The trust of your Owner (Full Version)

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starshineowned -> The trust of your Owner (11/25/2005 9:06:26 AM)

Greetings..~smiles~

Most of here I think can agree that once a relationship is made D/s, M/s..that trust has above all the other ingreedients has been on top. I think most of us here would agree that trust continue's to grow over the life of the relationship.

What really though is that continued trust? Is it only trust when it doesn't ever go against the grain of what "you" want to do or like to do?

When does it or why does it go from trust in what your partner is doing that may give you uncomfortable..come out of that shell feeling..exposed feeling, that in that instant you don't view it as trust, but rather as "hey" I don't like this and don't want to do this anymore simply because I don't like this or feel it is right?........

When your mindset changes to that thought process..are you still in your perspective spot in the relationship or have you changed roles?

Is disagreeing with what is being done or has been done easy to do because you can justify it by saying..it's a safety feature?

Are you now able to say "hey" they are doing things that I don't like and then therefore are Not a real Dom or Master..or real sub or slave or they have lost their marbles?

Where in then is trust in all this?


starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin



Delvin -> RE: The trust of your Owner (11/25/2005 9:30:29 AM)

Sitting here talking with the girl while reading this, this seems like an interesting topic though I see where she is coming from as a slave and the view of trust in their Master, perhaps a side question to Owners as well about trust.

Okay the set up. (An example)

the girl is nervous around large cities and driving. Most people are :) as it can be very crazy out there at times, but the Owner tells her, "I want you to drive here, go shopping then come home".

-----
You have been driving her around, so she knows the "general" area but she still needs to negotiate a great deal of traffic to get to point A, then return. This though is almost nerve-wracking to her and she can work herself up into frenzy if given the chance because this isn't something she really wants to do. As her owner, he knows this, yet in an attempt to work through this, the instructions stands. She does it, returns home and all is well.

So, does her trust in her Owner diminish because of this? Perhaps the trust she had to "never" drive again in her mind has been changed, so then the Owner has changed. He is starting to make me do things I don't want to do.

For me, when I instruct star, I already have a plan from point A to Z, and work through all of the possible outcomes before I start something. I see no need in sitting her down and explaining each detail, nor do I feel the need to NOT do something because she simply may not "like" it. I trust in her obedience to do as told, knowing she trusts me, that when I tell her something, I have indeed thought it out and would not place her in harms way intentionally.

So, how is trust tested as the Owner to the girl?



jamesthehumanrug -> RE: The trust of your Owner (11/25/2005 12:17:31 PM)

star shine owned
greetings,
trust is, in every relationship; no matter what kind, of relationship, from mortgages, to shoeshines
,without simple trust ;no relationship is possible, and, the relationship ceases, to exsist.
Are you saying ,when a top does something ,that is, against your' constitution';trust no longer exsists?why give ,up barriors ,for someone ,if none exsist,w/,that specific person?.(signifigant ,other)
i wonder, if you ,undertand this real example:
i am ,against" snuff",and ,so are all ,of my tops ,so far ,and,either one ,of us,or collectively ; would have given our lives, for the, other(,or anyone ,for, that matter), if any ,of us were stuck ,in snuff-industry, but, i
would personally give my life ,without question ,to my top (a very specific person) ,to: snuff me. everyone wants, to die;happy, in bed, if given a choice.it's a little ,out there,but,.... i sure have plenty ,of times; wanted ,to give my life ,for the pleasure ,of both ,of us ...a fatal-attraction ,with no" trust" is ,not possible.



candystripper -> RE: The trust of your Owner (11/25/2005 12:34:35 PM)

For me, the trust i would feel for my One would rest on my deep respect for Him. He would not be cruel -- though anyone can be insensitive or have a lapse in manners. He would guide me to places and things i've never done or don't want to do, and i'd give Him feedback. Those things i genuinely hated He would not insist on unless it was a health issue for me.

