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What must I do to surrender? - 8/8/2008 12:00:17 PM

Charles6682

Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline

I am 26 year's old single male.I would like to consider myself to be a submissive.By that I mean,I have a real desire to submit to female's,well beyond the sexual aspect.I just wonder to myself if there is something I'm doing wrong?I mean,I am not rich,so being a money sub is not my speciality.I consider myself to be average looking.I could drop a few pound's and may not have the biggest "thing" down there but it work's.I have never been in a 24/7 dom/sub relationship but have never had the chance to be in one.It eat's me up inside that no matter what I do,I just feel I'll never have that chance.I have tried to wish away this desire to submit many time's,but no matter what I do,the desire simply won't go away.So,as I think to myself,is there something I'm doing wrong and if I am,I would like to know what that is,so I can correct the wrong.

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RE: What must I do to surrender? - 8/8/2008 12:08:30 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
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Start here and read: http://www.collarchat.com/m_1717756/tm.htm

This will answer most of your questions. Once you've read it and followed all of the suggestions, it will be much easier to help you.

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RE: What must I do to surrender? - 8/8/2008 4:17:51 PM

E2Sweet

Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

...I have tried to wish away this desire to submit many time's,but no matter what I do,the desire simply won't go away.So,as I think to myself,is there something I'm doing wrong and if I am,I would like to know what that is,so I can correct the wrong.

As a veteran of owning desires that won't go away, all I can say is if yours are indeed comparable to what I've lived with most of my life, forget wishing them away. That's a waste of time and energy. Instead, perhaps try to convert those persistent nagging feelings into motivation to achieve that which you seek. That's much more productive and healthy in my opinion, though you would have to find the actual methods in which to implement that, since you are the only person who knows your feelings and what it takes to self-motivate...

As to how to find a dominant female here, add a photo to you profile and be sure the text there is a true and accurate representation of who you are. Use your head (the top-most one) when you contact them, be respectful and be real. Avoiding HNG-ish and creep-type behavior is a must. These are just my opinions as this is working for me with decent results so far.

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RE: What must I do to surrender? - 8/8/2008 4:31:45 PM

NumberSix

Posts: 1378
Joined: 12/30/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

I am 26 year's old single male.I would like to consider myself to be a submissive.By that I mean,I have a real desire to submit to female's,well beyond the sexual aspect.I just wonder to myself if there is something I'm doing wrong?I mean,I am not rich,so being a money sub is not my speciality.I consider myself to be average looking.I could drop a few pound's and may not have the biggest "thing" down there but it work's.I have never been in a 24/7 dom/sub relationship but have never had the chance to be in one.It eat's me up inside that no matter what I do,I just feel I'll never have that chance.I have tried to wish away this desire to submit many time's,but no matter what I do,the desire simply won't go away.So,as I think to myself,is there something I'm doing wrong and if I am,I would like to know what that is,so I can correct the wrong.

get a space bar. THAT IS GONNA BE BIG (you can quote me).

I have read your profile, son; and it ain't gonna get you alotta girls, so you did a slap and tickle a few times. What do you like to do other than recapitulate your profile, telling your age, your city, your .....

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

get thee hence to a munch, take a shower, brush your teeth, speak politely, don't stab any dominants in the eye with your fork, (or submissives neither, unless you are in love and the dominatrix orders you to do it, and you are sure you are gonna be going home with her). Learn to converse, I like...my favorite hobbies are, for a living....you know beyond the one dimensional shit.

you: Hi..........
Dominatrix: Hi.
you: eeeeeeeeeeeeeerm, I live in this town.
Dominatrix: Oh.
you: Hi.
Dominatrix: errrrrrrrrrrrrm, didn't we just do that?
you: Oh, right....hi.
Dominatrix: Hi.
you: is there something wrong with me?
Dominatrix: Yeah, look, I gotta go, feed the kitties and whatnot, but heres a tip, cause I like the way your face hangs...see that girl right there? She has alot of patience and charges a really good rate.......
you: Hi.

see whadda mean, Vern?

Ernest

ps, it's almost like real life, Dominatrixes are not that scary unless they want to be. And they don't always wake up and want to be. They just want to wake up and be, and sorta hope you want to wake up and be as well

< Message edited by NumberSix -- 8/8/2008 4:34:24 PM >

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RE: What must I do to surrender? - 8/8/2008 6:56:51 PM

thetammyjo

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Joined: 9/8/2005
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Sadly, Charles6682, the first thing you must do is tackle your own self-esteem issues. You don't need another person or a partner to help, in fact, having one might create a situation where your self-esteem becomes tied to be in a relationship.

One way to do this is to get some personal therapy, like once a month see someone, they don't need to be specialized with kink but they need to be open minded and skilled/ethical enough to not drive you to deal with issues that are not what you are going to deal with.

Once you start down this path, it will take a long time cause you didn't get this way in one day now, did you, then start finding the closely local BDSM community you can. Start going to munches and workshops not to find a partner but to learn and grow. After a few months, start participating in conversations and asking questions then a few months later volunteer to help out at events.

Get some books written by people who do this stuff for years and years. I recommend Greenery Press for that. While I am a fiction author I don't recommend fiction at this time in your education because all of it is fantasy after all.

