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Becoming cynical with exposure - 8/20/2008 9:26:20 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have been involved in some long term, very satisfying relationships in my life.  The men I have had the privilege to cater to, have been some of the most intelligent, non pretentious, confident about who they are and did not feel threatened by strength.

Those were good days,.. but I feel like those days have passed me by now. 

I love the forums but they can leave a bad taste in my mouth.  I am starting to feel cynical about what people want and expect.  I see men who can only feel respected if their partner calls them master.  What?  I see people posting about how service should be about taking care of his needs without regard to their own.  Huh?  And there is the inevidible standing in judgement about someone being a sub/dom, or not, based on minimal exposure to the person beyond listing kink.  What happened to getting to know someone?  Normally I would read and take what I want. But lately the regular type of men who contact me have those views of respect, his needs being more important, ect.  And oddly enough the men in poly situations who contact me are just seeking out ordinary women who are open to freedom.  The world is flipping on me.

How do you keep from becoming cynical? 
Kyst
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RE: Becoming cynical with exposure - 8/20/2008 9:33:11 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		By having faith.
That said, I don't believe that being cynical is a negative thing.
 
the.dark.

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RE: Becoming cynical with exposure - 8/20/2008 9:36:03 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Force yourself to smile. Even if you are not in bliss-fake it ....

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RE: Becoming cynical with exposure - 8/20/2008 9:43:02 AM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		you are learning that relationships only exist for sex, drugs, or $$$.  i learned this many years ago...

unconditional love is very rare in the 21st century....an actual relationship where someone wants to get to know someone is the rareist.





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RE: Becoming cynical with exposure - 8/20/2008 10:00:49 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Being cynical is not a bad thing.  As far as the forums go, take what is useful, leave the rest, and laugh at the idiots.  Works for me.

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RE: Becoming cynical with exposure - 8/20/2008 12:22:11 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I love the forums but they can leave a bad taste in my mouth.  I am starting to feel cynical about what people want and expect.  I see men who can only feel respected if their partner calls them master.  What?  I see people posting about how service should be about taking care of his needs without regard to their own.  Huh?  And there is the inevidible standing in judgement about someone being a sub/dom, or not, based on minimal exposure to the person beyond listing kink.  What happened to getting to know someone?  Normally I would read and take what I want. But lately the regular type of men who contact me have those views of respect, his needs being more important, ect.  And oddly enough the men in poly situations who contact me are just seeking out ordinary women who are open to freedom.  The world is flipping on me.

How do you keep from becoming cynical? 
Kyst


Sometimes, when things get to be too much, I just take a break -- I walk away until my curiosity becomes more intense than my frustration and cynicism. I wander off, do something else, re-evaluate my own concepts and figure out why my buttons are on 'hyper'... then, when I come back, I can do so from a fresh perspective, and with a good sense of myself... so the ideas I don't necessarily agree with become 'learning opportunities' and self-exploratory opportunities again, instead of just being annoying.

As far as the folks who judge others on their kink-list, or who yield up everything in service and expect nothing in return, or who expect to be addressed by some formal term... hey, if it works for them, more power to them -- some of those things might work for me in another life... some I may not have tried, and some I have no interest in at all... but for the folks who get all bent out of shape about the stuff, it's a personal issue... then again, I don't think most of them would want to be in a relationship with a bossy, chaotic, blood-bathed, flaming, poly, female, dominant, overtly verbal, grammar-freak, word-addicted, philosophizer like me anyway.

CFB

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 8/20/2008 12:24:04 PM >

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RE: Becoming cynical with exposure - 8/20/2008 12:58:55 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

you are learning that relationships only exist for sex, drugs, or $$$.  i learned this many years ago...

unconditional love is very rare in the 21st century....an actual relationship where someone wants to get to know someone is the rareist.






Do you really think that unconditional love is something that was once popular but isn't any more?

OP yeah.. I've been feeling that way myself and it doesn't feel good inside. I don't like being cynical or having a jaundiced view towards people. I'm thinking it is a combination of things, the natural flux that forums go through as the seasons change and perhaps too much time spent reading the forums on my part. Hopefully the feelings will pass for me because I just don't like them.


