RE: Jealousy

RE: Jealousy (Full Version)

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LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Jealousy (11/22/2005 12:19:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali i would prefer not to be in relationship at all if i had to settle for less. The ironic thing is that is exactly how I feel about monogamy- that I would be settling. quote: Wanting to be the one and only doesnt make you a lesser slave, what it can make you is a wonderful vessel of devotion you can pour all over your Lover, Dom, Husband..and there are heaps of Men out there who want just that. No, it makes you monogamous. Poly slaves are also wonderful vessels of devotion you can pour all over your partner.

slavejali -> RE: Jealousy (11/22/2005 12:36:52 PM)
quote: The ironic thing is that is exactly how I feel about monogamy- that I would be settling. Exactly Lucky Albatross, thats the point i was attempting to get across, "figuring out how you're wired" and going with it. Some things are labelled as negative emotions ie "jealousy" but it may just be that the person is coming up against how they are wired. Which isnt a negative thing at all, its enlightening, a getting to know yourself phase etc. quote: Poly slaves are also wonderful vessels of devotion you can pour all over your partner. Yes of course, i was referring more to single-mindedness and the intensity that brings.

stormsfate -> RE: Jealousy (11/22/2005 12:40:25 PM)
jali... I debate with myself on whether it is really the way one is wired, or if it is the way we are conditioned by the society we live in. Every time I think about it for any length of time, I come up with a different answer...lol. If one experiences jealousy, and they see that as a positive thing in their life, then no one else's opinion should matter. Most people do view it as negative, because it doesn't feel very good. That leaves them with the options of either changing their circumstances or learning how to turn those feelings into something positive. Just my take... best regards, fate

slavejali -> RE: Jealousy (11/22/2005 12:43:34 PM)
quote: I debate with myself on whether it is really the way one is wired, or if it is the way we are conditioned by the society we live in. Every time I think about it for any length of time, I come up with a different answer...lol. Yes, if i think about it too long, put myself into a different culture where i was raised a different way...not knowing any other way than poly relationships..my view may very well be different.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Jealousy (11/22/2005 12:50:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali Yes of course, i was referring more to single-mindedness and the intensity that brings. Not sure what you mean?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Jealousy (11/22/2005 12:52:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stormsfate jali... I debate with myself on whether it is really the way one is wired, or if it is the way we are conditioned by the society we live in. Every time I think about it for any length of time, I come up with a different answer...lol. If one experiences jealousy, and they see that as a positive thing in their life, then no one else's opinion should matter. Most people do view it as negative, because it doesn't feel very good. That leaves them with the options of either changing their circumstances or learning how to turn those feelings into something positive. For me I am wired to be poly. I fully feel this is who I am, how I was born and there's just no monogamous relationship that will fulfill me. And I still get jealous sometimes. I don't think jealousy is unique to poly at all, even though it always gets tossed up. There's tons of stuff to get jealous of in monogamous relationship- kids, work, money, time, clothes, anything.

starshineowned -> RE: Jealousy (11/22/2005 1:05:21 PM)
Greetings..~smiles~ For myself I know perfectly well that my thought process is based on what has been told, heard or read while growing up regarding poly and the feelings of jealousy that crept in. I've never been in a poly relationship to which I can have knowledgeable experience for that. I've had 3 and 4-somes with each time the male involved was my partner, and I never felt any jealousy at all. What I find odd about that is..here is another woman in one case..and two other woman in another case doing things with and to my partner, and I enjoyed myself because?..These woman were not after my partner. I don't think I am alone in this but I can feel these things..these vibes..these gut impulses of someone else trying to break away that which I have. Now though my views on poly, this life, and whats important have changed with much understanding, and I look forward to someday Master bringing in another slave to share life with. starshine Happy slave of Master Delvin

slavejali -> RE: Jealousy (11/22/2005 1:14:02 PM)
quote: quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali Yes of course, i was referring more to single-mindedness and the intensity that brings. Not sure what you mean? I run multiple businesses under an incorporation. i have to have the overview in mind, my mind is split in several directions at any given time. Not one of them is getting 100% of my attention all of the time. Even though i am aware at all times that each business needs my attention, i can only devote my entire concentration to one area at a time, so i have to designate authority to other people to take care of the portions i cant as the need arises. i kinda see poly relationships the same way...you have to manage..more than one thing..and naturally...you cant devote as much time to them as you could to a single monogamous relationship.

luvdragonx -> RE: Jealousy (11/22/2005 1:14:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: starshineowned Greetings..~smiles~ For myself I know perfectly well that my thought process is based on what has been told, heard or read while growing up regarding poly and the feelings of jealousy that crept in. I've never been in a poly relationship to which I can have knowledgeable experience for that. I've had 3 and 4-somes with each time the male involved was my partner, and I never felt any jealousy at all. What I find odd about that is..here is another woman in one case..and two other woman in another case doing things with and to my partner, and I enjoyed myself because?..These woman were not after my partner. I don't think I am alone in this but I can feel these things..these vibes..these gut impulses of someone else trying to break away that which I have. Now though my views on poly, this life, and whats important have changed with much understanding, and I look forward to someday Master bringing in another slave to share life with. starshine Happy slave of Master Delvin Here's a question for you about your statments in bold. What do you feel if another woman WAS after your partner? Is jealousy dependent on the intention of the other person? It like the wife of a cheating husband going after the other woman instead of the cheating spouse. It doesn't make sense to a lot of people because while the woman was probably in the wrong, the husband is the one who broke his promise, so he deserves the brunt of the anger. I believe that your partner is the one who is responsible for keeping other people in their place - i.e. not YOUR place. Just as you are responsible for keeping others out of his spot. Of course all of this is based on the idea that you've agreed on monogamy in the relationship.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Jealousy (11/22/2005 1:21:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali i kinda see poly relationships the same way...you have to manage..more than one thing..and naturally...you cant devote as much time to them as you could to a single monogamous relationship. MMmm it depends. The good thing about poly is that there are now MORE people to take care of things that in monogamous relationships. So it's a lot easier to divvy stuff up and have LESS on any single persons plate. As well, how many monogamous people do not have external interests/time/energy-takers? We're all busy active adults. And finally, in poly, there's more people to GIVE energy and support to YOU, so you actually end up getting more in that sense. I don't feel pulled in many directions unless I'm already tired and stressed, which I think is true for everyone. If I go on a date with two partners at once, my attention is not distracted or lessened because there are three instead of two. We somehow form a group consciousness and cycle in and out of eachother. I get your point, I'm just not sure it's as clear cut as "one partner = more attention given to one partner."

