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Jealousy - 11/21/2005 3:51:01 PM   
coldmemory


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/17/2005
Status: offline 		Okay, I know I ask alot of all of you, but theres just so much a young girl like me needs to know ^_^ hehe! Okay, so I've found myself more and more looking at my master and wondering 'is he all mine' I know that is so not what I, the slave, am suppoused to do but , As a human girl I want to be his only! And I truely know that hes looking for others, but I love him, should I be jealous, do I have the right ? -teary eyes- Is it right for a slave to want to be the one and only? and is it right for a master to have more than one slave?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Jealousy - 11/21/2005 3:53:30 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: coldmemory
And I truely know that hes looking for others, but I love him, should I be jealous, do I have the right ?

Jealousy simply happens. It's not about rights.

quote:

Is it right for a slave to want to be the one and only?

Sure, but it's wrong to insist on it when you've agreed to be in a relationship knowing they will want more. All of my partners came into my life KNOWING I would have others. If they had a problem with it, not only should they have accepted it and movedo n, but I would not have accepted them as a partner.

quote:

and is it right for a master to have more than one slave?

Of course. Check out the Polyamory boards.

(in reply to coldmemory)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Jealousy - 11/21/2005 3:54:56 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Are you asking....do you have a right to your emotions? Yes, you do.

You should discuss these things with your Master. Have you discussed them before? He should be helping you with this issue. And yes, many Masters have more than one slave. That lifestyle is not for every girl, though.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to coldmemory)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Jealousy - 11/21/2005 4:06:32 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Okay, so I've found myself more and more looking at my master and wondering 'is he all mine' I know that is so not what I, the slave, am suppoused to do but , As a human girl I want to be his only! And I truely know that hes looking for others, but I love him, should I be jealous, do I have the right ? -teary eyes- Is it right for a slave to want to be the one and only? and is it right for a master to have more than one slave?


Emotions flow, you cannot stop them no matter what you try to do. Although, even though you have a right to have emotions. If he negotiated with you other's prior to getting together with you. Perhaps you don't have a right to be jealous and a rocky road is ahead.
You need to communicate how you feel to him. Come to some sort of a compromise.

(in reply to coldmemory)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Jealousy - 11/21/2005 4:14:45 PM   
FemDomHouTx


Posts: 158
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline
The answers are yes, yes, yes and ummmm yes in that order.
If you were not at least a little jealous of his attention to others then your devotion to him would seem in question.
You have the right to feel what you feel, nothing, even slavery, changes that.
On the other hand, unless you were deceived before accepting the collar you chose your current dilemma thereby negating your "right" to be his one and only.
By the same token he is well within his rights to seek others if no agreement of monogamy was established beforehand.


(in reply to coldmemory)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Jealousy - 11/21/2005 4:17:02 PM   
jamesthehumanrug


Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline 		greetings cold metoo
gees dont all tops have more than one bottom
always facing beggers or slaves with no one and tops doing favors by being top
monogamy IS REALLY W/ ONE PERSON ,if you think love is like giving "power" to someone
AND ,its, just all ,in different degrees.(NOT THE SAME ,FOR EACH PERSON)DIFFERENT LEVELS,OF LOVE ,FOR EACH PERSON.
,PERSONALLY:TO ME-
IT IS ,as long, as you're ,not all ,in the same place....
too many factors ,to make a call without knowing each individual, involved
if you call it "cheating"
that just results, in you having reason ,to go out ,and, do the same ,W/ SOMEBODY ELSE...eventually.
if it is -cheating-
never confess ,or you're done.
bottoms dont ever-
and tops...they do whatever makes them what they are...top.
its ,not what you are,
but who you are
( to that person)....don't you know?


