How to Get Girls To Respond (Full Version)

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kolekorin -> How to Get Girls To Respond (8/11/2008 7:54:15 PM)

Hello All,

I've been lurking for several year here and recently decided to jump in to the fray. I'm a 22 year old dom and have been browsing sub profiles and messaging sub girls for about 6 months. I have had no success finding a girl to train yet. What's even more discouraging is a the low amount of replies I receive.

My question: Sub girlies, what is the best way to approach you? I loathe the thought of starting off with something arrogant like "bitch, you are mine now and do what I say" while at the same time I don't want to come off as someone who is weak or indecisive. Any pointers or things you like to see in an introduction email would be great!

Thanks to all in advance.
Kole



sublizzie -> RE: How to Get Girls To Respond (8/11/2008 8:02:35 PM)

Get involved in your local community so the people there can help you learn what you need to know to be a good Dominant, and everyone needs to learn regardless of their age. You'll meet submissives there as well, who can help you learn.

I'd also lose the "girlies". Makes *me* twitch in a bad way.



AquaticSub -> RE: How to Get Girls To Respond (8/11/2008 8:06:51 PM)

Try to find something non-BDSM related in their profile that you can relate to and ask about that. If someone were trying to get a woman like me to respond, I'd suggest leaving sex and orders out of the first e-mail. Write something that is personal to her but not too long since there are tons of reasons that messages go unanswered here. Most importantly: Don't give up. It make take years to find the right one. Hang out on the forums and make friends, attend some events offline. You may not find someone here, but if you expand your social network you may find someone through a friend. And you'll probably be enjoying yourself more.

Best of luck!



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: How to Get Girls To Respond (8/11/2008 9:07:27 PM)

Tell them how they suck.

Granted, this won't get the stable mature ones to respond, and you'll have to follow up with more shame and arrogance to convince them to listen to you.

But it works to get responses from a surprisingly high number of submissives.



katie978 -> RE: How to Get Girls To Respond (8/11/2008 9:22:28 PM)

 Have a profile!

 Even if the e-mail was exceedingly interesting, showed that the Dom has studied my profile with a fine-toothed comb, and that he'd take a long while to formulate the perfect introduction, if he doesn't have a profile, he isn't getting an answer.

  Why am I so strict on this one? Because the profile is there for a reason. My profile is the same, all the time (usually). It defines what I'm looking for and what I have to offer. If you have no profile, this might mean that you make up what you're seeking and what you're looking for in order to lure the subbies in who reply to you. If you have no profile, it might mean you're in a relationship (so, you can't put that you're 'looking' on the profile). It might mean sometimes you're a switch, so you don't want to put that on there for subbie girls. Hell, it might mean that you make up your attributes and interests to match mine-so that we seem like a perfect match. "Who is your favorite musician?” you ask. You then respond, "Mine too!”

  Check your first e-mails. Bad first e-mails don't get seconds.  Make sure you write them specific to each woman (Yes, we can tell when you copy-paste). Include a few mutual interested (non-kinky ones), pose a question or two (like, "which is your favorite AC/DC album", not "Which hole will I stick it in first when I pwn you?"), and include a bit of information about yourself.

  Loads of folks on here preach the virtues of the BDSM community. While learning things from books will only teach you so much, my local community didn't have a whole hell of a lot to offer me, because I'm a good 20 years younger than anyone else there. That's certainly not to say that the older folks aren't quite a bit wiser, but as far as dates go...well, I'm not looking for anyone old enough to be my RL daddy, so, it would have been useless for finding like minded potential partners. You might have better luck being in a big city, but BDSM communities tend to be "cliquey" and it can be uncomfortable being the youngest person there that nobody is talking to.

Last pointer: "I don't want to come off as someone who is weak or indecisive.” Ridiculous puffed-up dominance is not attractive. Subbies are normal women first and foremost: a few are looking to live the fantasy of BDSM, but those that are looking for actual non-fantasy relationships will likely want to get to know you as yourself, rather than you as "Super Dom Man!!" Be yourself-if you think you come off as weak or indecisive, but you're behaving the way you would normally, it's all to the good. A man's idea of weak and indecisive is remarkably similar to a woman's idea of chivalrous and polite. 



