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RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/18/2008 1:05:20 PM

LivingInSin

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Personally, I would record these conversations that he tells you he is going to send these videos to friends and family. Emails are even better. Take them to the police. Blackmail is against the law.

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RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/18/2008 1:18:14 PM

E2Sweet

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Like many here, I'd suggest talking to a lawyer at this point and forming a strategy with him or her as to what to do about the situation.

I'd also avoid calling any of the ex-Dom's bluffs because trying to bullshit a really good bullshitter is often a tall challenge. If you're bluffing, you really don't want a bluff to be called at this point, making everything that much worse.

You're continued contact with the ex is likely fueling his desire to toy with you in these ways, so you may want to cut-off all contact asap. He has your attention now, but with a lawyer on your side, he likely won't be dealing directly with you anymore at all. Not too many folks like dealing with lawyers representing someone else's interests, so that would be an ideal situation for you.

Good luck!

< Message edited by E2Sweet -- 8/18/2008 1:19:33 PM >

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RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/18/2008 1:23:06 PM

MAMandSlave

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What does this man want from you in exchange for not showing these videos. If it is sexual in nature, there are criminal implications. In addition, regardless of our beliefs, in most states, showing video of yourself beating another individual might be something that gets you in trouble. Just a thought.

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RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/18/2008 1:30:15 PM

LaTigresse

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There is a guy on this site that has a very over inflated view of his own importance. He is also a criminal sex offender, rape and intent, etc. He lives here in Iowa City and has made the rounds, contacting all the females in the area, trying to cozy up to them as "friends" then seeing how far he can go past that. Several of them have been friends of mine.

After he had gotten particularly scary with one woman I decided to avert his attentions and egg him on a bit. It was only a matter of days that he decided to push my buttons and threaten to "out" me, by having fliers printed out of my photo and profile, etc etc etc... Said he was going to plaster them all over downtown. Like I care!! Have a party!

That was all I needed. I turned my computer over to my friends in local law enforcement and they are giving this fellow a bit more than he bargained for.

My motto, never give them more ammo than you can turn back around on them and use against them in defense.

If I was the one being threatened it would be a "make my day!" and I would make as big a stink as I legally could, getting his name plastered alllllllllllllllllllllllll over it. Does he REALLY want to be known for his kinky stuff AND blackmail??? I doubt it.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 8/18/2008 1:31:05 PM >

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RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/18/2008 1:54:38 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
Does he REALLY want to be known for his kinky stuff AND blackmail??? I doubt it.

This is something I think people forget to realize when posing such threats. They look worse than the one being outed, for having outed them.

When I left my ex husband he threatened to out me to our families and my friends. So I took his power away by outing myself, and by telling those who loved me what he was planning. The response was unanymous - they all thought he was a scumbag for daring to think there was anything he could say that would hurt me, and even his father told him it was repulsive to even threaten to ruin my name.

There is a woman on this site who had some revealing photos of me and threatened to post them. When I talked to others here about it, they felt the same thing as my family did - that someone who would stoop to even threatening such a thing wasn't worth knowing.

I remember years back when I frequented chat rooms. Someone created a website and posted some damaging conversations she had lured another into (oh the drama of chat), and then posted the web link for all to see. While the person she set up did look bad, she didn't get half the flak as the one who created the website.

What these offenders don't realize is they look worse than the one they are outing ever can. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot!

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RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/18/2008 3:44:11 PM

blondebarbie

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I like how you think! Except Im sure he has downloaded it on his pc.....

quote:

ORIGINAL: TysGalilah

Beg him to take you back.

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.
.
.
steal the damn phone and pitch it in the nearest body of water..
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.
.
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and then walk away...telling him that if he comes near you again HE will end up in the same place his damn phone did.
.
.
.
hopefully learning a lesson about trust and technology

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RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/19/2008 7:40:49 AM

littleone35

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I has a similar problem with an ex dom and i did not know what to do. My Master took Criminal Justice in collage, and told me what to do. I told him i have saved all your e mails and since you are out of state extoration is a federal offense. If you don't stop i will go to the cops and you can have a close personal relationship with your cellmate Bubba. I never heard from him again.

In your situation you should go to the police, or tell your family about you and they that removes that threat. Best of luck.

Matt's littleone

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RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/19/2008 11:42:52 AM

Gwynsbitchboi

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or you could just take him out fishing on christmas....?

