RE: How do you cope?

RE: How do you cope? (Full Version)

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littleone35 -> RE: How do you cope? (8/15/2008 10:24:46 AM)
I see my Master 5 to 6 days a week so when one of us goes away i find it hard I get a little sad. It helps that even if we can't talk every day he leaves a voice mail on my telephone telling me that he loves and misses me. The homecoming is always great. Matt's littleone

maat -> RE: How do you cope? (8/15/2008 11:58:45 AM)
it sucks to be honest. i go crazy at times. i feel lost and alone. i feel like i lost my focus and my center but you manage. try not to let it go out on Him. Try not to go to crazy. and savour every singel moment you get to be close again. Sometimes i kind of shut down and forget to let Him know whats going on. you just learn to manage if you whant to stay theirs. Life is life and my life is that He is gone to much.

lizcgirl -> RE: How do you cope? (8/15/2008 12:11:52 PM)
I usually see my Master about 3 times a week but we talk every day for hours at a time. The past couple of weeks has been rough because we haven't gotten to see each other as much for a long list of reasons. This week is the worst because He has a very sick relative that He went to be with and not only do I not get to see Him but His phone doesn't work there and He has no internet. We call it 'withdraws' when we have to go longer than usual to be with each other, and that's a good description of it. I feel sad, depressed, basically I want to scream or something. It happens. I just keep reminding myself that it's only temporary, that things happen and these are times when the relationship will be tried to see if it's strong enough to make it through the bad as well as when everything is perfect. I try to keep busy with anything that will occupy my mind and remind myself that if the situation were reversed the last thing I would want is some one who was constantly complaining about the time we spent apart on top of everything else. When I do get to see Him, I might end up tackling Him of course, but I won't make it worse for Him by making Him feel guilty for having other priorities in His life than me. Even though my selfish bratty side is pouting the entire time.

Rayne58 -> RE: How do you cope? (8/16/2008 4:40:11 AM)
Sir and I are married and live together so we are rarely separated. However there have been two times when I had to go back to New Zealand for family reasons, and a few other times when He has been in hospital for a few days. When I went back to NZ I had computer access so we were able to email, PM and even chat on msn a few times despite the two hour time difference. It was hard but I was only away for two weeks each time. The times when He has been in hospital I was able to visit every day but nights were hard....I made a nest in our bed of our pillows and the clothes He had been wearing so I could still smell Him, and I left the bathroom light on so it was like He was still around. Luckily we were only separated for a week or so!

XaviersXian -> RE: How do you cope? (8/16/2008 4:51:26 AM)
greetings to all, Master and I live together, so this is very rarely a situation for us. When it is though, I tend to be able to switch from a "dependent" mindset to a "self reliant" one without a problem. I think it is subconscious for me. well wishes,

califsue -> RE: How do you cope? (8/16/2008 8:51:57 AM)
Master and I do not live together and live about 75 miles from each other. He usually comes over every week-end. A couple months ago he had an issue with his home he had to take care of and it was three weeks between visits and now he has some issues come up that he has to take care and not sure how long it will be this time before I see him again. I miss him but I try to keep busy. I send him notes about what is going on but will not share about any problems or issues I may be having. I just try to deal with it. I try to get stuff done that generally I ignore when he is more available. I don't find it makes me bad in any way but I understand that the temptation to play online and such is greater for me. But, I know that would really disappoint him and I would rather be good so can he can proud of me although at times being apart is hard.

chamberqueen -> RE: How do you cope? (8/18/2008 9:53:05 AM)
I have a journal I call my Kindness book. I write down all of the nice things my Master has said to me or done for me. When we need to be apart longer than normal I pull out that book and reread things that I might otherwise have forgotten. I remember how He has told me that He is always with me no matter how far apart we are. I carry the book with me whenever I travel and it feels like a piece of Him is with me. The fact is that sometimes vanilla life does get in the way. In the beginning I took it very hard when communication had to be limited from time to time and would cry and feel that I must not be good enough or else He would find a way to stay in contact. I've matured in the relationship since then, and through various circumstances have come to truly believe that He needs me. (I was too scared in the beginning to believe it could ever be true.) Now when I miss Him I reach up and twist the earring He gave me that I always wear, or get the book out, and remember the things that make Him so incredibly special to me.

