I have to ask......

I have to ask...... (Full Version)

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Twicehappy2x -> I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 2:58:42 AM)
I just have to ask. Not bitching about the number of times this particular subject comes up mind you, but i have a few "whys" i want to ask. Here is the post that started me thinking; *"We want a girl that can obey both of us, but I still have to obey my master/husband. She would mainly be my pet, as I am my master's pet."* Why is this the most common type of search? Seems like the majority of couples seeking are looking for a bi poly female sub/slave that is willing to submit to the first slave in the couple. Is there that many female subbies who have suddenly discovered that they are really a switch? Is it that the male Dom in the couple wants another female and uses the "honey she will be yours too" or "but you will always be first" lines as a way to convince the first sub to go poly? Is it that the first subbie wants domestic help? Is it so the female sub in the relationship gets to feel she is FIRST, and therefore more important? So she has control over the situation? Is that why the term Beta is used so often? Why do so many couples think women are just dying to jump in and do this? True there are those that are willing to do this but the pool is so small that the couple involved needs to be offering a lot. And the willing ones can afford to pick and choose.

colouredin -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 3:07:25 AM)
That is interesting, I have noticed myself that often it seems that the idea of introducing a second sub to a relationship often has reasons such as wanting to 'develop' the pre exsisting submissive. I find this a total turn off to be honest I think its hard enough it is to enter a pre exsisting relationship without them reinforcing your position as lowest in rank, I am sure its good for some people but yeah I do see it as a way to encourage the submissive to believe they will remain more important than the new person which at a time when the new person will be feeling on edge anyways seems to me to suggest that the interest is not as much in having poly as in having a toy which again works for some but not all.

chamberqueen -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 3:51:15 AM)
It can be a way of warding off jealousy issues before they come up. There are some who want only occasional play who would be happy to join an established "couple". It obviously isn't for everyone, but that just puts it in the same ranks as any other kink.

colouredin -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 3:52:14 AM)
yeah i agree that some just want occasional play but they will tend to have other relationships which can be where a problem comes in (especially appealing to married people)

eyesopened -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 4:15:39 AM)
I once entered into what was a non-exclusive relationship where the agreement was that I didn't care if he had others, as long as while I was there (we saw each other every other weekend) I was the only one. To my surprise, I got an email one day from a submissive he was pursuing. When I asked him why, he told me he thought she and I could be friends and that she could be my pet, that I could dominate her that he thought it would be a nice treat for me to be her dominant yadda yadda yadda.... Yeah, I told him that I thought it odd that in a short 8 months I would have suddenly changed from submissive to switch and from straight to bisexual. And I told him if he wanted to witness some girl-on-girl action he was certainly able to do so but call a spade a spade and leave me out of it, per our agreement. It ended our relationship. You hit the nail on the head, it's just a ploy to get the first girl to agree to what she wouldn't normally or naturally be interested in.

Twicehappy2x -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 4:18:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chamberqueen It can be a way of warding off jealousy issues before they come up. There are some who want only occasional play who would be happy to join an established "couple". If using the "you are first" thing is a way of warding off jealousy, they seriously need to rethink trying poly or even swinging before they start. Jealousy does crop up but making one person feel inferior to keep another person from being jealous is really poor relationship management. The folks wanting occasional play i get, i was thinking more of those couples looking for a live in or permanent type girl when i began asking "why"

colouredin -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 4:21:29 AM)
Some relationships work really well in having heirarchy and ranks, Master Fire's system springs to mind, but thats differant than what you are describing.

