I lurked far more than I participated, although I tried to dispense some pearls from time to time too. Something a little different has come up with me, and I am back hoping to get some insight from the local superstars. Reluctant as I am to burden this fine forum with yet another strapon thread, I am praying my angle will be considered fresh.

As before, I am with my girlfriend of many years. SHe is definitely the dominant partner outside of the bedroom, but prefers to be submissive behind closed doors. But she plays a very convincing dominatrix when the mood strikes her. We both have considerable kink lists that we continue to explore. Recently I was surprised to learn that she has a strong and unfulfilled desire to wield a strapon. This isn't really a big desire for me, but we don't say no to eachother very often, so I'm in.

Anyways, the question: this will be the most demonstratively femdom thing we have done to date, and I am wondering if this will affect our overall relationship? I remember reading in a couple of places, and it stuck with me, that once your girlfriend has taken you with a strapon, everything changes. Not that I am that concerned, I like change. More like I just want to know if there is something I should expect.

Thanks in advance for any replies.

gf
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: relationship question - 11/18/2005 6:52:02 PM   
vonzott


Posts: 39
Joined: 2/26/2005
From: San Diego, CA
Status: offline 		Hmmm.... as usual, YMMV, but I think that in general, your reaction to this ought to be similar to whatever reaction you've had in the past as "things" pushed your limits. I think those who've "had problems" after being taken with a strap on probably brought those probems with them into the scene. If you're otherwise sane, you won't go crazy (in a bad way) just because She shoves a large rubber thing up your butt.

Then again, it's also worth asking how *She* might deal with this. I don't think She's likely to manifest any feelings She doesn't already have. But then again, She may find that She *really* likes it! Danger! Warning! Be careful what you ask for!

Of course, all this changes if things get really weird. If She sticks something the size of the Goodyear Blimp up your ass, you're in a place to maybe have a bad reaction... especially if you didn't expect that. It's all about trust, but you sound like trust is something that's already in place.

Negotiate.

Know what to expect.

Um... Use lots of lube, eh?

_____________________________

vonzott
proud slave to Domina Angelina
    - so many Dominant Women, none as wonderful as She

(in reply to GordonFreeman)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: relationship question - 11/18/2005 8:00:29 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I've done my share of strapon play, and I have to say that nothing intrinsically changed about the relationship, whether it was just play, or a serious submissive. It was another thing we did........ In terms of dominant acts, I certainly wouldn't put it at the head of the list.

I have to say that having done Lots of Stuff, that I do prefer handheld dildos to the strap-on, since I have yet to find the Perfect Harness. I have a wearable dildo called the Nexus that is great, though.

There is a fabulous video out, called "Bend Over Boyfriend", which features the fabulous Dr Carol Queen.....I highly recommend viewing it before trying anything, it really covers all bases in terms of safety, technique, etc. Goodvibes.com has it, (and the Nexus)and it might even be available via rental.

Have fun!

:)Ms Francine

(in reply to vonzott)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: relationship question - 11/18/2005 8:57:34 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline 		My feeling is "go for it." I've done scenes that didn't particularly interest me but often I found a bit of a "hidden kink." A big example of this was when Pagan asked me to do age play with her. I didn't think it would do much for me and it turned out to be a favorite theme.

At worst, you just have to tell her, "it doesn't work for me."

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to GordonFreeman)
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RE: relationship question - 11/19/2005 5:25:14 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Anyways, the question: this will be the most demonstratively femdom thing we have done to date, and I am wondering if this will affect our overall relationship?


It will affect it as much as you let it affect you. I'm actually kind of stuck on the "femme domme act" portion of your statement. It is my opinion that acts themselves are neither dominant or submissive.

I can be very dominant when I give head whereas another woman will do it submissively. It is the same act, yet it is the dynamics that determine where the power is.

