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RE: Speed of commitment - 9/4/2008 8:08:26 AM

silkenfire

Posts: 130
Joined: 9/27/2007
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I believe that "Under Consideration", while it means something more to some than others, really is a brilliant way to say "I'm really truly pursuing one person but it's not quite serious enough for Him/Her to have labeled me as theirs, and it might not last but I'm hoping it does".

To be honest I'm one of those quick ones -- you'll see a brief outline in the Positive Experiences forum. We've been together for almost 2 weeks. Yes, I realize that is ridiculously fast, but at the same time it felt right. Normally I wouldn't meet in person that fast but it just clicked right, and we've been spending a lot of time together in real life. The more we learn of each other, the more we fit together, and hopefully things will continue. But I'm not foolish enough to look at financial combinations, or moving closer to each other, or anything else like that this early on. I love him more than anyone I've ever been with, including some long term relationships. This was uncharacteristic of me, however, to even meet someone that fast, much less wind up like this.

However, we were each looking for something that we found in each other, and didn't want to let go when we found it. It's not for everyone to do something like that but we were also in the position to do so. I'm not in the position of "collared" or "owned" though -- those take a lot more time to develop. I'm "dating exclusively" (my words not his). And I'm happy here.

To me though, this idea of "under consideration", especially on a profile, is wonderful for sharing that you are serious towards someone. Especially if it is 100% online at the time -- you are publicly stating that you want to be property of a certain person/couple and that you aren't really interested in new people courting you -- which is a big step. It also means a lot to the other person, to know that they are really being taken seriously.

(in reply to scottishdove)

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RE: Speed of commitment - 9/4/2008 8:17:15 AM

VampiresLair

Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline

The problem with being Under Consideration is often that it is simply overused. It loses its meaning when it is used as flippantly as "i like you".
Fox was collared a week after I met him. Fast... yes. Right, yes too. It was a calculated risk we were both ready to take because we felt right.
I have had other pets who were under cosideration months in, because they wanted others to know that they were pursuing something and not open for a relationship.
The snag is that I have also had conversations discussing the possibility of service, never even meeting, and logged on to find out the person I spoke with had put under consideration in their profile without even asking me for permission to do so. I view a good bit of its use as showing off, trying to look like the popular ones. The high schooler with a new class ring from someone sows it to anyone who will look... I see this as the same.
It DOES happen that fast. Silk and I are both living proof of that. But, online only at least, more often than not its a place holder for expectations that may or may not work themselves out rather than an actual sign of commitment.

DV

(in reply to silkenfire)

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Post #: 22

RE: Speed of commitment - 9/4/2008 8:43:59 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Personally, I don't believe in and don't use "under consideration." One of the things I've noticed is that people don't know all the details, they only know what is revealed (of course). Someone who likes to keep track of the men in my life (why they do, I have no freakin' idea, but we'll call them the "Keeper"), thinks I jump from person to person. Despite my flirting with several people, for most of them there is nothing between us and never has been.

For the person I am with now, we spent (checking calendar... ) seven weeks getting to know each other and becoming friends before we met in person. But I never spoke about him in my journal, or on the boards, just in private with my friends, so the "Keeper" thinks that I jumped right into something in a heartbeat, particularly after all the... ahem... juicy details of the CaliBirthday in Florida.

Cali

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AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to VampiresLair)

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Post #: 23