So, when asked to do something difficult for me, i might hesitate or even express my reservations, but in the end, i'd obey.

candystripper



BeingChewsie -> RE: The trust of your Owner (11/25/2005 1:00:44 PM)

The reason I can go places and do things that I either don't like/want or fear is because I trust him, completely. He has over the years proven over and over that I don't have to run radar on this relationship, his motives, or his intentions. It isn't blind faith or blind obedience. It is a time-tested and built knowledge of who he is and what guides/drives him. You can't force this level of trust in another person. You can only develop it in them over time by _your_ actions in relation to them.

I have won his trust and respect the very same way.



slavejali -> RE: The trust of your Owner (11/25/2005 1:06:13 PM)


quote:

What really though is that continued trust? Is it only trust when it doesn't ever go against the grain of what "you" want to do or like to do?


quote:

When your mindset changes to that thought process..are you still in your perspective spot in the relationship or have you changed roles?



Sometimes Master pushes me to do things i dont want to do. i struggle with Him over some issues..im not a robot he can just push a button and i immediately obey..there are some things i ask "why?" or even blatantly display through my body language or express verbally that i dont want to do them. It's not a trust issue for me, its more a "i need to be in my natural flow rather than pretending or supressing thing. i have to allow the process making my slavery in the end more real." What i mean by this is, if im feeling an aversion to something He has said, i think its my responsibility to Him to express that, its about communication, so He knows what im thinking, He can know what im experiencing, so He has better tools to deal with me through my natural personality with all its quirks. As the process unfolds, i end up doing what it is He has asked, but its at a point when my slavery to Him has become foremost in my mind and i do so willingly, not because im a robot. Its in those times, through that process, that i feel my slavery deeper. It's not that i dont want to obey immediately, its not that i dont want Master to correct me, its not that i dont trust him. when issues like that come up and thankgoodness they are few are far between, most of the time, i just need to be reminded of my slavery and position..and that reminder comes from a natural course of events, starting with me balking at something i was asked to do.



Wildfleurs -> RE: The trust of your Owner (11/25/2005 1:26:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned

Greetings..~smiles~

Most of here I think can agree that once a relationship is made D/s, M/s..that trust has above all the other ingreedients has been on top. I think most of us here would agree that trust continue's to grow over the life of the relationship.

What really though is that continued trust? Is it only trust when it doesn't ever go against the grain of what "you" want to do or like to do?



To me continued trust is trust thats built over time and over difficulties (not necessarily over decisions being made contrary to what I prefer - to me thats more the building of submission than of trust). Everytime you make it through something difficult still intact and stronger for me that helps. Also the more different situations you see a person, and also when you see their ethics or integrity tested.

quote:



Is disagreeing with what is being done or has been done easy to do because you can justify it by saying..it's a safety feature?



It depends, I mean it could really be a safety concern or it could be something else maskind as a safety concern. But for me disagreeing isn't the same as trust. I can disagree with someone and still trust their judgement overall. A simple example would be in driving, I trust my owner quite a bit in terms of navigating around and such but there have been times where I've looked at a map and disagreed with where he was navigating us and explained why (it doesn't mean that the navigating changed of course - sometimes it has and sometimes it hasn't). It didn't mean that I didn't trust his navigation skills, I just disagreed with a specific decision.



sweetpettjenny -> RE: The trust of your Owner (11/25/2005 2:21:55 PM)

oy vey...thats all i can say to some of your posts ...im sorry
quote:

ORIGINAL: jamesthehumanrug

star shine owned
greetings,
trust is, in every relationship; no matter what kind, of relationship, from mortgages, to shoeshines
,without simple trust ;no relationship is possible, and, the relationship ceases, to exsist.
Are you saying ,when a top does something ,that is, against your' constitution';trust no longer exsists?why give ,up barriors ,for someone ,if none exsist,w/,that specific person?.(signifigant ,other)
i wonder, if you ,undertand this real example:
i am ,against" snuff",and ,so are all ,of my tops ,so far ,and,either one ,of us,or collectively ; would have given our lives, for the, other(,or anyone ,for, that matter), if any ,of us were stuck ,in snuff-industry, but, i
would personally give my life ,without question ,to my top (a very specific person) ,to: snuff me. everyone wants, to die;happy, in bed, if given a choice.it's a little ,out there,but,.... i sure have plenty ,of times; wanted ,to give my life ,for the pleasure ,of both ,of us ...a fatal-attraction ,with no" trust" is ,not possible.