< Message edited by jamesthehumanrug -- 11/21/2005 4:18:42 PM >

_____________________________

I REMAIN RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED
,LOVEles,
jamesthehumanrug

(in reply to coldmemory)
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RE: Jealousy - 11/21/2005 4:17:42 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline 		First: There's a good book on kinky poly called "The Ethical Slut" from Greenery Press www.greenerypress.com It helped Libby and I deal with some of the jealousy issues that came up.

That said, not all kink relationships are poly. In my experience, the majority are sexually monogamous. You should think about what you want in a relationship and look for a dominant who shares your needs and desires. Anything else is going to result in a shaky relationship

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to coldmemory)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Jealousy - 11/21/2005 4:18:36 PM   
coldmemory


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/17/2005
Status: offline 		I asked him, and he said I was his one and only, but I see things that make me think I am not. I think he is looking for others, but I wonder.....would I be okay with that. I've never shared a master with another girl..

(in reply to FemDomHouTx)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Jealousy - 11/21/2005 4:21:33 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I asked him, and he said I was his one and only, but I see things that make me think I am not. I think he is looking for others, but I wonder.....would I be okay with that. I've never shared a master with another girl..


E-mail him that quote from you it will get the discussion flowing. Maybe resolve some issues for you.
I'm sure he will be a bit disappointed you didn't come to him first and went to strangers asking. Yet, any dom I know will also forgive it as well. When they realize you were only trying to help the relationship.

(in reply to coldmemory)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Jealousy - 11/21/2005 4:27:22 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		Jealousy simply happens. It's not about rights.
=======

really?
interesting.
as what "I" was taught growing up,...it is not for matured adults. ?
did something change since?
maybe "I" was taught too well about keeping things in-check.
just like i am TOLD when a woman walks out in a huff she wants the guy to follow so SHE feels she is needed..........to validate her existence in his life.
in MY world "I" was taught if she wants to get huiffy.......let her walk. she ain't the only woman around.

hmmmmm.

odd but interesting.
jealousy is NOT in my dictionary. even when i had my wives. either someone wants to be around or they don't.

take care


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Jealousy - 11/21/2005 4:31:06 PM   
redheadedfire4u


Posts: 104
Joined: 11/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FemDomHouTx
quote:

If you were not at least a little jealous of his attention to others then your devotion to him would seem in question.



hmmmm, there are those who say if I do not suffer from jealousy I have never been in love, to them I say perhaps I am secure and trust Him enough that there is no need for me to feel that way?

There are those that say should the relationship deepen then I will feel this emotion they speak of, to them I ask but will not my security and trust deepen as well, so why should this feeling find root in my being?

For me to feel jealous would be a red flag on the relationship, I would ask what is wrong that my trust and security are in doubt? I do not feel that jealousy is a sign of devotion but can appreciate that others see it as such. I do not queston the way others deal with it and feel about it, merely would like to put forth my own feelings on the subject.

Please no offense is meant to the good people on this forum so please do not take any from my opinions, which are just that my own opinions

warm smiles to all

< Message edited by redheadedfire4u -- 11/21/2005 4:35:01 PM >

_____________________________

Driver1961's girl "wild child" and loving sister to His angel

(in reply to FemDomHouTx)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Jealousy - 11/21/2005 4:34:44 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		quote:

If you were not at least a little jealous of his attention to others then your devotion to him would seem in question.
========
why?
what happened to level headed maturity?
i do not understand.


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to redheadedfire4u)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Jealousy - 11/21/2005 8:30:05 PM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: coldmemory

Okay, I know I ask alot of all of you, but theres just so much a young girl like me needs to know ^_^ hehe! Okay, so I've found myself more and more looking at my master and wondering 'is he all mine' I know that is so not what I, the slave, am suppoused to do but , As a human girl I want to be his only! And I truely know that hes looking for others, but I love him, should I be jealous, do I have the right ? -teary eyes- Is it right for a slave to want to be the one and only? and is it right for a master to have more than one slave?


