mtrWalkingSpirit
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Joined: 3/31/2005
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Hello all. I have been working on this questionnaire for awhile and thought I would share it with a bigger audience. I hope you like it. I would appreciate your feedback. Some of the questions have a "Top asking a bottom" perspective, but I think they can easily be reversed.
A BDSM Questionnaire
This BDSM Questionnaire focuses more on the psychological and every day aspects of a D/s relationship. It is my hope that it will serve as a springboard to an in depth conversation between a Top & bottom, etc. about what sort of D/s relationship they are seeking and maybe creating together.
Instructions:
In each section, there will be a question and then a series of answers to check off which will indicate your preference. There will also be a space for you to add comments too. I have found that many say they are a “sub” but have different meanings to that label, so adding comments explains what you are thinking.
I. Lifestyle Domination and submission:
1. a. I consider myself a:
___ slave
___ submissive
___ bottom
___ switch sub-leaning
___ switch (balanced)
___ switch Dom-leaning
___ Top
___ Dom/Domme
___ Master/Mistress
___ Daddy-Dom
___ Daddy-Master
___ “bedroom” kinky person, not into the lifestyle
b. However you labeled yourself above, describe what that means to you.
2. a. I am seeking a:
___ slave
___ submissive
___ bottom
___ switch sub-leaning
___ switch (balanced)
___ switch Dom-leaning
___ Top
___ Dom/Domme
___ Master/Mistress
___ Daddy-Dom
___ Daddy-Master
___ “bedroom” kinky person, not into the lifestyle
b. Describe what qualities they would have:
II. Levels of D/s
Please label each life area with the appropriate level of control on the left you wish to give up. On the right, add any additional information to help describe your desire.
Levels of Control:
>Total: my Master will make all decisions regarding this subject. I will not act without his permission or direction.
>Partial: My Master/Dom will make many or most of the decision regarding this subject. my Master/Dom and I will set up parameters for me to act within without his input.
>Guidance: While ultimately I make the decision regarding this area, my Master/Dom opinions and wishes regarding this area have a heavy influence on how I will make my decisions.
>Consult: I will check in with my Master/Dom before making a decision, but the decision is mine regarding this area.
>None: I reserve this area as off limits to the D/s relationship.
Life Areas:
____ sex life:
____ family relationships:
____ friendships/social life:
____ finances/ jobs:
____ household chores:
____ living arrangements:
____ spirituality:
____ Other:
____ Other:
III. The Use vs. Mutual pleasure Scale:
__ I want our relationship to be mutually enjoyable, I want to cum, receive pleasure, and have my needs met consistently and in a fairly balance way.
__ I enjoy pleasing my partner, I also enjoy receiving pleasure, but it does not have to be balanced.
__ I like pleasing my partner more then I need to be pleased, but I do enjoy being pleased sometimes.
__ I focus on pleasing my partner, that gives me enjoyment and pleasure. If I cum, that is fine, but not a requirement or necessary.
__ I am there for my Master/Dom to get pleasure from. I will do what is pleasing to him/her, even if I do not receive pleasure from it. I do not expect nor need to be pleased.
Notes about the Use vs. Mutual pleasure Scale:
IV. Masochistic – Sadistic Scale:
This scale is related to receiving of painful stimulation. Pain is a subjective experience, which can evolve over time.
1. At this moment, rank your desire for pain.
____ None, I do not like pain at all. Activities that typically include pain would need to be only symbolic. I.e.: Light paddling while wearing leather pants.
____ Little. A little pain is ok. For example being paddled while wearing jeans or another piece of clothing. Light open hand spankings.
____ Light. Pain can be a tasty aphrodisiac, in limited amounts. Paddling on my bear butt would be enjoyable, as long as no marks are left behind.
____ Moderate: I like pain, and it gets me excited. A good firm paddling me on my butt is good. This may leave some bruises and tenderness.
____ Heavy: I love pain, the more the better. I want you to leave welts and I want to feel it the next day when I sit.
____ Super Heavy: I live for pain. I want you to leave welts, broken skin, blood. I want to be sore and unable to sit for days.
