Asking your vanilla partner to play? (Full Version)

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msprudence -> Asking your vanilla partner to play? (8/7/2008 7:42:51 AM)

Reading Dan Savage's blog about the man who died of asphyxia after his wife bound him, gagged him, and left him alone.  One detail:  She didn't want to do it.  According to her statement, her husband hounded her to tie him up and it wasn't something she wanted to do. 

How many folks here have tried to get their Vanilla partners to participate?  What was the response?

Link: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?show=blog



DomDolf -> RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? (8/7/2008 7:58:50 AM)

When I was 16 I tried to get my then girlfriend and first "love" to participate in some bondage. After we experimented she turned into a freak. Not the ME kinda freak, but a freakin' freaky freak. Seriously, she is now more twisted then almost anyone I know. She has taken her submissiveness to levels I could never have predicted. She is happy and I am happy for her. But damn that girl is a freak. She helped me elevate my interests and started introducing me to things I had never thought of. She took my basic, almost vanilla, interest and helped transition me into the kinkster I am today. She introduced me to Ds and BD and SM and threesomes and female bisexuality and all her "best" friends and the hot neighbor and the girl from work and the female cop that gave her a ticket and thankfully she introduced me to me.

Dolf



Dnomyar -> RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? (8/7/2008 8:08:50 AM)

Who are you????



faerytattoodgirl -> RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? (8/7/2008 8:19:53 AM)

nothing wrong with being a freakin' freaky freak...i enjoy it.



johnnyak -> RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? (8/7/2008 8:23:19 AM)

When i was with my gf i tended to put it out there when we would come home after a few drinks.Easier that way.Anyway she had a couple of really sexy,Domme type outfits but she got them Because they were sexy and not because she was any way interested in domination.So of course one night i asked could she handcuff me to the bed and a couple of other things including foot domination and queening.I got my wish but the next day she was very awkward towards me.If i asked her say,when we were watchin tv one night i would have certainly heard crickets and got a backhand across the face.Im no longer with her but as far as asking a vanilla partner in future that is a no,unfortunately,unless i feel the person has a genuine interest in it.I would bring bdsm up in conversations gradually and judge by her responses...i guess thats how i would go about it in the future.



DominantJenny -> RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? (8/7/2008 8:28:12 AM)

I very carefully presented my kink to my spouse, and he bravely gave it a shot, and I got lucky that he took to it, although there was also a LOT of hard work involved.



justjosie -> RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? (8/7/2008 9:42:31 AM)

My last beau was 'nilla...yeah, I was "taking a break" LOL

I told him right up front about my BDSM "proclivities" ...interesting subject to decide how to bring up.  He was very into it, actually, he LOVED the idea.  Mais tres difficile for a submissive to teach a Dominant who might not neccessarily be one!!

In the meantime, we dicovered that Dolce chocolate, made for heating in the microwave and making chocolate covered fruits ACTuALLY stays liquid for quite some time, hardens JUST the right amount on the body, and takes quite a long time to get off.   MMMMMM if was fun trying. WOW.  I know you aren't supposed to kiss and tell, but WOW.

We broke up for many other reasons...



Mercnbeth -> RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? (8/7/2008 10:18:57 AM)

quote:

How many folks here have tried to get their Vanilla partners to participate?  What was the response?


complete disgust, combined with a condescending recommendation to "get some help for that sick shit".



leadership527 -> RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? (8/7/2008 11:03:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: msprudence
How many folks here have tried to get their Vanilla partners to participate?  What was the response?

Well, not exactly the response you were looking for.  In my case, I was the vanilla partner that was asked to participate by my wife.  I responded in the same way I would any such thing from her.  I gave the matter careful thought.  In this case, I decided that what she wanted was well within my capabilities.  In addition, she was thinking bedroom d/s and I took it more down the 24/7 M/s path.  Then again, I've oft noted that starting this whole thing on the foundation of a decade long marriage eases a lot of the bumps because of the existing trust, respect, and communication channels already in place.



YourhandMyAss -> RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? (8/7/2008 11:08:10 AM)

I don't get involved with any one who's not into kink any more. So that's not an issue for me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: msprudence

Reading Dan Savage's blog about the man who died of asphyxia after his wife bound him, gagged him, and left him alone.  One detail:  She didn't want to do it.  According to her statement, her husband hounded her to tie him up and it wasn't something she wanted to do. 

How many folks here have tried to get their Vanilla partners to participate?  What was the response?

