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Why do you seek a Master - 11/25/2005 8:36:09 AM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Greetings..~smiles~

I think the majority of posters here can and will understand about boyfriend/girlfriend..friends that just have sex..and marriage is about and entails. Of those three area's..all the normal or "vanilla" things exist, sex ofcourse usually is present even with a tad of "kink" play from time to time. Even in marriage's the ability to be "submissive" to your husbands will is readily available, and acceptable to the society on as a whole. Dominant Men/women are plentiful in this world with no concept of bdsm.


So then I come to ask..Why do you seek a Master?
What is it about a person that defines themselves as a Master that cry's out to you?

Also, do you feel that it is possible to exclude the "kink" within a relationship, and still feel a M/s dynamic can exist? If so, do you feel alot of responses to such things within the bdsm community as to what persons will or wont do or how they feel about certain issue's is based alot in part on the fact that they can't seperate "kink" from a M/s existence happening? A good example is the responses persons have to "humiliation" in public. If your mindset of your M/s relationship is not one based with the strong overtone's of "kinky sexual"..do you still feel if your told to do something in public that it is "throwing" your lifestyle in persons faces?

Alot of questions here

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Why do you seek a Master - 11/25/2005 9:02:47 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		i'm not exactly the right person to answer, but here goes. First, i want SEX in our relationship; and alot of it. i also want PLAY (in some ways) and i suppose these things constitute the "kink" you referred to.

However, i am looking for something much more; a Man i can completely Trust and Respect and Submit to...what degree remains to be seen and will probably change over time. i'd need to engage in body worship as well as finding things that pleased Him that were not necessarially BDSM, such as the perfect cup of coffee (perhaps served in a french maid costume, LOL). i want it all. As to distinguishing between Masters and Doms, i find that Men claim those titles for highly personal reasons, so i speak to Men who capture my interest without regard to their titles.

candystripper

(in reply to starshineowned)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Why do you seek a Master - 11/25/2005 9:16:53 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Wow, interesting question.

For me, sex takes a back seat when compared to everything else. I get more pleasure from the sting of a whip or cane, followed by the soft touch of a hand or lips, than I do from the actual sexual act. Don't get me wrong, sex is nice, it's just not the main attraction for me. ( Hmm, not sure what category that would be put me in ) So, I tend to look for those that would aslo not list sex as a main advantage. ( Gad's I hate knowing what I want to say and not being able to say it )

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Why do you seek a Master - 11/25/2005 9:55:55 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

What is it about a person that defines themselves as a Master that cry's out to you?


Wow. So much. And for me, sex is an important part of it.
I want a guide, teacher, strong, agressive, demanding.
But I also want the "princess" stuff -- affection, protection, cherished, trusted.
I want my submission to have a sparkly melt for that person, that's the perfect dynamic for me.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Why do you seek a Master - 11/25/2005 10:02:49 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		For me, it was about realtionship structures that suited me.

I think people seek out the types of relationships that are most comfortable to them. I found that I was most comfortable in a consensual non-equal power structure. I sought someone who wanted that power structure.

yes, a lot of it has to do with the getting-hit-with-stuff bits. I really like that, and greatly enjoy it.But that wasn't the most basic reason I sought a dominant partner.

Some people prefer equal authority in a relationship, some seek out a relationship where one partner has more power, but this dynamic is never discussed (ie "traditional" marriage). I think we seek what we think we're "supposed" to, or what we think fits us best, in terms of types of relationships.

I've proven myself wrong lately, though, because I thought the power dynamic was more inportant than the person it was with (for me.) Turns out I was wrong about that, and that being in love with someone (depending on the person) is more important than the dynamic with that person. LIve and learn.

I would define M/s dynamic -as- "kink" to tell the truth. I don't have a good definition of the term, as I use it, but I'd definatly say that M/s and D/s dynamics qualify. If you're talking about over s&m acts, then most definatly they are not necessary in a power dynamic relationship. They're prefered in the ones I seek out though.

