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Computer Tech Call Log - 8/19/2008 11:50:23 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Can any of these be younger than 10 years old? I can't imagine that in 2008 that Techs are still getting these types of calls.

Tech support:    What kind of computer do you have?  

Female customer:    A  white one.
==============
Customer:    Hi,  this is Celine .. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support:   Have you tried pushing  the button?
Customer:    Yes, sure, it's stuck.
Tech  support:    That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer:    No , wait a minute.. I  hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....
===============
Tech  support:    Click  on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer:   Your left or my left?
===============
Tech  support:    Good  day. How may I help you?
Male  customer:    Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on  'start'  for me and....
Customer:   Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.
===============
Customer:    Hi, good afternoon,  this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find  printer'.  I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it.
============== 
Customer:   I have  problems printing in red..
Tech  support:    Do you have a color printer?
Customer:    Aaaah....................thank you.
===============
Tech  support:    What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer:    A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.
===============
Customer:   My keyboard  is not working anymore.
Tech  support:   Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer:   No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech  support:    Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer:   OK
Tech support:   Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer:  Yes
Tech support:   That means the keyboard  is not plugged in.. Is there another keyboard?
Customer:   Yes, there's another one here. Ah..that one does work...
===============
Tech  support:    Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor and the number 7.
Customer:   Is that 7 in capital  letters?
=============
Customer:   I can't get on the  Internet.
Tech support:    Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer:   Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech  support:    Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer:   Five stars.
===============
Tech  support:    What  anti-virus program do you use?
Customer:   Netscape.
Tech support:   That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer:   Oh, sorry, Internet Explorer.
===============
Customer:     I have a big problem. A friend put a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
===============
Tech  support:    How may I help you?
Customer:   I'm writing my first  e-mail.
Tech  support:    OK,  and what seems to be the problem?
Customer:   Well, I have  the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
===============
A woman customer called the Canon help desk about a  problem with her printer.
Tech  support:   Are you running it under windows?
Customer:   'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.  The man sitting in the cubicle next to me  is under a window, and his  printer is working fine.'
===============
Tech  support: 'Okay Bob, let's  press the control and escape keys at the same time.  That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.  Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program  Manager.'
Customer:   I don't have a P.
Tech  support:   On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer:   What do you mean?
Tech support:   'P'.....on  your keyboard, Bob.
Customer:   I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

(Guess Bob wasn't into water-sports!)

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 8/19/2008 12:04:24 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Computer Tech Call Log - 8/19/2008 11:57:26 AM   
Thadius


Posts: 5091
Joined: 10/11/2005
Status: offline 		Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "OK."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." (At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling when I got back to the call.)
Tech Support: "OK, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?"
Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"

One woman called Dell's toll-free line to ask how to install the batteries in her laptop. When told that the directions were on the first page of the manual the woman replied angrily, "I just paid $2,000 for this damn thing, and I'm not going to read the book."


Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"


Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."


Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"


_____________________________

When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends." ~ Japanese Proverb

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Computer Tech Call Log - 8/19/2008 12:01:08 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		"When calculating for human behavior, never omit the idiot factor."
 
Yes, you can quote me on that.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Thadius)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Computer Tech Call Log - 8/19/2008 12:06:33 PM   
Thadius


Posts: 5091
Joined: 10/11/2005
Status: offline 		Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk, and now my A: drive won't work."
Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?"
Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all."
Tech Support: "Did it not install properly? What kind of error messages did you get?"
Customer: "I didn't get any error message. The disk got stuck in the drive and wouldn't come out. So I got these pliers and tried to get it out. That didn't work either."
Tech Support: "You did what sir?"
Customer: "I got these pliers, and tried to get the disk out, but it wouldn't budge. I just ended up cracking the plastic stuff a bit."
Tech Support: "I don't understand sir, did you push the eject button?"
Customer: "No, so then I got a stick of butter and melted it and used a turkey baster and put the butter in the drive, around the disk, and that got it loose. Then I used the pliers and it came out fine. I can't believe you would send me a disk that was broken and defective."
Tech Support: "Let me get this clear. You put melted butter in your A: drive and used pliers to pull the disk out?" At this point, I put the call on the speaker phone and motioned at the other techs to listen in.
Tech Support: "Just so I am absolutely clear on this, can you repeat what you just said?"
Customer: "I said I put butter in my A: drive to get your crappy disk out, then I had to use pliers to pull it out."
Tech Support: "Did you push that little button that was sticking out when the disk was in the drive, you know, the thing called the disk eject button?"

