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RE: Does age matter? - 11/27/2005 2:13:38 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		My younger Dom friends are good Men..and would be a treasure to any submissive. Yet They are often dismissed out of hand by women not much older than They, or the same age. i cannot quite understand the attraction between a young woman and an older Man...having lived in that dynamic i found it stifling and just plain annoying. We were married for 15 years and he treated me like i was 20 the whole time. Nothing i said mattered; i could do nothing right; etc.etc.etc.

Yes, there is a dearth of respect on CM and we should decry it...and yes, the young Doms seem to suffer a lot of fools...but eventually They will be cured of Their problems by dint of aging. Those who treat Them badly may never be cured of their disrespectful manners.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 11/27/2005 2:14:19 PM >

(in reply to ICGsteve)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Does age matter? - 11/27/2005 2:30:21 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		Well, Heather, it looks like you've just got a lot more optimism in the ability of "our species to evolve spiritually beyond anything we've ever imagined" than I do. Instead of evolving over a few generations, I think we're more like cockroaches and evolving at a rate that may be evident only if measured over geologic time. Instead of evolution I bet a case could be made for the opposite simply by looking in your mailbox on this site. heh.

So I tend to think of it statistically. Sure, there will be some on the upper tail of the distribution who will be more mature (or evolved) than average, but it has been like that for centuries. The ancient Greeks probably said "Kids these days sure grow up fast -- just look at that Alexander off conquering Persia." I hate to rely on a cliche to make a point, but the more things change the more they stay the same, and parents in the 50's perceived Elvis on the Ed Sullivan show the same way parents today see rappers on MTV and the internet. So I don't believe that the younger generation is any more mature on average than they have ever been just because they get bombarded with more information or are more likely to get pregnant. Sure there are differences in society's effects on youngsters, but they are differences in style and not in substance. For the slim minority who are mature beyond their years there will always be plenty of immature younger folks who will have a lot to learn even though they think they know it all . . . just like there were in the generations that came before them.

How's that? I didn't even roll my eyes.

< Message edited by happypervert -- 11/27/2005 2:33:09 PM >

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to justheather)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Does age matter? - 11/27/2005 6:32:58 PM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert



How's that? I didn't even roll my eyes.


And I do so appreciate that.

I am aware that one's perspective on things changes as you do more and more looking at youth culture through the rearview mirror, and having worked for a hellacious year as a psych nurse with adolescents I know they are not all reincarnations of Ghandi, Warhol and Wittgenstein (;-) ). Thanks for the intelligent dialogue. It's especially refreshing after having taken a look, as you suggested, in my collarme inbox.

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Does age matter? - 11/28/2005 5:11:39 AM   
MasterRobert1


Posts: 225
Joined: 7/18/2005
Status: offline 		It isn't age, it's experience. It's knowledge and experience that make a good Master.

(in reply to Wolf1020)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Does age matter? - 11/28/2005 6:35:16 AM   
Tine11


Posts: 423
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterRobert1

It isn't age, it's experience. It's knowledge and experience that make a good Master.


I can see that but i personally think that after a certain number of years teh age gap is just to high. I mean i am 21 adn their is no way could have master who was 45 or 50, that woud mean dating someone your parents age.

_____________________________

The world is like a shinning diamond.
The way it gitters if you polish it right.
If the light should turn and leave you blinded.
Take the dream and give it one more try.

Soulburn, Masterplan

(in reply to MasterRobert1)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Does age matter? - 11/28/2005 6:54:58 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tine11

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterRobert1

It isn't age, it's experience. It's knowledge and experience that make a good Master.


I can see that but i personally think that after a certain number of years teh age gap is just to high. I mean i am 21 adn their is no way could have master who was 45 or 50, that woud mean dating someone your parents age.


Is this just a personal view as applied to yourself? Or is a general one where you would lisallow relationships beiween others with let's say a 30 year age gap? Just curious as your comment is a tad ambiguous on that point.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Tine11)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Does age matter? - 11/28/2005 7:49:44 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Is this just a personal view as applied to yourself? Or is a general one where you would lisallow relationships beiween others with let's say a 30 year age gap? Just curious as your comment is a tad ambiguous on that point.

IronBear


Since You have not had the courtesy of a reply yet, let me add my two cents. It may take people of exceptional personal power, but we all know May/December romances that last and last...and no one here has veto power on anyone else.

candystripper

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Does age matter? - 11/28/2005 7:53:27 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

quote:

Is this just a personal view as applied to yourself? Or is a general one where you would lisallow relationships beiween others with let's say a 30 year age gap? Just curious as your comment is a tad ambiguous on that point.

IronBear


Since You have not had the courtesy of a reply yet, let me add my two cents. It may take people of exceptional personal power, but we all know May/December romances that last and last...and no one here has veto power on anyone else.

candystripper



Thankyou darlin, yep there is 30 years between Neets and I and we're going strong...

