Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it?

Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive

Message

DelightnDevotion -> Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? (8/19/2008 9:22:42 AM)
In your relationship with your Dom/Master/Domme/Mistress do you *want* to receive positive reinforcement? Do you *need* to receive positive reinforcement for the relastionship to be fulfilling for you? If you do not get any positive reinforcement how to you find fulfillment in your relationship? By positive reinforcement I mean either an intangible or tangible reward; something as simple as being told you are appreciated, you are a good slave/sub/pet, praise for a task well completed or something more elaborate such as dinner out at a nice restaurant.

sirsholly -> RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? (8/19/2008 9:28:02 AM)
i am hard pressed to think of any type of relationship that does not require positive reinforcement at one point or another.

GreedyTop -> RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? (8/19/2008 9:40:49 AM)
I don't care if it's work or a relationship.. if there isn't some kind of positive reinforcement, I'm outta there.

Lockit -> RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? (8/19/2008 9:45:24 AM)
As a dominant, I want to give a lot of positive praise, thanks and communications both verbal and physical to let them know I am glad they are in my life and want them to feel good about themself and 'us'.

NuevaVida -> RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? (8/19/2008 9:51:25 AM)
I'd want to know if I was having a positive effect on his world. It helps if he tells me that, which is positive reinforcement. If I am not benefiting him and pleasing him, then what would be the point of my being there? If I am left to guess what my place is in his world and how I am doing at fulfilling it, I'm not sure where my fulfillment would come from.

MistressML -> RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? (8/19/2008 10:07:37 AM)
My submissive is very service oriented. How is he to possible know what pleases me, and what displeases me, without good, solid feedback from me? When he serves me well and pleases me, you can bet I let him know. "Ah, good boy." And when he really pleases me, that is how he earns his release. When he displeases me, then you can bet he knows that too <veg>.

AquaticSub -> RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? (8/19/2008 10:15:38 AM)
~Fast Reply~ I really do crave it. I thrive on his praise and it gives me a warm gushy feeling that I can't match any other way. [:)] I dunno if I could do this without it but I'm not very interested in finding out!

subtee -> RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? (8/19/2008 10:27:45 AM)
~FR "Good girl" = melt.[;)]

KneelforAnne -> RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? (8/19/2008 10:27:51 AM)
i agree with all of the replies...if one is not praised or given words of encouragement, then a) how does one know his/her job was done to satisfaction (unless it WASN'T of course, then i am sure they would hear about it) and b) how does the submissive know that they are wanted? just my point of view. ~anne

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? (8/19/2008 10:32:15 AM)
When the only recognition for a job is when you make a mistake, no one is going to enjoy that for a long term. I gie the boys praise when they deserve it. Fox gave me a fantastic foot rub and so he got one himself. Angel does well for a week, and I wear an outfit I know he would enjoy, or I play the games with him he loves. I dont need to pat them on the head and all the time. However, even the little praise, like Thank you sweetie, goes a long way. DV

camille65 -> RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? (8/19/2008 10:55:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DelightnDevotion In your relationship with your Dom/Master/Domme/Mistress do you *want* to receive positive reinforcement? Do you *need* to receive positive reinforcement for the relastionship to be fulfilling for you? If you do not get any positive reinforcement how to you find fulfillment in your relationship? By positive reinforcement I mean either an intangible or tangible reward; something as simple as being told you are appreciated, you are a good slave/sub/pet, praise for a task well completed or something more elaborate such as dinner out at a nice restaurant. My owner jokes that I will 'work for praise'. Yes it is important to me, probably more than it should be. Outside validation is something I crave, the more I receive the more I work. I am lucky, he understands why I need it and never is stingy with praise or encouragement. If I didn't get positive reinforcement from him, I wouldn't want to be owned by him. It is like food for me, a basic need.

lronitulstahp -> RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? (8/19/2008 11:12:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subtee ~FR "Good girl" = melt.[;)] Exactly. i recently had an experience where i actually failed at a task. It was an essay...i didn't answer the question set forth. But i still got a "Good girl" for the content and style etc. It was amazing how the positive response softened the blow of the actual grade. ~tulip...who knew? [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m20.gif[/image]

