RE: professional career / submissive sexuality conflict?

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RE: professional career / submissive sexuality conflict? - 8/14/2008 11:29:50 AM

Sundowner

Posts: 2549
Joined: 3/11/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

...
Sundowner uses his big bossy Dominess to get his way, may way works but no one has to go and cry in the toilets afterwards.

...

Oh soft! I thought you needed a pee. If I'd known, I'd have been gentler with you.

(in reply to softness)

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RE: professional career / submissive sexuality conflict? - 8/14/2008 11:33:01 AM

Sundowner

Posts: 2549
Joined: 3/11/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

and so the super intelligent ones like me ... what do we do?

You keep on living your fantasy and we keep on smiling at you condescendingly.

<----- condescending smile

(in reply to softness)

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RE: professional career / submissive sexuality conflict? - 8/14/2008 4:23:11 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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You flex your Dominant muscles at work and your submissive muscles at home. Well balanced.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Sundowner)

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RE: professional career / submissive sexuality conflict? - 8/14/2008 5:05:23 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

I have always had two personalities - assertive, proactive, and noisey at work, and quiet and submissive at home. And then i discovered my submission.
Now i am assertive, proactive and noisey at work , and quiet and submissive at home - to my Sir.
I have no problems with the dicotomy - it is the way i survive at work and thrive at home.
It used to worry me that i was so different at work, but since i do an excellent job, and make a fairly decent income, and am happy at work and home, i don't worry about it any more. Its just the way i have coped with the demands placed on me by the world. I feel that when i am home with my Sir, i am the closest i can be to being the person i am in my head. *sigh* Its hell being weird in a weird world.

Think of it as adaptive camoflage.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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RE: professional career / submissive sexuality conflict? - 8/14/2008 5:28:30 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

I hated being in that sort of job position. It was terribly hard and felt wrong inside, by the end of the day I was emotionally exhausted and grew to hate the job. I couldn't balance it or pull out a strong facade on a day to day basis.

In the end I found my perfect job but most would consider it a low level job of little worth, however I would hop out of bed excited to go to work and I was very happy in a position where I did not have to manage or direct others to such a strong degree.

I've done a pretty wide variety of jobs some requiring a lot and some very little. Maybe if I had it to do over again I would have pushed myself out of my comfort zone and gone for the money but maybe not.

Most people haven't the luxury of being able to work in a low level job simply because they feel like it and if I were to enter the working world today its not likely I would have that truly perfect (for me) job. I was able to work in a bookstore for many years. A totally low pressure job and one that I thrived in. I'd at one point been the office and HR manager there but it just wore me down. I hated having to force the management team into getting their details done, I hated having to be the bad guy on stuff. So I worked the floor in the bookstore and was utterly happy there.

I do best in service oriented positions (ack, sorry dad that you paid for private college and I wound up playing in a store lol) and where I have very clear lines in which to function. It felt natural to be helping others. So many family members said I was settling but being that happy in a job was to me its own form of paycheck. I can be a great leader and teacher, I can be aggressive in pursuit of things but that is not my preference and right now I will say I'd rather be happy at work than not.

Reading some of the posts have made me feel a bit defensive, like its not okay that someone can't turn being submissive on and off at need. So I added the third line to show that I can do it but its too hard. Due to my health I've learned over the past decade that I have to parcel out strength and I'm trying to understand deep inside that its okay to do something that makes me happy even if I'm not living up to my potential. Thats why I can't say for sure that I would push through the discomfort and problems or if I would have decided to just be working where I'm happy.

It doesn't make me less of a person, it doesn't make me less intelligent either.
Maybe it makes me lazy? I don't know (don't think so though).

It does keep me feeling right and balanced inside, as if that is what I am supposed to be doing.

I need to apologize if I'm switching tenses when talking about working in the bookstore, I don't always accept that I can't do it anymore and speak as if its still happening.

I can't seem to work through that and the OP brought up a lot of stuff I've been mentally/emotionally avoiding.

Do what makes you happy if you have the opportunity. Life is short.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to subbisherri)

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RE: professional career / submissive sexuality conflict? - 8/15/2008 12:32:03 PM

pettingdragons

Posts: 421
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit
The same way a dominant man bows down to his real life boss.
Doms love to brag about how dominant we are, subs love to brag about how submissive they are. (Hence the 'true', 'real', etc.)
In reality, people are not that simple. We are complex creatures with conflicting personalities. We all have dominant parts and submissive parts. You don't have to bury part of your personality in order to enhance the other.
Work is in my opinion the PERFECT place to exhibit the part of yourself that runs contrary to your sexual orientation. If you are dominant, your job is a great place to be a little bit less opinionated. If you are submissive, your job is a great place to stand up a bit more for yourself.

thank you for a wonderful post...