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Does age matter? - 11/28/2005 9:02:42 AM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tine11


I can see that but i personally think that after a certain number of years teh age gap is just to high. I mean i am 21 adn their is no way could have master who was 45 or 50, that woud mean dating someone your parents age.



Wait! You mean???? You mean dating someone old enough to be my....... Daddy?

Mmmmmmmmmm. Perish the thought....

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to Tine11)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Does age matter? - 11/28/2005 9:31:43 AM   
Tine11


Posts: 423
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline 		no i could never do that, but age to a certain extent does matter i don't see 5 or even 10 years as a problem. But when you have someone that could be your parent and has children older then you, their is big social issue in my eyes.

_____________________________

The world is like a shinning diamond.
The way it gitters if you polish it right.
If the light should turn and leave you blinded.
Take the dream and give it one more try.

Soulburn, Masterplan

(in reply to justheather)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Does age matter? - 11/28/2005 9:35:38 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tine11

no i could never do that, but age to a certain extent does matter i don't see 5 or even 10 years as a problem. But when you have someone that could be your parent and has children older then you, their is big social issue in my eyes.

That makes sense...to you.

However, age distance relationships are far more common than people usually think.

And I'm not sure what social issues you think there are? I currently have a partner who is 22, and two who are 42. I've also had partners much older than that. What social issues might we be propogating?

(in reply to Tine11)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Does age matter? - 11/28/2005 9:48:12 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tine11

no i could never do that, but age to a certain extent does matter i don't see 5 or even 10 years as a problem. But when you have someone that could be your parent and has children older then you, their is big social issue in my eyes.


I can certainly understand the potential problem socially. As I’ve already commented my Wife/FC is 30 years younger than I am. I’m 60 and she is 30, we had some difficulties with some acquaintances with one lass being determined to find a “Proper” man for Neets. Problem was her choice knew me from when I trained him in the tactical use of weapons and also knew my background and military record. He just pissed himself laughing publicly and told the girl to bugger off and leave Neets and I alone. The end result was, we cleaned out the hangers on from our life and still maintains a selection of good friends of all ages. Family wise it took my In-laws time to get used to our relationship but seeing I never asked for their daughter’s hand in marriage but informed them they could either gain a Son in Law or lose a Daughter, we became firm friends especially when they saw how I protected and looked after their daughter when she as going through a rough patch. FYI, I am two years older than my Mother in Law and five years younger than my Father in Law. Point is that people are different with differing wants, needs, likes and dislikes. I have my ideal ages for slaves both male and female, which is based on compatibility with Neets more than anything else.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Tine11)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Does age matter? - 11/29/2005 3:36:42 AM   
fldrkhorse


Posts: 158
Joined: 11/5/2005
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I respectfully disagree. I do have an age range preference because I seek those with like minded interests. In my search I've found I have very little in common with those much younger than myself. And yes I do get those that say, "I'm very mature for my age." That very well may be true, though those are far and few between. The connection in relationships should be based on common interests. That's not to say those with an age difference cannot have common interests, however they are approaching those interests from different perspectives.

(in reply to Wolf1020)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Does age matter? - 11/29/2005 3:51:16 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I can certainly understand the potential problem socially. As I’ve already commented my Wife/FC is 30 years younger than I am. I’m 60 and she is 30, we had some difficulties with some acquaintances with one lass being determined to find a “Proper” man for Neets. Problem was her choice knew me from when I trained him in the tactical use of weapons and also knew my background and military record. He just pissed himself laughing publicly and told the girl to bugger off and leave Neets and I alone. The end result was, we cleaned out the hangers on from our life and still maintains a selection of good friends of all ages. Family wise it took my In-laws time to get used to our relationship but seeing I never asked for their daughter’s hand in marriage but informed them they could either gain a Son in Law or lose a Daughter, we became firm friends especially when they saw how I protected and looked after their daughter when she as going through a rough patch. FYI, I am two years older than my Mother in Law and five years younger than my Father in Law. Point is that people are different with differing wants, needs, likes and dislikes. I have my ideal ages for slaves both male and female, which is based on compatibility with Neets more than anything else.

IronBear


Please allow me to clarify something. My ex was a real motherf**ker. He used the differences in our ages against me throughout our marriage. By the time i left him at age 35, that form of manipulation had lost some efficacy, but in my 20's, it was highly effective and my personal growth -- and experience of my personal power -- was stifled as a result.

i was the 2nd of his 3 wives. i have no doubt he is treating wife no. 3 badly, but i also imagine he uses different things -- whatever vunerabilities she has. Just due to the passing of time, he probably doesn't talk down to her as an inexperienced twit; but i'm pretty sure he talks down to her. Men like him do not change, IMO.

