CallaFirestormBW
Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008 Status: offline
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Ok, so as I mentioned in another post, I've come to a "crisis of faith", so to speak. I was trained in a style that considered a collar something to be "earned" -- where the collar only came after months of effort, danging just out of reach -- and then, when given, it seemed like it represented something akin to an Owner/servant-type "wedding ring". Alarm bells went off for me, sort of quietly, as I wrote about this a few weeks ago, but I couldn't figure out what was niggling at me. Suddenly, about 24 hours ago, I realized... When I ended my marriage of 13 years, I -knew- that I had no interest whatsoever in re-marrying. By the time I accepted the collar while training for my crop, I'd been in a relationship with the people involved for a couple of years, aside from any BDSM interests -- but we were poly, and I sort of accepted the looser concept of "like a handfasting", and let it go at that - especially because I had nothing, really, against being handfasted to any of these people.... Drift down the road a few years -- companion servants have come and gone in our household, I've moved from the bound side of the collar to the side that holds the keys, and I've trained and said farewell to a couple of servants, one of whom we collared and she left not long after, and the others who never made it as far as a collar. Suddenly, a day ago, without warning, the bells that had been ringing went off like a nuclear bomb in my head, laying everything out in stark detail, and I realized that I just -don't- have that feeling of a romantic relationship in mind for the people I want as servants. It may get there with some of them, and that's fine, and if it ever does, it will be ancillary to them being servants... sort of the same way that I am a friend with my boss at work. Which led me to the idea that, for me, a collar is really more of a symbol, like a badge or a particular uniform in a chosen profession...that while we may have different types of collars that are awarded IF certain things happen in the relationship (like when a servant makes it all the way through the probationary period, or IF we find a servant that we want around all the time and want to have in our home caring for us 24/7), I had absolutely NO problem with giving a collar to someone who agreed to enter into a service relationship with us on a probationary period a collar when the contract is read and signed, and the agreement is made... and amazingly enough, when I talked about this with my Darling, she agreed that she'd accepted her Trainer's definition, since it was his House to begin with... but that she was completely not tied to the idea that the collar was this huge 'relationship issue'... and that, now that he is no longer HB, and left it to me when he died, that it seemed perfectly appropriate to her that we reconsider how we approach the whole "collar" issue...WHEW! So I guess my 'things' are... has anyone else encountered some symbol that a certain concept or idea was attached to for YEARS, and then suddenly realized that, while one still cherished the symbol, its meaning had completely and undeniably shifted to a different and seemingly opposite track? How did those you were with take it when you told them, or did you keep it to yourself? If you kept it to yourself, how did you handle the mental dichotomy? Calla Firestorm
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*** Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!" "Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer
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