Is inequality standard in your relationship?

Is inequality standard in your relationship? (Full Version)

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UR2Badored -> Is inequality standard in your relationship? (8/18/2008 10:52:58 AM)
Just curious to how others view this. Do you really believe a D/s or S/m (insert abbreviation de jour) dynamic can occur without the bottom, submissive, or slave being fulfilled in some way? This is probably a semantic irk of mine (right or wrong). I would like to welcome collarme posters' perspectives and opinions on this. I want to have a better understanding of how this might be possible.

persephonee -> RE: Is inequality standard in your relationship? (8/18/2008 10:55:13 AM)
No.

RumpusParable -> RE: Is inequality standard in your relationship? (8/18/2008 10:56:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UR2Badored Just curious to how others view this. Do you really believe a D/s or S/m (insert abbreviation de jour) dynamic can occur without the bottom, submissive, or slave being fulfilled in some way? This is probably a semantic irk of mine (right or wrong). I would like to welcome collarme posters' perspectives and opinions on this. I want to have a better understanding of how this might be possible. You're assuming that inequality in a relationship isn't desired/fulfilling to the bottom/submissive/slave.

UR2Badored -> RE: Is inequality standard in your relationship? (8/18/2008 10:59:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RumpusParable You're assuming that inequality in a relationship isn't desired/fulfilling to the bottom/submissive/slave. No, I view it otherwise.. That is what led me to this question. I want to hear what others have to say who believe other than I do. I dont presume that any other way of thinking is bad.....I want a better understanding of this viewpoint as it appears to a prominent consensus on the boards as of late.

RavenMuse -> RE: Is inequality standard in your relationship? (8/18/2008 11:00:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RumpusParable quote: ORIGINAL: UR2Badored Just curious to how others view this. Do you really believe a D/s or S/m (insert abbreviation de jour) dynamic can occur without the bottom, submissive, or slave being fulfilled in some way? This is probably a semantic irk of mine (right or wrong). I would like to welcome collarme posters' perspectives and opinions on this. I want to have a better understanding of how this might be possible. You're assuming that inequality in a relationship isn't desired/fulfilling to the bottom/submissive/slave. Quite, the actual questions asked has little or no relevance to the title of the thread. Our relationship is definatly unequal, the authority and decisions are Mine alone, she submits, she is accountable to Me, I am accountable to Myself. That doesn't mean she is unfulfilled in any way.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Is inequality standard in your relationship? (8/18/2008 11:03:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UR2Badored Just curious to how others view this. Do you really believe a D/s or S/m (insert abbreviation de jour) dynamic can occur without the bottom, submissive, or slave being fulfilled in some way? This is probably a semantic irk of mine (right or wrong). I would like to welcome collarme posters' perspectives and opinions on this. I want to have a better understanding of how this might be possible. I believe that everyone in -any- relationship needs to be fulfilled for the relationship to succeed... however, the title of your question and the question you asked are two separate issues for me. Inequality -is- a standard in my relationship with our servants. Inequality is -not- a standard in my relationship with my Darling. Inequality in my relationship with my servants -is- fulfilling for all of us. Equality in my relationship with my Darling is fulfilling for us. I do not necessarily believe that inequality is automatically "not fulfilling". I don't necessarily believe that equality is automatically "fulfilling". I believe that different people seek out different dynamics for a reason. This is why I am -very- clear that our household is egalitarian between the dominant partners, in-egalitarian between the dominant partners and the servants, and that the household is hierarchical in nature, and each person will be treated as an individual and trained and managed with that in mind. If someone doesn't -want- that kind of a relationship, they aren't going to want to be in our household -- and if they -do- approach us, they cannot complain that they 'didn't know' that this was how things were run. They don't have to stay, though -- we don't want anyone in service to us who isn't here because they -want- to be, and because the options of our household work for them. Calla Firestorm

RumpusParable -> RE: Is inequality standard in your relationship? (8/18/2008 11:04:11 AM)
Then please clarify your question please, as it is not clear from this: quote: Is inequality standard in your relationship? Just curious to how others view this. Do you really believe a D/s or S/m (insert abbreviation de jour) dynamic can occur without the bottom, submissive, or slave being fulfilled in some way? This is probably a semantic irk of mine (right or wrong). I would like to welcome collarme posters' perspectives and opinions on this. I want to have a better understanding of how this might be possible. Were the two questions to be taken separately, unrelated to one another? What is the semantic irk then if it's not part of the questions you asked? What are you seeking an understanding of? I'm not following what you're seeking answered exactly, so am having difficulty responding. -edited for grammar, too much 'net is messing up my "your" and "you're" typing.

Missokyst -> RE: Is inequality standard in your relationship? (8/18/2008 11:05:48 AM)
I am mostly dominant in my life. It is a relief to find someone to whom I feel safe enough, secure enough, and who I feel is confident about his status and abilities, that allows me to step back from my anal control. Inequality? No. Security? Yes. I don't need to lead to feel I have equal status. I don't need control if someone else does it well. Kyst

hopelessfool -> RE: Is inequality standard in your relationship? (8/18/2008 11:08:47 AM)
My opinion is: If i wouldnt stay in the relationship, without the kink, Ie: i wouldnt take it in a vanilla relationship why take it because we call it kinky? Is my relationship unequal, yes and no, In power Yes, Thats kind of the point isnt it? In being fulfilling, in getting my needs met, in being human, No. We are equal, because to butcher Aquas sig line... with out my submission theres no one Domming me, and with out Him Domming me, theres no kitty... we are equal even though we do different parts.

