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"vanilla" Meaning - 8/12/2008 4:57:21 AM   
Renski


Posts: 32
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		The other day a friend and i got chatting, and fell onto the topic of BDSM. He said the thought the term "vanilla" was racist.

I looked at him funny and thought how can anyone be that dumb..

But it got me thinking. I was wondering whether i took it the right way.

So thought i'd ask

You all mean vanilla as "plain" "normal" and NOT "white"

Im SURE im right i just need to prove to him hes wrong, i just couldnt find a discussion on here. I tried a dictionary but obviously "vanilla" is listed as a flavouring grown from a pland and not listed in any metaphoriacal sense.

Thanks.


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Renski
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RE: "vanilla" Meaning - 8/12/2008 5:08:01 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		vanilla .. the most common and most popular flavour of ice cream

vanilla, the most common and most popular way of conducting sexual relationships.

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RE: "vanilla" Meaning - 8/12/2008 5:12:41 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		It's meant to be a way of seperating what people who practise BDSM and who don't.
Unfortunately, most people use it as a derogetory term so it can be used as a bigoted label.  But 'vanilla' as just another kind of kink or fetish in reality.
 
the.dark.


< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 8/12/2008 5:14:04 AM >

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: "vanilla" Meaning - 8/12/2008 5:14:06 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline 		The term vanilla, in a BDSM context, has nothing to do with the color of your skin.  It is a term that, somewhat derisively, describes those who do not enjoy more kinky activities in their relationships and/or sexual encounters (a.k.a. Rocky Road).

Taggard


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RE: "vanilla" Meaning - 8/12/2008 5:16:35 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Maybe he meant that by classifying someone as vanilla you are putting a negative bias on them. 
Prejudice comes in all forms, race, religion, sexual orientation, ect.  I know I see a lot of nilla bashing around kink sites as if it was inferior or wrong. 
But as far as vanilla goes, it is the most common flavor.  Calling someone that is not saying they are white, but it is putting them in a common catagory.
Eh.. but I am only in half mind right now, its too early

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RE: "vanilla" Meaning - 8/12/2008 5:24:38 AM   
Renski


Posts: 32
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		Hmm that should be enough. Told him he'd have to get me icecream if i won. All that talking about Vanilla got me thinking.

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RE: "vanilla" Meaning - 8/12/2008 5:26:03 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Maybe he meant that by classifying someone as vanilla you are putting a negative bias on them. 
Prejudice comes in all forms, race, religion, sexual orientation, ect.  I know I see a lot of nilla bashing around kink sites as if it was inferior or wrong. 
But as far as vanilla goes, it is the most common flavor.  Calling someone that is not saying they are white, but it is putting them in a common catagory.
Eh.. but I am only in half mind right now, its too early


You could be right about that. I have seen several threads implying that you were less of a person because you were vanilla. My favorites were 'a vanilla couple can't love each other with the same depth as a M/s couple' and 'a vanilla couple doesnt have the same level of trust as a BDSM couple'

Like being kinky automatically makes you a more honest or caring individual.

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RE: "vanilla" Meaning - 8/12/2008 7:22:50 AM   
Maxwell67


Posts: 435
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi
You could be right about that. I have seen several threads implying that you were less of a person because you were vanilla. My favorites were 'a vanilla couple can't love each other with the same depth as a M/s couple' and 'a vanilla couple doesnt have the same level of trust as a BDSM couple'

Like being kinky automatically makes you a more honest or caring individual.


This comment really got me thinking.  My marriage was mostly vanilla (we had kinky sex.. and phases where we would play for weeks or even months, but it never left the bedroom) for more than a decade before we added this more permanent D/s aspect to it and became 'lifestylers' and I have to say that the adoption of this new paradigm has in fact made us re-examine many aspects of our relationship.  In turn, we have a new level of trust, that we never even knew existed before, our communication has improved also (though that may be because the need for good communication suddenly reasserted itself.. like many couples whe had moved from normal talk to a sort of combination of shorthand and E.S.P.  but this new dynamic took us back to actually talking again).  I could not say I love her more than I would if we had remained vanilla, but I have new ways to show that love which allows us to feel it on a deeper level..

< Message edited by Maxwell67 -- 8/12/2008 7:23:56 AM >

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RE: "vanilla" Meaning - 8/12/2008 7:27:29 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

The term vanilla, in a BDSM context, has nothing to do with the color of your skin.  It is a term that, somewhat derisively, describes those who do not enjoy more kinky activities in their relationships and/or sexual encounters (a.k.a. Rocky Road).

*palms face*
Well damn, I knew I was missing something on that other thread.  I was supposed to be offended when philo told me my relationship was vanilla.  Now I'll have to work up a good head of steam then go over there and spew some sort of vitriol *laughs*.  Damn, and I was hoping for a nice relaxing morning. 

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: "vanilla" Meaning - 8/12/2008 7:42:37 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Maxwell67
I could not say I love her more than I would if we had remained vanilla, but I have new ways to show that love which allows us to feel it on a deeper level..

