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Mercnbeth -> If you woke up today you have a reason to smile... (11/21/2005 11:25:29 AM)
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After attending a house party Friday night, a Munch Saturday afternoon, a club party Saturday night, and a Bazaar on Sunday. (You've GOT to LOVE LA when it comes for "lifestyle-things to do" huh?) I've come to realize that age is catching up with me. We missed another club party on Sunday night because after the Bazaar we went back to the house for a "nap" that lasted until 1:30AM.
We apologize to Bear, becca, and others who we "swore" to that we'd be there!
Starting with a "prayer"; here are some thoughts on aging to consider and we give thanks and appreciate that after waking up - everything else that happens during the day is a bonus!
THE SENILITY PRAYER: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
...A woman in her sixties had gotten totally out of shape, so she went to her doctor and got permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. She decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. She related her first day of class to her friend; "I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over!"
...Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
...The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
...Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?
...I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
...A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered." "Sir," replied the doctor, "you're 97 Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?" "You're damned right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered?"
...An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
...My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
...Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
...I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.
...I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.
...It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
...The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look at our boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first.
...These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
...I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."
...Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.
...Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up!
... Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
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