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RE: Becoming cynical with exposure - 8/20/2008 1:29:54 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		for what it is worth- if the person wants positive then be positive.   negative will set the stage for the tradgedy.  negative repels positive people and ideas.

the man of your dreams doesnt drop in with a parachut and knock on the door.  nor can one accurately size up posture and calibur in cyber.   do your own shopping and inspect the merchandise.


people want to be where the sun shines.  

cyniuism happens.  Do I want' to be an old fart who is all bitter and bitchy?   No.  So I have to try to change MY approach.


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RE: Becoming cynical with exposure - 8/20/2008 3:20:10 PM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
Status: offline 		I didn't keep from becoming a cynic.  In fact, I quit trying to avoid it, and was much more satisfied with the results.  No more disappointments or disillusionment - because there's little to be disappointed by when you expect the worst.  There are occassional (exceptionally RARE) times when I'm pleasantly surprised.  Those rare times, however, are much easier to deal with than constant and continual disappointment in the tendencies of humanity to be obnoxious, self absorbed, pretensious, assuming, arrogant assholes.
 
btw - it's not just males that I'm cynical about - it's Humanity as a Whole.

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RE: Becoming cynical with exposure - 8/20/2008 5:10:59 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		My problem is that I am normally a cheerful organizer.  I did this sub maso bdsm'y stuff before it caught on and so my men didn't have any preconceptions of what works.  We just kind of milled along bumping into experience along the way.  We approached US like a relationship.  What works for one is not necessarily going to work for the other, so adjustmens were made.  Yes BJs were common, but they were not demanded, they were encouraged.  Make me smile and I am more likely to open my mouth, ya know?  We did things to please one another with the idea of, "this is how you get what you want, tit for tat."  Now it is more like, you do this because he wants it, and that is all that matters.  It is hard for me to relate to that attitude.
And, until recently it wouldnt have been something that came up.  But now when I talk to people who want to meet it is evident that these are the expectations. 
I am not used to being cynical.  But so much of what I see seems like a role people play to fit in.
I have stepped back from seeking because of this.  But stepping back entirely can't happen as long as I run a group. 
I am lucky I guess, that I have had some wonderful relationships, and that the people in my group are free thinkers as I am.
*sigh*  It makes me wonder if I am too old to start again if these are the requirements.
Kyst

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RE: Becoming cynical with exposure - 8/20/2008 5:49:50 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline
quote:


Do you really think that unconditional love is something that was once popular but isn't any more?


yes i do....sex and drugs are much more sought after than it ever has been.  cheating is also more common.  divorce is at its highest rate ever.  marriages dont last longer than 5-10 years tops. 

trust just isnt there like it used to be as more paranoid people exist due to all the abuse/rape crimes that occur now compared to before.  even if they've never experienced or known anyone that had this happen to.

it is a sad world we live in today compared to 30,40,50+years ago.


_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.
I am flawed.
Imperfect.
MUST SPANK!!!
SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

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RE: Becoming cynical with exposure - 8/20/2008 6:33:17 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		For people like us
In places like this
We need all the hope
That we can get
I still Believe

The Call

Jeff

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RE: Becoming cynical with exposure - 8/20/2008 8:11:02 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		I got so cynical that I turned invisible..........  

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RE: Becoming cynical with exposure - 8/20/2008 8:59:28 PM   
Alumbrado


Posts: 5560
Status: offline 		Cynical is a survival skill.

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RE: Becoming cynical with exposure - 8/20/2008 9:38:00 PM   
kinkbound


Posts: 387
Joined: 9/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

you are learning that relationships only exist for sex, drugs, or $$$.  i learned this many years ago...

unconditional love is very rare in the 21st century....an actual relationship where someone wants to get to know someone is the rareist.






Unconditional love doesn't compute with me. People change. Sometimes radically.

What if you no longer even recognized the person you once fell in love with?

What if your love falls into a deep, self-destructive, help-refusing tailspin which includes abusing you, others, and worse yet... even children? Do you stick around and fall with your love, or do you go into a self-preservation mode?

Do you stay in love for what your love once was, and for what you once had?

The notion of unconditional love seems to me an overly romantic and immature fairy-tale.

But maybe I've just grown too cynical with age.

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