SirSix72 -> RE: The trust of your Owner (11/25/2005 2:39:27 PM)

Greetings starshineowned,

I love this thread by the way. I have seen this and I have also participated in the very question you ask. I have seen several subs/slaves use the trust word to not have their boundries or limits crossed by their prospective top. The trust between bella and I continues to grow on an everyday basis. It is a two way street here in that I must also trust that she won't flee because i'm pushing an emotional boundry that she may have before we commit to one another. she in turn must also trust that I have her best interest in mind when I do such things. Such as when I find another compatible slave that I won't send her away because i find another more appealing than her. she just experienced this not long ago and seen where I would go with it. If I have more than one slave I will care for the both of them equally. The both of them have to trust one another as well.

Master Six



fyreredsub -> RE: The trust of your Owner (11/25/2005 6:55:21 PM)

Master gave me an intense lesson in trust today. i was surprised, he pushed what was a physical hard limit of mine before i was with him and overcome some of my emotional issues with giving up control. lord how i cried over my saying 'goodbye' to my being in charge. i just got home awhile ago and thinking about it now, i never experienced a freedom like what i have today.i so hate being vunerable.i foguth the last 7 years of my life to have control and yet i never wanted it but life dealt me a hand that i didnt have any choice not to be in control.i know its not going to be an easy road for me to be a slave.i have no final say on anything.Master wants me to do some serious soul searching to make sure this is the life i really want.all i know is my life is never going to be the same.i'm really glad you posted this.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: The trust of your Owner (11/25/2005 10:48:17 PM)

Trust does not equal not needing to be concerned and completely turning off all higher thought processes when we are together.

I trust my partner to be a wonderful trustworthy sincere person.

But I also know he won't remember to pick up the right kind of soda unless I specifically tell him to do so.



wipmebeetme100 -> RE: The trust of your Owner (11/25/2005 11:10:09 PM)

quote:

oy vey...thats all i can say to some of your posts ...im sorry


Now i must admit that i actually understood and agreed with the first couple sentences.

"trust is, in every relationship; no matter what kind, of relationship, from mortgages, to shoeshines
,without simple trust ;no relationship is possible, and, the relationship ceases, to exsist.""


Uh oh, is this reason to be concerned? Maybe i need to start getting more sleep.

smiles,
cathy



Jasmyn -> RE: The trust of your Owner (11/26/2005 5:48:12 AM)

Romeo and Juliet meets Old Yella ;) and yes, trust is the cornerstone of every relationship



SirSix72 -> RE: The trust of your Owner (11/26/2005 10:55:54 AM)

LMFAOROTF...happens to me all the time I forget what kind fo soda to get myself and have to be reminded


Master Six



Belladonna82 -> RE: The trust of your Owner (11/26/2005 1:32:39 PM)

Trust of your owner is important ...very very important since in this day and age a slave rarely gets to follow their Master around 24/7 :)



LadiesBladewing -> RE: The trust of your Owner (11/26/2005 2:56:29 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned

What really though is that continued trust? Is it only trust when it doesn't ever go against the grain of what "you" want to do or like to do?


Actually, the hardest time to -have- trust is when your owner asks you to do something that you -don't- want to do or even actively dislike. These are the times that make the difference in a D/s or M/s relationship.

In the course of a relationship, I am most likely going to ask for something that my servant doesn't like or doesn't -want- to do. Sometimes, I will require things that xhe completely hates the whole idea of. At these times, hir trust in me is an imperative -- if xhe doesn't trust me, xhe is unlikely to do what I ask, or at least, will not do it with hir full heart in the process. Xhe will hold something back, just in case xhe needs to "run the other way". Neither of us will be satisfied with the outcome, and the first crack develops in the pattern of our dynamic.

Once this has happened once, it can become pandemic, intruding into every area of the relationship, and control, once in my hands, shifts to the point where the servant is controlling hir own life, and maybe letting me do something, to give the appearance of still being managed by me -- but both of us, deep down, know the truth.

