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Re-evaluating sharing - 8/15/2008 5:30:56 PM   
califsue


Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline 		Just curious to know if anyone has had any experience where the Master/Dom wanted to share as a couple and then decided to re-evaluate that idea and what if anything contributed to the re-evaluation.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Re-evaluating sharing - 8/15/2008 6:23:51 PM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		I've always have had fantasies that involve sharing in terms of swinging.  It's something that I have mixed thoughts about when it comes down to actually doing it.

These thoughts are something I would probally re-evaluate in any relationship.

Thinking about it, wanting to do it, and actually doing it are all different things.

(in reply to califsue)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Re-evaluating sharing - 8/15/2008 6:40:11 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: califsue

Just curious to know if anyone has had any experience where the Master/Dom wanted to share as a couple and then decided to re-evaluate that idea and what if anything contributed to the re-evaluation.


sue,

My comments on this might take too long so I will just say, I do not share.

CP

(in reply to califsue)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Re-evaluating sharing - 8/15/2008 6:42:43 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		 I don't share. what is mine. is for me

Jeff

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Re-evaluating sharing - 8/15/2008 6:44:34 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I don't share. what is mine. is for me

Jeff


That is hawt. 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



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Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Re-evaluating sharing - 8/15/2008 6:51:33 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		well ...... just sayin.............lol

Jeff

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Re-evaluating sharing - 8/15/2008 7:09:37 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		LMAO... I was living during those days when swinging became more open and popular.  My ex husband wanted us to try that and we even went to a party once.  We soon found out it was not for me.  I get blushy and tongue-tied to easily.  I had forgotten all about that until that recent TV show came out about swinging in the 1970's.... and when I see the danged commercial I still blush and change the channel.
Swinging is so not me!
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

I've always have had fantasies that involve sharing in terms of swinging.  It's something that I have mixed thoughts about when it comes down to actually doing it.

These thoughts are something I would probally re-evaluate in any relationship.

Thinking about it, wanting to do it, and actually doing it are all different things.

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Re-evaluating sharing - 8/15/2008 7:19:53 PM   
NickR


Posts: 5
Joined: 11/10/2007
Status: offline 		I don't share well with others.  I have friends that are poly and a friend who is part of a swing couple.  If I'm single, I can enjoy that others share, so to speak, but when seeing someone I have no interest in anyone outside of the relationship and don't like my partner involved with anyone else either.

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Re-evaluating sharing - 8/15/2008 7:19:53 PM   
califsue


Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline 		CP,
 
Thank you for your input. I am aware that some do and some don't. It isn't something that Master and I have done before. Each relationship is unique to the individuals involved and I was really more curious if someone had done it and changed their mind the reasoning behind that or thought about/talked about it and then decided not to proceed.  Thank you for sharing.
 

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Re-evaluating sharing - 8/15/2008 7:25:46 PM   
Solipsistic


Posts: 50
Joined: 10/19/2007
Status: offline 		Thoughts and emotions are not always in lockstep.  Your thoughts can lead to situations that your emotions will object to when the reality of it sets in.  Nothing at all surprising about it!

(in reply to califsue)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Re-evaluating sharing - 8/16/2008 7:45:46 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		There are different ways of "re-evaluating" the situation - from deciding not to do it at all to changed rules once it has happened.  There may be separate rules for Dom/me and sub - for instance the Dom/me may be allowed to play with anyone of their choosing but the sub/slave only with persons the Dom/me has chosen.  In some cases the top may be more interested in a third, other times it may be the bottom.  If the bottom is "loaned" to another, the top may later revise the basic rules of what is to be done. 

Relationships evolve, and it is not unusual for rules or wants and dislikes to change.  Try communicating with your Dom and understanding why the change of mind.  Maybe he is too afraid that it could somehow harm your dynamic.  Maybe he has some insecurities (yes, even Doms have them).  If he remains silent about it just respect the fact that he has the right to change his mind, and may change it back in the future. 


_____________________________



(in reply to Solipsistic)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Re-evaluating sharing - 8/16/2008 8:36:30 AM   
Donaldnola


Posts: 20
Joined: 4/29/2007
Status: offline 		I do not loan or share my sub with any Dom she is collared to me .As swingers she can always enjoy herself as long as we both know what the other is doing or have done . We have complete trust in each other in both  lifestyles and rarely do they cross over.
In a Swingers aspect as long as your open and completely honest with each other then its all good fun. Just remember to have a completely open talk before and afterwards . Knowing what the both of you will expect and what the both of you feel about it afterwards. Always have a open mind

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Re-evaluating sharing - 8/16/2008 8:41:53 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		No, too many bad past experiences with people who did not respect boundaries-but claimed to.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to califsue)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Re-evaluating sharing - 8/16/2008 1:39:32 PM   
silkncarol


Posts: 318
Status: offline 		I've never been "loaned" out by my Dominant before sexually....... a couple of times he invited a trusted Domme into our  public scene play.   We did sit down and discuss the the pro's, con's and our feelings of inviting a third into our bedroom on occasion.....which we eventually did once with good results.  To this day she is one of my trusted loved friends......
Definitely something that needs to be discussed since it can change the dynamics of the core relationship....