_____________________________

pettingdragons
"may the moon bless you with her light.......so you dont pee on your feet"

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

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RE: professional career / submissive sexuality conflict? - 8/16/2008 5:46:15 PM

subbisherri

Posts: 109
Joined: 5/28/2006
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Thks so much for the input, more to think about now!

LuckyAlbatross, you're totally right, I may not be quite sure as to what "submissive" really is. There seems to be a blurred line between bottoming (which I think I know, and I know I love) and subbing. I used to think it was more of a dichotomy, not so sure anymore.

Candystripper, gee I thought it was just me but I have started dressing a bit differently. Skirts a bit higher, tops a bit lower, jewellery is a bit closer to the neck like a collar instead of a chain hanging down. Not quite sure who I'm showing off too, though. So maybe that's a good thing, it's not for showing off to someone else, it's just showing who I am to anyone who is aware enough to notice?

The one common thread seems to be, those who are quite content (and making me so envious) in their submissiveness, and able to not have that part of their sexuality affect their professional lives, well most if not all of them are subby to a partner, or a specific person. It seems to be an exclusive thing and I think that's wonderful. Can I trade places with you?
Dolf, what if one doesn't have one person to be solely submissive to? What if the person they love doesn't WANT them to be submissive, even if everything else between them is simply outstanding?

If this sounds like the whine of a conflicted soul, yeah it is...

That follows on to why I started this trip and came here in the first place. I'm in love with a man, he's an awesome top but he's not dominant and thus while being his bottom is satisfying and fulfilling, I can't be his sub: he doesn't want a sub. It would be so easy if my SM relationship transmorgified into a BDSM relationship, but I have to accept that it's not in the near future.The sex is great, the SM play is great, but the BD and DS play sucks, in fact it's pretty much non-existant. Well, not the B part but everything else.

While I believe that a bottom can have much fun without a dedicated partner (witness any scene club or the number of pro-dom(me)s, I have a fundamental belief that a submissive will not be emotionally fulfilled with multiple partners or the occasional session or scene or anything like that. A bottom can have a great time at it, but the emotional content of subbing just doesn't lend itself to that sort of short-term pleasure.

As much as all that may sound like a petulant whine, it's not. There are some good things to take from this, and I think the best one is that I need to stop experimenting and start committing, stop trying and start being. If I need this and he can't be it, then perhaps our paths diverge. Or, I figure out how to do what most of you have done, being subby to just one partner and he figures out how to be that one?
Hmmm, maybe it's less learning and more teaching. Great, there's a whole new thing to try to figure out...

Bottom line though, if I can take one good thing from the start of this thread, and I hope I have this right: those who are really happy as submissives are submissive to particular partners, and not to life in general. That's so cool, that's just what I need. thks!

ss.

(in reply to pettingdragons)

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RE: professional career / submissive sexuality conflict? - 8/17/2008 4:47:58 AM

whis31

Posts: 143
Joined: 5/28/2007
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I've enjoyd this thread a whole lot. Simple because it's very close to the heart for me. I usually work in jobs that are in the service bussiness. I am at least for a few more weeks a Home Health Aide. With that being said I was taking alot of S*** from my job, and my Sir DEMANDED that I start standing up for myself and telling them NO. With that in mind I started looking for a new job...found one that is still a little service related but not as much as I've had in the past. I can me demanding of my family and run my life, but with Sir it's blitz not to be the one in control!

(in reply to subbisherri)

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RE: professional career / submissive sexuality conflict? - 8/17/2008 6:21:37 AM

VioletAshes

Posts: 101
Joined: 1/16/2008
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I lead a professional career which requires me to be dominant in most situations. however in my home and predominantly my bedroom, I am submissive to my husband and we engage in a bdsm lifestyle. It is how we are together and only together. It does not carry over into other parts of our lives. It feels for me to be a release, to give over my control to someone I trust 100% is something special and rare. Being his submissive makes me extremely happy and satisfied and balances out my life.

_____________________________

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm not like other girls that you know
but I believe I'm worth coming home to"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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