Anger Management (Full Version)

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Sensualips -> Anger Management (11/24/2005 9:15:02 PM)

After being involved in bdsm themed play for many years, I inadvertently fell into a relationship with a man who was submissive. As it progressed, our play grew more intense and was VERY enjoyable to us both. Never was I angry or out of control in any play though. After a while, I ended this relationship because I was really not prepared for the level of intensity or the responsibility that accompanied it.

Since I ended this about three months ago, I have found four different ocassions where I reacted to situation internally with an extreme anger. Probably more anger than the situation merited. All four times I had the almost overwhelming desire to react physically - shove, smack, push, etc. (I did not.) This is unusual for me though, as I am typically calm and not prone to "rages." I wonder if it could be related my recent experiences topping? I am wondering if being permitted to be very physical in that situation is "spilling over." When I thought about it, all four of these times were when someone did not respect a boundry I had put up. They ignored my wishes or attempted to talk me into something I had already said no to. Normally this would annoy me but I would just repeat myself or remove myself from the situation. Never before have I wanted to just beat the hell out of him.

Has anyone else experienced increased aggressiveness or anger outside of scenes? Is it If so, how did you deal with it? And is it more noticeable when you are not currently in a relationship were you are topping?



jamesthehumanrug -> RE: Anger Management (11/24/2005 9:54:33 PM)

dear sensual lips,GODDESS,
greetings,
and, happy thAnks giving day(GOODNESS)
permission,to speak right away....

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE....[:o]



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Anger Management (11/24/2005 10:10:54 PM)

quote:

dear sensual lips,GODDESS,
greetings,
and, happy thAnks giving day(GOODNESS)
permission,to speak right away....

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE....
Dear James,
I find that:
You are hard to read and impossible to understand, because you almost never type out a complete thought/sentence, and the alternating capitals just makes me think there is an insane (mentally disorganized) and obssessive compulsive person behind the name jamesthehumanrug.
As I said, it might just be me, but that is my impression thus far from reading your posts. M



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Anger Management (11/24/2005 10:18:59 PM)

quote:

Has anyone else experienced increased aggressiveness or anger outside of scenes? Is it If so, how did you deal with it? And is it more noticeable when you are not currently in a relationship were you are topping?
Back to the OP [:D]
Dear Sensualips,
am afraid I cannot identify with the desire to beat 'em to a pulp... I have however noticed I am much more assertive when I feel someone is crossing boundaries with me or attempting to coerce or otherwise take advantage since I've played/lived top/dominant role. M



Simian -> RE: Anger Management (11/25/2005 3:26:29 AM)


Hahaha Thats hallerious!!
I usually just pass his posts but that one was very funny...... and he probably enjoyed your post as well
:-)
simian



thetammyjo -> RE: Anger Management (11/25/2005 8:14:47 AM)

I doubt it has anything to do with scening other than the fact you said it got too intense and required more responsibility than you were comfortable with. it could be that the relationship opened up some issues from your past and that the anger is a result of that.

I can very very easily get so angry I want to hit someone in a very nonconsensual way -- I walk out at those times but we are also in family therapy now because I don't like feeling that way. I no longer feel this anger though with just my own stuff so its time to look at the relationship dynamics in my house.

Just FYI: it has mostly to do with my husband and I and next to nothing to do with my slave and I.



LadyJulieAnn -> RE: Anger Management (11/25/2005 10:31:18 AM)

I agree with M that I am now much more assertive verbally in situations that go beyond my comfort level. I have never felt the need to become physical with anyone, however, and I am more adverse to any sort of physical reaction associated with anger than I ever was before.

Be well,
Julie



theRose4U -> RE: Anger Management (11/25/2005 3:27:36 PM)

quote:

I doubt it has anything to do with scening other than the fact you said it got too intense and required more responsibility than you were comfortable with. it could be that the relationship opened up some issues from your past and that the anger is a result of that.