In a few years, when you are at a munch or workshop, when you've been dealing with your self-esteem and you are holding yourself with more confidence, you may be surprised to discover that dom approaches you.

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RE: What must I do to surrender? - 8/9/2008 11:31:45 PM

MaamJay

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Joined: 9/2/2005
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Add more personal non-bdsm info to your profile to show you as a whole person - what music do you like, movies, hobbies etc. Instead of thinking what you haven't got ... think of what you HAVE got to offer a Mistress. Since you say you want to go beyond bedroom submission, what skills have you? Are you a good cook? Great at fixing something eg cars, computers? Are you a quick learner of new things? Are you reliable and punctual? If you can't think of much ... then get out and do some courses and learn some skills! In one sense, finding a partner is a bit like interviewing and being interviewed intially. So work out what will "sell" you to someone as a submissive.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: What must I do to surrender? - 8/9/2008 11:43:43 PM

AcademyForSlaves

Posts: 712
Joined: 2/24/2006
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Hi.

From what you said you sound like a great slave so when you contact a Mistress write the same way you've written here, being totally sincere and straight forward and list what ways you can serve her, and she'll probably want to own you no problem.

Hope this helps.

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RE: What must I do to surrender? - 8/10/2008 1:07:32 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
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I do have one piece of advice, and it's based on the error a LOT of submissive guys seem to make for the first five or ten years of their search. They look for anyone who will be their Mistress, rather than look for a specific person who might be looking for them at the same time they're looking for Her. Yeah, we all kind of run into that when we first start. I was so gung ho on finding someone that I was quite willing to hook up with anyone who was interested in dominating me. Now, granted, some of those women were WONDERFUL women, some of them...not so great. But I was too naive to even realize there was that much of a difference.

I know that now, and that's something you need to realize as well. I know you'll hear people say you need to cast your net wide in order to find someone, but just doing that is going to cause you to end up with the wrong type of catch (okay, I'm leaving this fishing metaphor because it really feels disrespectful in the long run as I think it through). You're much better off finding someone who is compatible with your desires and then pursue her, or someone like her. Now, that doesn't mean success AT ALL, however. Remember that. There are probably four or five women on this site who I would kill to be owned by, but they're not interested in me in any way, shape or form. Hell, one of them tends to really dislike me, no matter how charming my disposition can be at times. Nothing I can do about that. But if I was to spend my entire energy trying to win her over, it would be a waste of both my time AND Her time.

If you learn a bit about what you're doing, you can start actually making plans for yourself. If I was more proactive about seeking out someone, I'd probably be owned right now. Seems I always have a rational reason for why I don't (like trying to finish education, or whatever...today's is that I may end up moving across the country or to another country completely because I need to find a job now that I have graduated with yet another useless master's degree in underwater basketweaving (or something like that...I forgot to check the diploma). But that doesn't have to be you. Once you realize what you're after and what you can deliver (cause that's important, too: Don't advertise as a service submissive if the first time you see a dirty toilet you run away and never look back). Anyway, good luck to you. You won't win anyone over with a passive-aggressive process; believe me, that never works. Just be yourself, and show people why YOU are worthy of making that connection. Everyone has something within him or her that makes that person special. Search for it, or build it, and they will come. (wow, bad movie references for the win!)

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RE: What must I do to surrender? - 8/11/2008 9:12:34 AM

SnowRanger

Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
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Hello Charles,

I can only speak as a man who has had some success on CollarMe. I certainly understand wrestling with submissive desires. Also, it takes more than a bit of courage to ask "What am I doing wrong?" or, "How can I improve?" I think that you're in a good place to start your search.

Ms Sylvere gave you a link that I found most helpful. I can't say that I followed all of the advice presented, but this is one of the most valuable threads on CM.

NumberSix's advice about the space bar is not as flippant as you might think. I have an friend who doesn't use one at all! I cringe when I see that he has sent an e-mail. I recomend that you single space after a coma or semi-colon and double space after periods and colons. Anything that you can do to add to the readability of your missives will improve your chances of getting a responce! Now, about that fork in the eye thing: Forget it! Flat stomp down forget it! Avoid anything that could lead to criminal charges and civil liability! Such things are counter productive to attaining your goal. Other than that, he makes some good points.

I must defer to Ms. Tammy Jo's judgement about low self esteem. I saw nothing in your OP or a quick look at your profile that gave me any indication of issues there. I come from a time when 'therapy' was a sign of something terrible (un-enlightened, I know). Again, I will defer to her judgement there. It is, however, something that I struggled with for a long time. To address these issues in myself, I joined an elite (civillian) organization. It wasn,t a SEAL type outfit, but it was the best at what it did. It was a long and painful road to gaining any sort of self esteem. HMMM... Come to think of it, therapy may be the way to go!

As for my own advice to you: While you're waiting, you should " be to do to have." In your mind, declare your self to be the kind of man who has something worthy of surrendering to a wonderful woman. Then do the things necessary to be that man (see that link above). Then you will have. Too many folks get it backward. They think that if they have then everything else falls into place.

I sincerely hope that Mistress Charming (or not so charming) races up on her white charger, sweeps you off your feet, and carries you off to a life of hard work and drudgery!

Respectfully,
Mike
SnowRanger

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