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Jealousy (11/22/2005 1:23:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: luvdragonx Here's a question for you about your statments in bold. What do you feel if another woman WAS after your partner? Is jealousy dependent on the intention of the other person? I'd be upset but not jealous. I'd be amused but not jealous. For me jealousy is definitely dependent on MY feelings. Knowing this, I find it's a lot easier to deal with and let go of.

Englishrogue -> RE: Jealousy (11/22/2005 7:37:23 PM)
I've always felt that jealousy stems from self value and self doubt. "Am I better than him/her" "Does she/he prefer him/her to me" Self acknowledgement, self awareness, and self love (not the kleenex kind) all help ease jealous feelings. But openess, trust and communication with your partners is also essential. If you enter a relationship, and expect monogamy (but havent demanded), you may be surprised... unpleasantly. If you enter a relationship, knowing that multiple partners may be involved, what it comes down to is self value. In BDSM especially with the deeply submissive, not bringing up Monogamy if that is a required limit for you is a potential error. An assumption for which, down the road, you may find out was hasty. As far as jealousy goes, you have to decide your value and the perception of that value by your partner. If you don't value yourself enough, don't expect them to. You either trust them to know they risk losing you if monogamy was a discussed limit, or you are in a doomed relationship. Rogue

sweetpettjenny -> RE: Jealousy (11/23/2005 3:17:57 AM)
I am very upfront from the beginning ...I am monagamous and will not be in a poly setting. It ensures that at the very least , I will attract someone with the same limit.

lovingmaster45 -> RE: Jealousy (11/23/2005 3:54:07 AM)
quote: I am very upfront from the beginning ...I am monagamous and will not be in a poly setting. It ensures that at the very least , I will attract someone with the same limit. Exactly... I am very upfront from the beginning. I am NOT monogamous. Any sign of jealousy and you are gone; we all have hard limits. This is why discussions are necessary before relationships develop critical mass.

MastersBabieGirl -> RE: Jealousy (11/23/2005 7:51:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: coldmemory I asked him, and he said I was his one and only, but I see things that make me think I am not. I think he is looking for others, but I wonder.....would I be okay with that. I've never shared a master with another girl.. you are not alone in this one either i have the same issues in my head about my master i know mine would love for me to share him with another female for play only and when its mentioned i start to get worried that im not enough for him he says otherwise and we have agreed to be monogamous its just me having a weak moment we deal with it he knows that i get like this and tries to work through it with me its not a trust issue for me but more a worry i know he loves me and what he says goes i also know he respects my boundaries its just a thing i have every once in a blue moon maybe its that i dont trust the other women that i think once they figure out what i have they will want it

SeverineX -> RE: Jealousy (11/23/2005 9:52:29 PM)
I don't know what's right for a slave but I'll tell you this. If I'm in love, I'm jealous of everything and anything my object of affection pays attention to. I'm a Scorpio -- it's simply my nature to want EVERYTHING. I HATE sharing. No, I don't feel apologetic about it and I don't look at it as a sign of insecurity. In my case, it just signifies the intensity of my love and desire. Having said that, I think the real question you need to ask yourself is: 1) Will being jealous or expressing jealousy help your case? 2) Is it even possible to be his one and only? 3) If not, do you still want him? If I could walk away, I would. But if I can't... if I want him bad enough, I'll tolerate a harem. After all, what choice do I have?

brightspot -> RE: Jealousy (11/23/2005 11:08:07 PM)
You not only have the right to your feelings but also the right to reconsider if this man is the right one for you. Your needs might be to be monogamous, honor that, don't settle. good luck, *Brightspot

Vendaval -> RE: Jealousy (11/24/2005 12:23:31 AM)
coldmemory, lack of experience with relationships in general and Master/slave in particular are likely adding to your anxiety and uncertainty. To repeat what others have said here, talk with your Master and examine your own heart. I would like to add, be prepared to have your boundaries tested and changed as you go through life. What once seemed absolute in the flush of youth often develops into nuances of meaning and interpretation as a person learns the lessons of love.

Vendaval -> RE: Jealousy (11/24/2005 12:27:43 AM)
I also feel that monogamy would be settling for less, far less than I want, desire, or am capable of experiencing. Jealousy to me is a wasted and futile emotion. Possessiveness is one of my biggest "turn-offs" and both are exercises in frustration. Either someone is devoted to You or they are not. And no amount of demanding and stamping of feet will change the end result.

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