I can very very easily get so angry I want to hit someone in a very nonconsensual way -- I walk out at those times


I think that we've all had some time when we wanted to knock the crap out of some bonehead that REEEEAAAALLY deserved it...just this once. [;)] It's maintaining class in those times and letting the boneheads punish themselves that makes WIIWD TRULY fun.



GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Anger Management (11/25/2005 10:34:47 PM)

I do not have this problem. I prfer to withdraw from a situation before I lose control. And I have found that it allows Me more control by doing so. I agree with TammyJo that this previous relationship and it's intensity may have begun to satisfy some hidden issues, and you still may not be consciously aware of what those issues are.
A question. Have these recent situations been with potential submissives, or in a more vanilla realm?
My thought here is that if you are interacting with submissives/slaves who are trying to push your buttons, they may be able to detect your hot spots and elicit from you the punishment they seek. If so, and you can see it for that, it is easier to walk away and know that is a worse punsihment. If not, then you may want to try delving into what is bringing up these feelings.
Like Julie, I do not like physical punishment doled out in anger. I did get pushed to that level only one time, and, although I had the right, he was My slave, I was angry (at Myself) afterwards for giving into the manipulation. Even though it was only one minute with a bare bottom and a hairbrush, and I have meted out much worse in the context of a scene, I did not like the fact that it was an emotional reaction. Even a momentary lack of self-control on My part was unacceptable to Me.
Hang in there, and dig around. I do not see a direct correlation, and thus far, I do not see others who have had this probem. But I have been known to be wrong!



Sensualips -> RE: Anger Management (11/26/2005 2:57:12 PM)

I certainly agree with the comments on controlling anger and anger being unrelated to punishment. I do not typically react so strongly whic is why I am examining it.

These situations that pushed by buttons were not in a bdsm context, although some of them were a sexual context. They were not terribly unusual - I just rarely had these flashes of rage previously.

I was toying with the theory that my relationship with the submissve allowed me to use physical actions as a release, and perhaps I am missing that release not. Or maybe I am just pissy lately and should hit the gym or meditate. :)



Vendaval -> RE: Anger Management (11/27/2005 7:41:29 PM)

Anger is often a submerged emotion that can linger for months or years, and suddenly reappear in another situation. Try writing and drawing in a journal, words, images, forms;
whatever comes to mind, just let it be a free-association exercise a few times a week.

Going to the gym and/or meditating are always good activities to restore balance to the heart and mind.

Be well,

Vendaval



Sensualips -> RE: Anger Management (11/27/2005 7:46:35 PM)

Hmm, very true. The only other times I have tiny internal fits of rage involve my mother. (Oh jeesh, it is ALWAYS about the mother, eh?)

I do write a lot. That is a good outlet for me. I meditate...umm, if you consider taking time to relax and mindlessly listen to music or tv meditation. And I definitely go the gym every month. Sometimes twice!

Thanks to all for your feedback.



veronicaofML -> RE: Anger Management (11/28/2005 10:02:04 AM)

i am going to guess......."internalizing" MUST be a female thing?

as a male i always show my anger on the outside.....anywhere from zero to 10....10 being destroying the entire house hold....zero being grunting across the table..



GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Anger Management (11/28/2005 12:11:00 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML

i am going to guess......."internalizing" MUST be a female thing?

as a male i always show my anger on the outside.....anywhere from zero to 10....10 being destroying the entire house hold....zero being grunting across the table..



That's a little scary.
"Internalizing" is not necessarily a *female* thing. Most people internalize many emotions to a certain extent. I agree that some men are quicker to explode whereas women are traditionally raised to remain in the "keep the peace" camp. But there are husband beaters as well as wife beaters. It just isn't the manly man thing to admit it.



Sensualips -> RE: Anger Management (11/28/2005 3:14:36 PM)

I definitely know many men that "internalize." That is not a gender specific IMO, but determined by personality.




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