DS4DUMMIES -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 5:20:53 AM)
Remember as you read this...I'm WAY cynical about this ALPHA/BETA stuff........ I just have to ask. Not bitching about the number of times this particular subject comes up mind you, but i have a few "whys" i want to ask. Here is the post that started me thinking; *"We want a girl that can obey both of us, but I still have to obey my master/husband. She would mainly be my pet, as I am my master's pet."* Why is this the most common type of search? Seems like the majority of couples seeking are looking for a bi poly female sub/slave that is willing to submit to the first slave in the couple. Because most men want to have a no-strings play toy they don't have to make any sort of emotional commitment to and it is a lot easier to have a woman troll for you than to be up front, and a man and say what you really want. Is there that many female subbies who have suddenly discovered that they are really a switch? No...there are that many men who get off watching a woman top another woman. See above. Is it that the male Dom in the couple wants another female and uses the "honey she will be yours too" or "but you will always be first" lines as a way to convince the first sub to go poly? Bingo........ Is it that the first subbie wants domestic help? ...cough......"domestic help"?.....well....sort of.... Is it so the female sub in the relationship gets to feel she is FIRST, and therefore more important? So she has control over the situation? There are some guys who actually can sell that line to a woman......sure....that sounds plausible and a lot better than "it's always better to have two women...". Is that why the term Beta is used so often? Well...beta sounds better than other terms that might be used..... Why do so many couples think women are just dying to jump in and do this? Couples don't usually think so...men do. THEN the couple does...... True there are those that are willing to do this but the pool is so small that the couple involved needs to be offering a lot. And the willing ones can afford to pick and choose. That is true of any woman with functional genitalia......where some men are concerned. That's why the most undersireable woman in a bar at closing time, always goes home with somebody (even if only in the shadows...) ....and the undersireable men go home to their porn. I mean......look at it this way....how many of these situations....have one sub...and say, three doms? Hnmmm? Not many Tonto..... but you sure as hell see alot of this "collar of consideration" garbage around.....and women forbidden to talk to others or the like.....YET......don't see a lot of men willing to take what they dish out....... My apologies to anyone who is up front and carrying on a positive 3-way or poly relationship/household......my comments above are targeted at the people who try to make black look white.... which in my experience...is 100% of the people I know doing such things. So, read with that caveat in mind.

colouredin -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 5:23:59 AM)
I dont think the OP was insulting three way relationships, she was talking about a specific type of search, I dont think all people believe that this is the best way to add someone to the relationship, actually I know that its not many make a point of equality three way relationships can and do work.

slaveluci -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 6:02:39 AM)
~FR~ I think it's always problematic to attempt to discern people's reasons for doing what they do and seeking what they seek. It seems like most times when a thread is started questioning others' motivations for such, it's almost always a semi-camoflauged way of asking "Why don't you do things my way?" You and Scooter and Jewel seem to be very happy and, apparently, another has been added to your home/relationship just as of yesterday. I'm sure many here would ask "why" you all do what you do and want what you want. Everytime a poly situation is discussed, there are those who say they'd stomp out the moment their dom or master even suggested another. It's different strokes for different folks, as we all should know. It saddens me to see the usual assumptions that everyone who does the things you mention in your OP are just trying to get their "alpha" to procure for them. Do people really think that every single couple who fits that bill does things for the exact same reasons? That's pretty close-minded and in error, imho. Some women are into the situations you describe. Because you and yours don't desire said situation doesn't make it odd or in need of "figuring out." You seem to have a wonderful poly relationship and I hope all of you are happy. Just know that others who do it way differently than you can be and are just as happy and it isn't always necessarily negative to see couples seeking another who will "serve" them both. It's not my bag either but for many it apparently works. Hoping all is well with you and your new gypsygirl[:)].........................luci

Twicehappy2x -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 8:19:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DS4DUMMIES That is true of any woman with functional genitalia......where some men are concerned. That's why the most undersireable woman in a bar at closing time, always goes home with somebody My apologies to anyone who is up front and carrying on a positive 3-way or poly relationship/household...... LMMFAO........Even though i am in a 4 member poly relationship, one male Dom (ScooterTrash), one female Domme (Jewel, his wife, does not sub to Scooter,) and her brand new submissive, your answers are pretty much is a lot of what i see when i see these posts. While i am sure there are those out there with a female switch looking for a female subbie (i actually know of a few who are genuine), i cannot help but agree with you.

Twicehappy2x -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 8:24:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: colouredin I dont think the OP was insulting three way relationships, she was talking about a specific type of search, No, i truly wasn't trying to insult 3 way relationships, especially considering i am part of a 4 way relationship. But ours is set up a great deal differently than the one i posted about. But i was seriously questioning the "why" and "how" of this type of post, this type of folks that are looking. Seriously, a whole lot of them read exactly the way the one i commented on do. And it just got me to thinking that is all.

