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The Other Side - 11/21/2005 6:25:38 AM   
pollux


Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline 		I met a woman who self-ID'd as a female submissive not long after I joined CollarMe. We went out a couple of times. Had a blast. No real romantic chemistry but we had a lot of fun together. I noticed she was online recently, but had changed her orientation from Female Submissive to Female Dominant. (eyebrows raised, I know)

Anyway, I wrote and asked her about this, and this is what she wrote back (used with permission):

quote:

yes its very interesting how changing that one word on my profile has
completely changed the tone and type of email i get now..lol
and another thing that just blows me away...i recently started talking
with a submissive guy in chat..a few weeks ago, he had started coming around
a couple weeks before that and was one of the types to kind of hang back
and listen, whereas i jump in and stir things up..lol...anyway, after a
couple weeks, he approached me and said he observed that i was different than
most in there and i was someone he wanted to get to know and while i was
flattered, i again didn't see myself being "interested in a submissive
type man". and <blatantly self-promoting bits deleted>, he surprised me... We are
getting very close and he is coming down (from VA) to spend next weekend with
me. Keep your fingers crossed:)


Did any of you ever find yourself attracted to someone of an orientation on "the other side" -- one that wasn't kink-complimentary? (male subs hooking up with female subs, or male Doms hooking up with female Dommes) Maybe it's "the same side". Whatever, you know what I mean.

Did you ever get surprised by someone who turned your expectations/stereotypes about Dom/sub upside-down? Did you ever find yourself so attracted to someone that it didn't matter to you how they self-ID'd? Is someone's BDSM orientation the primary thing that you look for when selecting potential partners? Or are you open to the possibility that someone who's oriented in a different way might surprise you, or reveal to you a part of yourself you didn't know you had?

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: The Other Side - 11/21/2005 6:28:35 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux
Did any of you ever find yourself attracted to someone of an orientation on "the other side" -- one that wasn't kink-complimentary? (male subs hooking up with female subs, or male Doms hooking up with female Dommes) Maybe it's "the same side". Whatever, you know what I mean.

Happens quite commonly.
quote:


Did you ever get surprised by someone who turned your expectations/stereotypes about Dom/sub upside-down?

Yup and I love to be surprised.

quote:

Did you ever find yourself so attracted to someone that it didn't matter to you how they self-ID'd? Is someone's BDSM orientation the primary thing that you look for when selecting potential partners?


More and more yes. BDSM orientation is not the primary thing I require in a relationship. Polyamorous orientation is far more important to me.

Now, if I am considering becoming owned by someone, then their orientation in M/s comes into primary play. All depends on the context.
quote:


Or are you open to the possibility that someone who's oriented in a different way might surprise you, or reveal to you a part of yourself you didn't know you had?

Why else get into relationships with new people? :)

(in reply to pollux)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: The Other Side - 11/21/2005 6:47:04 AM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		I like some relationships that are not "kink-complimentary." Where is the opportunity for growth if you are always putting yourself in the same, or at least a similar, dynamic. I would not change how I self identify, just to "fit" with another. (And I am not sayhing this woman did either.)

I choose to spend time with people that are complex, intelligent, and strong. There s/D orientation or sexual (gender) orientation is much less important.

While BDSM orientation is not a primary thing I look for, or even poly orientation, I do find myself in a place where I am struggling with "vanilla" relationships. I recently lost a six month relationship I highly valued because he could not accept many of the things I was interested and enjoyed. I didn't ask HIM to participate, but he could not come to terms with the idea I was involved with this. So I have to ask myself, will I only consider "kink-friendly" partners in the future. How important is that? And when do I "come out" completely to my vanilla non-sexual friends, if at all? Those are the types of things I work through, not if a person identifies as submissive, etc.

(in reply to pollux)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: The Other Side - 11/21/2005 8:21:14 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I am a female dominant who wants a male dominant for a romantic companion. 98% of self-identified submissive men just don't do it for me.

I am one of those more unusual people who doesn't need to play "at home". If I meet someone that I am compatible with, their orientation is not so important.

Francine

(in reply to Sensualips)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: The Other Side - 11/21/2005 1:59:26 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		Personally I think the dynamic between individuals is what defines the relationship.
I have deemed myself *Sub* cause it's what feeds me. Yet, I'm sure there are many
that I could top, and many who are more Sub then I. It's all in the chemistry
at least to me.

Q

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to pollux)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: The Other Side - 11/21/2005 2:28:01 PM   
LacieDoll


Posts: 21
Joined: 10/30/2005
Status: offline 		I think its chemistry but also if one is new to the lifestyle may think they are one way and then find out that the other side is truly them. Sometimes experimenting is the only way to tell the difference and what you truly are if you have no experience.

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: The Other Side - 11/21/2005 3:31:17 PM   
MsIncognito


Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline 		Not only have I been attracted to but I married someone who is not kink-complementary. Kink is not at the top of my list as far as a primary relationship goes. We've been married for 11 years so I'd say we're pretty 'complementary' in all the ways that count

(in reply to pollux)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: The Other Side - 11/21/2005 3:35:29 PM   
sweetpettjenny


Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		i Guess , me being a slave , it might be hard to engage with a male submissive. Although if the chemistry was right , who knows.

(in reply to pollux)
Profile   Post #: 8
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