When it comes to doing things in public, I maintain that people of all sexualities should have the same privilidges that vanilla heterosexual couples have. No less, and no more unless the above gets the same. I'm an advocate of breaking heterosexual priviledge, but -not- of non-consensually involving the gneral public in the sexual or non sexual dynamics of a realtionship. I would be made equally uncomfortable by a vanilla couple acting overtly sexual as I would a kinky couple displaying overt (to an extreme) signs of a power dynamic. TO me, it's all about how it's done.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Why do you seek a Master - 11/25/2005 12:30:18 PM   
ginawithaB


Posts: 141
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		starshine,

There are probably as many answers to your questions as there are stars in the sky. I'm gonna try to speak to what i can. My pursuit of a "Master" comes out of my deep-rooted feelings as being submissive by nature. In my "vanilla" encounters, there were sometimes elemnets of "kink" and D/s, but no real definitive understanding of D/s on either part (mine or other partners'). And I have just found "vanilla" folks to be either too weirded out by D/s and serious kink or too frightened by it, and what it all means, to be of any interest to me at this point in my life. I think that what "cries out" to me about a man's identification as "Master," (if we're talking in the true sense of how the term is defined w/in the community), is that He has an understanding of the nature of D/s, M/s and that He is on a path of pursuit of this kind of relationship. I'm interested in someone who is of a clear mind regarding their own sense of Dominance and I'm no longer interested in "vanilla" games of pursuit. It's much too boring to me, frankly, and I'm too old for that kind of s___, if you catch my meaning.

quote:

Also, do you feel that it is possible to exclude the "kink" within a relationship, and still feel a M/s dynamic can exist?


Well, nowadays, I'm not sure that the "vanillas" are purely "vanilla" w/out any kink. But theoretically, yes I think if the people involved in the relationship want M/s, D/s w/out "kink" per se, then yeh I think it's possible...but I also think that most people want some degree of kink in their coffee, just b/c kink can be fun and add spice to one's life.

The other thing you talk abt, regarding putting one's kinkiness out for public view and whether ppl have, I guess, an ethical problem with that -- I think that's what you're asking abt, but please correct me if I'm wrong. This is a difficult issue for me. I've seen it addressed elsewhere on these boards and I don't know what a clear response to this would be. Some ppl are strongly against "forcing" the vanilla public to view one's pvt kinkiness...but my dilemma is really two-fold. First, how much does one pander to the vanilla het world, in the first place? And second, part of my own personal kink is a touch of exhibitionism and I kinda like doing some mildly kinky things in public and watching other's reactions. I don't know if I even care if that's kinda ethically incorrect. It satisfies some of my kinky longings.

And what's kink anyway? I mean, really, kink is seen differently by so many ppl, that I'm not sure any of us can even clearly define the word anymore.

(in reply to starshineowned)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Why do you seek a Master - 11/25/2005 1:30:35 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		Wow, what a question! I've pondered on it all day...........
In my pondering I realized that the person I call me, not the one the rest of the world sees but the me that I live with almost always puts the other person first. (ok except in traffic)
What I mean by that is others, their wants, desires and wishes are always in my mind.
And more often then not I will put that as a precedence over mine, sometimes to the extent that I sacrifice, and in so consequences have been personally detrimental. ~ side note: I believe this is where the beginning of doormat starts.~ When I do finally notice that I need I have a horrible time standing up and putting my foot down, it's almost painful.
Having had nilla Marriage, Friends with Beni's and or other varieties of the everyday relationships that are accepted in today society I came to understand the me they saw and felt they knew wasn't the me I knew, and when I would get comfortable, begin to open up and let that submissive me show it wasn't the person they knew. So for me, a Master already has the knowledge of what they see on the outside isn't always what is on the inside. I may make an assumption by saying that with all the times I've heard the "your no Sub" line, but I know what's inside here.
Any relationship in and of itself will always have some qualities of D/s sex doesn't even have to enter the picture. Although in my preference for a personal relationship sex has to be there. It needs to be elastic enough to bend and snap from nilla to kink, service to fun. And every now and then I'd like that princess hat myself..........