Link: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?show=blog




WhisperSupremacy -> RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? (8/7/2008 11:11:52 AM)

My vanilla ex's weren't interested, hence why they're my ex's.



akisha -> RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? (8/7/2008 1:48:28 PM)

My ex husband when we were dating fully embraced the idea of trying it out and learning. He seemed to enjoy alot of the aspects of the kinky sex part right up until about a week after the wedding lol. I think I was a victum of bait and switch to be honest lol

I find if you are with a more straightlace person, best way to ask if they are interested in play is to start discussing their fantasies and what would really get them going, then try and do that for them (i'm sub tho so the idea works for me hehe) And then if they enjoy that work on getting them to delve into one of your fantasies.

# 1 thing is don't expect your partner to ever fully embrace bdsm, all you may ever achieve is some kinky slap and tickle games.



Deliena -> RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? (8/7/2008 2:23:10 PM)

I was in a vanilla relationship that lasted nearly 10 years, mentioned kink a few times, my ex-partner was well aware of my tastes and needs and other than once blindfolding me could not get into it at all.  My current Master (who i've now been with for 6 months) is someone who when i met knew very little about BDSM but liked rough, kinky sex.  A few websites and some books later He was looking to try to deepen these experiences, we do that together, it's lots of fun.  As to when to bring it up, personally i found that the first time i got laid by each of the partners mentioned above was the right time, after all we had talked about likes and dislikes of other sexual natures, kink just naturally became part of the conversation.  As for converting people, personally, i don't think anyone is every converted, i think someone is either interested and stimulated by certain things or not.  The pace at which any transformation takes place can only be dictated by those taking that journey.

The above statements are from a position of personal expriences only other people's mileage can and will vary.



tingedpurple -> RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? (8/7/2008 2:28:47 PM)

For those of you not familiar with the TV series 'Californication' here is a clip of one of the characters trying to spice up his sex life after his secretary introduced him to BDSM:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWyHBOPmX4U



Evility -> RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? (8/7/2008 2:35:06 PM)

Up until about twelve years ago all of my partners were vanilla. Two decades worth. On a percentage basis I'd say I did ok in the realm of finding willing partners who would indulge my kinks. Of course, my kinks prior to twelve years ago were really benign in nature - simply bondage, gags and blindfolds. These days if I were to venture out into vanilladom I doubt I could have the same success at my current level. Vanillas do not play like this. I'd probably have a hard time even finding a self proclaimed submissive who would agree to dance.



StrongSpirit -> RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? (8/7/2008 4:07:51 PM)

I got a LOT of success with:

What do you like in bed? 
Her Answer:  Surprises.   My response: Hm, lets try a blindfold.   (later moved on to much more stuff).

Her Answer: I like massages.  My response.   Let's try this very weak flogger.  You can use it on me first (Get something very wimpy, they make for good massages)

Her answer:  Well  I have this fantasy about ... My response:  ROLEPLAY.





katie978 -> RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? (8/7/2008 4:23:06 PM)

   I'm a pretty broad hinter. I had a box full of sex toys including handcuffs, whips, nipples clamps. I watch more hentai and porn in general than any other girl I know...and it's not softcore shit. I made no secret of these things. Still, the message never got through. After years of hinting, I grew some cajones and asked if we could roleplay. I'd be his sex slave. His first order? That I dominated him.

Anyone surprised that relationship didn't work out?



DarkSteven -> RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? (8/7/2008 6:17:45 PM)

The last two vanillas I was with:

#1 - I gave her a few gentle spanks while kissing her and making out.  I have her more later.  I think she liked it a little but we didn't mesh on other levels.  Had we done so, I think I could have gradually made her a sub.

#2 - We went straight to sex rather early and I gave her a few light spanks during the heat of the moment.  She freaked out and figured I was a violent, abusive sadist and dropped me like a hot potato.

Sometime ya win...



SageFemmexx -> RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? (8/7/2008 6:33:39 PM)

My ex and I got married very young--in our teens. We agreed to experiment and had quite a few rp adventures. The marriage worked well until I decided I was bi-curious and acted upon it. Afterall, I thought we were into kink and adventures.

Apparently not--he totally freaked that I had a female lover and nothing I did after that made up for ME being BI. The marriage downward spiraled into abuse as his insecurities took hold and I ended up packing my car, taking my kids and moving in with the friend who was also a girl. Most guys enjoy the two girls scene but for him it was a disgusting, against nature tirade that he used as a weapon forevermore.

So watch out, sometimes the vanilla are into pretending they are kinky as long as it's on Their terms.

Be well,
Sage

A



Leatherist -> RE: Asking your vanilla partner to play? (8/7/2008 6:35:40 PM)

Ponders the idea of "Having a vnailla partner"...and just wanders away scratching his head.......



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