Caught in the middle

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candystripper -> Caught in the middle (8/11/2008 3:44:59 PM)
Some of my friends and family are now experiencing a double whammy -- aging parents who need a variety of support levels and 'boomerang' UMs who have not been able to find their feet and leave home. It's actually a triple whammy for some, as jobs grow more insecure and budgets tighten during this recession/depression/whatever it is. Just wondering if this is happening around anyone here, and how it's being handled. candystripper

Smith117 -> RE: Caught in the middle (8/11/2008 3:52:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: candystripper Some of my friends and family are now experiencing a double whammy -- aging parents who need a variety of support levels and 'boomerang' UMs who have not been able to find their feet and leave home. It's actually a triple whammy for some, as jobs grow more insecure and budgets tighten during this recession/depression/whatever it is. Just wondering if this is happening around anyone here, and how it's being handled. candystripper I'd wager it's happening around everywhere. The economy sucks. I have friends who are married with a kid and now living with the wife's mom. There's a guy on the radio show I listen to who is an on-air personality as well as a licensed realtor and he lives with his mom. No one is safe.

popeye1250 -> RE: Caught in the middle (8/11/2008 4:02:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: candystripper Some of my friends and family are now experiencing a double whammy -- aging parents who need a variety of support levels and 'boomerang' UMs who have not been able to find their feet and leave home. It's actually a triple whammy for some, as jobs grow more insecure and budgets tighten during this recession/depression/whatever it is. Just wondering if this is happening around anyone here, and how it's being handled. candystripper The kids are easy to get rid of, just drop them off at the nearest military recruiter's office! "Hey kid! Chicks love uniforms!" "You'll get more pussy than a toilet seat in the ladie's room!"

Lockit -> RE: Caught in the middle (8/11/2008 4:14:19 PM)
ROFL Popeye

slaveboyforyou -> RE: Caught in the middle (8/11/2008 4:25:54 PM)
It's happening in all the wealthier, industrialized countries. Numerous stories have been written about it. The Japanese call them parasaito shinguru (parasite singles). It mostly has to do with the ridiculous rental costs in larger cities. I don't see it as much, because you can rent a decent place around here for less than $400 a month.

pahunkboy -> RE: Caught in the middle (8/11/2008 4:58:54 PM)
I feel lucky. I love my family and would help them out.

sub4hire -> RE: Caught in the middle (8/12/2008 5:54:52 AM)
Been there done that. You know how I coped. One day at a time. I think it is going to be far worse anymore with the economy though. I could afford all the people I was caring for. As for the kids coming back home. I'd give them the worst room in the house...hottest, coldest, smallest..etc. Make their lives as inconvenient as possible until they started paying rent.

KatyLied -> RE: Caught in the middle (8/12/2008 6:25:29 AM)
My eldest (23) has returned home and he will be here for at least the next 12 months. I've had an empty nest for a few years and I welcomed him back with open arms. We may have the occasional argument over the Netflix queue, but other than that, it's a win-win for me. He helps around the house and does his own laundry. He is also able to help my parents with a few things on their immediate "to do" list, that require physical labor. I will not charge him rent, he has agreed to buy his own groceries. Life is good. ack spelling edit

sub4hire -> RE: Caught in the middle (8/12/2008 6:28:20 AM)
Katy, your child is productive..its a bit different than the kids I think you know I was talking about. Which are usually the ones who move back home.

KatyLied -> RE: Caught in the middle (8/12/2008 6:29:53 AM)
Yes, that is why I cut him a lot of slack, he earns his keep. : -)

Smith117 -> RE: Caught in the middle (8/12/2008 8:21:36 AM)
In my first reply, I forgot something. It's not just my best friend and the guy on my favorite show. My other really good "local" friend recently moved back home as well. She told me it's a love/hate thing too. While she says her mom would like for her to live on her own, her stepdad prefers she live there (she said the mexican culture has preferences for daughters living at home until they're married). And, I myself moved back home after my stint in the military. I'd gone from making the equivalent of $50K a year, to making about $9.75 an hour. However, even once my pay improved, a series of illnesses and surgeries with my mom (not to mention the worsening economy) led me to remain "at home" to help take care of my mom. Finally, after all of that, I am moving into a new career field (after I finish school) which will more than provide the funds to purchase (not rent) my own house. However, I've decided that even when I've bought my own house, I plan on inviting my mom to move in there with me as well, rent free. She's lived with financial concerns all her life from raising two kids on her own. Once I've finished school, I plan to alleviate those concerns. I didn't have to worry about where I was going to live when I came home from the military, so I'm not going to let her worry about where she'll live when her income shrinks and the cost of living doesn't.