Q

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to starshineowned)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Why do you seek a Master - 11/25/2005 1:35:48 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

I'd like that princess hat myself..........


We can mud wrestle for the tiara.....

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Why do you seek a Master - 11/25/2005 1:50:08 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

We can mud wrestle for the tiara.....


Bring the White Flag........ you'll need it!


_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Why do you seek a Master - 11/25/2005 1:51:11 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Bring the White Flag........ you'll need it!


lol
kisses......

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Why do you seek a Master - 11/26/2005 1:33:01 PM   
jamesthehumanrug


Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline 		greetings, star shine owned,
you ,both look somewhat familiar....
throwing a lifestyle, in someones' faces would be dressing inappropriately ,but ,if you have humiliation ,not, by preference ,thrown, in you face like you like it ,cause, you're a slave, or ,into ,s ,and ,m, let me remind you ;it's ,not ,just any shoe,and, a really big-shoe,to you might ,not be, as big, as, the beetles ,but ,there is a distinction,if you have, to be vanilla ,and ,concentrate ,on something they won't do; guarenteed: you'll be ,elsewhere; sooner ,or later ,but ;it's nice ,to blend ,or mainstream it,whatever it is ,whenever you can,if possible;less hassel;less chance ,of being a "target" ,for being terrorized.

< Message edited by jamesthehumanrug -- 11/26/2005 1:36:27 PM >

_____________________________

I REMAIN RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED
,LOVEles,
jamesthehumanrug

(in reply to starshineowned)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Why do you seek a Master - 11/26/2005 2:37:05 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		in between *Masters* i was with a man for four years who wasnt into bdsm at all. In fact, he thought my past history within a Master/slave relationship had been abusive and i needed to be healed from it. There was nothing i could say that would influence his opinion on that. However, even in this non bdsm relationship i was submissive to him, so can relate to what starshineowned said about the *vanilla* world...

quote:

Even in marriage's the ability to be "submissive" to your husbands will is readily available, and acceptable to the society on as a whole. Dominant Men/women are plentiful in this world with no concept of bdsm.


So what is the difference between living in a bdsm Masters/slave relationship and living in a vanilla relationship which sees me submitted to my partner anyway? There are a few obvious things, 1. the play (kink) 2. The protocals and formalities 3. The conscious disciplines which lead to order 4. My submission to punishments that will correct behavior.

quote:

So then I come to ask..Why do you seek a Master?


It has to have a lot to do with those four points i made above. They are all reasons why im very attracted to a Master/slave relationship over and above a vanilla one. When i first came online after the death of my husband and had just lived four years outside of bdsm, i didnt think i missed it in the slightest. However it wasnt long till my slave urges and all that entailed showed themselves again, it felt like i was opening up again after a long period of being shut-down in so many ways.

(in reply to starshineowned)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Why do you seek a Master - 11/28/2005 12:16:39 AM   
wetsub000


Posts: 91
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned
Even in marriage's the ability to be "submissive" to your husbands will is readily available, and acceptable to the society on as a whole. Dominant Men/women are plentiful in this world with no concept of bdsm.


So then I come to ask..Why do you seek a Master?
What is it about a person that defines themselves as a Master that cry's out to you?

Also, do you feel that it is possible to exclude the "kink" within a relationship, and still feel a M/s dynamic can exist? If so, do you feel alot of responses to such things within the bdsm community as to what persons will or wont do or how they feel about certain issue's is based alot in part on the fact that they can't seperate "kink" from a M/s existence happening? A good example is the responses persons have to "humiliation" in public. If your mindset of your M/s relationship is not one based with the strong overtone's of "kinky sexual"..do you still feel if your told to do something in public that it is "throwing" your lifestyle in persons faces?


