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RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 7:07:45 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Well, it could be a sign that he is not in love with you. My former sir would tell me I looked attractive but never beautiful. he'ld say,"you look nice". I found this curious. I have a new Sir that thinks I am beautiful and calls me beautiful whenever we speak. So it could be a sign that although he likes you he doesnt see you in the light you would like. yes, of course this can be your insecurities. But if him not saying these things matter than perhaps he is not the right sort for you. Of course the advice to feel good and feed yourself is good advice to take.


Wow, that's kind of a huge leap dontcha think? Maybe it means your Sir doesn't really love you???? Did you miss this part of her OP?
quote:

i have been seeing a Master for a while now, and we are both in love with eachother.  





Well, first off, What does "a while now" exactly mean? No its not a big leap. I said MAYBE, not definately. I also emphasized if she needs these words and he cant give them then she should move on to one who will give her that or maybe work on herself.

ps. Your post was very inspiring to me. You have a great attitude and a great Master. I hope she is getting the same kind of care that you are.

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(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 7:07:53 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		There has already been a lot of excellent advice here, but I'd like to add a little.

I am uncomfortable with my looks - an if you take a look at the other responses you'll see that a lot of others are, too.  I have a very bad habit that I'm working on:  even when I DO get a compliment I often discount it.  For instance, the other day my Master came home while I was walking down the stairs with a vacuum in my hand.  He looked at me and said, "looking good".  My first thought was that He meant the house.  It was like there was a few second delay before I realized that He was talking about me!  Then I was so thrown that I just explained that I had been vacuuming up the glass from a lightbulb that I had accidentally broken.  Instead of enjoying the compliment I nervously just reported facts.

The fact that your Master doesn't compliment that parts of you that you feel are most worthy of His compliments does not mean that He doesn't appreciate those things about you.  Some people truly don't realize how much a compliment can be appreciated, or possibly you are like me and have tended to brush them aside.  It is much easier for me to remember an insult than a compliment, so I actually keep a journal where I write down the compliments and kind things that my Master says to me.  If I ever feel down I go back to that journal and reread them.

The fact that your Master loves you is the biggest compliment that He can give to you.  You should never feel lost or worthless as long as the two of you are in love.  As the slave, is it really fair for you - even just in your mind - to want to demand of Him that He say certain words to you?  Is that truly showing trust in Him, or ceding your power to Him?  Rejoice in the good in the relationship, and keep your eyes open to more subtle compliments.  A slap on the butt as He walks by can be as potent a compliment as Him saying, "nice boobs".


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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 7:57:45 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Secretslave1138

Hello Everyone...

i have never made a post here on the site, but i need a few questions answered.

i have been seeing a Master for a while now, and we are both in love with eachother.  However, i am aware that i have weight issues, but those are not really my fault, they are because of medical reasons.  i have always told my Master how sexy he is and how much i find him attractive, his hands....yadda, yadda, yadda.  But, he never compliments me in any way.  He has told me over and over how cute i look, but never says i have a nice chest or that i have a nice ass...or anything like that.  Is there something wrong here?  If someone loves you, do they not love all of you, and compliment you no matter what.  i mean i know people who are in their 60's and although their wives are nowhere near the size they were, their husbands always call them beautiful or sexy.

i need to know...i feel like a wilting rose right now.

Any thoughts would be most welcomed.  Thank you very much!!!!


Hon, what I see here are hidden expectations -- and unfortunately, our expectations, unless they're agreed to up front and are out on the table, are often likely to go unmet. Have you talked with your Dominant partner about this? He's the one that you need to explain your expectations to and get past them. It may not even -be- that he's not attracted to your body... he may just not be big on -saying- anything about stuff like that, and you may be getting yourself into a lather about a perceived problem that doesn't even exist... the only way you'll know is to bring it up to him.

Now -- there -is- a chance that he -doesn't- like your body. Most of us have something about our life-mates, especially when we've been together for a while, that just isn't our favorite thing. I told my Darling once that I love her not in -spite- of her faults, but because those are also a part of her, and she would not be who she is without them. Do I love her -- absolutely... but I have never lied to her and pretended she was without flaws... she knows that I love her even though she's picky to the point of distraction, dresses like a mad scientist, etc... but I don't go telling her what an amazing outfit she's wearing if she's dressed in baggy jeans and a t-shirt stained with xylene cyanol.