Silence.

Tech Support: "Sir?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Sir, did you push the eject button?"
Customer: "No, but you people are going to fix my computer, or I am going to sue you for breaking my computer!"
Tech Support: "Let me get this straight. You are going to sue our company because you put the disk in the A: drive, didn't follow the instructions we sent you, didn't actually seek professional advice, didn't consult your user's manual on how to use your computer properly, instead proceeding to pour butter into the drive and physically rip the disk out?"
Customer: "Ummmm."
Tech Support: "Do you really think you stand a chance, since we do record every call and have it on tape?"
Customer: (now rather humbled) "But you're supposed to help!"
Tech Support: "I am sorry sir, but there is nothing we can do for you. Have a nice day."


_____________________________

When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends." ~ Japanese Proverb

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Computer Tech Call Log - 8/19/2008 12:08:24 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		OMG... I was cool until the P key... rofl  My neighbor walking past my window now thinks I'm crazy.

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Computer Tech Call Log - 8/19/2008 12:10:21 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Oh....my sadistic side could have so much fun with these fools.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Thadius)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Computer Tech Call Log - 8/19/2008 12:13:03 PM   
Thadius


Posts: 5091
Joined: 10/11/2005
Status: offline 		I posted a few links awhile back to somebody with a sadistic side that did have alot of fun with these fools.  Just do a search for bastard operator from hell.  He is like a folk hero amongst tech support types.

_____________________________

When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends." ~ Japanese Proverb

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Computer Tech Call Log - 8/19/2008 12:27:20 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		I think this set up would work great for a reality TV show.  One with hidden cameras on an office set with faulty equipment and new employees.
 
Ever see the You Tubes for Terry Tate, Office Linebacker?  lol

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Thadius)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Computer Tech Call Log - 8/19/2008 12:33:16 PM   
Thadius


Posts: 5091
Joined: 10/11/2005
Status: offline 		You don't need faulty equipment.   I remember when cd-rom drives were first being launched.  I got a call from a woman asking me why her pc didn't have a coffee cup holder like the lady in the cubical next to her.

_____________________________

When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends." ~ Japanese Proverb

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Computer Tech Call Log - 8/19/2008 1:05:24 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Did you tell her that was not in her pc's job description?
I would have directed her to HR.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Thadius)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Computer Tech Call Log - 8/19/2008 1:16:05 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		Sheeesh...i thought i was bad when the tech asked if i had a router and i thought he was talking about something to fix a toilet.

i no longer feel quite so dumb.


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CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Computer Tech Call Log - 8/19/2008 2:00:12 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I got one- my ISP sent me an email complaining that I did not use said email and if I did not w/in x days- the email account would be deleted.

duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.  if I dont use it- how am I to read the message.

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Computer Tech Call Log - 8/19/2008 11:47:48 PM   
cuddlesandabuse


Posts: 11
Joined: 3/1/2008
Status: offline 		I work in repairs and we hear the most rediculous stuff all the time, I had a very sad angry old man call me one day and demand to talk to the the manager. I spoke with him and asked him what his concern was, he told me that we made the worst inflatable boats imaginable, and he felt we ought to know that, I paused and did something I rarely do, I agreed with the man, we do make terrible inflable boats simply because in fact we do not make inflatable boats......and now when my job angers me I think of that crazy old man throwing our product line into the water and fastening a boat of it. 

I also got a call from a lady who insisted I personally knew how to get her dog a life vest. After professing that I simply would have no idea, and we infact could not make her one, I did get a chance to ask her if she knew that infact dogs can swim, at which point she hung up on me.