But couples also say that after discovering tantric sex, or renewing their marriage vows, or many other ways they rejuvenate their commitments to each other, often once the kids are out of the house and they can refocus on each other once more.  You and your wife chose one particular vehicle to travel that same road.  I read thishereboi as talking about something else -- which I have noticed too -- which is a darkside-holier-than-thou attitude: "Since we tie people up and do things that could maim or kill, we are more trustworthy and spiritually deep than folks who don't."  Well, yeah, maybe.  Or maybe we're just twisted fucks.


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RE: "vanilla" Meaning - 8/12/2008 7:45:20 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
Well, yeah, maybe.  Or maybe we're just twisted fucks.



*nods, liking that option*
 
the.dark.

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RC&dc


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RE: "vanilla" Meaning - 8/12/2008 8:19:45 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		>>> is just twisted

... but then *whispers in case anyone hears* I also quite enjoy plain vanilla sex, with no S&m, no PE, no Ds



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proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





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RE: "vanilla" Meaning - 8/12/2008 8:21:11 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		...now see... that is just perverse.
 
the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: "vanilla" Meaning - 8/12/2008 8:30:00 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Maxwell67
This comment really got me thinking.  My marriage was mostly vanilla (we had kinky sex.. and phases where we would play for weeks or even months, but it never left the bedroom) for more than a decade before we added this more permanent D/s aspect to it and became 'lifestylers' and I have to say that the adoption of this new paradigm has in fact made us re-examine many aspects of our relationship.  In turn, we have a new level of trust, that we never even knew existed before, our communication has improved also (though that may be because the need for good communication suddenly reasserted itself.. like many couples whe had moved from normal talk to a sort of combination of shorthand and E.S.P.  but this new dynamic took us back to actually talking again).  I could not say I love her more than I would if we had remained vanilla, but I have new ways to show that love which allows us to feel it on a deeper level..


Wow, that was beautifully put. 

As an intersting aside, I was struggling a bit with the "loving her more" concept.  Her response to me was typical of her rather humorous and pragmatic approach to everything... "Wait!  You're feeling guilty about loving me more?  You damned well BETTER be loving me more, I'm putting a lot more into the relationship now than I was."  *laughs*  Fair enough... score subs 1, doms 0.

Your post Maxwell, said it ever so much more clearly though.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: "vanilla" Meaning - 8/12/2008 8:48:45 AM   
hopelessfool


Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I dont really understand the term vanilla. I understand Kink and non Kink. But all of my D/s relationships, I still had to go to work, had to make coffee in the morning, loved to read, loved to draw. My discovery of me enjoing being tied up before fucked really only changed that I enjoyed being tied up before I got fucked.

I dont think theres anything more deeper just because were D/s. Ive been cheated on, burned, neglected and in general had things go wrong more in D/s relationships then non kink.  In fact the person I trusted most was in a non kink relationship with had a power exhange base.

I think people get all caught up on oh Kinky this kinky that that they forget hello Person here, hello person there. Wait, theres people under all that leather.

But to the op: Vanilla describes the people who Dont like to be tied up before sexual relations. (this was ment to be a sweeping generalization to point out that there really not much difference between vanilla and kinky peopl seeing as kinky people are usually vanilla people too..)


< Message edited by hopelessfool -- 8/12/2008 9:33:35 AM >

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RE: "vanilla" Meaning - 8/12/2008 8:58:13 AM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline 		the best vanilla ice-cream is yellow, with pod bits in.

try drawing a line between what it kinky and vanilla.  and then remember that inept 16 year old horny boys pull and nipples as if trying to detach them, the wax-on-wax-off moment in American pie, Ann Summers and fluffy fuzzy plastic cuffs, hen nights and their "toys"... it's a blurry one.

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RE: "vanilla" Meaning - 8/12/2008 9:30:56 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hopelessfool
But to the op: Vanilla describes the people who Dont like to be tied up before sexual relations.


There are plenty of very kinky and decidedly non-vanilla people who don't like to be tied up before, during or after sexual relations.  As I write that, I realize that I would be amongst those people.  Kink goes way beyond bondage...

Taggard


_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

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RE: "vanilla" Meaning - 8/12/2008 9:33:56 AM   
hopelessfool


Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks TDW I for got to add my disclaimer.

< Message edited by hopelessfool -- 8/12/2008 9:34:12 AM >

_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

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RE: "vanilla" Meaning - 8/12/2008 9:54:34 AM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IvyMorgan
and then remember that inept 16 year old horny boys pull and nipples as if trying to detach them,


Some of us dirty old men like doing that too. Maybe I am reliving my youth?

C-D

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RE: "vanilla" Meaning - 8/12/2008 9:58:54 AM   
MercTech


Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Renski

The other day a friend and i got chatting, and fell onto the topic of BDSM. He said the thought the term "vanilla" was racist.


If he wants to get that picky then your friend should consider magazines like "Ebony" to be racist publications.

Tongue firmly in cheek,
Stefan

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