candystripper -> RE: Caught in the middle (8/12/2008 8:39:32 AM)
I stand in awe of people who willingly take in elders....and in envy of people with UMs who have 'boomeranged' as I still miss mine very much....and most of all, I am pleased to see the willingness to pull together as a family during hard times has not been totally lost. I, however, will be doing the iceberg thing when my time comes, without a doubt, lol. candystripper

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Caught in the middle (8/12/2008 8:51:45 AM)
My oldest is moving back home with his dad to go back to school. It's good for both of them. My son's job 'scaled back' and cut his hours by 2/3, so he can no longer afford the rent and utilities in the place he's sharing. He is a diligent kid who pays rent and cleans up after himself (most of the time), and is willing to help out with stuff like getting the youngest to JROTC stuff or band practice, etc. He's willing to help out, since his dad is dealing with a former mate who came back to live with him after having to undergo having her legs completely re-built (degeneration of all the tendons and ligaments) -- then, when she was finally able to get up and move around and was talking about heading back to her own place, the surgeries failed -- she's going back for more surgery, but there may not be anything they can do, and my ex has said that if she cannot walk again, he'll help take care of her... just because it's the right thing to do. CFB

DominaYork -> RE: Caught in the middle (8/12/2008 9:39:45 AM)
We have no children, not sure we ever well but I like the idea of a multi-generation family home. I'd welcome my father into our home at any time. My mother...well that's why I'm glad I have a sister LOL!

MercTech -> RE: Caught in the middle (8/12/2008 11:45:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveboyforyou It's happening in all the wealthier, industrialized countries. Numerous stories have been written about it. The Japanese call them parasaito shinguru (parasite singles). It mostly has to do with the ridiculous rental costs in larger cities. I don't see it as much, because you can rent a decent place around here for less than $400 a month. Wow, $400? Cheap rent. Try $1200/mo for older 3 bedroom place in a rough neighborhood being a low price in many areas. Stefan

slaveboyforyou -> RE: Caught in the middle (8/12/2008 12:51:57 PM)
quote: Wow, $400? Cheap rent. Try $1200/mo for older 3 bedroom place in a rough neighborhood being a low price in many areas. Stefan Damn, really? I'm just surprised with you living in Mississipi. You can find 3 bedroom places for that much around here, but they are usually in pretty swanky areas. I rent a 1 bedroom apartment for $350 right now. When I lived in Little Rock a few years back, I had a huge studio apartment for $285 a month. It was as big as my place now; it just didn't have the wall seperating the bedroom from the living room. I could go rent a nice 2 or 3 bedroom mobile home for that much right now, and I've been considering it. A regular house around here in a decent, working class part of town will run around $400-500 a month.

Smith117 -> RE: Caught in the middle (8/12/2008 4:34:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MercTech Wow, $400? Cheap rent. Try $1200/mo for older 3 bedroom place in a rough neighborhood being a low price in many areas. Around here, we're in a "pretty decent" apartment complex but we have crap apartments north and west of us, A REALLY crappy area a few blocks south, and some nice homes to the east, and we pay over $1,100 a month. Oddly enough I've seen a VERY nice house in a VERY nice area for $167,000. I suppose I'll start looking there once I get out of school. The neighborhoods and prices around here are hit and miss. If you want to be anywhere near "reasonable distance" to Dallas, you end up in a crap area, or surrounded by a crap area and you're still shelling out right at or over $1,000 a month.

Vendaval -> RE: Caught in the middle (8/12/2008 8:36:31 PM)
Living in a multi-generational family home requires cooperation, compromise and adaptation. It may not be glamorous but it can be rewarding.

coupleowl -> RE: Caught in the middle (8/12/2008 8:42:00 PM)
Ugh, I don't think I could stand moving in with my parents. Honestly I would just take the fall in my credit, let the bank take my house and get an apartment. Nor do I think I could have my family move in with me. For a year I had my little sister and her husband living with us; that was a nightmare.

Vendaval -> RE: Caught in the middle (8/13/2008 1:18:27 AM)
Hush now, both of you! In my area a one bedroom apartment will set you back about $1,000 per month, a condo $1,500 and a house about $2,000. (Having a major university here inflates the costs of both rentals and purchasing any kind of home.) A nice mobile home, newer models, runs bout $100,000 or so. A condo is about $350,000 and a 3 bedroom house runs about $450,000 on up. Of course these prices cannot begin to compare to San Francisco or Los Angeles. (format edit)

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