(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Computer Tech Call Log - 8/20/2008 12:06:31 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		I had a friend who worked comp. tech support.

At the time, I had a laptop.One day, I kept hearing a godawful buzzing sound coming from the laptop.. so we spent an hour or so going through all the stuff that ya do for situations where theres an issue that DOESNT get a popup alert.

Finally, she said she'd exhausted HER knowledge and all her coworkers, as well..  we hung up.

Late that night, I finally figured out that the buzzing sound I was hearing was my pager.. on vibrate... on the table, behind the laptop.

She STILL laughs about that.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to cuddlesandabuse)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Computer Tech Call Log - 8/20/2008 12:08:00 AM   
Bluebird


Posts: 384
Joined: 2/17/2006
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline 		One of my colleagues complained to me that her assistant's out of office message wasn't working. I sent a test email, and the auto-reply came back fine.  I asked what problem she was experiencing, and she said she was getting an out of office message for EVERY message she sent to this person, and didn't the system know she had already been notified?

_____________________________

Love is patient, love is kind. I am neither. Get over it.

(in reply to cuddlesandabuse)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Computer Tech Call Log - 8/20/2008 1:14:22 AM   
jesiul


Posts: 111
Joined: 7/16/2005
Status: offline 		Well it goes both ways … a few years ago I hade just moved into my home and was trying to hook up my DSL. They had sent me the wrong disk and it wouldn’t connect. But before I figured this out I called the help center because it was stalling out just before the connect.

I get the help line person who has very heavy accent, and proceed to explain the issue. After having him read the list of things off from his screen of way to fix it, and explaining I had already been through all of that he asked me if I had another phone jack in the house, I said yes. This guy then proceeded to tell me to move my computer into the other room and try hooking it up to that phone jack. (I swear this is the truth)

After I stopped laughing, I explained that the phone line was fine and worked, that I was calling him from the home phone. Yep. He told me that was the problem; I couldn’t be on the phone and online at the same time. So through my laughter I told him again it was DSL not dial up…Then he asked me a question. “What is DSL?”  I hung up.

_____________________________

*When others asked the truth of me, I was convinced it was not the truth they wanted, but an illusion they could bear to live with.*

(in reply to Bluebird)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Computer Tech Call Log - 8/20/2008 7:12:59 AM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		cust : My new FAX machine isn't working.
tech : OK, I'll give you a phone number and you send a FAX to test it OK ?
cust : OK

After a minute -

tech : Looks like you machine is fine, I recieved your FAX no problem.
cust : How can that be ? It's still here.

Now imagine that one getting a computer !

T

(in reply to jesiul)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Computer Tech Call Log - 8/20/2008 8:02:06 AM   
DaddyChess


Posts: 193
Joined: 4/11/2008
Status: offline 		One of my all time favorites, kid you not I have received this one, is

Customer: Hi, my computer wont turn on.  Nothing happens when I push the button.

Me: Is your computer plugged in?

Customer: I think so...

Me: Is your computer plugged into a surge protector?

Customer: Of course, I'm not an idiot.

Me: Is your surge protector turned on?

Customer: Of course it is (auditble click in the back ground)  Well nevermind, it's working now.

Me: Thank you sir, call back if you have any more problems.

(in reply to Termyn8or)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Computer Tech Call Log - 8/20/2008 12:57:08 PM   
BlackPhx


Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline 		PBKAS (Problem between Keyboard and Seat)..AKA User Error
You would be surprised at how many people really Do Need a 9 year old to teach them how to use their computers or set them up.

Sigh

Poenkitten (glad as it means she earns money)

(in reply to DaddyChess)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Computer Tech Call Log - 8/20/2008 7:43:36 PM   
Hanable


Posts: 3284
Joined: 3/19/2007
From: BFE ohio
Status: offline 		and to think im gonna be going to go to school for comp programming... omg ill go insane.

H >:)

_____________________________

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(in reply to BlackPhx)
Profile   Post #: 20
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