This is a loaded question, coldmemory. Every relationship is different, and we negotiate according to what is important to us. For example, our household has always kept multiple servants, according to the capacity of the owners of the House to train and maintain them. We won't take on property that we can't take care of, but there is always the understanding that our household is one where living, celebrating, loving, and sharing come in abundance, and that abundance isn't limited to one individual, whether free or indentured.

What you agree to in your relationship is up to you to determine. If you've accepted a collar to a man whom you -knew- was looking for other people, then you've tacitly agreed to his seeking others. If you didn't want that, the time to bring it up was -before- you entered into the collar.

If he didn't -tell- you until you accepted the collar, you entered without full information, and if you can't accept those terms, it's time to vote with your feet. To me, it isn't breach of a contract, because a contract cannot be entered into without full disclosure.

By the same token, if you took the collar and agreed to the knowledge that he'd be seeking others, you have nothing to gripe about now. The time to kvetch was -before- you accepted the collar, and if he wishes to allow you to leave, that's up to him, but if he is gracious enough to do that, be more careful next time about getting -all- the details and making sure you don't have an issue -before- you accept the collar.

Most of us know whether we're inherently jealous by the time we make it to adulthood. We know whether it pisses us off to see our friends flirting with our ex-boyfriend... whether we were pissed with our little brother or sister for being born because that meant -they- got all the attention... whether we wanted Grandpa's lap all to ourselves...

Look at the patterns in your life, and see what they tell you. If they tell you that you're anxious because you're facing something you haven't faced before, let your owner know that you're nervous. Maybe he has some ideas to help you deal with the changes. But if you -know- that you've been jealous in the past, and that you're jealous now, tell him. You'll both be happier in situations that are more compatible with your particular needs and desires.

Lady Zephyr

(in reply to coldmemory)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Jealousy - 11/21/2005 8:35:40 PM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FemDomHouTx


If you were not at least a little jealous of his attention to others then your devotion to him would seem in question.


Actually, this isn't necessarily true. There are those of us who are QUITE devoted without the least bit of jealousy attached to it, and we range on both ends of the collar. Our household is an example of a place where there is a great deal of dedication from the dominant individuals in terms of caring (in every way... physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, communal) for the property that they own, and where there is a great deal of dedication from the servants to -all- of the dominant individuals in the household.

I wouldn't question -any- of our servants' dedication to us, just because they weren't jealous ... and I'm pretty sure our servants don't question our dedication to them, just because we aren't jealous. The proof is in the pudding, and we've gelled very nicely without the extra bitter touch of jealousy, thank you.

Lady Zephyr

(in reply to FemDomHouTx)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Jealousy - 11/21/2005 11:10:42 PM   
cravinspankin


Posts: 127
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: coldmemory

I asked him, and he said I was his one and only, but I see things that make me think I am not. I think he is looking for others, but I wonder.....would I be okay with that. I've never shared a master with another girl..


If you have doubts about what he has told you, there are problems in this relationship.
Trust is something i think is absolutely critical in this lifestyle.
Perhaps, if you have not, you should tell him what you just said here, and discuss these things that make you think you are not the only female, sub or slave in his life, or that make you think he is looking.
I'm not clear from your original or second post.. has he said he wants more than one slave? Has he offered you monogamy?
One Master i've talked to told me that he may offer his sub or slave monogamy, but will not have her demanding it of him.
Just a point to ponder.

(in reply to coldmemory)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Jealousy - 11/22/2005 2:46:33 AM   
sweetpettjenny


Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		Did you discuss EVERYTHING before accepting his collar??? I remember your last thread about wanting to work , You need to protect yourself and make sure the Dominant is who you need in your life before accepting a collar from them.

(in reply to coldmemory)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Jealousy - 11/22/2005 11:05:45 AM   
luvdragonx


Posts: 388
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadiesBladewing


quote:

ORIGINAL: FemDomHouTx


If you were not at least a little jealous of his attention to others then your devotion to him would seem in question.


