another way He Dominates??

another way He Dominates?? (Full Version)

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justjosie -> another way He Dominates?? (8/11/2008 3:48:57 PM)
When a relationship is just beginning, for example...we have been talking for a while, but then mutually determine it is time to go to the next level... It has been my experience, on more than one occasion, that after we meet in person, and after we move on to a bit of physical and mental Domination, He backs off on contact via phone/email, etc. In the past, it has not been to indicate a lack of wanting to continue(for whatever that meant..I did not stick around long enough to find out at the time.) And to make this clear, this is a similar action, different man. I know there is no ONE way to do things. But I am getting the feeling that I am being sent a message here. That the Dom is the one that should be doing the contacting, and I need to be learning patience. I am impulsive and assertive and learning about my submissiveness. Is he trying to teach me something or just blowing me off??

batshalom -> RE: another way He Dominates?? (8/11/2008 3:53:35 PM)
None of us knows. You could ask him for a more accurate answer. (But when it moves to an in-person thing, there isn't as much need for e-mail contact.) Redirect your freak-out energy toward more substantial and fun things. If he blows you off, he blows you off. The only word you need to know is ... NEXT.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: another way He Dominates?? (8/11/2008 4:03:43 PM)
Ditto. If HE feels that's how things should be done, then he should let you know. There's certainly no one way. It could be he's a "typical" guy in that he can't handle commitment well and needs to back off after any intense progress in a relationship to keep safe and secure in his cocoon.

justjosie -> RE: another way He Dominates?? (8/11/2008 4:04:32 PM)
Very true. Perhaps I should rephrase the question. Should the submissive avoid contacting the Dominant for the most part? Would you, as a Dom, withhold contact for a bit to teach a submissive that s(he) needs to wait for you to initiate? Thanks!

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: another way He Dominates?? (8/11/2008 4:08:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: justjosie Should the submissive avoid contacting the Dominant for the most part? If that's what she's been trained to do, yes. quote: Would you, as a Dom, withhold contact for a bit to teach a submissive that s(he) needs to wait for you to initiate? Thanks! No, because as you so expertly prove- it's a crappy method of teaching without any sort of direct clarification from the source.

justjosie -> RE: another way He Dominates?? (8/11/2008 4:13:27 PM)
Wow. Thanks for that thought... Because, yes, those things I have been asked to do in submission, I have gladly done.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: another way He Dominates?? (8/11/2008 4:15:54 PM)
But remember what's already been said- you're leaping to assumptions here and making a lot of energy out of what may be absolutely nothing. Is it really so wrong of you to pick up the phone, say "Hey I've got this question that I need some clarification on, do you mind?" Let's face it, if you're that afraid of asking a simple reasonable question for clarification, then there's something already seriously wrong, either with you, him or both of you.

Lockit -> RE: another way He Dominates?? (8/11/2008 4:20:27 PM)
With a new relationship, with some new domination and then play... no instruction as to teaching you patience in waiting on his contact... even with...lol... I would be wondering too! Some people jump in, play and then walk away, thankful they got to play with no need to continue anything with someone they just wanted some playtime with. The way to avoid all this... don't play or don't care if they walk after you have played or simply communicate. You have the right.

antipode -> RE: another way He Dominates?? (8/11/2008 6:44:49 PM)
..... to teach, to enhance, to demand, to structure, to stimulate, to discipline, to hear, to quiet, to satisfy, to (help me)grow. Experience, intuitiveness, & creativity are magnificent traits in a Dominant, yet not as indispensible as integrity and respect for safe practices..... Methinks: overbearing. Life is not a Wikipedia definition. In contact ads these wish lists sometimes make me laugh, as if you can select the person according to set criteria. It takes all the aventurous fun out of life, the getting to know a new person, the learning from things you did not know existed, or did not know could be combined. Discover, don't fence in. And try to tawk without the dictionary. FWIW...

Huntertn -> RE: another way He Dominates?? (8/11/2008 6:57:49 PM)
let just say this: when you want a sub..You really want as much contact as you can get..sure there are times thats not possible..but to Not contact them..at all..or just in person..frankly, its bullshit...silence when they are there..maybe for half a day maybe two days..yea..longer than that..I just don't see a real Dom doing that.Its cruel to the sub..and only has a limited value as a training tool

justjosie -> RE: another way He Dominates?? (8/11/2008 7:25:40 PM)
good answer (??) wrong question. but i will say this much. no dictionary. no wikipedia. as a former librarian, this is how i speak (at times). ant-you might want to stop making fun of people when they are having a bad day...FWIW

justjosie -> RE: another way He Dominates?? (8/11/2008 7:30:49 PM)
thanks, guys...i really appreciate your thoughts and opinions. very helpful

gordie452000 -> RE: another way He Dominates?? (8/12/2008 5:24:23 AM)
I'm no expert. I mean, look at the ice cream cone. But it seems to me that it's difficult to send a message without context. Maybe after a few days, then he should fill in the blanks for you. Otherwise, you and he are not really communicating at all, are you?