Everyone has flaws. If your Dominant partner doesn't find your body attractive, certainly there is something else about you that he finds enticing -- after all, you've said that you are in love. I know that, for my Darling, my body comes as part of a package... she's not attracted to my body, and I'm cool with that (some days I'm not all that fond of it, either), but I have no doubt that she loves me. I don't expect her to lie to me and tell me what an awesome body I have -- just like I don't lie to her and tell her what an amazing fashion icon she is, and how easy-going she is. We don't have those kinds of hidden expectations to drag one another down.

I'd really look at your own insecurities about your body. Maybe you can't do anything about it. I know how it is to have medical issues that impact your body -- I've spent most of my adult life on steriods to manage my broken immune system, so my body is reminiscent of the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man... and the chances of that changing are nil (seeing as I've dealt with the same issues for almost 46 years, and was born with the idiosyncracy that left me dealing with it), but that doesn't mean that you can't take care of yourself... and it doesn't mean that, if your lover doesn't complement your body, xhe's trying to hurt you or make you feel bad... your body is what it is. Claim it and be proud of it, and try to treat it with respect. Sure, your health may mean that you have a certain shape, but you can choose what you will and won't do to keep yourself as healthy as you can... and you can cherish your relationship without making your dominant partner feel like, in order to keep you from feeling bad about yourself, he has to lie about loving the parts of you that he accepts, but may not be attracted to.

Calla Firestorm


_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 9:23:05 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		Compliments are nice but not necessary for me to feel good about myself.  After reading the OP i started thinking about my relationship with my ex Master and i can honeslty say i don't remember him ever complimenting me personally, things like "your beautiful, sexy, pretty, etc"   He complimented me on my performance - and when i didn't get some kind of verbal affirmation it bothered me, even if it was to say he wasn't pleased with something. i liked to get feedback so i could improve where i needed to. 

i know what i bring to the table isn't a hot beautiful body a guys going to drool over... so what?  If i never get another compliment on my body ever again life would still go on and it wouldn't affect me in the least.  i have intrinsic worth, i have value that if someone cannot connect with that i have no interest in them either. 

You say he's in love with you and you him. Don't worry and fret about the petty stuff. Do you feel in your heart that he finds you pleasing?  If you are unhappy with your body work to change the things you can fix and accept the rest, don't live life with that cross around your neck because it will hold you back from experiences and relationships if you allow it.

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 10:03:37 AM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline 		FR~

My owners not big on giving compliments (nor is he good about taking compliments easily), but its just how he is and usually there's other signs (like eyesopened mentioned, looking for the "chubbing up").

C~


_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

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(in reply to NeedingMore220)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 2:53:10 PM   
Secretslave1138


Posts: 48
Joined: 3/18/2008
Status: offline 		Wow, such wonderful thoughts here.

Perhaps i need to address a few things here.  i have only been with him once irl.  This is a very long distance relationship and i just feel i need to hear some nice things, being that he cannot show me how he feels. 

i am not high maitenance, by any means.  i dont need to hear everyday that i am sexy.  i am talking about a nice compliment once a month or something to that extent.  Being afar puts a strain on a relationship, so any little shred of compliment helps put things into perspective.

i am not all full of myself either.  i just need alittle admiration and such to keep me going.  Thats all i ask for, which i do not feel is alot.  i am not materialistic, which he definetly knows that.

Erin...you have made alot of sense in your responses.  Yes, i am right there with you in means of my extraodinary talents...but at times i need to know that i am still desireable.  Just because someone tells you they love you, does not mean they find you desireable.  i mean i know alot of men, who have been married for years, and they tell their wives all the time that they love them, and then turn around and have an afair.  So, the desireablility is obviously not there anymore.  i want to make sure, that i am his ideal, so i strive to be his ideal and beyond.  So, i need to know if i am there or not...make sense?

And...i am not insecure when it comes to my assets.  i know that when i am in the grocery store or out for a night with the girls, that i really get the looks.  i know that i have it...but...although i love to get those looks and see men twisting their heads to see me bend over...i need to get those looks and compliments from the "ONE", because it is his gestures and thoughts that really count in my head.  Make sense?

Please do not think i am high maitenance or such, because i really am not.  i just need things, thats all.  Sorry if my post offended anyone...but i am alittle wilty right now.

Hugs and thank you everyone.  And...anyone else who decides to respond.









(in reply to NeedingMore220)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 3:12:22 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		My advice, in light of your posts and the posts of others is to tell him this respectfully, one time, and then drop it. A sure-fire way to lose him is to cling, to express to him through your actions that you are not in control of yourself and that you derive all of your self-worth from him.

If you express your need and if he does nothing about it, then you either accept it or don't accept it. If you don't accept it, do what you need to do in order to have your needs met. If you find that you consistently need to be stroked, if your "once a month" starts increasing, and then increasing from there, perhaps consult a therapist to help you with your self-image and self-confidence.

