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RE: Sex and self worth - 8/7/2008 6:54:42 PM   
NeedingMore220


Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

There's more to life than what comes out of the end of my dick.


Of course there is.  Just as there's more to me than ... well, whatever the female equivalent may be.  lol

But I read the question a bit differently - more about my desirability and inate sexuality rather than just screwing.  It's empowering to me to be in a social setting and to harmlessly flirt with the men and banter and feel attractive and fun.  I've never had a problem finding sexual partners - though I do know that I'm not everyone's cuppa tea.  But that confidence is definitely a part of me. 

So is my self worth connected to my sexuality?  Yes, it is.  Is it the basis of my self worth?  Absolutely not.  The basis would be my character and general worth as a human being.  

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Sex and self worth - 8/7/2008 6:57:13 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: twistedEuphoria
The one question I have for everyone is, if you look at your self and are honest, is part of your self worth based on people wanting you (in a sexual manner)?


Not in the slightest. I have never really cared if people wanted me in a sexual manner. I have never had a problem with that, having attention sexuall when I wanted it and being able to avoid it when I didnt. However, it never occured to me that it should matter if I am a good lay or not. I know I am very capable in the bedroom, I have been TOLD I am a fantastic lover. I also put very little weight on the commentary of the one who IS sleeping with me, because there are other emotions and interests at play skewing the judgement... and I dont really care to be compared to others to be judged better or worse.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to twistedEuphoria)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Sex and self worth - 8/7/2008 8:03:03 PM   
Roselaure


Posts: 672
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline 		Over the past couple of years I have achieved a pretty dramatic weight loss. In the past several months I have begun attracting the kind of masculine attention that other women seemed to always be dealing with.  When I was heavier, men either looked at me with thinly veiled disgust, ignored me entirely or at best treated me like their sister.  This is very different, and has been great for my ego.  I'm not sure it's as strong as saying that it's affected my sense of self worth, which has always been pretty good, but it's most enjoyable.

_____________________________

Once conform, once do what other people do because they do it, and lethargy steals over all the finer nerves and faculties of the soul.
-Virginia Woolf

(in reply to cmatrix4761)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Sex and self worth - 8/7/2008 10:10:17 PM   
elleelisa


Posts: 29
Joined: 8/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Roselaure

Over the past couple of years I have achieved a pretty dramatic weight loss. In the past several months I have begun attracting the kind of masculine attention that other women seemed to always be dealing with.  When I was heavier, men either looked at me with thinly veiled disgust, ignored me entirely or at best treated me like their sister.  This is very different, and has been great for my ego.  I'm not sure it's as strong as saying that it's affected my sense of self worth, which has always been pretty good, but it's most enjoyable.


Hmm, it's so funny, but being a "curvy" girl I read that and became temporarily jealous . But then again I think if I did lose 30lbs and attracted more men, I honestly think I'd be even more fucked up because then I'd just constantly wonder if the person would like me at a heavier weight or not.  It is consoling to at least know that if someone likes me right now, that it isn't because of my pant size...

That doesn't mean I don't want to become thinner (hell, it's my one biggest "hang-up" in life) but I think if I did, the grass wouldn't be as green as I think...  I would just attract more men for the wrong reason... thoughts?

(in reply to Roselaure)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Sex and self worth - 8/8/2008 1:38:55 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		Well, I don't like rejection any better than anyone else...and it hurts for a little while...but no, I wouldn't say I base my self-worth on whether someone -- or most men -- find me sexually desirable.
 
candystripper

(in reply to twistedEuphoria)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Sex and self worth - 8/8/2008 3:29:17 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		Ok: i am a horny bitch yet it's provong very difficult to find a Master.
What i mean by that is there are so very many D types who promise; to be a friend
to be a spiritual person; to be an inspiration and to be in love with me and to be my One and to be a one-woman show.

Thus far all have been found to out to be players, racking up their own self-worth with how many slaves types they can scratch and notch up on their bed-posts.
No-ones pissed in my corn flahes tgis morning by the way and i am not bitter: still as open hearted as ever. But whilst there's a syndrome that 'females' identify their sexuality with self-worth 'males' identify their prowess with playing the field.

It's a kind of generderised answer i know so apologies to friends and others in transition.


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to natasha66)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Sex and self worth - 8/8/2008 3:47:21 AM   
Maxwell67


Posts: 435
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx
But whilst there's a syndrome that 'females' identify their sexuality with self-worth 'males' identify their prowess with playing the field.


Ok, yes I used to do this.  When I was young, I did allow my ego to be sated by sexual conquest and I have to say that worked out pretty well and I have no regrets (though there is one from that time I might have kept, if it had occurred to me at the time that something other than serial monogamy was available as a sustainable option), but I outgrew it.  Nowadays my self-worth seems to be more of a zen kind of thing rising from doing the thing that needs to be done when it needs to be done... that is, I suppose I just do not think about my self-worth.  I am too busy just being me.

