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leadership527 -> RE: Can someone help out a new girl? (8/7/2008 12:21:06 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: hotrednhoney
I tend to the dominant...enjoy controlling my honey...making him serve me and be devoted to my pleasure...and ive been doing some reading on different ways and things to do in that vein...suggestions if you will on how to better 'top' him and on the occasion that I do play sub...vice-versa...
OK, since twilight seems to think this one will get pounced on, I'll do my best to get a level headed answer in here.
In the end, nobody is really going to be able to tell you this. As the dominant, there are two things you can do to find the answer, both of which I suspect you are already doing.
a) Read
While other people's answers are not guaranteed to work for you, some of them will. So just go sifting through the internet and accumulate a list of things that seems like they might appeal to you or him or both. Especially when you're new, it's hard to see what the available menu looks like and so some research is really handy. From the way you posted this I'm assuming you mean "top" and "bottom" in the sense of bedroom scene, not as an entire relationship dynamic. So the good news is that there are zillions of BDSM checklists out there (including on this site) that can give you a pretty good idea what the overall menu of such activities looks like. Things get a lot fuzzier when you step out of the "activity" mindset of BD or SM. In the DS part, these same sorts of discussions tend to be more around how one operates at a core level than any specific action. For instance, my girl is away at art school right now learning how to better her woodworking skills. Is she serving me or chasing her own goals? The same action can be viewed in different ways depending on the frame of reference.
b) Communicate
Take the things on that list and, you know, discuss them with your partner. See what things register and which don't. Talk is cheap as they say so take advantage of that.
If you were looking for more specific answers, or if that wasn't very helpful, perhaps you could reword your original post and try to make the question a bit more specific.
Hope that helps
~Jeff
You should probably suggest both a & b to him also. In the end, there is no subsitute for knowing your sub... not "a sub", but YOUR sub.... ditto in reverse.
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