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RE: Need to learn to train - 9/1/2008 2:22:53 PM

leadership527

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Joined: 6/2/2008
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Ahhhhhhhh... Got it. Thanks for that clarification Solipsistic. I'd have to agree that that is one possible interpretation and only the couple in question can tell. Honestly though, if that is correct, then my immediate assessment is that the level of gamesmanship in a 14 year old marriage is extremely unhealthy and moving to an authority transfer model would, in my mind, be suicidal. That would imply that the woman is directly and openly manipulating him with flat out lies... *shudders* Let's cross our fingers and hope that the only thing going on here is a tight, well adjusted and loving couple negotiating a possible course change in their marriage.

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RE: Need to learn to train - 9/1/2008 3:08:13 PM

KnightofMists

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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you are actually taking my comments out of the context they are intended.. or maybe I wasn't clear.

when some says this

"If I were to tell her to stop and that I do not consent. Her response would be this " **** you its my life and you cant tell me what to do"

is not justification to not say anything or to tell her that he wants her to stop. They don't have a power transfer going on... so.. their choices are going to be jointly made... but if he is not sharing what he wants.. is he actually contributing to the decision? I say no. He is just rubber stamping what she wants. regardless of what he wants.

If a person hopes to be Dominant in the relationship... guess what... he at a minimum is going to have to communicate what he wants. and until he does so... she will never submit because what he actually wants is never on the table to be discussed or even submitted too. He is just doing what she wants and giving his rubber stamp because he isn't sharing his wants or desires.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Need to learn to train - 9/1/2008 6:35:17 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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*nods* Thanks Knight.. that was a lot clearer to me and I agree totally. It's not really clear to me how I could dominate a woman in any meaningful way without having a pretty clear understanding of what BOTH of us wanted and needed. And you're right, if I either didn't know either half or was afraid to discuss either half, I'd be screwed as a dominant. I'd probalby be screwed as a husband too, just less so.

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RE: Need to learn to train - 9/6/2008 2:26:33 PM

Worldly1

Posts: 37
Joined: 8/20/2008
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You can't really train her as a sub/slave until you know what that means.

You're new to this, so search out the local bdsm groups in your community. If there isn't one local to you, find one where a weekend trip would work. Contact the leadership of the group ahead of time ask if they would be willing to have someone from the group agree to make you feel welcome.

Ask lots of questions and observe a lot. Find out who in the group is considered to be trustworthy, honorable, knowledgeable, experienced and wise. Approach that person and ask advice about finding a Mentor. An ideal situation would be a Dom/sub couple.

If you want to be a pilot, you can only learn from another pilot.

If you want to be a Dom, you should learn from another Dom.

Your wife/submissive can learn how to be a submissive from your Mentor's submissive, taking the pressure off you in the short term. Your wife might actually be more receptive to learning this way, since she has doubts about submitting to you. This attitude will likely change as she advances in her training.

Also - READ...DEVOUR books and other resources.

(in reply to HarleyMan2008)

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RE: Need to learn to train - 9/12/2008 6:32:01 PM

HarleyMan2008

Posts: 15
Joined: 8/30/2008
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Thanks everyone for the advice. We have been in deep talks about everything and it isnt out of the question at this point and I see some more curiosity out of her lately.

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Post #: 25