RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/27/2008 9:11:43 AM

DavidS8ist

Posts: 97
Joined: 7/8/2004
From: NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Huntertn

I have hers..she has mine..so what? Some times she wants me to read parts of her mail..snickers..frankly, I think most of her emails are Boaring...again..so what?

AMEN!

I mean, if she trusts me, she trusts me. If she doesn't, she shouldn't oughta be submitting to me. It's insincere.

I have her password and free access to her computer. She has the same to mine. And save the spam for knock off watches and "blue pills", her mails are as tedious as mine most of the time (especially those stupid MSNBC news alerts that repeat over and over again!).

My point? Why commit to submit to someone, or dominate over them, if you don't trust them to read your e-mails? I'm tired of hearing about how these dynamics are supposed to be all about *trust* and then read about how everyone has coccooned themselves in protective armour of distrust against their SO.

D.
"He isn't gonna shoot me? Then he shouldn't oughta point a gun at me. It's insincere."
- David Mamet, "Heist"

(in reply to Huntertn)

Post #: 21

RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/27/2008 11:22:08 AM

OrionTheWolf

Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline

My property is allowed as much privacy as my car. Property also does not have an account, as they are not allowed ownership of it. Kind of like why my property is not allowed to close the door when using the bathroom, and I will enter whenever I please. This is not something that is turned off and on. Internal enslavement is a process, and stripping privacy from your property is a big part of the process.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomDolf

I have some theories in why some dominants read a submissive's incoming and outgoing messages. Dominants, why would you feel any reason to do so? I would like to hear from submissives, that feel like responding, why they have been told their messages would be read.

For those that would like to post an opinion on why someone might do this, please refrain. I feel that there may be some hesitation from those that do this to respond if they aren't given room. Thank you to all that reply.

Dolf

_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to DomDolf)

Post #: 22

RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/27/2008 11:41:04 AM

tx36j

Posts: 1
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

I don't have email to hide from my Master, the only emails I recieve are from my family and maybe confirmations of orders placed online.
my Master has access to these because they are saved and automatically login when we go to the mail site, which we both share.

Don't know when or even if I would get him the account passwords to my bank online.

All of this however has been overshadowed by my new laptop, which we both use, that has bio-lock controls.

As to the question, why does he have this, because he can, it's his perogative. Since I have nothing to hide, it's of no issue to me. But even he voiced a concern that he didn't want to feel as though he were prying when he first ran across my inbox.

(in reply to OrionTheWolf)

Post #: 23

RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/27/2008 12:39:01 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

If they do not live with me, there is a good chance they do not belong to me.

If, after a time of living with and serving me, she belongs to me then everything she has becomes mine. I can look at or use, anything that is mine. Whether or not I choose to do so, is another kettle of fish.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to DomDolf)

Post #: 24

RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/27/2008 1:09:43 PM

servantheart

Posts: 960
Joined: 10/26/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

Sir has my user i.d.'s and passwords to all my online email accounts. I voluntarily gave them. I have nothing to hide from Him. I believe that reading my emails has assisted Him in learning about me on a much deeper level. I do not have any of His, however, because He has not seen fit to give them to me. I am not troubled by this. I trust Him absolutely.

_____________________________

When you really trust someone, you have to be okay with not understanding some things.
~Real Live Preacher, Real Live Preacher weblog, 07-08-04; Anonymous author of RealLivePreacher.com

(in reply to DomDolf)

Post #: 25

RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/27/2008 6:19:13 PM

angelslave77

Posts: 478
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

Sir and I have each others passwords, pin numbers, we pretty much share everything, out of convenience "in case" we ever need them, more than out of a need to be checking up on each other

(in reply to servantheart)

Post #: 26

RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/27/2008 6:43:49 PM

subswalow

Posts: 25
Joined: 7/14/2008
Status: offline

Daddy has all of my passwords, account names and everything. The reason being, that we are swingers and often chat people up via e-mail, IM, myspace and the like. Sometimes I get a little more flirty than Daddy would like and knowing that he reads whatever I type helps to keep that side of me in check. Also, Daddy will sometimes simply... take a disliking to someone because of the way they talk to me. We nip some possibly very bad situations in the bud by Daddy reading my convos when I'm done chatting for the night. Also, it does help to keep the trolls away if I remind them that "Daddy's watching!" Hehe. =P

(in reply to angelslave77)

Post #: 27

RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/27/2008 9:46:37 PM

Paulnz

Posts: 411
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomDolf
Dominants, why would you feel any reason to do so?

