IvyMorgan -> RE: "Property" vs. "Chattel" (8/29/2008 6:39:36 PM)
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it's late, i'm getting tired, this might not make sense/come out right. I don't think I am comfortable being considered "property" or, for that matter, "owned". This is no slight against those who do feel comfortable in that kind of relationship, or who do thrive in that relationship. For me it probably is a question purely of semantics. I simply don't like the words and do not want them applied to me. Having been treated as "property", I'd actually say "as a commodity", something that could be bought, sold, leased and traded for revenue, before, I'm unwilling to go back to that state. I own myself. I am in ultimate control and possession of me, and though I may submit, it goes no further than that. My experience has been left of the norm, this makes me sensitive to certain ideas, terms, behaviours and so on. I think (hope) I've stopped apologising (and beating myself up) for this. I can not, after all, change my past. To answer the question of "when you were happy being chattle, why did you stop", yes, there was a time I chose to be nothing more than an object. I owned myself, I profited from my objectification myself, but I was nothing more than an object. I needed that at the time. I needed to "own" the experiences of my past. I needed to prove to myself that I now owned me. And, yes, I do enjoy objectification. Over time (a few months) I stopped feeling that need. I didn't need to prove I owned me, I didn't need to own my past experiences, I'd gotten everything I was going to out of the objectification experience, and moved on. I still love objectification, I like to be considered nothing more than something someone else will use to amuse themselves, but, not with everyone, not with anyone, and therein is the change from before (when either I chose or did not choose to have that set up). I healed, yes, but I healed by doing, and I grew as a person. So, six of one half a dozen of the other. I don't think I'm making as much sense as I was when I started writing. I should go to sleep now. edit because I'm making typos that make whole new words that change my sentences into something that means nothing like what i intended.
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