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RE: Don't call me Sir, please.... - 8/28/2008 6:10:16 AM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

My knee-jerk reaction is:  Oh by all the gods don't spend any time here in the South!


Exactly what i was thinking. When i first moved to the south from living in PA, my students would call me Ma'am, i tried to stop them and was quickly informed that if they didn't want their asses beat, they were going to call me Ma'am whether i liked it or not because their parents required it of them. So i stopped hearing it the way i was hearing it and went to calling them Ma'am or Sir as a sign of respect back.

heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Don't call me Sir, please.... - 8/28/2008 6:20:05 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Determining what you like and asking for it, disregarding what others do.  Just part of being a Dom.




_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Don't call me Sir, please.... - 8/28/2008 6:25:44 AM   
justgemmie


Posts: 246
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2

"Please you don't have to call me Sir, my name is Chaz"...


greetings Chaz  *grinz*

ACK! don't You know i just dropped You an email on the other side, calling You by Your handle cause i didn't know Your name!!!    figures i should have read just a little further in the thread .......................

gemmie

_____________________________

"Being a Master to somebody or a slave to somebody is a relationship bound status. Without the relationship the status does not exist and all that is there is the potential or the natural inclination to fulfill such a status in the future." ~ ishyB

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Don't call me Sir, please.... - 8/28/2008 7:38:21 AM   
MercTech


Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		When called "Sir" my Navy enlisted reflex kicks in and I want to say, "I don't wear shit brown and I know who my daddy was."

But, being of an age to qualify as "old fart" and living in the deep south I have to relax and accept that is an address of respect and smile.

But, from the gut, "Yes Sir" is a good acknowledgment of an instruction.  But, if you want my attention, call me by name and not "Sir".

Stefan

(in reply to justgemmie)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Don't call me Sir, please.... - 8/28/2008 7:52:40 AM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline 		hmm, so don't call WhiplashSmile "sir"...good to know, lol. seriously, your views on this subject have been enlightening and not something i've heard expressed before. i can understand how one could possibly feel more in control of the situation (as Dominants tend to do) by controlling what people around them do and do not call them.

however as i'm sure others have mentioned, when most use the term they mean no harm and may only be trying to be courteous and respectful. in real life, my Master requires that i refer to all older men (older being defined as mid 30s and up) as "Sir," Dominant/lifestyle or not. He would not be pleased if i referred to an older man by his first name alone. as of yet, i have never had anyone tell me not to call them Sir, or to refer to them by first name only. if that happened i'm not sure what i would do, as obeying their wishes would necessitate disobeying my Master, and i certainly don't wish to go there.

(in reply to MercTech)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Don't call me Sir, please.... - 8/28/2008 7:55:24 AM   
Asmodeus


Posts: 81
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DavidS8ist


Let me put this in a different perspective.  My name is David.  I introduce myself that way.  When someone with whom I regularly interact calls me "Dave", I correct them.  See, I *hate* the name "Dave".  It makes me cringe.  So I'll politely tell them that I really prefer "David".

Now, if it's in a casual setting and I'm called Dave - the gym, for example, where my exposure to someone is the length of a couple of sentences while lifting weight - I let it go.  It's a meaningless situation.

But professionally, I get my hackles up if someone calls me "Dave" after I've corrected them.  If I correct them more than once and they persist, I take it as an insult.



Must have something to do with the name.  "David" is how people I know address me.  Only people that don't know me shorten it.

For different reasons, I also prefer not to be called "Sir" but I don't actively avoid it.  I have always told submissives they can call me "David" as opposed to "Sir David"  None of them ever do.  When I have asked why I've been told "I scare them." And that they are more comfortable addressing me with the non-required honorific.  I don't take issue with it.

I don't need a title to be who I am, and people who meet me are usually well aware of that.

_____________________________

Deus Ex Machina

(in reply to DavidS8ist)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Don't call me Sir, please.... - 8/28/2008 8:12:19 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Simply put, as a Dominant you call the shots as to what you prefer to be called unless it contravenes another Dominant's orders to his or her property as to how they will address another Domoinant in which case you need to adress the matter with his or her owner.

IB
(The incorrigible, irrepressible and irreverent Bear)

(in reply to Nikolette)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Don't call me Sir, please.... - 8/28/2008 8:33:31 AM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

hmm, so don't call WhiplashSmile "sir"...good to know, lol. seriously, your views on this subject have been enlightening and not something i've heard expressed before. i can understand how one could possibly feel more in control of the situation (as Dominants tend to do) by controlling what people around them do and do not call them.

however as i'm sure others have mentioned, when most use the term they mean no harm and may only be trying to be courteous and respectful. in real life, my Master requires that i refer to all older men (older being defined as mid 30s and up) as "Sir," Dominant/lifestyle or not. He would not be pleased if i referred to an older man by his first name alone. as of yet, i have never had anyone tell me not to call them Sir, or to refer to them by first name only. if that happened i'm not sure what i would do, as obeying their wishes would necessitate disobeying my Master, and i certainly don't wish to go there.

Mmmmmmmmm... I would honestly respect this, since knowing you're involvement in the lifestyle.. Somehing to think about.

(in reply to daddysprop247)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Don't call me Sir, please.... - 8/28/2008 9:36:19 AM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		It used to bother me too. Then I decided that I had more important things to worry about and now it no longer crosses my mind.

