did it really kill the cat? (Full Version)

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berrysurprise -> did it really kill the cat? (8/11/2008 3:55:34 AM)

I am a very blessed sub, i have been lucky enough to have a great relationship/friendship with a very noble Dom. Both online and in r/l He has been my rock for almost two years now...

However I dont know much about him... in fact i dont even know his surname. This has never bothered me before as i wanted to have a Dom that was not to involved but lately i have started to feel very curious and have wondered about things, i even felt a little resentful. Obviously he needs his privacy but i wonder if i should ask him or should i just leave things as they are? I know that i have been having hardtimes lately and i have felt insecure. should just let this pass?



TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: did it really kill the cat? (8/11/2008 4:58:18 AM)

I think when changes like this happen in our lives, we must first look inside to see what actually happened to cause the change.  Why do you suddenly want a deeper relationship with this man?  Admittedly, knowing someone's surname is not exactly getting married, but it does signify a real change in your relationship...so why now?  Do you want something more with him?  Are you wanting something more from someone, and maybe it isn't him?

Figure out the cause of the change of heart before you go to him, so you really know what to ask.  I think being curious about his surname is simply a symptom of a greater issue...

Taggard



DarkSteven -> RE: did it really kill the cat? (8/11/2008 5:50:08 AM)

Talk with him.  Not about his surname - level with him and tell him you've been feeling insecure lately and don't know where it's coming from.  A Dom needs to know what's going on inside his sub, and a good one will put forth the effort to do some digging to find out.




antipode -> RE: did it really kill the cat? (8/11/2008 12:58:00 PM)

I find it hard to conceive of someone being someone else's close friend and not knowing their last name. This is, admittedly, coming from one who runs a criminal background and credit check on anyone he gets intimate with, but I have reasons for that. Even if you don't want to go that far, a bit of background is kinda normal, methinks. Weird, IMNSHO.



batshalom -> RE: did it really kill the cat? (8/11/2008 1:32:29 PM)

~fast reply~

I'm with Taggard - there's something deeper.

If it's eating at you enough to ask us, and if you feel compelled to disclose timelines and such, then it's a bee in your bonnet that isn't going to fly away by itself. If you don't act on your desire to have his surname then it will become ammunition. "He wants me to do X but won't give me his name, He expects Y of me but won't give me his name." Poison.

Express your worries to him, tell him that his name is important to you, hear him out when he replies, then make a clear-headed decision when it's time to make a decision. For the life of the party, though, don't expect him to change and don't expect yourself to change (if you decide to take "no" for an answer regarding his name, it might work for you for a time, but that poison is sneaky and will rebound on you eventually). It will only lead to a waste-of-time power struggle if you aren't honest with him and honest with yourself.



MasterHermes -> RE: did it really kill the cat? (8/11/2008 3:07:04 PM)

Soon or later they always run into trouble because of that at one point of their life. But its their nature.

Hermes



batshalom -> RE: did it really kill the cat? (8/11/2008 3:50:38 PM)

I'm sorry, MasterHermes, was your reply to me? If so, who is "they"? And what is their nature?



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: did it really kill the cat? (8/11/2008 4:06:18 PM)

You should do what your dom has said you should do in these times. 



subtee -> RE: did it really kill the cat? (8/11/2008 5:01:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: berrysurprise

I am a very blessed sub, i have been lucky enough to have a great relationship/friendship with a very noble Dom.

How do you come to that conclusion since you
quote:

dont know much about him.

How has he
quote:

been [your] rock for almost two years now
if he is a
quote:

Dom that was not to involved
?

I honestly don't understand this...



MasterHermes -> RE: did it really kill the cat? (8/11/2008 5:05:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

I'm sorry, MasterHermes, was your reply to me? If so, who is "they"? And what is their nature?


Its actually my mistake, I was replying to the OP.. And they are cats :)



kiwisub12 -> RE: did it really kill the cat? (8/11/2008 5:11:34 PM)

Sounds to me you are ready for a deeper emotional relationship, and unfortunately your dom hasn't read your mind. If it has been ok not to know personal details for the past 2 years, how can he know that you have questions?

You need to tell him that you have questions and issues. They aren't bad - they are just show a different mindset for you. One you need to share, because i don't see you being happy with things the way they are.



KnightofMists -> RE: did it really kill the cat? (8/11/2008 5:35:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

I think when changes like this happen in our lives, we must first look inside to see what actually happened to cause the change.  Why do you suddenly want a deeper relationship with this man?  Admittedly, knowing someone's surname is not exactly getting married, but it does signify a real change in your relationship...so why now?  Do you want something more with him?  Are you wanting something more from someone, and maybe it isn't him?

Figure out the cause of the change of heart before you go to him, so you really know what to ask.  I think being curious about his surname is simply a symptom of a greater issue...

Taggard



This is Great advice!!!  and in my opinion.. the best advice your going to get for your issue.



NeedingMore220 -> RE: did it really kill the cat? (8/11/2008 5:58:38 PM)

Perhaps you're nervous about actually talking with him about what's on your mind because you think he will refuse what you need .. and where will that leave you? 





Huntertn -> RE: did it really kill the cat? (8/11/2008 7:05:50 PM)

OK real-time here people, you've known a Dom for what 2 years..and don't even know his real full name? Lets put it another way...IS there Any subs out there that have had that happen to them???????  Or in another way, how many subs have dated /played with a Dom..and after two years Not know his full name??????  Never mind what kind of relationship you have; or what he thinks you should or should not know,Frankly how in hell can You not want to know after all that time...After two years you should be past that bit of information if he has trust in you Period!



berrysurprise -> RE: did it really kill the cat? (8/11/2008 11:35:46 PM)

thanks everyone for your opinions and advice... I do have to agree with Knight of Mists though... Taggards advice is exactly what i needed to hear this time... However my eyes are wide open and i do appreciate everyones input and would like to thank you again for sharing with me

berry



berrysurprise -> RE: did it really kill the cat? (8/11/2008 11:46:05 PM)

I also agree with DarkSteven and especially his comment "A Dom needs to know what's going on inside his sub, and a good one will put forth the effort to do some digging to find out."
I will speak with him - Sometimes i think i just need to get my head in the right place first...




sunshinemiss -> RE: did it really kill the cat? (8/12/2008 2:29:26 AM)

hi berry,
please don't forget to come back and tell us what happened after you talk to him.  I always hate that... a cliff hanger and not ending.  sigh,
peace and passion,
sunshine



Nitefalls1000 -> RE: did it really kill the cat? (8/16/2008 5:14:53 AM)

That depends on if you are wanting thing to go to the next level i.e. collar, if not leave it pass



berrysurprise -> RE: did it really kill the cat? (8/21/2008 12:21:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

hi berry,
please don't forget to come back and tell us what happened after you talk to him.  I always hate that... a cliff hanger and not ending.  sigh,
peace and passion,
sunshine


Just wanting to let you know that i was able to approach him about the thoughts and feelings i have been having... He was very open and we were able to discuss many of the changes that have surrounded us lately... i am happy to say that things are better than ever!

Thank you...



DarkSteven -> RE: did it really kill the cat? (8/21/2008 6:31:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: berrysurprise

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

hi berry,
please don't forget to come back and tell us what happened after you talk to him.  I always hate that... a cliff hanger and not ending.  sigh,
peace and passion,
sunshine


Just wanting to let you know that i was able to approach him about the thoughts and feelings i have been having... He was very open and we were able to discuss many of the changes that have surrounded us lately... i am happy to say that things are better than ever!

Thank you...


Yay!



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