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pinnipedster -> RE: Dom, Domme or Dominatrix ? (8/27/2008 4:19:27 PM)
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I'll happily use just about any term a dominant woman prefers that I use. But I do get a little distresed when someone posts something like, "If someone sends me a message and uses the word 'domme' I don't answer." That person might be a terrific sub who may have been encouraged to use that word in previous encounters.
I know a woman who prefers to be referred to as a Domme; but she doesn't like to be called "Mistress," even by her collared subs; she prefers "My Lady" or "Ma'am." If I'm addressing a woman in a scene context whom I don't know well, I will probably use "Ma'am" (I wouldn't call a woman "Mistress" without her consent or command), but I've chatted online with a woman who HATES being called "Ma'am"; she prefers "Miss." (The same is true of a woman I know who is not in the scene, but dislikes being called "Ma'am" because it makes her feel old.) Some women like, or at least don't object, to being referred to as ladies, while others despise it. And I certainly wouldn't call a dominant woman a "girl" unless she told me to, but women have many different attitudes about its use for an adult woman in other social contexts.
I think as long as a person is properly respectful, being that picky about a lable is kind of counter-productive. Now, if you instruct him specifically not to use that term for you and he continues to do so, that would of course be different. But for an innocent error, I think one ought to be tolerant.
I do agree that the term "dominatrix" to me suggests a professional dominant, but among people not actually in the scene, I don't think that distinction is clear -- you will frequently hear it used as a kind of fashion term, i.e., a woman in boots and leather is dressing "like a dominatrix."
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