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Are you afraid of your Dom/me? - 8/12/2008 4:22:19 PM

LittleWench

Posts: 265
Joined: 11/27/2007
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I have a question about fear for subs who are into edge play, specifically knife/gun play, where the implication with play is that your death could be the final outcome.

For the purpose of this question a Dom/me is someone you have been in a long term relationship with, know intimate details about their personality (including past) and trust implicitly. I am not interested in the tales of subs who take risks with unknown Dom/mes, because the fear there is obvious. Likewise, for the purpose of this question, a scene is a set activity conducted under the normal "rules" of scening, that is your Dom/me is not intoxicated with either drugs or alcohol, they do not have a mental illness, nor are they scening while angry.

Are you afraid of your Dom/me? Has your Dom/me proven that they are capable of causing cold and calculated grevious bodily (fatal) harm to another individual, perhaps in past actions that you have been witness to, or know to be proven that they are capable of such actions (ie a jail record or professional occupation).

If you are not afraid of your Dom/me, where does the fear in knife/gun play come from for you? Is it fear of death? If so, why? Is it fear of pain? Is it fear of something accidentally going wrong? If it is neither of these... where does the fear stem from?

I am incredibly curious about this. I do not fear my Owner. He does not have the potential to cause me grevious bodily harm whilst under the control of his faculties (the normal rules of scening). He could take out a knife and run it over my body, threaten me with it, and whilst I might be a bit apprehensive about being cut, there is no fear to be felt, he will not harm me.

I am truly at a loss to understand this reaction, so I am grateful for any replies to help me do so :)

Post #: 1

RE: Are you afraid of your Dom/me? - 8/12/2008 4:37:31 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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I did not fear my former owner (except on two brief occasions which don't relate to your question). However, when playing with knives, my fear - at first - came from my extreme phobia of knives. Sure I trusted him, but the knife itself had terrifying effects on me, and to feel its blade up against my throat had me nearly hyperventillating. When it was all over with, I was hot as hell, BECAUSE it was my Master who did it. It made me feel his power and strength and I loved that he could terrify me like that, using my vulnerability to do so.

There were also times when what he was doing with the knife scared me, because accidents do happen, even to the best of us. What if I flinched and...well...there goes a nipple? When he would press its tip into sensitive areas, it HURT and I never did like pain, so that put fear into me. And then there was the time he inserted it, blade first. Yeah, that was kinda scary, even in his hands.

Other times he would put me in such physically painful situations and then, while in incredible pain, have me crawl across the floor, or jump up and down, or do any other sort of excruciatingly painful movement. In those cases, I would be afraid to move. It wasn't a fear of him, it was a fear of what my body would feel.

Finally, he put me through some other exercises that were mentally anguishing to me, and I would seriously believe my mind was about to crack. Those were frightening because, while HE knew how much I could endure, I didn't have such faith in myself. And sure, while I did trust that if he knew I could handle it then I could handle it, human instinct - survival tendancies, I suppose - would kick in and leave me trembling from the inside out.

I hope those examples help...?

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to LittleWench)

Post #: 2

RE: Are you afraid of your Dom/me? - 8/12/2008 4:44:27 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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Joined: 6/29/2008
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I've found that, for many of the people my Darling and I have scened with, the fear is object-related, rather than person-related. It wouldn't matter that it was one of us handling the implement, or how much they trusted us... the implement itself awakened a visceral fear.

Just as an example -- I do fire play. Fire is capricious. While it may appear that I have everything under control, there -is- always that possibility that it will get away from me... and I think, at least for us, this is the source of the fear.

Now -- my Darling does the mindf*ck -- and somehow, she is very convincing, because she can elicit fear without a single tool in her hand... and -that- is 100% on her. *lol*

Calla Firestorm

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to LittleWench)

Post #: 3

RE: Are you afraid of your Dom/me? - 8/12/2008 6:54:12 PM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

I dont fear guns, knives, or power tools.
But let some bastard come at me with a flippin spider and I'm TOAST.