I wish you well.

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 3:53:28 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'm curious to know- has he always complimented you on your physical attributes and suddenly stopped?  Or has it always been like this and only recently become a problem?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 4:18:15 PM   
MizSexyVixen


Posts: 137
Joined: 6/6/2008
Status: offline 		Looks, body weight, really all that is incredibly superficial. I do not have the looks or body I had when I was 25..and you know what? I was a superficial narcissist who often depended on my looks to get by, b/c I could. And guess what kind of men I attracted??? Ones who just wanted my body.

Now that I am older and so don't have a perfect body anymore, I've managed to develop some social and other skills so my self worth can be not about how I look, but who I AM. And guess what? I attract much better quality people these days.



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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 6:57:06 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Some people just aren't comfortable in giving compliments. I agree with the others that your own insecurities might be getting away with you.

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(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 7:08:56 PM   
Secretslave1138


Posts: 48
Joined: 3/18/2008
Status: offline 		In response to Lucky...No, he never made it a point to discuss my attributes.  So, no, there was not sudden stop.  We both fell for eachother in a funny way.  We loved eachothers minds and he loved that i am a real slave, not a fake, and i loved that he was a real Master, not a fake.  So, the attraction was there.  Make sense? 

MizSexy...i agree, i too have used my attributes to sometimes get a rise, but not in means to get "something" or "somewhere" but rather to attract a man, how would not have noticed me prior.  i can see what you are talking about though. 

batshalom...i would never want to be complimented more than what i said, unless i went out of my way to do something very nice, like do myself up very pretty for a night out.  To me, complimenting me all the time would make it lose its luster.  i love having sentimental moments.  So, for he and i to be laying in bed together, and him running his hand down my side, and suddenly say..."your skin is so soft, all the way down to this nice ass!"  would be perfect to me.  i am a moments girl, and that would make me feel special.  But, i would love it just the same, if he were flogging the hell out of my ass, and said he loves how nice my ass looks. 

i do not derive my self-worth through him, because i already have a mess of people to tell me i am worthy, and that i am pretty and all that stuff.  i am just looking for admiration and compliments to stroke my slave self.  So, that i know i am taking care of His body...does that make sense?

Again, thank you for the answers.  i think that since i have heard from a great deal of good people here, that i may post more often.  i am a bit on the shy side and keep to myself in the lifestyle, but perhaps i need to broaden my horizons. 

Hugs!!!

(in reply to MizSexyVixen)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 7:33:26 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Secretslave1138

If someone loves you, do they not love all of you, and compliment you no matter what.  i mean i know people who are in their 60's and although their wives are nowhere near the size they were, their husbands always call them beautiful or sexy.


"Compliment you no matter what" !!???  UH..... so you think he should lie?

I suppose some people will lie and some will not.  Also.... those 60plus women who have their husbands say they are beautiful or sexy... well .......maybe they actually see them as beautiful or sexy... and then again ... maybe some are lying.

I see my girls as very beautiful and very sexy... to me. Reality check... some men will not see them as such... even thou I do.  Secondly.... Are they the physical the most beautiful women in the world... No.. I am not going to lie.  could they loose a few pounds.. yeah.. but so could I... do they have a few wrinkles.. yeah.. but I have more and lots of grey too.  Regardless... I see them as beautiful and sexy... for me.  Guess what.. regardless of my physical inadequacies... my girls think I am pretty hot and got great buns... even thou its hairy.

It is sad that you want your Master to express his attraction to you in the manner that you want just so you can feel better about yourself.  I also have to wonder... did you talk to him about this issue that you brought to the boards... did you?  How about showing him what you posted... and see what he thinks of it.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 7:40:09 PM   
Secretslave1138


Posts: 48
Joined: 3/18/2008
Status: offline 		Yes, i have discussed it with Him.  i would not disrespect Him in that way.  You do not know me well enough to accuse me of posting without permission. 

You obviously have me pegged all wrong and need to read all my posts.  Respectfully read before you rant about my feelings and thoughts. 

As for honesty, W/we have complete honesty, and i would never ask him to lie.  You have missed my point obviously, so thank you for what you did write, but it is not at all how i see things. 

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(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 7:50:38 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		I agree with Knight of Mists.  Your OP and followup posts are self-contradictory, and come off as clingy and in need of validation from a man you objectively do not have a real-life relationship with.  Maybe this means you're going to put me in the "not nice" club, but at least he and I are willing to give you some maledom perspective here.  And, yes, I've read all your posts, and my reading comprehension is usually pretty good.