MRandme -> RE: How do you cope? (8/18/2008 4:09:59 PM)
It has been almost a year to the day since i first met my Master. We have an LDR, and normally meet every week or two, depending on both of our work schedules and family commitments. Over the Christmas holidays, we went six weeks without meeting and it was very difficult for me. We do try to keep in touch with email, phone calls and chat, but it is a poor replacement for being at His feet. For me, it was a feeling that i wasn't serving Him if i wasn't seeing Him... and i am very service oriented. i felt lost and adrift without Him actually there for me to physically be of service to. i was still very new to the idea of belonging to Him, still finding my feet as a slave, so to speak. There was a lot of communication over it and He came up with a solution, instituting a couple of rituals for me to do on a weekly and twice-a-week basis. i must report to Him that they are done via email. This means i am still held accountable (very important for structure), regardless of whether we are in the same state. The rituals He has devised are done with Him firmly in my mind. It has helped immensely. He knows i am thinking of Him, even if He is traveling, and i know that my service is expected and noted. The ritual makes me feel very close to Him and very owned as well. Puts me lightly into that state of mind where i am most content. Have i felt sad or depressed when i am not able to be with Him... yes i have. But then i hear His voice on the phone and all is right with the world again. smile edited for clarity

dove967 -> RE: How do you cope? (8/18/2008 6:19:55 PM)
I am currently in a situation where I will not be able to see my Dom for about 4 weeks. He is in the middle of divorcing his wife(not for me-the marriage was over a long time ago). Anyway, his soon to be ex threatened his job by saying she would call them and give them reason to do a urine drug test if he didn't disassociate from Daddy and me altogether. Well, seeing as he does partake of a doobie now and then, he felt it best to for us to temporarily cease all contact until his urine can test clean. Then he doesn't care what she tells his boss, the drug test will vindicate him. I told him that I would wait for as long as he needed me to until he felt it was safe to continue our relationship. I will continue to be his sub until such time as he releases me. And even then, I would want to continue being his friend. As reassurance for me, he left his toy bag here at my house. I told him I was holding it hostage until his return. LOL. My Dom is a dear friend to my Daddy and me and I would surely be a poor and impatient sub if I couldn't give him the time and space he needed to secure his affairs. I miss him terribly, but, take alot of comfort in knowing that I serve him in the waiting as well. dove

VioletAshes -> RE: How do you cope? (8/19/2008 5:06:11 AM)
I do not cope at all well when my Husband is away, I am not even sure what it is that makes me upset but it feels very much like withdrawal. The trouble, he says, is that when he is away I think too much and things that are not usually issues or get dealt with straight away do not and so they become bigger than they are and my coping mechanisms breakdown. I am improving, but it is still very difficult.

FlamingRedhead -> RE: How do you cope? (8/19/2008 6:53:55 AM)
Daddy and I live almost 300 miles apart and see each other every other weekend. We talk on the phone every night for hours. Once, he had some business to take care of the weekend I was supposed to come down. I used that time to catch up on some things around the house, read a book, surf the Internet, call my friends who I've been kind of neglecting, and hang out with my kinky friends at the dungeon. I could've sat around feeling sorry for myself, but instead, I tried to use my time wisely by getting things done and being around the other people in my life who I don't get to see as often anymore.

angelikaJ -> RE: How do you cope? (8/19/2008 7:01:33 AM)
FR I think it helps to have some routines in place that remind you of the connection. Also focusing on something that you enjoy doing that is pleasing to your dominant. That is what helps me cope. If you find it really really hard you might want to consider the option of finding a kink friendly therapist. Missing someone is normal but having it affect you in ways that are harmful to your wellbeing ...you can unlearn that.

scottishdove -> RE: How do you cope? (8/19/2008 4:39:00 PM)
I think there is a huge difference between an active and warm relationship with a lot of contact (even if in some LD cases it has to be mostly by phone and cyber), and a relationship where the submissive/slave is genuinely being neglected or simply given far less time and attention than they need. Only the submissive or slave in question can really answer the question if they are getting enough time and attention to meet thier basic needs in a relationship. People vary so VERY much in this regard. To me, if you have to ask these kinds of questions on a regular basis, you aren't having your needs met, and you need to move on. Coming in here to complain, is just another way to avoid facing the fact that the relationship is not meeting your needs, and you need to do the (painful, hard) work of disentagling from the old and finding the new. Really, on some level you know the answer to the questions. Really, it is complete BS to say 'it is all about the owner and pleasing him/her so suck it up'. For every human on the planet, it is always about them. Even the most abject self-effacing slave is being that way for him or herself, because they need to be that way to feel fulfilled. Sorry to be so blunt, but the sooner you move on, the sooner you can find someone who will give you more time and attention. Even slaves and submissives need to take care of themselves and find some backbone.

scottishdove -> RE: How do you cope? (8/19/2008 4:40:37 PM)
And as a side note: wonderfulness on the part of the Dominant in question is irrelevant. Neglect is neglect. Not enough is not enough. Put youself first.

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