CruelDesires -> RE: another way He Dominates?? (8/12/2008 7:06:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: justjosie When a relationship is just beginning, for example...we have been talking for a while, but then mutually determine it is time to go to the next level... Define "a while". Days? Weeks? Months? quote: ORIGINAL: justjosie It has been my experience, on more than one occasion, that after we meet in person, and after we move on to a bit of physical and mental Domination, He backs off on contact via phone/email, etc. Do you mean that after you play and have sex with the dominant, they stop contacting you as much? quote: ORIGINAL: justjosie In the past, it has not been to indicate a lack of wanting to continue(for whatever that meant..I did not stick around long enough to find out at the time.) And to make this clear, this is a similar action, different man. Is there a pattern here that you are recognizing? He gets what he wants and then pretty much stops contacting you? quote: ORIGINAL: justjosie I know there is no ONE way to do things. But I am getting the feeling that I am being sent a message here. That the Dom is the one that should be doing the contacting, and I need to be learning patience. I am impulsive and assertive and learning about my submissiveness. Is he trying to teach me something or just blowing me off?? From your writing, it seems that the message is clear. C-D

justjosie -> RE: another way He Dominates?? (8/12/2008 4:02:45 PM)
we played a bit. we did not have sex. it has only been since Thursday, however, HE mentioned the get-together for tonight as we parted ways, and suggested we "touch base" a couple times until then. he had given me some "homework", also, and i found it unusual that he did not check in to see how it was going. i agree with several statements you guys have made...the message seems clear...or, at BEST, we are not communicating. not a good start!

MidMichCowboy -> RE: another way He Dominates?? (8/12/2008 7:13:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: justjosie Very true. Perhaps I should rephrase the question. Should the submissive avoid contacting the Dominant for the most part? Would you, as a Dom, withhold contact for a bit to teach a submissive that s(he) needs to wait for you to initiate? Thanks! Hell no, My opinion (sure to bother some) is that if a Dom plays silly games like that, he/she doesn't have any confidence at all in their ability to dominate. I don't expect a submissive to submit until we have moved far along in our relationship. Until she does, she is a free and independent woman and I expect she should act that way. I

DesFIP -> RE: another way He Dominates?? (8/13/2008 11:54:24 AM)
Before you met he had unreal expectations about the possible relationship. Then you meet and guess what he sees? A real person who has to work around her other obligations and responsibilities, who doesn't actually look like the porn star of his imagination, who has physical and emotional obligations. And why were you submitting and doing stuff told to you by guys who didn't even bother to meet you first? Maybe if you hold your submission as being more valuable, you might get into a relationship with a man who feels the same?

TreasureKY -> RE: another way He Dominates?? (8/13/2008 3:37:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: justjosie ... I am getting the feeling that I am being sent a message here. No idea if you are, and everyone has their own ideas about who should initiate communications in a D/s relationship. However... I suspect you're just seeing the "everyday" man. I may be a bit jaded, but in my experience men are always a little more interested and a little more attentive at the start of any relationship. I hate to say it this way, but to men, women are like anything else new and shiny at the beginning... they are exciting. I've noticed that a man just can't seem to get enough and will go to extra-ordinary lengths to secure what it is they desire... then, once they get what they want or feel the relationship is secured, they slip back into their normal ways. (Women can be this way, too.) It doesn't have to mean they no longer like you or want the relationship, you just aren't as... interesting, or they feel your relationship no longer requires their effort. Or so they think. [;)] I believe most men are also incapable of understanding their own behavior and how it might affect any woman they are involved with. Men generally live in the moment (unless it suits their purposes to do otherwise). Have you ever heard men complain about women having the memories of an elephant... how women will bring up shit from months ago? Based on my observations, it's because once men have moved past the moment, they generally don't consider it anymore... especially when it comes to relationships. lol... Ever known a man who doesn't want to have sex right after a fight? "Hey, the fights over... it's in the past. Let's fuck." [;)] (Okay, women can be like that, too... but often a woman needs time to get past the emotions that a fight has brought up.) Women, on the other hand, seem to have a broader sense of time and events, particularly when it comes to the nuances and emotions of a relationship. We see (and feel) the whole picture of the relationship, not just how it is today. I've also found that men have a tendency to get very upset when you try to point out differences between "then" and "now". I attribute that to their not having the same perspective and generally their not wanting to be made to feel as if they must continue to put out extra effort for something that no longer holds the same interest to them. They'll give all sorts of excuses, say you're imagining things, lay on guilt trips for not "noticing" their current efforts, accuse you of being "needy", threaten to dump you for bringing it up, or just back off even further using your "behavior" as justification. I pretty much came to the conclusion a long time ago that while people will say that relationships take work, they generally don't want to have to keep up the effort. Of course, not all men and women behave this way. It just seems to me to be pretty common. Edited to make it more apparent that I'm speaking from my own perspective and that my comments aren't intended to include all men and all women.

justjosie -> RE: another way He Dominates?? (8/13/2008 4:12:56 PM)
And why were you submitting and doing stuff told to you by guys who didn't even bother to meet you first? Maybe if you hold your submission as being more valuable, you might get into a relationship with a man who feels the same? [/quote] I wasn't. I agree with your point; taking time to know one another in person is quite important.

TheLeatherKnight -> RE: another way He Dominates?? (8/13/2008 7:13:58 PM)
I am apparantly not as "Domly" as most of the folks here in that I really only like my D/s in the bedroom, so my imput may be about as helpful as a hole in a pocket. Personally, even though I like to dominate a girl in the bedroom (or the livingroom, washroom, backyard, wherever we decide to have sex), playing with her is on my mind COPIOUS times during the day. I have been known to telephone her at lunch to request she wear a certain outfit, or to tell he what I plan to do to her when I see her... just to build anticipation. Here is where I am going to part with a nasty little secret: I LOVE to hear from her too! I relish to hear how wet she is and how hard she needs it. So to me, calling each other is normal and even exciting. As I said, I am only telling you how I like it... and how I like to play. From what I read on here there seem to be many different degrees and levels of D/s... I suppose one finds a match closest to what he/she wants and likes. Hope I have helped in some way.

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