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 4

RE: Are you afraid of your Dom/me? - 8/12/2008 7:32:08 PM

Sandyshores29718

Posts: 343
Joined: 4/8/2008
Status: offline

*fast reply*
I dont fear either of my play partners.. One, I know if I wanted to I could over take him. The other...well I couldnt do crap if he didnt want me to. Theres a little thrill of fear, but not of him.

(in reply to Quivver)

Post #: 5

RE: Are you afraid of your Dom/me? - 8/12/2008 7:41:43 PM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline

LW,

I think I second your post, specifically how you and your Owner are bonded. I am the same with mine. While He is incredibly strong and could physically do pretty much anything He wants, there is never a fear that He will damage what belongs to Him.

~ DRH

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to LittleWench)

Post #: 6

RE: Are you afraid of your Dom/me? - 8/12/2008 8:10:26 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

My Sir is excellent at creating mind fucks and I'm excellent at allowing him to take control of me. Part of the fun of playing risky games, such as knife play, is that you have to stop thinking about it and just go with the emotions. Of course he wouldn't "really" hurt me, but I don't stop and reassure myself of that fact. Plus, there is that unknown of exactly how far will he push me. NOW that is the fun!!

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to Daddysredhead)

Post #: 7

RE: Are you afraid of your Dom/me? - 8/12/2008 9:24:15 PM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
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I can't submit when I'm afraid of the person I'm trying to submit to. Fear triggers my all too sensitive fight or flight response and I haven't found a way to turn that off. Sometimes my flight/fight is internal; sometimes its external, but its definitely not submission.

I've done both gun and knife play. I haven't done this kind of play with someone I was afraid of. If I'm seriously afraid of someone, I can't play with them. The 'thrill' doesn't come from what my partner might do to me. It comes from the complex associations that I bring to bear on guns/knives and the fact that I have some rather dark, vaguely self-destructive yearnings. With knife play, its a little more complicated, because I love cutting so even very light knife play triggers me rather quickly into subspace. Shit, even seeing a knife kind of puts me there.

But, no, fear doesn't factor into it except as a limit I haven't been able to get past. I'm not so much afraid of knives/guns as fascinated by them.

< Message edited by gypsygrl -- 8/12/2008 9:28:38 PM >

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

(in reply to LittleWench)

Post #: 8

RE: Are you afraid of your Dom/me? - 8/12/2008 10:00:40 PM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleWench

Are you afraid of your Dom/me? Has your Dom/me proven that they are capable of causing cold and calculated grevious bodily (fatal) harm to another individual, perhaps in past actions that you have been witness to, or know to be proven that they are capable of such actions (ie a jail record or professional occupation).

If you are not afraid of your Dom/me, where does the fear in knife/gun play come from for you? Is it fear of death? If so, why? Is it fear of pain? Is it fear of something accidentally going wrong? If it is neither of these... where does the fear stem from?

We do knife play and breath play fairly regularly, but I'm not remotely scared of my owner, I never have been. I don't get off on being scared or fear play and I never have. What I do enjoy, and what knife and breath play do for me are allow a physical manifestation of his control over me - controlling me to the point of deciding how and when I breathe.

With some forms of breath play, I have occasionally got scared (typically with types of breath play where I know he couldn't completely and clearly see my face and thus gauge what was going on with me), because I know that people are humans and accidents can happen, but thats about it.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to LittleWench)

Post #: 9

RE: Are you afraid of your Dom/me? - 8/13/2008 4:32:27 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

I have confirmed and pelucid knowledge that DV can and has used high levels of force and torture upon previous partners, I have even discussed such play with them. I am in no doubt whatsoever that DV could do as such to me. I am frightened of DV, not in fear of Him losing control, but scared of what He can do while in complete control.

I am not scared of Him killing me, death is just death and nothing to fear. I am terrified of what He might make me live through.
but then I am still with Him, so what does that say about me?