Actually, this isn't necessarily true. There are those of us who are QUITE devoted without the least bit of jealousy attached to it, and we range on both ends of the collar. Our household is an example of a place where there is a great deal of dedication from the dominant individuals in terms of caring (in every way... physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, communal) for the property that they own, and where there is a great deal of dedication from the servants to -all- of the dominant individuals in the household.

I wouldn't question -any- of our servants' dedication to us, just because they weren't jealous ... and I'm pretty sure our servants don't question our dedication to them, just because we aren't jealous. The proof is in the pudding, and we've gelled very nicely without the extra bitter touch of jealousy, thank you.

Lady Zephyr


I completely agree.

Think about it - jealousy is an emotion based on feelings of possession or lack thereof. If you focus too much on keeping others away from what's yours, how do you focus on keeping it for yourself? I used to feel that twinge of jealousy about my husband and while - at the time - I thought it was a sign that I was truly in love and devoted to him, I realize now it was actually a symptom of insecurity. And who wants to be insecure?

Now that insecurity is gone, and jealousy has no place in my life. I trust him to do the right thing by me and ours, and that's all I need. He's honest and open with his communication and intentions. As someone said earlier, you can't make a person be in a relationship they don't want to be in, so what's the point of stressing over the what ifs?

_____________________________

Never Without Love

(in reply to LadiesBladewing)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Jealousy - 11/22/2005 11:14:31 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I think that feeling jealousy is perfectly normal given that most cultures promote monogamy.

I do not think that feeling jealousy is a normal human emotion however. If it were, I'd really question how some folks can live without being jealous -- and these people do indeed exist.

What I'm trying to say is that when monogamy is the social or cultural expectation, jealousy is one way to maintain that ideal.

You don't have to just accept feeling jealous and you certainly should be able to make some choices as to what to do with the feelings when they arrive.

There are two levels you can tackle jealousy on: personal and the relationship.

Figure out what triggers the feelings of jealousy and start working on assessing those and deciding what, if anything you wish to do about disabling those triggers. Then if part of the trigger is related to the other person(s) open a discussion and see if they are willing to work with you on disabling your triggers.

For me, jealousy is most often about feeling ignored. If I don't feel ignored, I don't get jealous. I can do things and seek out people so I don't feel ignored; my partner(s) take me need for their attention very seriously but I have to make that need known first.


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to coldmemory)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Jealousy - 11/22/2005 11:44:33 AM   
stormsfate


Posts: 849
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		You know...another really good book that may help put things into better perspective is "The Four Agreements". You can feel whatever it is you feel, but you can also choose not to allow negative emotions impact your life. Jealousy is *your* perception and really has little to do with what your Master does (if you buy into the author's theories).

At any rate, sorry you are feeling bad and whatever you decide, best of luck to you.

best regards,
fate

_____________________________

Vision? What do you know about MY vision? My vision would turn your world upside down, tear asunder your illusions and the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you! Now ask yourself, are you really ready to see that vision? [/size

(in reply to coldmemory)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Jealousy - 11/22/2005 12:16:29 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		i sometimes kid around and say that im the jealous type, im not really, what is more true is that i give my all to my partner and expect the same in return, with no other influences.
i deserve 100% of my Masters attention just as He deserves 100% of mine. Thats what makes us monogamous. i would prefer not to be in relationship at all if i had to settle for less.
Maybe your just working out how you are wired. Maybe what you are seeing as jealousy is just your inner being saying "Hey im really wired for monogamy". If you have found yourself in a relationship other than that, maybe its time to leave..life is too short to waste.
i dont think wanting to be *the one and only* is something that needs to be healed, fixed or changed. Wanting to be the *one and only* doesnt make you a lesser slave, what it can make you is a wonderful vessel of devotion you can pour all over your Lover, Dom, Husband..and there are heaps of Men out there who want just that.

(in reply to coldmemory)
Profile   Post #: 20
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