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Sex and self worth - 8/8/2008 4:06:30 AM   
Roselaure


Posts: 672
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: elleelisa

quote:

ORIGINAL: Roselaure

Over the past couple of years I have achieved a pretty dramatic weight loss. In the past several months I have begun attracting the kind of masculine attention that other women seemed to always be dealing with.  When I was heavier, men either looked at me with thinly veiled disgust, ignored me entirely or at best treated me like their sister.  This is very different, and has been great for my ego.  I'm not sure it's as strong as saying that it's affected my sense of self worth, which has always been pretty good, but it's most enjoyable.


Hmm, it's so funny, but being a "curvy" girl I read that and became temporarily jealous . But then again I think if I did lose 30lbs and attracted more men, I honestly think I'd be even more fucked up because then I'd just constantly wonder if the person would like me at a heavier weight or not.  It is consoling to at least know that if someone likes me right now, that it isn't because of my pant size...

That doesn't mean I don't want to become thinner (hell, it's my one biggest "hang-up" in life) but I think if I did, the grass wouldn't be as green as I think...  I would just attract more men for the wrong reason... thoughts?



I'm still a "curvy" girl as you so euphemistically put it, but a lot less so.  It has been a bit weird, because before, really the only reason men would be interested in chatting with me was if they were attracted to some aspect of my personality.  The fact that now occasionally I'll realize that some guy is talking to me because he wants to fuck me, is surprising.  "Hey what about my razor sharp with and scintillating  personality?"

I do occasionally wonder if a man who thinks I'm great now would have given me the time of day before, but holy cow, you can drive yourself crazy thinking about that.  Everything I've done has made me the person I am now, and I'm happy with that.  Now the men who never noticed me fat who all of a sudden find me attractive, that's a different story. 

_____________________________

Once conform, once do what other people do because they do it, and lethargy steals over all the finer nerves and faculties of the soul.
-Virginia Woolf

(in reply to elleelisa)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Sex and self worth - 8/8/2008 4:18:36 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		I ise to think it was how I looked. But I think its more persona and confidence one projects. I am larger than i was 2 years ago but I still think I am hot. Therefore that is what I project to others. The ones who dont want me as I am, arent for me anyway. I am curvy, regardless of what size I am. My body type is curvy and I am not going to shrink my sleleton and body frame.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Roselaure)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Sex and self worth - 8/8/2008 4:35:07 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: twistedEuphoria
The one question I have for everyone is, if you look at your self and are honest, is part of your self worth based on people wanting you (in a sexual manner)?
No.

the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to twistedEuphoria)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Sex and self worth - 8/8/2008 4:38:41 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		When i look back on picturesof me even five years ago my god i think why oh why did i ever ever have issues about what i looked like. The ageing process sin't something that creeps up slowly. That's just a psychological illusion we ALL hold i think, a kind of perceptual void. Ageing happens rapidly.However i get far far many more suitors now than ever. I had so many on alt i had to close my account.
I really think it's beauty the inner game rather than how ;sexy' we try and make ourselves.
trying to be 'sexy' to please a nother person soon gets seen though i think.
It washes off with tears and is smudged by morning anyway.


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Sex and self worth - 8/8/2008 4:53:19 AM   
dove967


Posts: 102
Joined: 10/28/2006
Status: offline 		Ah....such familiar territory.  When I was younger-17-25yrs-I really wanted to have that seemingly perfect figure every cheerleader had in highschool.  But, being only 4ft 8in, it just wasn't in the cards for me. I've always been curvacious and I think only once in my life did I fit into a size 0-2 in petites when I was in college.  Hell, I walked down the isle to my 1st husband a slight 100lbs!  But, 14yrs into an unhappy vanilla marriage and 2 children later I weighed in at 160lbs and felt anything but sexy.  My husband at the time competely withdrew from me physically.  Actually told me I was "too fat to fuck" once and wouldn't even hold me at night in our bed.  Then I started to research this lifestyle on the internet and discovered that if that son of a bitch didn't want me, there were plenty of others out there who did.  If you have never been in a relationship where you were rejected like that because of your weight, then it's easy to boast that your sense of self worth is impervious to whether or not someone else wants you.  But, one day I just got tired of being overweight and all the challenges that go along with it.(It cut my air off just to bend over and tie my own shoes!).  Over the course of the next two years, with a healthy diet and exercise I lost 40lbs and the dead beat husband.  The greatest gift my Daddy and current husband has given me is a new vision of myself.  Even when he's not there to boost my ego and tell me he thinks I'm sexy as hell, I FEEL sexy as hell all on my own.  I think everyone is affected to some degree by what another thinks of them.  You just have to rise above it find your "fuck you factor". 
dove

(in reply to natasha66)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Sex and self worth - 8/8/2008 5:09:40 AM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, I think I need to feel attractive to have a healthy sense of confidence, BUT it's not the only thing I need, so I don't feel the need to be perfect in that regard, nor does rejection rock my world. I don't think it's healthy at all for anyone to achieve the greatest measure of their self worth from what they look like. Looks fade over time and there is nothing that can be done about it. For those who obtain their complete sense of worth from how they look and how people respond to their looks, getting older, fatter, become disfigured through an accident or injury, can be devastating. That's not healthy at all.