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RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/19/2008 1:20:49 PM

Arastella

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Sweetheart, you're preaching to the choir. I had a VERY similar situation by a guy in florida named rob. Dangerous individual who used pictures I didnt know he had taken, and used them to make me stay with him or do what he wanted. He also said I belonged to him because of a contract he was convinced would be legally binding in court. Back then, I was naive enough to believe him.

My best advice would be to file a restraining order on him. Tell the authorities the truth. Tell them you all did things together that he took pictures of without your knowledge and is using them against you. And be honest, tell them he says he owns you. "Owning" someone is illegal in most states in the US. There is a law against "consensual battery". And tell your friends and family, tell ALL of them. If you can trust them, tell them about the pictures. That way, he can't hold them over your head. Stay STRONG. I know EXACTLY what you're going through, these men have far less power than they'd like you to believe.

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RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/19/2008 1:25:47 PM

Arastella

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I have to SLIGHTLY disagree with TELLING him you have the proof against him. Coming from personal experience, he could very well find a way to destroy what you have. I'd give it to the police first, then tell him the police have the information

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RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/19/2008 1:39:35 PM

Arastella

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A very close friend of mine who was also a victim of rob filed a restraining order on him and ended up getting his job at NASA taken away. Have faith and good luck.

I told my friend to write in here a little later cause she had more experience than i did with rob

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RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/19/2008 1:50:39 PM

Pyrrsefanie

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My biological father stalked me for years (which is what led to me changing my name and social security number and moving the Hell out of my last known residence without telling anyone where I was going). During my pinup and burlesque days he somehow acquired photos from shows, websites, my MySpace, not necessarily in compromising positions but just wearing lots of black or having oddly colored hair. He got into my email somehow and copy and pasted letters to my girlfriend at the time, compiled it all into a package, and threatened to send it to every other member of the family. Finally found out that the fucker had people following me, which is how he could find out where I was and what I looked like and all of that. He had recruited his sister-in-law to pose as a girl my age on MySpace and get all sorts of information and photos on me even though my profile had been set to private. My stepbrother was the one who got into my email, and oddly enough before I changed my social security number it appeared someone had freaking erased information about me, so that getting a cell phone or my own apartment was near impossible for a long time, so I had to stay put.

One day he got a hold of my phone number and called me with the same crazy threats and saying he was going to drag me back with him and I'd never be able to leave again. I was about to hang up on him when he recited back the address I was living at with my mother and threatened to kill her... and then I fucking snapped. Screamed at him that if he wanted a fight, come fucking find me, I'd be waiting, and that if he wants to "out" me to the whole family, go ahead, because I'd tell them first, and oh, I'd been recording all of these conversations and I didn't think the rest of the police department he worked for would appreciate threats against his wife and child.

Never heard from him again. I've since gotten enough headway on him that he'd never be able to find me if he tried, let alone when I get married and score yet another name change.

But I wish I had never let it get to that point before. Go to the police, file a restraining order. He's making threats that he is easily able to carry out and they don't look kindly on that shit. If you're part of a local scene, you may be able to get some protection that way. Record all of your conversations.

And honestly if some guy randomly showed up to me with compromising photos or video of a member of my family trying to blackmail them I'd punch him in the face and tell him to get the fuck out. I can't say all family would be like that, but first reaction would likely be "Who are you and what are YOU doing to my little girl?"

Above all... good luck, and I feel for you.

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RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/19/2008 2:14:16 PM

Arastella

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quote:

If you're part of a local scene, you may be able to get some protection that way

I second that. Im a member of NOBLE, a local BDSM group down here. They know all about rob and have taken it upon themselves to be VERY protective of me

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RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/19/2008 4:04:16 PM

windchymes

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I thought about this for awhile......I think what I would do is take the offense, sit down with a few close family members, especially males, and have a heart-to-heart talk. Say something like, "You guys remember my ex, Donny Dipshit? Well, he's been stalking me lately and bothering me, wanting me to take him back. Unfortunately, he took some "compromising" videos of us during sex.....(blush here for effect) and now he's threatening to tell you guys and make them public to embarrass me and to blackmail me to taking him back."

You don't have to mention BDSM or say that they're kinky sex videos. Many people out there take naughty photos and movies of themselves, that's nothing new or shameful. You can act embarrassed and apologetic, and I think it would be enough for any protective-feeling family members to most likely ignore him if he does actually approach them to try to show them the videos. Maybe some of the males will band together and teach him a little lesson in a dark alley somewhere. They can probably even confiscate his cell phone and conveniently drop it into a river.