Honsoku -> RE: How to Get Girls To Respond (8/11/2008 9:44:54 PM)

There will be plenty of fine advice. Now for the unfortunate dirty truths.

1: If you want people to reply: have a good photo. The quality of your photo matters much more towards getting responses than the quality of your message or your profile. When people decide who they talk to on dating sites, they choose by the photo first and text second. Here is no different.

2: At 22 years of age, you will have some trouble getting people to take you seriously and you will frequently will be ignored because of it, if your message even gets through the bulk mail filter.

Expect the search to take quite a while.



kolekorin -> RE: How to Get Girls To Respond (8/11/2008 11:27:11 PM)

Thanks katie, this was real helpful.



Lockit -> RE: How to Get Girls To Respond (8/12/2008 12:12:06 AM)

This is a joke right?  You have been lurking here for years and you haven't read the many threads on this very subject? lol  Okay... let me give you one pointer... from one who doesn't have girlies chasing her too often... but dude... you might show them a lil respect and lose the girlie shit.  They might like that when they know you... but from a young stud seeking... well... you get the picture...



sunshinemiss -> RE: How to Get Girls To Respond (8/12/2008 3:34:27 AM)

Hello kolekorin,

I looked at your profile...

There is nothing that says anything about YOU.  Write something already.
You need a pic.  get a good one - don't show us your messy bedroom, please.
And what is all this lives for stuff?  You have...over 50 things you LIVE FOR....  Right.
And you are an EXPERT IN... religion, politics, cooking and camping.  You are an expert in religion and politics at 23?  That strikes me as incredibly arrogant.  In a bad way.  You, Sir, are no John Kennedy. Neither are you His Holiness, Dalai Lama.  ahem 

And yeah, lose the "girls" part.  Even women who like to be called "girl" like it from someone they know and respect.  Not some joe blow from the internet.

According to your journal you have been actually looking for a few weeks only.... Grow a little patience.  It's a domly trait.

It seems to me that you are a little big for your britches.  Come on down here with us real people.  That also is domly.

peace and passion,
sunshine



IamHereForYou -> RE: How to Get Girls To Respond (8/12/2008 4:25:26 AM)

Hey everyone, I thought I would jump in here and ask you do give me tips on my profile, if you don;t mind. I'm not completely lost here, but I suppose a few pointers is always good!

One thing th.at concerns me sometimes is "girlies" sorry I mean young ladys, responding to your messages and they haven;t even viewed your profile! I do feel that sometimes due to age your not given a chance, but I suppose we can;t do anything to effect this. I just sometimes thought some people on this site may be as open minded about age as they are about other things!

Thanks in advance



seababy -> RE: How to Get Girls To Respond (8/12/2008 4:53:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kolekorin

Hello All,

I've been lurking for several year here and recently decided to jump in to the fray. I'm a 22 year old dom and have been browsing sub profiles and messaging sub girls for about 6 months. I have had no success finding a girl to train yet. What's even more discouraging is a the low amount of replies I receive.

My question: Sub girlies, what is the best way to approach you? I loathe the thought of starting off with something arrogant like "bitch, you are mine now and do what I say" while at the same time I don't want to come off as someone who is weak or indecisive. Any pointers or things you like to see in an introduction email would be great!

Thanks to all in advance.
Kole


Definitely send some mail out saying that.
Include all the Dommes too, because you never know who may be a closet sub.
Don't forget to post all the responses you get back into this thread. (minus the names).

Or I guess if you actually want to find a submissive you COULD take everyone else's advice.
I just think my way is more fun.

Good luck. [:D]





softness -> RE: How to Get Girls To Respond (8/12/2008 5:16:55 AM)

calling us "sub girlies" ... thats a pretty damn sure fire way of pissing in my cheerios ... is only one step up from "subbies" ...*shudders*

Go out and attend a munch, meet a real person in real time, the success rate of online forums like this working as dating agencies is pretty poor. Building up experience and reputation in your local community is far more likely to find you a suitable partner to train.



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: How to Get Girls To Respond (8/12/2008 5:26:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Hello kolekorin,

I looked at your profile...