The real issue here sure seems like the following: being deeply "in love" with someone you have only met once in real life is a tenuous situation at best.  It would be stunning if you weren't insecure about that, because it is a fundamentally insecure situation.  One symptom of insecurity is an excessive desire for physical compliments.

The solution is not to get him to change his speech.  The solution is to see him more often, so you know if you have something real, or have just built a castle in the air.  Actions -- and physical presence -- speak a lot louder than words.


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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
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(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 8:01:56 PM   
Secretslave1138


Posts: 48
Joined: 3/18/2008
Status: offline 		RedMagic...eloquently said.  And i respect what you have spoken here. 

But, i am not clingy.  i have gone days without speaking to my Master and i am fine.  i do not need his constant attention and aknowlegdements...but when you have distance, words is all you have.  i am not insecure about the things mentioned in this post.  My insecurities lay with other things.  i know how men look at me, i know that i have "it" persay.  i am talking about a simple compliment.  Has this world really lost it luster sooo much, that a simple compliment is misconstruded as insecurities and clinginess.  Some of you are making me out to be a mental case in constant need, and that is not the case.  i am a well educated, independent woman...just because i would like to hear i am sexy every blue moon makes me clingy and insecure.  Dang!!!

As for actions...there have been none.  i am really dismayed by the stereotyping going on here.  Geesh.  And here i thought i may get some support...well boohoo on me for reaching out.



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RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 8:02:03 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for the clarification-when you discussed it, what did he say?  Did he make any commitments to change his behavior?

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 8:14:53 PM   
Secretslave1138


Posts: 48
Joined: 3/18/2008
Status: offline 		First off, thank you Lucky for being kind to me on such a hard subject to talk about.  TYVM.

He did not change the way he spoke to me...which i would never ask him to change who he is...but he agreed with me, but went right back to saying i am cute and everything focused on my face.  Now, i am not saying i do not love hearing those things, but there is more to me than my face.  i agree with someones posts, that these are just parts...but i want to make sure those "parts" are the way he likes.  i dont want to play a guessing game over whether or not, the other parts please him.  Yes, i can stand to lose a few pounds, who can't...but i think that i hold my weight very sexish...does that make sense?  i am no skeleton, but i am curvy and sensual. 

i mean if he is a face man, then hell i got it covered.  But, he has never told me what kinda man he is...and that is why i am trying to perfect myself.  Thanks again!!!

_____________________________

"I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me Master!" Emperor Palpatine, Star Wars

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 8:21:52 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Our physical being is a very distinct part of who we are.  It's very enjoyable to know that ALL of our parts are desired and plesasureable by the person we choose to spend our lives with and care most for their approval.

However, he's never been that type, he's listened to you so he knows the issue and chooses not to make changes to that effect.  Now your choice is simple- accept this is how it is and take appreciation in all the ways he DOES find you a good mate, or continue to drive yourself crazy?

Or just end it altogether and find someone who works with you in more ways, but that's a more severe choice.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 8:39:31 PM   
katie978


Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline 		  Personally, I don't appreciate compliments that aren't heartfelt. You compliment him all the time...how often do you really mean it? When you tell him "Nice Chest", aren't you just waiting for him to compliment you back? Fishing for compliments reeks of insecurity and is, frankly, passive aggressive behavior at it's ugliest. If I wanted someone to simply parrot back words to make me feel more confident, I would seriously reassess my self-esteem and mental state.
   Little wilted rose, cubic zirconia, if you want your boyfriend to say things out of a romance novel...grow up. BDSM, although exciting, is real life. Men, although dominant and therefore sexier, are still men and thus, relatively dense. Your boyfriend chooses to remain with you in your online 'relationship'. If he didn't find you attractive, he'd find someone else...an online collar is as easily removed as it is given. Men are simple creatures, and they don't play games the way women do. He doesn't psychically know what you need him to say to make you happy any particular day, but he also doesn't say things he doesn't mean. If he says you're cute, he thinks you're cute. Obviously you're attractive enough to keep his interest despite your penchant for fishing for compliments and comparing yourself to flowers and jewels (some of men's favorite things).

P.S.: Dense, simple men-I love you for it


_____________________________



"That's the plan. Rule the world. You and me. Anyday ::wink::"



(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Question about Masters and love and body - 8/21/2008 8:45:08 PM   
Secretslave1138


Posts: 48
Joined: 3/18/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you Lucky...you really have given me food for thought.  May i message you in the future?  You seem to be a great friend to have around...lol.

Hugs!!!

_____________________________

"I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me Master!" Emperor Palpatine, Star Wars

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 40
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