UR2Badored -> RE: Is inequality standard in your relationship? (8/18/2008 11:08:57 AM)
That is probably where my "irk" stems from......I was not viewing it as two seperate issues. Thanks for the clarification.

heartfeltsub -> RE: Is inequality standard in your relationship? (8/18/2008 11:10:50 AM)
i would agree with the general consensus that the title and the question posed in the OP are not the same question. The D/s relationships that i have been in, including a 23 year marriage that wasn't called D/s but rather the "normal" submission of a Christian wife have all been "unequal" in authority, i.e. someone has to have a final say in my opinion. However, all of them have been fulfilling as the role that i desire to fill in a relationship (and i don't mean "role" as in i'm acting or playing a role) is one of unequal authority. All of the relationships that i have been a part of both parties are equally pleased and satisfied in the relationship, but each party has different amounts of authority in the relationship and that is exactly as W/we want it to be. heartfelt

proudsub -> RE: Is inequality standard in your relationship? (8/18/2008 11:12:58 AM)
I feel very fulfilled in my relatonship but i am not equal to Him. He gives the orders, i follow them; He has the last word in decision making; and He has control of the remote and the flogger. This is the way i like it so i am happy and fulfilled.[sm=owned.gif]

heartfeltsub -> RE: Is inequality standard in your relationship? (8/18/2008 11:13:07 AM)
When you say equal, what do you mean? Having equal worth to the relationship? Having equal responsiblity for the relationship working? Or do you mean, having equal "rights" inside the relationship? heartfelt

Archer -> RE: Is inequality standard in your relationship? (8/18/2008 11:18:32 AM)
inequality of what? Every realationship in the world has inequalities. I'm taller than my slave (we are thus unequal in height) I'm faster on my feet than my slave is (we are unequal in foot speed) My slave is better organized than I am (we are unequal in organizational skills) My slave is more social than I am (we are unequal in social skills) and yet both my slave and I are human and thus we are equally human

leadership527 -> RE: Is inequality standard in your relationship? (8/18/2008 11:18:43 AM)
I shun the concept "inequality" in our relationship. I don't see mine as "unequal", just performing a different role. That being said, I don't see how any relationship could go the distance if it was not fulfilling to both parties. There are, of course, lots of ways to be fulfilled, both direct and indirect, in any given relationship.

LaTigresse -> RE: Is inequality standard in your relationship? (8/18/2008 11:19:21 AM)
Oh honey I think you are going to have to define what you are thinking equality is in this particular context before you can get a concise answer. Equal in power, equal in responsibility. No and yes. See what I mean? Just too many variables.

UR2Badored -> RE: Is inequality standard in your relationship? (8/18/2008 11:20:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RumpusParable Then please clarify your question please, as it is not clear from this: Is inequality standard in your relationship? Were the two questions to be taken separately, unrelated to one another? What is the semantic irk then if it's not part of the questions you asked? What are you seeking an understanding of? I'm not following what you're seeking answered exactly, so am having difficulty responding. -edited for grammar, too much 'net is messing up my "your" and "you're" typing. My apologies RP.......Inequality has popped up several times lately on the boards, and I apparently had that context way out of wack in this little brain of mine. When I asked the question both in the title and in my question posted...I interpreted it in the same context......inequality as in fulfillment within a relationship. I now see how others did not view it in the same light. Again my apologies to all for the title if it appears out of context.

DesFIP -> RE: Is inequality standard in your relationship? (8/18/2008 11:24:56 AM)
Being fulfilled and not having equal power are not identical. I don't want equal power, or responsibility of making choices. I am fulfilled when someone else hears my concerns, and makes decisions that address all the issues involved. If I'm the one making decisions, I do so at my own expense. I fulfill others while draining myself. When he makes decisions, this is not so much a problem because part of his criteria for decision making will be how it will effect me.

Mercnbeth -> RE: Is inequality standard in your relationship? (8/18/2008 11:29:50 AM)
quote: Do you really believe a D/s or S/m (insert abbreviation de jour) dynamic can occur without the bottom, submissive, or slave being fulfilled in some way? Yes - you can get the same result by producing fear and inflicting punishment instead of producing any fulfillment. The process is references as aversion therapy in psychology. Done to the extreme you can get a rat to starve itself fearing the pain of walking across an shock inducing floor even when the power is turned off. If the desired 'dynamic' is a dead rat - the fear factor induces the same result as not putting the 'fulfillment' of food in the cage. Referencing the "abbreviation de jour"; I'm sure you can generate a similar dynamic. It's your preference as to which path to follow.

UR2Badored -> RE: Is inequality standard in your relationship? (8/18/2008 11:39:29 AM)
ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth Yes - you can get the same result by producing fear and inflicting punishment instead of producing any fulfillment. quote] Your answer is what I was seeking to some degree. That is a good example. In hindsight, I suppose I was hoping to hear from a Sadist or two not wishing for equality in fulfillment. I would like to understand this concept better. I do wonder how under any circumstance the "s" type is not getting some satisfaction. From observing these boards, I acknowledge that not all people feel that their relationship needs to be mutually fulfilling.

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