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to Wildfleurs)

Post #: 10

RE: Are you afraid of your Dom/me? - 8/13/2008 4:59:44 AM

MisfitKat

Posts: 13
Joined: 4/16/2008
Status: offline

.... this happened before i recognized anyone as a dom/ma.... i was with a man (dom by nature i know now) a real sadist he enjoyed mind fucks and knife play breath play causing pain he was the only man (of those i was with) i ever feared ( as in fear of physical harm and possible death) ... and though i was affraid of him i also found myself bating him.... doing and saying things that would insure he would push further because i would show him there was nothing he could do i could not not with stand... i would not be broken by him... (lol remember this was me as a defient 20 yr old) ... and i dont think i will ever fear a man again... because when i told this one i was leaving...ironicaly he was wearing his shirt that read if you love someone let them go, if they dont come back hunt them down and kill them. he grasped my throat and squeezed......and told me i was not leaving that i would stay and i would do what he said when he said... i felt his fingers tight... and heard the air strainingly his what little i could manage to pull into my lungs... and told him that i was leaving... one way or another i was leaving.. and there was nothing he could do to stop me, cause even in death i was gone... then i laughed..... he let go of my neck and i got my stuff and left

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 11

RE: Are you afraid of your Dom/me? - 8/13/2008 5:17:08 AM

HeidiAnn

Posts: 113
Joined: 12/16/2007
Status: offline

Yes, i do fear Her, but only when She is inflicting pain. Not because i do not trust Her, but for the same reasons that softness pointed out. i could never imagine being with a partner that would not frighten me atleast a little. :)

_____________________________

"The most difficult thing is trying not to forget who you really want to be." - Nong Toom

(in reply to MisfitKat)

Post #: 12

RE: Are you afraid of your Dom/me? - 8/13/2008 5:28:45 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

Is my Master capable of causing great bodily harm or even death? Yep.
Do I fear Him? Nope.
But for me, fear in play is much the same as riding a roller-coaster or other carnival ride. While accidents can happen on roller-coasters or knife play, to experience fear in a controlled and consentual environment is just plain fun!

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to LittleWench)

Post #: 13

RE: Are you afraid of your Dom/me? - 8/13/2008 6:28:33 AM

LittleWench

Posts: 265
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

But for me, fear in play is much the same as riding a roller-coaster or other carnival ride.

I don't get a thrill out of roller coaster rides either, but I can understand how people do.
It's not that I don't appreciate the effect they are trying to create (fear of heights, fast motion, the implication that you are going to veer off an edge etc), its just that once I understand that, it takes out the mystery. It's like a disney film, formulated to exact a specific response.

I can understand fear of the instrument itself, but that's just not applicable to me.

To a large extent I got over a lot of fears when I started riding a bike, so many close calls, they don't even get adreniline pumping any more. I remember the last time I fell off my bike, the rear wheel skidded out from me going over a wet trainline, cars stopped, people got out concerned. I remember thinking as I was falling and watching the road get ever closer to my face, "this is going to hurt", it didn't. Thank god for full face helmets. I stood up and dusted off, more concerned about my bike than anything else.

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 14

RE: Are you afraid of your Dom/me? - 8/13/2008 7:09:53 AM

IrishMist

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Joined: 11/17/2005
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It’s a very good question; a bit unfair though for those of us who do not plan scenes and yet can relate to what you are asking.

My late husband pulled guns on me numerous times; and yes, each time there was a deep seated fear that he may cross the line and actually pull the trigger. All I had to do was look in his eyes to see the intent; the absolute resolve that stated ‘push me just a bit more and see how far I am willing to go “. I can look back now and know that he was pushing for a certain reaction from me; and I know NOW that he would never have pulled the trigger ( or if he did, the gun would not have been loaded )…BUT…at the time, despite the trust I had for him…I was never 100% sure that he would NOT pull the trigger and put a bullet in me.

The same with knives. I have scars on my body from knife wounds that he gave me; some deliberate, some not. My reactions and feelings were always the same with the guns though; I was never 100% sure how far he would go.