So, while i do worry about the 18 to 25 yr olds who hook up with Men in their 40's; i am not condemning anyone's relationship just because i fell prey to a jerk.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 11/29/2005 3:52:28 AM >

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Does age matter? - 12/1/2005 11:22:02 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		you know that i think about it and reading heres a big big point as to why as we progress in age and experinces we learn i mind changes and so does our TASTE for what we like and want in life. yes there some that do work but next the the ones the dont thats pretty hefty gap its all about percentages or majority for example lets say y ou have so many cells that have a virus in your blood stream when they are less you stay healthy when they are more you get sick its the same when something really works good for all
we all grow its really interesting you know it can go many different ways its all about doing the right thing in the end. are you a giver or taker.

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Does age matter? - 12/26/2005 8:31:07 PM   
MistressLisa1


Posts: 10
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline 		as long as the sub/slave is over 21, female and femme then I will talk to them. Age, disability, race and those other factors are not that important to me as the other facts that I have mentioned.
that is my twenty-five cents for today...yes, the price of inflation
MistressLisa


(in reply to Wolf1020)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Does age matter? - 12/26/2005 9:00:04 PM   
konekoneko


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline 		i don't have any personal experience with this, but it seems like attitude would also be a big factor. if a younger person - sub or dom - acknowledges that people who have been in the scene longer have the distinct advantage of experience, and is willing to learn and gain experience for themself, then i think it shouldn't be a problem. i can understand why people wouldn't want cocky little brat types around.

as far as age gaps go, i am 18 and my Master is 32, and i have no problem with that. as far as i know, neither does He. imho, it all depends on the individuals - this kind of thing really can't be clearly marked and defined because everyone has their own personal preferences.

(in reply to MistressLisa1)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Does age matter? - 12/27/2005 8:58:48 AM   
afmvdp


Posts: 494
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline 		Being a younger Dom myself, I've written quite a bit about this already, and quite a bit of it on this board even, but I think often times it comes down more to experience rather than age and people automatically assuming that elder means wiser. I have met people in their late 60s just starting to get into the life, whereas I have about 10 years in. Put us side by side in a club and who would random person A assume has more experience, not in life as a generality but within the BDSM lifestyle? Almost certainly it would not be me.

This is just a common place within society and something you must overcome. Yes it does require extra effort to supercede your societal constrictions but in the end it is far more worth it.

So to the question from the OP, does it matter? If they let it matter, then yes. Should it? To a degree it should, as the absolute is that we are still new to the life and our own lives as well and there are many life lessons still to be learned, but that should not stop you from going out and experiencing them so long as you do it safely and sanely.

And as a sidenote, I've found the latter aged in the groups to be the far more hornball types than the younger but perhaps that's just personal experience. I am in Florida after all. haha

_____________________________

Three are the Beasts wherewith thou must plough the Field; the Unicorn, the Horse, and the Ox. And these shalt thou yoke in a triple yoke that is governed by One Whip.
- Crowley ~ OTO Liber III

(in reply to justheather)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Does age matter? - 12/28/2005 4:51:33 PM   
gbgirlz2003


Posts: 65
Joined: 12/23/2005
Status: offline 		So, while i do worry about the 18 to 25 yr olds who hook up with Men in their 40's; i am not condemning anyone's relationship just because i fell prey to a jerk.


I became Master's when I was 18 and he was 59. Dad is 40; Mom is 38. My only problem is keeping Mom away from Master...lol. She thinks he is hot and so do all my friends. He is not a jerk; but he can be a total asshole to those who mess with him.

Sorry you had such a bad experience candy; don't let it ruin the rest of your life.

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Does age matter? - 12/28/2005 6:47:20 PM   
LadyJC


Posts: 111
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline 		I know where you're coming from Wolfe. I've dated many jerks some old enough to be my father, and some my age. Sometimes the person doesn't mature as they get older.
I'm 21 yrs. old and I do get told I'm too young, or I haven't found myself yet. In the long run I've been interested in this since I probably hit puberty.
What I think makes a good dom in this lifestyle is to ask questions. I mean I'd like to learn knife play and how to use a whip. However that is not something I would do on my own for quite a while until I felt comfortable with myself being able to do it.
I believe not only do we mature through age, but our decisions, at 18 I knew I didn't know anything especially about this lifestyle.
There was a sub who was probably in his 30's and he moved to my area, he quickly ruined his reputation by being rude and arrogant. Why? Because he flaunted his experience to everyone...kept saying I don't meant to brag but...I start tuning out right about there. Would I ever play with him? No why? Because he was an arrogant ass and treated me with disrespect.
Does age make a difference to me? To a point, my thing is being mentally attracted to the person as well as physically. Since what I seek is to eventually have a 24/7 with someone those things to me are very important.
However age doesn't have much to play with that, I dumped someone who was my age because I wasn't physically attracted to him. However I have a friend who is old enough to be my father and I'm very attracted to him.
If I see someone who is into BDSM I would hope that I could not only learn from him but he could teach me as well.
My whole philosophy about this lifestyle is whatever floats your boat. If you want a sub that's younger than you knock yourself out. I personally tend not to get along with people my age they drive me crazy.
LadyJC

(in reply to gbgirlz2003)
Profile   Post #: 60
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