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 8:31:41 AM)
i have read maybe a handful of profiles that state they are looking for a 2nd female sub and actually want a relationship to go with it. i most cases it is just for sexual reasons and nothing more. in other words: "we want to add a 3rd to our life for fun times." is a very common quote. rather than seeing "we are looking for another female submissive to be friends with and develope a long term loving relationship. a possible live in beta sub"

Twicehappy2x -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 8:43:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveluci I think it's always problematic to attempt to discern people's reasons for doing what they do and seeking what they seek. it's almost always a semi-camoflauged way of asking "Why don't you do things my way?" You and Scooter and Jewel seem to be very happy and, apparently, another has been added to your home/relationship just as of yesterday. I'm sure many here would ask "why" you all do what you do and want what you want. It saddens me to see the usual assumptions that everyone who does the things you mention in your OP are just trying to get their "alpha" to procure for them. Do people really think that every single couple who fits that bill does things for the exact same reasons? I really do not see it as problematic to ask why. Generally if i ask it is because i have a fairly good idea why and want to see if it is a valid idea or not. As to asking why folks do not do it our way, no, if i wanted to know that i'd ask that. Every relationship is inherently different, and that is a good thing. Why we do things the way we have? Easy, Scooter and Jewel wanted a female who would serve them both, or a female for him and a male for her. I love Jewel with all my heart, i think of her as my wife, my delicate little doll to be loved and cared for and protected, a truly complex and astounding human being, but the slave of me belongs to Scooter. Male subbies, while i am sure they do exist, after many years of looking and being disappointed appeared to be like unicorns, a myth. And best of all, in truth their sex did not matter to Jewel, only who cares who they are on the inside. I think, i hope, she has found her love match subbie wise in gypsygrl. We do what we do because we are all of the mind that love and the ability to love is infinite, the more you give the more you have. And that each wonderful new person you add brings something amazing to all in the relationship if you pick very carefully. Like i said above, no i don't think everybody looking for a " girl that can obey both of us, but I still have to obey my master/husband. She would mainly be my pet, as I am my master's pet" is looking under those particular circumstances so the male Dom gets hot lesbian action/stray pussy, or domestic help, and his current is ok with it. That may not be the case even of the folks who comment i copied. But i do think that is exactly what a large percentage of them are doing.

FlamingRedhead -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 8:56:29 AM)
I'm a switch, and Daddy has raised the possibility of one day bringing in a third person for me as an occasional play partner. It would be occasional because neither of us wants a poly family. I'm not bisexual and neither is Daddy, so...there's that. He doesn't want a man running around the house, and I'm not particularly fond of the idea of a woman serving me but could deal with it. Since we're pretty monogamous, this isn't really about bringing in someone for sex. There might be the occasional oral service but no intercourse. This is just so I can beat someone's ass from time to time. I suspect that most dominants, though, who are seeking others just want their cake and eat it, too!

MAMandSlave -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 10:42:38 AM)
When I first met my slave, she was entirely submissive. As we have been together, her sadistic side has shown itself, as well as her dominant side. As functioning as a domme will be helpful to her in work, we decided to devlop this trait in her. That anyone that submits to her will also submit to me as well is a given to us, as all that she has is ,mine, but this may not be clear to others. We have had little problem finding boys to serve, but, as has been pointed out, there are few women who wish to be in this position. Fortunatly, we are in no rush, and eventually will meet the right person. In the meantime, we have nice boys for her to practice on.

aperversetwist -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 10:53:40 AM)
I'm in the position of being with a woman who is bisexual, and she has asked me if we can scene with another woman on occasion, one who would either be a bottom along with my gf or top her along with me. We've done it a few times so far. It's been an interesting experience for me since I have never been into threesomes. Knowing what my gf gets out of it and enjoys about it has been important to helping me enjoy it more. She and I have been together many years and I know her limits etc, I always feel limited when scening with these new women due to not knowing them as well which obviously isn't possible. I've beenwith her for 5 years, then here's a new person, who we may or may not scene with again...

Pyrrsefanie -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 11:10:18 AM)
I always translate these things to mean "My husband wants a threesome, any takers?"

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 11:20:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Pyrrsefanie I always translate these things to mean "My husband wants a threesome, any takers?" i prefer.... the....combination of: you, yourself, me, myself, and i.

subtee -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 11:22:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DS4DUMMIES [Snip]one sub...and say, three doms? ~Daydreaming...~

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