_____________________________

We attract hearts by the qualities we display. We retain them by the qualities we possess.

Shoes can change your life................. Cinderella

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Re-evaluating sharing - 8/16/2008 1:51:51 PM   
DomDolf


Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
Status: offline 		I have loaned slaves out but never someone that I am emotionally attached to.

I agree with Solipsistic in his thought on why there may be a reevaluation

(in reply to silkncarol)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Re-evaluating sharing - 8/16/2008 2:35:59 PM   
DelightnDevotion


Posts: 45
Joined: 7/14/2008
Status: offline 		When my Dom and I met we were both swingers.  We went to a swinger's party within a few weeks of meeting (when we were not yet Dom and sub) and that is where I totally fell for him because he was sooooooooo protective of me--he talked to every guy who wanted to play with me and made sure they understood the "rules of engagement".  He treated me like a valued and precious woman--one who every guy with a hardon wasn't going to get to screw, only those worthy of the opportunity were going to get a chance (because I could always say no even if he granted them the "ticket to ride"). 

It was always a "given" in our relationship that we were remain swingers as our relationship progressed--with the stipulations that we would play only as a couple and that the play was sexual only, no bdsm play included. 

However, we've been completely monogamous since that party--not that we haven't had opportunities present themselves, we just haven't taken them.  As we get deeper and deeper into our relationship, and especially since we became Dom and sub, I find that desire to "swing" diminishing within me. Sometimes I think that my devotion to him has grown to such a point that I cannot ever imagine giving myself to another man on that intimate level.  He has been just as hesitant to proceed.

That being said, we just met a wonderful poly triad here in the area that really intrigues both of us.  We have set a meeting for later this month.  We will see how things go between now and then.  It will not surprise me if we choose not to go through with it--nor will it surprise me if we do.  Regardless, what I'm most thankful for is that our relationship is continuing to grow and evolve in a positive direction.

_____________________________

"Surrender yourself humbly;
then you can be trusted to care for all things."
Tao Te Ching, Chapter 13

(in reply to califsue)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Re-evaluating sharing - 8/16/2008 4:18:00 PM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

There are different ways of "re-evaluating" the situation - from deciding not to do it at all to changed rules once it has happened.  There may be separate rules for Dom/me and sub - for instance the Dom/me may be allowed to play with anyone of their choosing but the sub/slave only with persons the Dom/me has chosen.  In some cases the top may be more interested in a third, other times it may be the bottom.  If the bottom is "loaned" to another, the top may later revise the basic rules of what is to be done. 

Relationships evolve, and it is not unusual for rules or wants and dislikes to change.  Try communicating with your Dom and understanding why the change of mind.  Maybe he is too afraid that it could somehow harm your dynamic.  Maybe he has some insecurities (yes, even Doms have them).  If he remains silent about it just respect the fact that he has the right to change his mind, and may change it back in the future. 



I Love the fact you mentioned this one "insecurities (yes, even Doms have them)".  hehehe

Everybody has their own set of insecurities, I have no shame in admitting that I have my own.  Again back to communication, it's important for people to talk about things at times, it can be feel rather awkward to talk about insecurities.  However, often talking about these things comes a release from getting it out in the open.

Dynamics and things change in a relationship over time.  Talking about the changes is good too. 

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Re-evaluating sharing - 8/16/2008 6:14:18 PM   
califsue


Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you to everyone who has posted and shared their thoughts on this. It is true that relationships change and that needs and desires may change over time as well. I am in communication with Master and respect his right to change his mind and will be fine with whatever decision he makes.

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Re-evaluating sharing - 8/16/2008 6:42:11 PM   
MAMandSlave


Posts: 110
Joined: 8/15/2008
Status: offline 		I have shared my slave with a select few friends, and had no problem. I loan her out for scenes, and she works in bdsm porn, so is often bottoming to others. I find that each time I have loaned her out, and she has returned to me it has strengthened our relationship, and my reinforced my belief that she is devoted to me. I share her with individuals that will give her experiences I cannot, they may be more competent than I am at a skill, or in the case of a particularly close friend, simply need physical relief. She loves the objectification and knows that she is my most valuable possession.
She is aware that her ability to play with others is mine to make, and accepts this.

(in reply to califsue)
Profile   Post #: 19
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