Hello starshine

I agree that it is quite possible to be submissive and to have a relationship with a dominant personality without a concept of BDSM.
I think the attraction of a more defined D/s relationship (for me) is that this dynamic is explicit. I think I look for a Dom because I want someone who understands my submission (not just takes advantage of it) and who can discuss and extend that aspect of the relationship.
I do feel it's possible to exclude 'kink' from a D/s relationship, but I suspect that 'kink' is often used as an outward sign of dominance (showing that someone is willing to go beyond the 'norm' in their submission). I suppose I've been asked to do some things that might be regarded as humiliation in public, but never really considered that I was throwing anything in people's faces (maybe I wasn't aware, or perhaps if I thought about it I just thought other people could interpret my actions however they pleased and if they weren't 'kink' aware themselves they probably wouldn't recognise my action for what it was anyway).

(in reply to starshineowned)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Why do you seek a Master - 11/28/2005 2:21:08 AM   
Tapestry


Posts: 226
Joined: 10/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned

So then I come to ask..Why do you seek a Master?
What is it about a person that defines themselves as a Master that cry's out to you?

Well the simple answer is that he has qualities that are the missing pieces of me - yin/yang.
But nothing is ever all that simple is it?
:)
Here's the thing,
since my divorce, I've learned to take care of myself,
and my son
in a trillion ways that i never thought i was able or capable of
and i'm glad
proud of myself
and knowing that i can is different from enjoying it
i am at my best in a relationship, and need that other person to give to and serve
in order to feel complete.
Even an act as simple as cooking dinner is difficult when it's just for myself and child
but is almost sacred, holy, when it's done for another.
Also, my submissive nature has always been part of me, long before i knew what it was or understood it
and so i tried to submit in my vanilla marriage, to an abusive man
So, when I actually learned about bdsm and D/s and realized i was reading about myself,
i came to learn that only within the lifestyle would i find a man to give myself to in a healthy way
vanilla people cannot handle the gift of submission and slavery the way it fulfills me
and so they abuse
my Master does not
because he understands and desires my submission
and sees the strength in me and not weakness in my service.

quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned

Also, do you feel that it is possible to exclude the "kink" within a relationship, and still feel a M/s dynamic can exist? If so, do you feel alot of responses to such things within the bdsm community as to what persons will or wont do or how they feel about certain issue's is based alot in part on the fact that they can't seperate "kink" from a M/s existence happening? A good example is the responses persons have to "humiliation" in public. If your mindset of your M/s relationship is not one based with the strong overtone's of "kinky sexual"..do you still feel if your told to do something in public that it is "throwing" your lifestyle in persons faces?


Yes I can seperate "kink" and still feel the M/s dynamic - kink and sex are wonderful and not things i'd ever want to do without...i love it and crave it *shrug*
but
they are not what makes the relationship a M/s one for me.
I can't really answer the next question about others within the community
How 2 people behave in private and in public is between those 2 people
and what is comfortable to them is not my business, i need only worry about pleasing my Master and myself.
It does seem though, that the vanilla world is filled with people who do things in public that "throws their beliefs in my face" things that I'd really rather not see, like shouting at one another or hitting children for example - things that i wished didn't ever happen, but over which i am powerless as i only control my own behavior.
So, how my Master and I behave in public is for us to determine, not others, who in turn, have no control over U/us.
Also, I think humiliation could be a fluid term. I expect to serve my Master in all ways, and that involves caring for him even in public. But I doubt that humiliation would ever be a part of that, but then again someone else might view my service as humiliating, but that is certainly their perception, not mine.

_____________________________

Tapestry

Daddy's Little Girl

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away."

www.tapestry41.blogspot.com

(in reply to starshineowned)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Why do you seek a Master - 11/28/2005 2:28:54 AM   
Tapestry


Posts: 226
Joined: 10/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Quivver


quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

We can mud wrestle for the tiara.....


Bring the White Flag........ you'll need it!


girls - you 2 crack me up!
and i'll let you wrestle for that tiara
i just desire to be (and thankfully AM)
Daddy's Little Girl!
it doesn't get anymore princess-like than that!!!
but you 2 go on and have fun in the mud...
lol
hugggggggggggs and kissessssss
(hope you're both well!
been a week or so since we've posted together!)