Most of all, you'll have taken his power away from him. If you tell him you told your family and that they already know he took videos and don't care, so go ahead and tell them, he loses that power over you.

< Message edited by windchymes -- 8/19/2008 4:06:17 PM >

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RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/19/2008 4:26:21 PM

Arastella

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quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

I thought about this for awhile......I think what I would do is take the offense, sit down with a few close family members, especially males, and have a heart-to-heart talk. Say something like, "You guys remember my ex, Donny Dipshit? Well, he's been stalking me lately and bothering me, wanting me to take him back. Unfortunately, he took some "compromising" videos of us during sex.....(blush here for effect) and now he's threatening to tell you guys and make them public to embarrass me and to blackmail me to taking him back."

You don't have to mention BDSM or say that they're kinky sex videos. Many people out there take naughty photos and movies of themselves, that's nothing new or shameful. You can act embarrassed and apologetic, and I think it would be enough for any protective-feeling family members to most likely ignore him if he does actually approach them to try to show them the videos. Maybe some of the males will band together and teach him a little lesson in a dark alley somewhere. They can probably even confiscate his cell phone and conveniently drop it into a river.

Most of all, you'll have taken his power away from him. If you tell him you told your family and that they already know he took videos and don't care, so go ahead and tell them, he loses that power over you.

Couldn't have said it better. *nods*

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RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/19/2008 5:11:00 PM

girlfromthesouth

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Ugh, what an immature little creep.

I hate to tell you, but those photos and videos have more than likely made the rounds on the Internet already. I mean, if you didn't consent to having your image snapped and he did so without your knowledge... Well, it would be silly to say that he took video of you from the beginning with the assumption that he could someday use them as blackmail. He has probably been sharing them with his skeevy little friends for a while now and is just now threatening you with extortion.

Again, I hate to say it, but it sounds like you need to go to the police and your friends and family. With the former, show them that an ex is blackmailing and harrassing/stalking you. With the latter, damage control.

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RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/19/2008 5:26:49 PM

DarkSteven

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Call up HIS relatives. Tell them that this moron is pestering you. You told him to bugger off, and he won't. Do they have any suggestions?

This will remind him that HE can get outed to his relatives as well.

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RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/19/2008 5:48:12 PM

Huntertn

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As scary as it seems..they are right..hire a lawyer to send him a letter to cease and desist or your going to sue the hell outta him..that might cost you a $50 to $100.00 but I bet you never hear from him again..What a great Dom this guy turned out to be

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RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/19/2008 5:53:43 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Call up HIS relatives. Tell them that this moron is pestering you. You told him to bugger off, and he won't. Do they have any suggestions?

This will remind him that HE can get outed to his relatives as well.

I actually did that with my ex husband. His dad & step mom kept telling me he keeps claiming to be holding something over my head that will have them seeing me in a different light..."If only they knew." So I outed myself to them. They said, "Oh...that's it???" And then I said, giving equal opportunity to all, that he would only have sex with me a couple of times a year, and only if I fantasized out loud for him about having sex with my sister (which was true). I told them his biggest issue with me was not so much the kink, but that I eventually went outside the marriage. When they asked how long before I left did I meet "Mr. Wonderful," I said about a year. Their response - - "You waited too long."

Problem solved on my end. I wouldn't normally do that, but harrass me enough and you receivce what you've been threatening, ya know?

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RE: Being Blackmailed - 8/19/2008 6:32:04 PM

girlfromthesouth

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Let's just hope that it doesn't turn scary.

A few years ago I was on a BDSM forum that started being spammed by a well known user all of a sudden. The messages weren't in her usual posting style at all and were so strange that the admin not only deleted them, but banned her as well for her own protection; the messages were of her picture, photos of her house and the street she lived on, her phone number, work number, cell phone number, home address, and were she worked. She wanted someone to find her, stalk her, and rape her. She noted wanting to be tortured, along with this already scary stuff.

Later what we suspected came to light: Someone was posting her personal information on these sites and, acting as her, was asking to be raped and "played with".

Not everyone is capable of that kind of thing, but if he's been taking video of her without her knowledge and is now threatening her with them (and very likely has already been sharing them for a while), then you never know. What's really scary is that the OP noted that these images were taken with a cell phone- have you ever tried to take a picture of something using a your phone, without holding your phone? It's damn close to impossible. There is a huge chance that he isn't in -any- of these photos. By that logic, he really doesn't have anything to lose if his friends/family don't believe that it was him posting these images.

Shudder.

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