From that point, there is little hope for the relationship, unless one likes lying to onself consistently. I don't, so for me, if I were to let it get this far, I would either have to really potentially -hurt- the servant by taking back every little bit of control and starting from scratch, or I would have to set hir free.

This, for me, is the mark of a truly valued servant -- one who has thought through things enough to know that xhe isn't happy with my requirement, but who is truly willing to let go of control enough to let me steer the ship (and perhaps, among the very best servants, even stop to think and reason out why I might have needed hir to take that direction, confirm with me that hir thoughts match my reasons, and then actively work to further my goals.)

quote:

When does it or why does it go from trust in what your partner is doing that may give you uncomfortable..come out of that shell feeling..exposed feeling, that in that instant you don't view it as trust, but rather as "hey" I don't like this and don't want to do this anymore simply because I don't like this or feel it is right?.......


I think that this point comes when something the servant is asked to do is in direct violation of his or her fundamental morals. It always surprises me when an individual is in a relationship for -years-, and then suddenly realizes that hir mate or owner has a moral compass that is completely antithetical to hir own. I am very clear about the direction of my moral compass, from the very beginning of the relationship, so that those who are thinking about becoming a servant here will know, up front, whether or not our moral perspective might cross theirs. For example, we are very up front in saying that this is a polyfideletous household. If an individual is wired for monogamy, and has it set in hir heart that a monogamous relationship is what xhe needs to serve and be morally true to hirself, xhe wouldn't be comfortable with us, and that is ok, but xhe needs to know that -- not come into our household, and then be shocked when, a few months or years down the road, we accept a trainee or a distant family member with a slave comes to live with us and xhe is required to accept a new person sharing hir role in the household.


quote:

Are you now able to say "hey" they are doing things that I don't like and then therefore are Not a real Dom or Master..or real sub or slave or they have lost their marbles?


For us, some people just aren't cut out for certain roles in our immediate community. It isn't anything "wrong" with them, and they're not out of their minds or less real... they've just come up against a wall that is a part of their nature. It is important, for us, always to respect the essence of a person. When that respect means respecting that they really can't make themselves do what we ask, then letting go is the best thing for everyone. For us, service is something that the individual -chooses-, and when xhe no longer is a willing and generally joyful participant (respecting that one may be joyful in service in general, while still being unhappy about a particular service), it will only hurt all of us to continue.


Lady Zephyr



RiotGirl -> RE: The trust of your Owner (11/26/2005 6:43:47 PM)

quote:

What really though is that continued trust? Is it only trust when it doesn't ever go against the grain of what "you" want to do or like to do?


What is trust. Well i'm pretty good at knowing what trust isnt.

Trust isnt, feeling the need to "check" out your Dom. Trust isnt worrying about whether you're being lied too. Trust isnt watching them sneak around your back. Trust isnt wondering if their using "your" baggage to get away with things. Trust isnt walking behind them, checking, making sure they ARENT pretending something they arent behind your back. Trust isnt catching them lying. Trust isnt having to wonder, what the consequences of their "manly" or "domly" decisions are going to be. Trust isnt wondering why everyone else in the whole world, is speaking to you about your other. Trust means when they do, you know they're full of crap. Trust means you dont worry about the negative consquences of their behavior, because you know they have things under control. Trust means that when they bring that lighted cigeratte to you, you KNOW you dont have to worry, instead of knowing, you're going to get burned. You know its just a test. Trust means you dont have to check up on them. Trust means that you have faith, that you can lay it all in their hands, and they've "got" it. Trust means that you know, that when they "push" you, no harm will come. Trust means that even IF its something you dont like, it wont harm you.

Trust has nothing to do with disagreement. Whatever else you said.

Trust is knowing that no matter what it is your Dom says to do, or wants to do, or does, that it wont harm you. (or others)

Not having trust, or a lack of faith, or questioning, is when there is still that wonder if things are going to be okay.



starshineowned -> RE: The trust of your Owner (11/26/2005 6:54:32 PM)

Thankyou All that have responded thus far. Sometimes it is nice to go back to the basics and see where people are coming from.


starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin



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