C-D

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Don't call me Sir, please.... - 8/28/2008 10:15:14 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		I think you'd have to do a good bit of reminding for me to not use "Sir" if we met in public, only because I was raised that "Sir", "Ma'am", and "Miss" are the appropriate courteous designations to use in such situations. Also, because of my issues with Multiple Sclerosis, it might take me several opportunities to remember your first name (or any name) AND to remember that you prefer not to have common courtesy used in addressing you.

Not saying that you don't have every right to -ask-... just that it might be tough for some of us who are well conditioned from childhood to -use- these common courtesies to remember not to use them in your direction.

That being said, despite being addressed as Ma'am in a D/s context, I have absolutely no problem in separating the Ma'am that comes from a courteous salesperson from the Ma'am I am addressed by during D/s. I certainly know who has submitted to me and who hasn't, and have no difficulty in accepting common courtesies from individuals who are not submissive to me, and separating that from the honorific used by one of my servants.

For my mind, I don't suppose that that would be any more difficult to get past the idea that some people use designations of courtesy and that that doesn't mean they're submitting to you than it would be to hold on to the idea of expecting an entire generation of people who grew up with "Address adult males as 'sir' and adult females as 'ma'am' unless you know they're unmarried, and then use 'miss', because that is good manners and just the right thing to do for a person you don't know" to forget their lessons in manners. *chuckles*

Calla Firestorm


_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Don't call me Sir, please.... - 8/28/2008 10:42:34 AM   
DMFParadox


Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline 		I've got a dog-eared copy right next to my copy of '48 Laws of Power.'

One of these days I'll get around to writing a critique.  Dale Carnegie wrote a very useful book, for a novice.  The thing to remember is that your ability to put forth a consistently positive image is challenged by notions of what positive means to different people.  To some, it means awesomesauce.  To others, it means tool.  Other details, like remembering names and sending thank-you notes denotes attention to detail, which is almost universally considered a strength (until you reach a certain point where it's common enough to be taken for granted, then you have to add another layer of effort for those occasions that merit it.)

In other words, friendly is good, unexpectedly friendly is better.  Everybody is used to being shut down for saying 'sir', and to a lesser extent for saying 'ma'am.'  But take the opposite approach, get a light in your eyes and use your body language to show that the respect they show is appreciated, and not only have you separated yourself from the average "I'm not a sir, I work for a living!" but you've started a feedback loop that throws them off balance while at the same time showing appreciation and commanding respect.  Instant compliance, and a strong start if you can follow through with it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2

quote:

ORIGINAL: DMFParadox

No, you do not gain power through familiarity.  Common misconception.  One that con artists use all the time against you.

And convincing people that you don't require a nod to your position above them will also convince them that you are not above them.  If that's your goal, well and good.  But that's not what you wrote, so allow me to enlighten you.

You gain power through uncertainty.

'Sir' from a stranger should not be fought against; just try to live up to it, would you?


I have this Amazing book that is still on my bookself.  While I was reading it years ago, I started doing the things that it spoke about doing.   I discovered an Amazing new world opening up before me.  I'm very thankful for some of the things I learned from that book.

"How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie

It's not a book about how to Con people, how to be insincere and flatter people with Bullshit.  However, the basic principals of what is contained in this book are very powerful.   The thing is you have to be honest else you'll fall flat on your ass.


_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Don't call me Sir, please.... - 8/28/2008 12:31:34 PM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline 		Makes sense to me, I don't call people Sir besides my owner.  When we were starting down the path of ownership, I called him Sir and then it eventually morphed into Master and sometimes I'll still use Sir but to me both of those terms have a lot of gravitas, weight, and meaning to them.

C~


_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Don't call me Sir, please.... - 8/28/2008 12:45:31 PM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline 		I literally want to thank everybody for their posts on this thread.

I'm reminded once again of the value of feedback and thoughts other people have in regards to things.

Some people have expressed some things that I'm going to reflect and think about a little more in depth.

Believe it or not, this is one of those topics where I've not shared my POV with other people, nor Debated about it, let along made it open for other people to express their own thoughts, feelings and views.

Like anything else, this has given some things to take into consideration and actually reflect upon.

Again, thank you guys for your posts to this thread.  Very interesting topic for me to get out in the open with other people.

Again thank you guys very much!  :-)







(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Don't call me Sir, please.... - 8/28/2008 4:00:55 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It's fine to request forms of address within a reasonable frame.  However, you'll get extra points if you smile sincerely, and offer what they SHOULD call you instead.  Thus letting them know you aren't at all offended, they've done nothing wrong and that you DO welcome further chit-chat and well being.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Don't call me Sir, please.... - 8/28/2008 5:07:30 PM   
flower2007


Posts: 120
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

My knee-jerk reaction is:  Oh by all the gods don't spend any time here in the South!


Second that.  I hate being called "ma'am" (I'm in my 20's!) but finally just accepted that it's cultural.

And even growing up in a military family, "sir" doesn't come easily to me, I think I've said the word a half dozen times in my life.  I've only had someone tell me once to call them sir...last night, a guy from CM I'd never spoken with before.  Um, sorry, no.  You're a stranger and don't rate that.

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 35
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