Many see the act of a man penetrating a woman as one that is only perceivable as male dominance. I don't. I find "luring and capturing" a man as a very powerful act. I’m the one who can allow or restrict access afterall…

Same goes for the strap-on. I know many a dominant man who has discovered that his “male g-spot” is up his ass. So if he wants to have that part of him reached (pun intended), he might ask his submissive to strap-on a device to provide him with pleasure. I know more then one Dom who confided either having done it or wanting to experiment with it. Again, the act is not necessarily dominant. It is the dynamics that will determine dominance. That is up to you two to decide or perhaps just discover…

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to GordonFreeman)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: relationship question - 11/19/2005 6:07:00 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		For Me, there would be no difference. and I do agree with Lady A that I am puzzled with your description of this as the "most FemDom act" to date. My guess is that it is more important to you as an act of Dominance than it is to others. For Me, Dominant is Dominant, and one kink over another doesn't tip the balance to be suddenly more dominant. It is up to each individual.

quote:

Anyways, the question: this will be the most demonstratively femdom thing we have done to date, and I am wondering if this will affect our overall relationship? I remember reading in a couple of places, and it stuck with me, that once your girlfriend has taken you with a strapon, everything changes.


It sounds like you might have read this, or heard this, from the boy's perspective, as opposed to the FemDom's perspective. If you are practicing a D/s relationship, even to a certain extent, I don't think this would necessarily change the dynamic. I consider many acts to be Dominant. So using a strap-on would not be a new and crazy form of empowerment that would change everything. For Me. It's just a new kink that has been explored.

Aside to Lady A: Absolutely love your new pics! You are looking so good!

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to GordonFreeman)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: relationship question - 11/19/2005 7:54:11 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Aside to Lady A: Absolutely love your new pics! You are looking so good!


Aww thanks Dusty :) That was very sweet of you to say!

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: relationship question - 11/19/2005 10:28:25 PM   
GordonFreeman


Posts: 30
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for all the replies - I really like reading the different points of view.

It is an interesting take. I will have to ask my girl what about it exactly turns her crank. Although, now that I think of it, the first time we experimented with anal toys, I was a little hesitant, and she responded by stripping me naked, putting me on all fours, and allowing me no opportunity to dissent from the afternoon's planned activities (which I ultimately enjoyed). I am sure that experience has affected my judgement, and should probably obviate somewhat my surprise with her strapon confession.

This aside and speaking purely for myself, I will agree that there is no inherent power dynamic in most kinky activities, or in anal/prostate stimulation if it is done by hand or some hand held instrument. But the moment the intrument is "strapped on", the elements of power and control are unmistakably introduced. I think it's because it is so unnaturally perverted, there just has to be a hint of coersion in there.


Thanks again for your thoughtful insights.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: relationship question - 11/20/2005 4:45:34 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I think it's because it is so unnaturally perverted


I don't mean to split hairs, but can you explain what you mean by "unnaturally perverted", please...

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to GordonFreeman)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: relationship question - 11/20/2005 6:53:32 PM   
GordonFreeman


Posts: 30
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline 		I thought that might raise some eyebrows - that is purely a facetious remark.

gf

(in reply to GordonFreeman)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: relationship question - 11/20/2005 6:55:56 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GordonFreeman

I thought that might raise some eyebrows - that is purely a facetious remark.

gf


Uh huh... figured it might be. Which is why I asked before getting my panties in a twist!!

- LA


_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to GordonFreeman)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: relationship question - 11/21/2005 9:07:56 AM   
DrkAngl


Posts: 145
Joined: 4/9/2005
Status: offline 		You might find that you like strapon play. The male prostate can be far more easily massaged from the inside. That's why quite a few guys like the strapons. It pushes against the prostate which in turn can make orgasms more stronger and ejaculatioin a lot more.

If you don't like it, well, you don't like it, the point being is that you care enough for your partner to want to give it a try at least. That's a very loving attitude. If you have fears, well, talk to her about it.



< Message edited by DrkAngl -- 11/21/2005 9:11:00 AM >

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: relationship question - 11/21/2005 11:07:21 AM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		More like I just want to know if there is something I should expect.

Thanks in advance for any replies.

gf
=======

in MY world? never expect anything from anyone.......
better ya just talk things out so there is NO misgivings.....

take care


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to GordonFreeman)
Profile   Post #: 13
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