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ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

The part of the OP that bothers me a bit is

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I call it a break down in communication and learning the importance of being open and honest about what it is you want or don't want.

There is the sense, to me, of using the act as a form of punishment in the phrasing of this... sort of like "Well, if you don't like it, you should have said something when I hadn't already started -- now, you can just suck it up." I may have been reading into it, but that's how the phrase seemed to me --

Yes, you were reading into it. I would never not stop if my sub said stop. No means No where I come from too.

and to me, when a servant says "stop", whether xhe's given permission before or not, to me that means "stop" -- even if I'm right in the 'zone' and the energy is zooming for me, I will, unequivocally, respond to that "no", and there is no sense of vindictiveness in me about it -- though if someone consistently stops something we've agreed on for a scene, I will question whether xhe really intended to do it or not, and we'll have a talk about whether or not xhe is truly comfortable with having that as part of hir service. If not, and it is the -only- service xhe is providing, I will not hesitate to release hir to find something more 'suitable'--for both of us.

Calla Firestorm

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ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued

MoGa,

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If your sub has signed a contract with you... a very in depth contract, listing all of their limits, their wants, their needs and what is and isn't acceptable, right down to the letter, and you do something during the course of the contract that is on the list that they agreed with, but no longer agree with, would it then be non-consensual?

A few, quick thoughts:

1.) BDSM contracts are a starting place and a tool of negotiation.  Generally, such a contract is not enforceable the way that a binding, legal contract is.  It is my opinion, from experience, that it can be a detriment to get too detailed in these contracts because such detail can rope the dominant and submissive into a specific mindset.  In other words, it is easy to think of the contract as being all there is when this isn't the case.

2.)  In consensual, BDSM relationships, consent may be withdrawn at any time.  This is very important to note because it's a key aspects of WIITWD (what it is that we do) that differentiates consensual BDSM from abuse.

3.)  People grow and change.  What may have been off-limits at one point may be desirable at another.  Ditto at to the reverse.  What may have been desirable at one point may be off-limits at another.  If in doubt, my suggestion is always to ask.  If a submissive agreed to something, has given no indication they've changed their mind, and indeed has changed their mind, I'd say there is a breakdown in communication.  In this case, frank, honest discussion is probably in order.  If the change is something small, this may be easy to work out.  However, if the thing that has now changed is a fundamental tenet of the relationship, both people may reconsider whether they wish to continue.

4.)  It is important for both dominant and submissive to communicate to one another about their needs, feelings, expectations, and desires.  This doesn't stop just because a BDSM contract is in place.  Communicate.  Communicate.  Communicate.  I can't stress this enough.  Without communication, small concerns that don't need to become issues, become issues, and things that are already issues become much bigger problems.

Elan.