Being good in the bedroom is another matter entirely. That's a skill. Age can't take that away- it should make it better.

(in reply to dove967)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Sex and self worth - 8/8/2008 11:25:13 AM   
Deliena


Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

Yes, I think I need to feel attractive to have a healthy sense of confidence, BUT it's not the only thing I need, so I don't feel the need to be perfect in that regard, nor does rejection rock my world. I don't think it's healthy at all for anyone to achieve the greatest measure of their self worth from what they look like. Looks fade over time and there is nothing that can be done about it. For those who obtain their complete sense of worth from how they look and how people respond to their looks, getting older, fatter, become disfigured through an accident or injury, can be devastating. That's not healthy at all.

Being good in the bedroom is another matter entirely. That's a skill. Age can't take that away- it should make it better.



Nicely put TN and pretty much what i feel (although i didn't bother to express much yesterday - was tired :P)

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Sex and self worth - 8/8/2008 11:41:15 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: twistedEuphoria


The one question I have for everyone is, if you look at your self and are honest, is part of your self worth based on people wanting you (in a sexual manner)?


There was a time when I had no self worth at all, so sex was my tool and shield of choice to avoid evaluating or embracing the face in the mirror every morning. It's so easy being easy.  It wasn't until later in life, when I had come to actually like myself that I stopped using sex like it was some sort of medication for whatever ailed me .. when I stopped crying in the bathroom after having sex with someone I had met only 5 mins before getting into bed to fuck. It was a really long road and now that I can enjoy sex as both a superficial pleasure with someone I care about and for an intimate and incredible connection with someone I love, it's a whole different ballgame for me.

So, 20 years ago.. I'd have said yes .. but today, the answer to that same question is no.. no more, never again.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to twistedEuphoria)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Sex and self worth - 8/8/2008 11:54:27 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		many moons ago this slave's self worth was in the process of being severely damaged by being viewed as a sexy-tasty morsel...not built up.  being a lifelong exhibitionist just added to the confusion.
 
it actually got to the point where she adopted a no-make-up-haven't-washed-the-hair-in-a-week-sweats-and-big-flannel-shirts-schlumpy-"please GOD, don't let anyone approach me with a pick up line today"- look philosophy complete with rubber work boots, for those times she had to go out in public.

it was, at that time, important to her self worth that she be seen as something OTHER THAN "people wanting you (in a sexual manner)".  going out of her way to NOT look sexually appealing helped a great deal with building up her confidence in her intelligence, talents, skills and submissive, caring nature.

(in reply to twistedEuphoria)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Sex and self worth - 8/8/2008 11:54:29 AM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		After 26 years of marriage to someone whose interest in being sexual with me was next to nil until we had the requisite 2 UMs then became totally nil for the last 10 years until I walked out...Yes. Part of my self-worth is based on knowing that there is someone in my life now who not only wants the witty, intelligent, spiritual part of who I am but also the sexual part of me too. It's not all of what my self-worth is based on, but it is part of it. To have someone want to bounce my bones just because I'm female and submissive doesn't do it. But to have someone who knows me and is sexually excited by who I am, definitely.

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to twistedEuphoria)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Sex and self worth - 8/8/2008 11:59:22 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I enjoy being sexually attractive to the people I am attracted to...  but there is a world of folks that I have no sexual interest in! 

My self worth is based on my skills, talents, character, and accomplishments, not whether someone wants to fuck me.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to sublizzie)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Sex and self worth - 8/8/2008 12:09:08 PM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		what is sexy anyway.

if i cant be bothered to make an effort and pull on any old baggy thing and flob out in my wellies - it doesnt mean i have any less self worth - just because i look like a heap.

if i make an effort and sashe down the local highstreet feeling fab and people look my way, or im in a bar and some guy wonders over, yep thats nice, its a vindication that someone somewhere finds me worth a second look, but it still doesnt up my self worth atall, i feel sexy, attractive, but im not sitting there thinking im a better, happier, more rounded person for it.  it just means someone wants to get in my pants, which is actually totally meaningless.

my self worth hinges, as others have said, on the fact that i have friends and family who love me.

the sexual hit is transient - personality is what keeps the mileage clock ticking.

_____________________________

even doves have pride (Prince)

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Sex and self worth - 8/8/2008 12:20:44 PM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		just to add....

y'know, i see teenage girls and the like mincing around in tight short skirts and blank faces and frankly they really arent sexy atall.  if i see a woman walking along with her head high, her makeup light, her clothes loose but well chosen and theres something in her eyes thats full of thoughts and thinking, then that is sexy.

why because she has self worth and self worth is sexy, it isnt the other way around.

_____________________________

even doves have pride (Prince)

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 40
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