DelightnDevotion -> RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? (8/19/2008 11:53:41 AM)
So a simple "Unless I tell you I'm not happy then you should know I'm always happy with you" blanket statement wouldn't work for any of you either? I realize that no one wants a "praise junky" or someone utterly dependent on receiving positive reinforcement every hour. But I simply don't know what to make of someone who very rarely (maybe once a week) gives positive reinforcement--and furthermore, claims they need none from you. Can positive reinforcement actually seem emotionally scary/threatening to someone?

NeedingMore220 -> RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? (8/19/2008 11:57:20 AM)
No, a blanket statement wouldn't be enough for me at all. It isn't enough in any relationship I have - from my mom to my friends to my Dom. I need to feel appreciated and wanted and acknowledged - positive reinforcement does that.

chamberqueen -> RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? (8/19/2008 12:24:34 PM)
I absolutely thrive on it - whether a simple thank you or good gurl or something very deep and heartfelt. It is definitely a NEED for me.

lizcgirl -> RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? (8/19/2008 12:35:22 PM)
I need it. Nothing big, just a 'good girl', 'wow', or that huge smile when He's left breathless, that's a bigger motivator than any punishment.

sirsholly -> RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? (8/19/2008 12:41:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DelightnDevotion Can positive reinforcement actually seem emotionally scary/threatening to someone? Ask anyone who attended a Catholic school and was taught by nuns. If they gave you praise (and this horseshit is a quote from one of them) then you would feel you were "living up tp your potential" and would no longer strive to better yourself. I know this did not answer your question of "scary/threatening" but it is one example of why some do not give praise. holly de ExCatholic

softpjOS -> RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? (8/19/2008 12:48:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DelightnDevotion So a simple "Unless I tell you I'm not happy then you should know I'm always happy with you" blanket statement wouldn't work for any of you either? lol i've heard close to that. "if you see a smile on My face, know I am happy with your service" Generally heard when i'm having one of those self doubt moments. Most of the time She is quite free in expressing Her pleasure with my service to Her. I hear "good girl" (agress with that causing an immediate melting feeling) "good/nice job", "thank you"... quite often. Probably more often then i need to hear it, but i'm certainly not going to complain about that! Personally, i would question if what i was doing was being done right, appreciated, wanted, needed, noticed at all if i didn't have some sort of feed back. lol ask my husband... he can tell you the effects of not giving any feedback. pj went on strike for two weeks after geting sick of feeling like what i did around the house wasn't appreciated and simply being taken for granted. [8D] quote: Can positive reinforcement actually seem emotionally scary/threatening to someone? I can absolutely see where that could become the case if someone was constantly needing to be acknowledged, and praised. I've known people like that and yes, it becomes very draining.

lronitulstahp -> RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? (8/19/2008 12:53:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp quote: ORIGINAL: subtee ~FR "Good girl" = melt.[;)] Exactly. i recently had an experience where i actually failed at a task. It was an essay...i didn't answer the question set forth. But i still got a "Good girl" for the content and style etc. It was amazing how the positive response softened the blow of the actual grade. ~tulip...who knew? [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m20.gif[/image] Clarification: my "Good girl" was actually based on something else. It was for my willingness to put in the work required, and my commitment to moving the relationship forward. Typical of me to think it was my style [;)]. Now back to your regularly scheduled thread...

MRandme -> RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? (8/19/2008 12:57:07 PM)
There is nothing my Master would ask me to do that i wouldn't, even if only to hear Him say 'good girl!' when i finished! i know He doesn't have to say it, that i would do it anyway... but hearing it makes me try all the harder the next time. Knowing that He will express His pleasure with me makes me want to find other ways to please, to anticipate His needs. Have you expressed this need to Him? It is important that the needs of both people are met, regardless of the dynamic, in order for it to be strong.

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125