Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Three Things Are Inevitable...


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Humor and Games >> Three Things Are Inevitable... Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Three Things Are Inevitable... - 8/24/2008 4:18:20 PM   
ominousdominus


Posts: 445
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline
The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s.

"May I help you?" she asked.

"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.

"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.

"No, I must see Valerie," was the man's reply.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $1,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten one-hundred dollar bills, gave them to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that none had ever come back two nights in a row--too expensive--and there were no discounts. The price was still $1,000. Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs. After their session, Valerie questioned the man. "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked.

The man replied, " South Carolina."

"Really" she said. "I have family in South Carolina."

"I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $3,000 inheritance."

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:

1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer



_____________________________

Caution: frequently an asshole and suffers from a personality akin to a wolverine on PCP.-

Prolific Profile Perver-

Your Safety word is.......Kvennafræðarin
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Three Things Are Inevitable... - 8/25/2008 12:15:58 PM   
Sanguinarian


Posts: 474
Joined: 8/13/2008
Status: offline
: laughs: Very nice.

Though I tend to prefer this quote. Can you tell me where it is from?

Three things never anger, or you will not live for long:
A wolf with cubs
A man with power
And a woman's sense of wrong.

(in reply to ominousdominus)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Three Things Are Inevitable... - 8/26/2008 1:15:04 AM   
JulieorSarah


Posts: 552
Joined: 8/25/2007
Status: offline
i did a search and found this ... i've highlighted the quoted bits ... there was no authorship attributed ... however i'm still looking ...

(edited to add) and found this http://www.sunflower.com/~billk/Poems/Threes.htm

Threes

Deep into the stony hills, miles from town or hold
A troop of guards comes riding, with a lady and her gold
She rides bemused among them, shrouded in her cloak of fur
Companioned by a maiden and a toothless, aged cur.
Three things see not end, a flower blighted ere it bloomed,
A message that miscarries and a journey that is doomed.

One among the guardsmen has a shifting, restless eye
And as they ride, he scans the hills that rise against the sky
He wears both sword and jewels worth more than he could afford
And hidden in his baggage is a heavy, secret horde.
Of three things be wary, of a feather on a cat
The shepherd eating mutton, and the guardsman that is fat.

Little does the lady care what all the guardsmen know-
That bandits ambush caravans that on these trade roads go.
In spite of tricks and clever traps and all that men can do
The brigands seem to always sense which trains are false or true.
Three things are most perilous- the shape that walks behind,
The ice that will not hold you and the spy you cannot find.

From ambush bandits screaming charge the pack train and its prize
And all but four within the train are taken by surprise
And all but four are cut down as a woodsman fells a log;
The guardsmen and the lady and the maiden and the dog.
Three things hold a secret- lady riding in a dream,
The dog that sounds no warning, and the maiden who does not scream.

Then off the lady pulls her cloak, in armor she is clad-
Her sword is out and ready, and her eyes are fierce and glad.
The maiden makes a gesture, and the dog's a cur no more-
A wolf, sword-maid and sorceress now face the bandit horde.
Three things never anger, or you will not live for long,
A wolf with cubs, a man with power and a women's sense of wrong

The lady and her sister by a single trader lore
Were hired out to try to lay a trap all of their own
And no one knew their plan except the two who rode that day
For what you do not know you cannot ever give away!
Three things is, better, far, that only two should know-
Where treasure hides, who shares your bed, and how to catch your foe!

The bandits growl a challenge, and the lady only grins
The sorceress bows mockingly, and then the fight begins!
When it ends there are only four left standing from that horde-
The witch, the wolf, the trader and the women with the sword!
Three things never trust; in a maiden sworn is pure,
The vows a king has given, and the ambush that is "sure."

They strip the trader naked and then whip him on his way
And to the barren hillsides, like the folk he used to slay-
And what of all the maidens that this bandit raped and slew?
Why, as revenge the sorceress makes him a woman too!
Three things trust above all else- the horse on which you ride,
The beast that guards your sleeping, and your shieldmate at your side.

< Message edited by JulieorSarah -- 8/26/2008 1:19:13 AM >

(in reply to Sanguinarian)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Three Things Are Inevitable... - 8/27/2008 10:17:28 AM   
AMaster


Posts: 814
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

(in reply to JulieorSarah)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Three Things Are Inevitable... - 8/27/2008 11:04:49 AM   
brat4fun


Posts: 47
Joined: 4/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JulieorSarah

i did a search and found this ... i've highlighted the quoted bits ... there was no authorship attributed ... however i'm still looking ...




Mercedes Lackey's short story "Turnabout" from her book "Oathblood".  It's a collection of short stories about her characters Tarma and Kethry.  The other two books about them are "The Oathbound" and "Oathbreakers".  They also appear in "By The Sword" which features Kethry's granddaughter Kerowyn and connects the stories of Tarma and Kethry with Lackey's stories of the Kingdom of Valdemar.

Yeah... I'm a geek.  *grin*

lil Aidan

(in reply to JulieorSarah)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Three Things Are Inevitable... - 8/27/2008 6:33:51 PM   
virgini970


Posts: 142
Joined: 5/28/2008
Status: offline
love did not see it coming

(in reply to brat4fun)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Three Things Are Inevitable... - 9/4/2008 8:57:43 PM   
Sanguinarian


Posts: 474
Joined: 8/13/2008
Status: offline
: grins: I am a geek too, dont forget me! And good for finding the reference!


(in reply to virgini970)
Profile   Post #: 7
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Humor and Games >> Three Things Are Inevitable... Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.074