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ElanSubdued -> RE: What should I do? (8/19/2008 10:33:47 AM)
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Footbitch4you,
I'm with thetammyjo on this one. Ditch the fetish-laced handle. Loose the search for the "Dominant woman of your dreams". And egad... the changes you've just made to your profile (especially referring to yourself as "it"), loose these too! Go out and meet people. Get involved in your local community (BDSM and otherwise). On Collar Me, describe more of yourself just as a well-balanced human being. Phrases like "I need" and "it has had the desire to worship" are triggers. They make you look... well, needy! Worse yet, these are catch phrases that many kinky folk instantly translate into "wanker looking for sex", whether this is the case or not. You're passionate about your nursing degree. Perhaps describe a bit about how you got into this. Share some of your other interests. You're a good looking guy so you've got no problems in this department. In that vein though, you might want to put up a few more pictures.
Despite the fact you're on a kink site, what catches people's attention is the quality of person you are and this generally doesn't come across when the majority of your profile details only your fetishes. A few carefully placed BDSM-ish bits can add some colour, but if you put these in at all, I'd make the ratio very small. Start by writing three or four paragraphs about who you are as a vanilla person (your interests, your studies, your sense of humour, and other things you like... movies... films... food... places you've been to or would like to go to... etc.) and then, if you think it necessary, add in a smidgeon of your BDSM interests. Consider, for a moment, that you are a domina reading your profile. Every profile you read contains phrases something like "looking to worship a dominant woman" so you automatically filter this stuff out. These phrases are meaningless, mind numbing static you wade through on a daily basis. What you're looking for are the things that make this person unique, interesting, and desirable as a human being. With this in mind, read your re-written profile and see how your personage comes across. Re-write and re-mix as neccessary. :-)
Reminder 1: yes, yes, yes... start a new profile so as to create a new, less loaded handle. Were I a domina, footbitch4you, on it's own, would be enough to cause me to click the "Next" button. It's not that there is anything wrong with having foot worshipping fetishes, but putting this up front, in your handle, feels demanding and mono-focused (neither of which are desirable qualities in a submissive partner).
Reminder 2: This isn't actually a reminder, but I felt it important to note. If you've not got a lot of BDSM experiance, don't try to dress this up. Just be yourself. Being honest, courteous, and compassionate is far more endearing than an uber sub who seemingly knows everything about BDSM, but displays little quality of personage.
Welcome to the forums Footbit... er... a... dude. :-) The forums are another, wonderful avenue for contributing, learning, and meeting people so I think you've made an excellent choice by starting to contribute here.
Elan.
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