_____________________________

Tapestry

Daddy's Little Girl

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away."

www.tapestry41.blogspot.com

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Why do you seek a Master - 11/28/2005 2:31:31 AM   
Tapestry


Posts: 226
Joined: 10/29/2005
Status: offline 		starshineowned - may i ask YOU a question?
you've been owned longer than i've been in the lifestyle
so can you tell me
what it is that calls YOU to a M/s relationship?
can you answer your own questions for me?
your posts on other threads and other topics are
greatly repsected by me, and i'd love to hear what you have to say here as well.

_____________________________

Tapestry

Daddy's Little Girl

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away."

www.tapestry41.blogspot.com

(in reply to Tapestry)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Why do you seek a Master - 11/28/2005 3:51:14 AM   
sunshine333


Posts: 203
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline 		you're right, starshine, that dominant men and women are plentiful. the difference, that i have found, in this lifestyle is that we're all (theorhetically) playing by the same rules which are negotiated before a collar is given. in my experience, i have found that vanilla dominants tend to be bullies who can be greedy and abusive. (not all, of course.) i like the clarity that the M/s dynamic offers. there is no struggle for power and rules are cleary defined. i like the idea of being able to be authentically me without fear of being abused or taken advantage of (again ... in theory).

and yes ... i definitely think there can be an M/s relationship without sex or kink. those would merely be expressions of the dynamic.

and yes again ... i do think that even if the public display is not overtly sexual or kink based ... the M/s dynamic can be made obvious. for example ... calling someone Master ... or kneeling in public. i don't see how this is nessecary but some seem to need it in their lives. i don't like standing out or drawing attention to myself and am very shy and private so those kinds of public displays just don't have a place in my life. but i don't judge others who enjoy the thrill.

humbly,
sunshine

(in reply to starshineowned)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Why do you seek a Master - 11/28/2005 4:00:49 AM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned

Greetings..~smiles~

I think the majority of posters here can and will understand about boyfriend/girlfriend..friends that just have sex..and marriage is about and entails. Of those three area's..all the normal or "vanilla" things exist, sex ofcourse usually is present even with a tad of "kink" play from time to time. Even in marriage's the ability to be "submissive" to your husbands will is readily available, and acceptable to the society on as a whole. Dominant Men/women are plentiful in this world with no concept of bdsm.


So then I come to ask..Why do you seek a Master?
What is it about a person that defines themselves as a Master that cry's out to you?

Also, do you feel that it is possible to exclude the "kink" within a relationship, and still feel a M/s dynamic can exist? If so, do you feel alot of responses to such things within the bdsm community as to what persons will or wont do or how they feel about certain issue's is based alot in part on the fact that they can't seperate "kink" from a M/s existence happening? A good example is the responses persons have to "humiliation" in public. If your mindset of your M/s relationship is not one based with the strong overtone's of "kinky sexual"..do you still feel if your told to do something in public that it is "throwing" your lifestyle in persons faces?

Alot of questions here

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin


gee maybe i should be working on this question instead of what do i need from Master? besides a kick in the rear...more often than not thanks for this thread getting started. i have to go to work but i will definately be hanging out when i get back(fair warning ya'll,lol) but i'm going to do some thinking on this today

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to starshineowned)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Why do you seek a Master - 11/29/2005 3:49:58 AM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		i wasn't seeking a Master...it is something that happened ,by the most exciting phenomina...my belly started to burn.
it is not about sex, it is from an inner desire to please, the sex is icing on the cake so to speak.
it is frightning and overwhelimg and intense and i may not 'yet' be strong enough to do it.it will take much more soul searching and i may find out, it isn't for me...or it is.....

< Message edited by fyreredsub -- 11/29/2005 3:52:27 AM >

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to fyreredsub)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Why do you seek a Master - 11/29/2005 9:09:06 AM   
plantlady64


Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline 		Hello There,
I need my Master as I need the Guidance of Mentor, a Friend, a Lover, Rules, Guidelines, Tasks, To have Dicipline and the Structure I recieve from him.
In a vanilla relationship I don't feel the lines of submission would be as clear for me.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to starshineowned)
Profile   Post #: 20
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