So yes, there was always a twinge of fear present in our relationship. However, it was never fear of HIM; but rather fear of what he was capable of.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to LittleWench)

Post #: 15

RE: Are you afraid of your Dom/me? - 8/13/2008 10:06:10 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

I was once owned by a woman who ran a bdsm house. Every now and then she would go on a vacation without me and leave me under the supervision of the manager of the house, knowing I feared this woman like no other. Both of them knew I was scared to death of her, and I know that's why she left me under her care for a week or two at at time. This was the kind of woman who threatened to do all sorts of terrible things to me, and then did worse. She was unpredictable and kind of nuts, actually.

Aw, I miss those days....

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The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to LittleWench)

Post #: 16

RE: Are you afraid of your Dom/me? - 8/13/2008 10:27:39 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleWench
If you are not afraid of your Dom/me, where does the fear in knife/gun play come from for you? Is it fear of death? If so, why? Is it fear of pain? Is it fear of something accidentally going wrong? If it is neither of these... where does the fear stem from?

Gun play is not something we have done before, but knife play is rather frequent for us.

The fear comes from the knowledge that his ability to inflict pain far exceeds my ability to withstand pain and from the knowledge that accidents can happen. In fact, I have a nice little cut on my back from an accident this past weekend. He was using a knife and cutting me on purpose, but with one stroke he cut a little deeper than intended and I am going to end up with a nice little scar.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to LittleWench)

Post #: 17

RE: Are you afraid of your Dom/me? - 8/13/2008 10:33:37 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

He was using a knife and cutting me on purpose, but with one stroke he cut a little deeper than intended and I am going to end up with a nice little scar.

Ok, I know it's not a laughing matter seeing as how it shows just how easy it is to have accidents...I have a few scars of my own from such accidents...but dayum...just the thought is enough to make me go all mushy

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 18

RE: Are you afraid of your Dom/me? - 8/13/2008 10:49:14 AM

Cuffkinks

Posts: 1780
Joined: 5/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I did not fear my former owner (except on two brief occasions which don't relate to your question). However, when playing with knives, my fear - at first - came from my extreme phobia of knives. Sure I trusted him, but the knife itself had terrifying effects on me, and to feel its blade up against my throat had me nearly hyperventillating. When it was all over with, I was hot as hell, BECAUSE it was my Master who did it. It made me feel his power and strength and I loved that he could terrify me like that, using my vulnerability to do so.

There were also times when what he was doing with the knife scared me, because accidents do happen, even to the best of us. What if I flinched and...well...there goes a nipple? When he would press its tip into sensitive areas, it HURT and I never did like pain, so that put fear into me. And then there was the time he inserted it, blade first. Yeah, that was kinda scary, even in his hands.

Other times he would put me in such physically painful situations and then, while in incredible pain, have me crawl across the floor, or jump up and down, or do any other sort of excruciatingly painful movement. In those cases, I would be afraid to move. It wasn't a fear of him, it was a fear of what my body would feel.

Finally, he put me through some other exercises that were mentally anguishing to me, and I would seriously believe my mind was about to crack. Those were frightening because, while HE knew how much I could endure, I didn't have such faith in myself. And sure, while I did trust that if he knew I could handle it then I could handle it, human instinct - survival tendancies, I suppose - would kick in and leave me trembling from the inside out.

I hope those examples help...?

Certainly helped Me.
(Had to do it.)

_____________________________

Resident "11"

"I love you, Sir. You make my heart sing and my panties wet. What more could a girl ask for?" - hejira92

"And that's why it's good to be...Me." - Gene $immons

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 19

RE: Are you afraid of your Dom/me? - 8/13/2008 11:06:29 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I am i afraid of my Master 100% no. I could never fully serve someone i was afraid of. He will not do knife play because it is just not his thing. Master if he wanted to could break me in half like a twig. He will not do that. He does not break his "toys" Sometimes when i get a spanking it will hurt a little but that is a good hurt.

Matt's littleone

< Message edited by littleone35 -- 8/13/2008 11:10:16 AM >

(in reply to Cuffkinks)

Post #: 20

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