I can't think of a good reason. It sounds like making a rod for your own back.

(in reply to DomDolf)

Post #: 28

RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/27/2008 9:55:18 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Personally, both my personal property and the property of the home (personal collar and house collar) will on being collared give passwords and account details of all email addresses. Accessing them or not is up to me. It is a matter of trust and may well help interdict some internet stalker before any hurt is caused. This is just one of those things which is not negotiable and if the boy or girl can not agree then they are not suited for my home.

IB
(The incorrigible, irrepressible and irreverent Bear)

(in reply to Paulnz)

Post #: 29

RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/28/2008 12:17:11 AM

stellar

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/23/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomDolf

With the great number of posts here, I am sure this has been asked. I had a specific way I wanted to ask it.

To add to my question, I recognize that in well-established relationships sharing this information would seem fine, but what about new relationships where there has not been any time for trust to be developed? Before this gets shot out of proportion, I am not talking months, I am talking days. Also this is an inquiry not an inquisition of those that do this.

Dolf

i am very new to the lifestyle, and my experience is practically zero. i somehow found someone amazing very quickly, and he is helping me discover my new self.

so after talking to him for about a week, i decided i wanted to focus on just getting to know him, and learning from just him. i am hoping that soon we can develop into something more.

i asked him if he would take my password, and monitor my account, because i have very poor self-control, and i needed the strength of his dominance to keep me from "flirting" with other dominants. i want full focus on him.

he told me to delete anything i care to from my inbox, but to never delete anything i send. this way, he knows everything i talk to anyone about on this site. i don't know if he's ever exercised it, and frankly i don't care, but he also monitors my inbox, and would delete any messages he thinks are inappropriate for me to see.

he's helping me at this very fragile, very new state, to stay safe, and to stay faithful to him.

i don't owe it to him to be faithful, and he didn't ask for it. i gave it willingly, because he is the kind of man that i want to learn from, and i highly respect him.

(in reply to DomDolf)

Post #: 30

RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/28/2008 12:52:47 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Funny...when I think about it, I know more couples where the slave screens the Master's emails, marking only the ones he or she would find interesting or those that need a personal reply. Kinda like an extreme spam filter.

My girl knows where to find the list of all my passwords, including bank and retirement accounts because she is executor and part beneficiary of my estate. Me reading her email to 'check up' on her seems silly with that level of commitment. Besides, I have my own emails to go through.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to DomDolf)

Post #: 31

RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/28/2008 6:19:24 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

out of respect to privacy - Daddy doesn't have access to my emails(here and on my other 4 accounts) and vice versa. He doesn't have time to keep up with my 5 separate accounts (with mostly band/fan mail) and who sends me what.

likewise, i don't want access to my pet's email accounts and vice versa. same thing, i don't have time to monitor who sends him messages here and on his work/privates accounts.

it's all about trust - the magic word of the day.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to DomDolf)

Post #: 32

RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/28/2008 6:27:25 AM

MissSCD

Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline

When I first came into this lifestyle, I joined an online poly family. Grins. Every day all of us would get into an email fight. Poor Dom speant every night trying to sort out his three subs.
It was kind of fun at the time because it was online.
In real life, I have the option of going into my slave's computer. I have all the pass words.
I don't.
I don't have time.
If he does anything in here, he tells me.
It is all about character and who you trust. Besides, it is their computer if they paid for it.

Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to Tetron)

Post #: 33

RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/28/2008 6:43:41 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

I read others email because I don't get any of my own.

(in reply to MissSCD)

Post #: 34

RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/28/2008 7:31:06 AM

hopelessfool

Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavidS8ist

My point? Why commit to submit to someone, or dominate over them, if you don't trust them to read your e-mails? I'm tired of hearing about how these dynamics are supposed to be all about *trust* and then read about how everyone has coccooned themselves in protective armour of distrust against their SO.

D.
"He isn't gonna shoot me? Then he shouldn't oughta point a gun at me. It's insincere."
- David Mamet, "Heist"

I have no problems with my partner getting on my computer and checking my cm mail, what i do have a problem with is sending someone I just met my passwords for him to, like many men who demand passwords the second they start talking to go in change my profile, my photos, make forum posts against tos, and otherwise mess up my account, because I didnt Instacyber kneel.