2. Pain is something which is:
_ for pleasure purposes
_ for training/punishment purposes
_ both training/punishment and pleasure
Notes about the Pain scale:
V. a. The training/teaching scale: For some in the BDSM community, a Master/Dom trains, educates, shapes their sub. For others, the idea of being “trained” is offensive.
__ I desire, need, want my Master/Dom to make me into what they want me to be.
__ I want and expect my Master/Dom to train/teach me how to please them and how to be pleasing to them.
__ All relationship require both partners to explore and explain how to please each other. You may call that “training” if you wish, but good communication works too.
__ The idea of “training” is stupid. I think two people should just go for it.
b. Punishment & Rewards: If you make a mistake, need correcting or to be trained, do you want, expect, or desire your Master/Dom to:
A. punish you? If so, what sort of punishments would motivate you to change your actions?
B. use rewards to shape your behavior? What sort of rewards would motivate you to change your actions?
C. deny you certain things? What sort of denials would motivate you to change your actions?
VI. Rituals & Protocol: What level of Rituals and Protocol do you want, desire or need?
a. Rituals: for example: the sub kneels at the foot of the bed and waits permission to get into bed; the sub kneels at the door when the Dom comes home.
__ Yes, Rituals in a D/s relationship are very important to me and help reinforce the intensity and level of a D/s relationship.
__ Yes, Rituals are fun, but not central to my concept of a D/s relationship.
__ Maybe, I have not done Rituals in my past relationships, I may or may not enjoy them.
__ No, at this time I am not interested in Rituals. Could that change? Maybe.
__ No, having to do Rituals would be a hard limit for me.
b. Protocol: for example: calling the top “Sir”, “Master”, “Mistress”; the bottom waiting until the Top has begun eating before starting to eat.
__ Yes, Protocol is very important to me and help reinforce the intensity and level of a D/s relationship.
__ Yes, having Protocol is fun, but not central to my concept of a D/s relationship.
__ Maybe, I have not used any Protocols in my past relationships, I may or may not enjoy them.
__ No, at this time I am not interested in Protocols. Could that change? Maybe.
__ No, having to use a Protocol would be a hard limit for me.
VII. The Affection scale:
the scale
1. = can't keep my hands off you
2. = enjoyable
3. = it is ok
4. = do I have to
5. = no, I do not enjoy that.
rank the following with the above numbers to show how much you like to:
Kiss
Hug
hold hands
cuddle
stroke one's hair
caress
VIII. Sexual Preference, Poly-Monogamous Scale & BDSM Community
a. Sexual preference: on a scale of 1 to 7, with one being totally Straight, and seven being totally Gay/Lesbian, and of course 4 being Bi, you identify yourself as?
Notes about the Sexual Preference scale:
b. Mono-Poly-swing Scale:
The possibilities seem endless on this scale, so check all that apply. Use the note section to explain any of your answers.
I want / I am in
__ / __ monogamous, strictly. No including others at all.
__ / __ monogamous, in relationship, but not in kinky play. No sexual/love partners outside the relationship, but getting a spanking at a play party is ok.
__ / __ monogamous, swinger. No outside love partners, but going to a sex party is ok.
__ / __ Polyamorus, closed: no sexual/love relationships outside the group.
__ / __ Polyamorus, open: it is ok if a partner has sexual/love relationships outside the group.
__ / __ Polyamorus, family: 3 or more sexual/love partners who live together.
__ / __ swinger, kinky. I prefer non-committed kinky interactions
__ / __ swinger, sexual. I prefer non-committed sexual interactions
__ / __ extra-marital, secret. I am in a long-term relationship or marriage and I am wanting to have a sexual/love relationship outside my primary one.
notes and thoughts on the Mono-Poly-Swing Scale.
c. BDSM Community: Check the following if you would go to:
__ munches (non-play gatherings at a public place)
__ community events, such as Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco or to a Leather convention
__ a workshop or training
__ play parties at people’s houses
__ a public play space.
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a questionnaire - 
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