There is nothing that says anything about YOU.  Write something already.
You need a pic.  get a good one - don't show us your messy bedroom, please.
And what is all this lives for stuff?  You have...over 50 things you LIVE FOR....  Right.
And you are an EXPERT IN... religion, politics, cooking and camping.  You are an expert in religion and politics at 23?  That strikes me as incredibly arrogant.  In a bad way.  You, Sir, are no John Kennedy. Neither are you His Holiness, Dalai Lama.  ahem 

And yeah, lose the "girls" part.  Even women who like to be called "girl" like it from someone they know and respect.  Not some joe blow from the internet.

According to your journal you have been actually looking for a few weeks only.... Grow a little patience.  It's a domly trait.

It seems to me that you are a little big for your britches.  Come on down here with us real people.  That also is domly.

peace and passion,
sunshine


what sunshine said


you better heed the advice given here, junior
(oh does that word irk you? well, that's how i feel by someone i don't know refers to me as "girlie")



sublizzie -> RE: How to Get Girls To Respond (8/12/2008 5:41:10 AM)

It might help if you look for a younger lifestyle group to get involved in. If there is none where you live (I didn't look to see where any might be near you) take the time and go to where one is. See if you can find some on-line groups for younger people with this interest.

I understand how difficult it can be for those in your age group to find someone. My adult children have, luckily, found people with similar interests but it took some looking for both of them. Patience is a virtue. Patience and learning more about doing life very well is wisdom, which is an important virtue as well.



Wildfleurs -> RE: How to Get Girls To Respond (8/12/2008 6:29:47 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kolekorin

Hello All,

I've been lurking for several year here and recently decided to jump in to the fray. I'm a 22 year old dom and have been browsing sub profiles and messaging sub girls for about 6 months. I have had no success finding a girl to train yet. What's even more discouraging is a the low amount of replies I receive.

My question: Sub girlies, what is the best way to approach you? I loathe the thought of starting off with something arrogant like "bitch, you are mine now and do what I say" while at the same time I don't want to come off as someone who is weak or indecisive. Any pointers or things you like to see in an introduction email would be great!

Thanks to all in advance.
Kole


1) Stop calling us girlies. I haven't been a girlie since I was twelve.

2) Simple and respectful emails that talk about common hobbies or interests beyond kink always got my attention when I was single.

3) Fill out your profile. I'd probably never respond to an email from someone who didn't have information in their profile.

4) Try getting involved in your local community - at least where I live many of the people who are active locally are also on Collarme.

C~



Wildfleurs -> RE: How to Get Girls To Respond (8/12/2008 6:31:53 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: katie978

  Loads of folks on here preach the virtues of the BDSM community. While learning things from books will only teach you so much, my local community didn't have a whole hell of a lot to offer me, because I'm a good 20 years younger than anyone else there. That's certainly not to say that the older folks aren't quite a bit wiser, but as far as dates go...well, I'm not looking for anyone old enough to be my RL daddy, so, it would have been useless for finding like minded potential partners. You might have better luck being in a big city, but BDSM communities tend to be "cliquey" and it can be uncomfortable being the youngest person there that nobody is talking to.

quote:

katie978


You do realize there is a TNG group in Boston? (TNG BDSM groups are specifically for people that are 18-35)

C~



Dnomyar -> RE: How to Get Girls To Respond (8/12/2008 9:20:49 AM)

Heck if one guy can jump in on this post I might as well join him. Seeng that the word girlies is a no no how about if you mature women help me with my profile. I seem to get to many hits on it. How do I stop that?   Come on now. I know you women would love to be treated as girlies again.



faerytattoodgirl -> RE: How to Get Girls To Respond (8/12/2008 9:28:48 AM)

quote:



I've been lurking for several year here


but profile says joined feb 26 -2008  thats alot of years!  the profile is completely blank.



housesub4you -> RE: How to Get Girls To Respond (8/12/2008 2:50:57 PM)

Yes, the term "several year" does not leave one with much faith in  you being anything near real.

Wow, a blank profile and people are not responding, What the fuck is this world coming to??????




OsideGirl -> RE: How to Get Girls To Respond (8/12/2008 6:51:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kolekorin


My question: Sub girlies, what is the best way to approach you?
You could start by not calling me "girlie". I'm not a girl, I'm a lady or a woman. I'm not your pet, dear or baby either.



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