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Dominance and Narcissistic Behavior? - 8/23/2008 8:50:55 AM

Quivver

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The thread ~Surprisingly Bad Boy~ with all the equations mentioned to his Narcissistic behavior drug and old ghost out of the closet for me. It was a Man a decade ago with a huge dominant streak who led me to finding what we call this lifestyle. He was not my introduction, only the catalyst. A year or so after finding myself involved with Mr Ego did I learn he had actually been diagnosed.

With that said and this fresh thread dragging my ghost back into direct sunlight I saw how my own submissive actions and reactions kept feeding the wolf. (using the analogy given by JaunsDom about the wolf in sheep's clothing)

NPD's thrive on special treatment. Sub's offer special treatment. I realize that it's up to us as individuals to define what we consider dysfunctional, what works for us and what doesnt, yet there is a fine line that I think many times we waver between not only as submissive's but also with Dominants.

My questions are this.

As a Submissive who's drawn to those Mr Ego types have you found you must be stronger in self conviction to ward off feeding Narcissistic behavior? Or how have you recovered it? Did it effect submission down the road?

And for you Dominants, do you consider your actions in any way as Narcissistic? And if you have recognized any NPD within yourself have you tried to “get over yourself” (as mentioned a few times in the ~Surprisingly Bad Boy~ thread) And did it effect your Dominance for the better or for the worse?

(edited for paragraphs)

< Message edited by Quivver -- 8/23/2008 8:52:06 AM >

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RE: Dominance and Narcissistic Behavior? - 8/23/2008 8:58:42 AM

colouredin

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Narcissism as a personality trait and an illness are very differant (also being narcissistic is very differant from simply having an ego) I am a sub and I can be HUGELY Narcissistic on occasion, I am attracted to slightly arrogant people i find it comforting but its not the same as them being narsisstic, course you can feed the ego (for any british people the way rex treats nicole is a perfect example) but thats just a case of how much we let people get away with, as with anything its our choice, as subs it may be more likely that we would feed destructive personality traits of which I think Narcissism is but arrogance isnt in the right quantity

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RE: Dominance and Narcissistic Behavior? - 8/23/2008 9:06:38 AM

LaTigresse

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I joke about it being all about me, and sometimes even make it all about me. However, if you were to look at the body of my life you would see that it is far from being all about me.

It is my responsibility to do what is best for my family. It's a big picture kind of thing. I run the show, I'm the one in control, the decision maker. Sometimes that means I make choices that are less than fun for me.

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RE: Dominance and Narcissistic Behavior? - 8/23/2008 9:19:23 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Reposted:
Many dominants do, in fact, resemble narcissists and may in fact be moderately narcissistic.

The difference is- is their narcissism preventing them from living a good-functioning life, is it preventing them from building a secure stable relationship, is it preventing them from making healthy connections with other people?

A person can be arrogant, narcissistic, ego-boosting, selfish AND loving, caring, helpful and committed to others.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_100781/mpage_1/key_narcissistic/tm.htm#100783
Dominant or Narcissist?

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RE: Dominance and Narcissistic Behavior? - 8/23/2008 9:23:08 AM

WhiplashSmile2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Reposted:
Many dominants do, in fact, resemble narcissists and may in fact be moderately narcissistic.

The difference is- is their narcissism preventing them from living a good-functioning life, is it preventing them from building a secure stable relationship, is it preventing them from making healthy connections with other people?

A person can be arrogant, narcissistic, ego-boosting, selfish AND loving, caring, helpful and committed to others.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_100781/mpage_1/key_narcissistic/tm.htm#100783
Dominant or Narcissist?

I'm sorry did'nt you get the memo this morning that Technical Advisors only date girls with 4 year+ degrees?

< Message edited by WhiplashSmile2 -- 8/23/2008 9:30:23 AM >

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RE: Dominance and Narcissistic Behavior? - 8/23/2008 9:32:17 AM

Alumbrado

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quote:

And if you have recognized any NPD within yourself have you tried to “get over yourself”

Pretty much an oxymoron, isn't it?

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RE: Dominance and Narcissistic Behavior? - 8/23/2008 9:50:14 AM

Solipsistic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I joke about it being all about me, and sometimes even make it all about me. However, if you were to look at the body of my life you would see that it is far from being all about me.

It is my responsibility to do what is best for my family. It's a big picture kind of thing. I run the show, I'm the one in control, the decision maker. Sometimes that means I make choices that are less than fun for me.

Very nicely said.

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RE: Dominance and Narcissistic Behavior? - 8/23/2008 9:51:31 AM

Quivver

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I fully agree we all have Narcissistic traits ... I know I do too!

I identify as a submissive because that is what feeds me in a relationship. With that said, I also know how hard it has been at times to speak of my own needs. Something that seems I share with a portion of other submissives. But my time with Mr Ego taught me a few valuable lessons.

The problem now is I think I raise a red flag too soon, that eye brow goes up and I start to break ground for a new wall. (not limited to lifestyle), although it's always a choice, a brick or two will be left out.

I'm positive the residue left from that relationship (ie: baggage) is negative when if it is not kept in check, yet it is also a positive for drawing limits and caring for self.

Bottom line is it's all in what one accepts and works for them. Many have pointed at JanusDom as a failure (including myself) yet there is one out there who he will work for and be accepted by. The problem is those who pass through his life and are not the `one` and what residue they carry from it.

grrr, edited again for paragraphs, duh!

< Message edited by Quivver -- 8/23/2008 9:52:23 AM >

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