If I am owned by my Partner, He will be at my house on a fairly regular basis meaning, he doesnt need my password "check my mail" he can do so here.

As for other accounts, I have many friends who come to me for advice and for help with very personal problems. To me going in and reading this mail, is akin to you going and reading a shrinks email, I have people admitting and doing all sorts of stupid shit that in the wrong hands can really mess up thier lives. This is an offlimits account, Theres no if ands or whats about it. It has nothing to do with mistrust but keeping my friends confidence. How would you feel if you sent an email to someone describing something very personal to them and was ment for ONLY them, was read by some person youve never met before, Id feel like my trust was betrayed, but then Im weird like that.

If we're living together, then chances are hes got mine as well as I have his due to living together, when at that stage he would know what kind of friend I am, and understand that reading mail from these people or off of this account, are private they need some help email, i have no problem telling him that my friends getting divorced and that things are going on, I do however have a problem with someone messaging me expecting privacy from me, and someone violating my word to them because they have trust issues.

Think about it, If you NEED to read your subs email to make sure she isnt cheating on you, or doing anything you feel is inapproiate, how can you say you trust her?

_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to DavidS8ist)

Post #: 35

RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/28/2008 7:59:22 AM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

It's more fun to read her mail to reply to the horny net geeks.

With something like "I'm sorry I can't be on my knees at this particular moment for you-but if you can get on yours, I'll be happy to do something like this to you:

http://www.gayfistingphotos.com/images/03.jpg

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to hopelessfool)

Post #: 36

RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/28/2008 8:05:16 AM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomDolf

I have some theories in why some dominants read a submissive's incoming and outgoing messages. Dominants, why would you feel any reason to do so? I would like to hear from submissives, that feel like responding, why they have been told their messages would be read.

For those that would like to post an opinion on why someone might do this, please refrain. I feel that there may be some hesitation from those that do this to respond if they aren't given room. Thank you to all that reply.

Dolf

In my and my domestic's case, it's just another way to illustrate the difference in our statuses, the unevenness of our roles. Also, there is the angle that we are just on visiting terms, not a live-in arrangement, so it gives another bit of oversight to the times and ways we aren't together.

That said, I do not have all of his email passwords, I'm very sure, nor have I requested/demanded them due to the early stage of our interaction and the nature of our arrangements. With others, I've asked for less information and others much more.

Nor do I ever make the mistake of thinking that just because someone gives me email 1, 2 , and 3's passwords means they can't just make a number 4 anytime they wish to sneak. As the owner of about 6 regular email accounts and numerous site-specific (like the cmail here) accounts, and just plain having common sense, I'm well aware that new emails/profiles are easy to setup at a whim.

Having access to emails/profiles is not at all a trust thing for many of us (while it certainly is for some, admittedly); if someone isn't trustworthy having the email passwords they give you isn't going to mean anything.

But it does make for a nice symbolic gesture.

< Message edited by RumpusParable -- 8/28/2008 8:15:06 AM >

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to DomDolf)

Post #: 37

RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/28/2008 8:49:57 AM

silkenfire

Posts: 130
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline

It is very early on in my relationship right now. He, however, has a password of mine for all kinds of very important things that normally I would be scared to have someone have access to.

However, a) I have trust and b) he doesn't have a clue how many things the password goes with -- or what the usernames are that apply to them, and without the usernames, it isn't that dangerous.

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 38

RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/28/2008 1:49:20 PM

Bstardsbitch

Posts: 154
Joined: 11/19/2005
Status: offline

I personally don't understand this asking for passwords. We live together, when I log in here I usually log into his account. He has never asked for my passwords and I have never offered them. They're just there, I can access His as much as He can access mine.
As for the Dominant asking for as sub's passwords, that shouts to me distrust. Or am I reading this in a skewed light?

(in reply to silkenfire)

Post #: 39

RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/28/2008 2:54:21 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

Or am I reading this in a skewed light?

In some cases, yes.
Having passwords can be a way of demonstrating/assuming authority. It's also fun for a dominant to read the silly messages and engage in some fun with clueless people, if he so desires. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with jealousy/insecurity.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Bstardsbitch)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.092