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Dependence Day - 8/31/2008 9:32:50 AM   
steffie


Posts: 95
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline 		Hello all.  You haven't seen me in a long while here because i was lucky enough to meet an excellent Domme and have been happily involved with her since May.

Just wanted to share something she did with me last weekend.  She told me before she saw me that we were going to have a "dependance day."  I had no idea what she meant by that, so the couple days leading up to seeing her, i was quite intrigued.  She also told me to bring some lingerie that would drape over my crotch area as i would be bottomless for the evening.

When i arrived at her house last Sunday she had me disrobe and put on my lingerie, with stockings, garter belts (she likes seeing me in garter belts) and heels.  Then she placed leather restraints around my wrists, and clipped them to a leather belt that she strapped around my waist.  Then she put a collar around my neck and used a leash to lead me from her bedroom out to the kitchen, where she had me sit on a tiny little stool in the kitchen where i could chat with her as she cooked dinner (she is a chef and loves to cook).

As she cooked she said to me, "You're too independent."  She said she wanted me to know what it felt like to be completely dependent on her for everything.  If i needed to use the bathroom, if i wanted something to eat or drink, or so much as blow my nose - i would have to ask her.  And i'd better use "please Mistress" and "thank you Mistress" as any lapses in manners throughout the evening would be meted out to me later in the form of punishment.

At first i thought, well this seems easy enough.  Though it did seem strange to be watching my Mistress do everything in the kitchen.  I felt like i should be helping her prepare the meal as i normally did, but i couldn't with my wrists cuffed to my sides.  I told her i wished i could help set the table or do some work - i felt oddly guilty not being able to serve her, but she told me not to worry about it.

When dinner was done she dished out two plates and she sat at the table.  I sat on the small stool at her side.  It was lower than her chair, so it gave me this feeling that i was almost like a pet sitting at her side.  She ate and glanced at me, till finally i asked, "Mistress may i please have something to eat?"  She smiled and dished some food up on a fork and fed me, after which i remembered to say, "Thank you Mistress."  The entire meal went this way.  With me asking her as politely as possible for every mouthful and ever sip of tea - which she gave me through a straw. 

All of which made me feel submissive in an entirely new way.  By being truly dependent on my Mistress for literally every mouthful of food, i ended up feeling quite helpless.  Utterly powerless.  It was as if i was discovering something new about submission.  Like we were coming at the Dominance/submission dynamic from an entirely new angle that i'd never explored or knew existed.

The only time during the evening Ms Karen let me out of the cuffs - was to clear the table and wash the dishes.  As i had my hands in the soapy water of the sink, washing the pots and pans, she took the rear hem of my lingerie and tucked it into the back of my leather belt, baring my bottom.  As i went about my work, she used a riding crop on my exposed tush to deliver several playful blows for a couple of manners infractions.  Once my bottom had a nice red glow, she then went and got her camera!  She loves taking pictures of me.  And they came out rather nice - of me standing there washing the dishes with a nice red bottom.

After i was done the dishes she clipped my wrists back to the belt, hooked a leash to my collar and led me to the living room...  Where i was shocked to see a little hassock by the couch where she usually sat.  On the hassock she'd strapped a 5" dildo that was standing straight up!  She laughed delightly at the look of shock and embarrassment on my face.  And told me that would be my seat for the evening while we watched some TV!

She didn't make me sit on it right away. She had me sit at her feet, and as we watched a show, she picked up some washable markers, and began drawing on me!  She is very artistic, likes tattoos (and has several herself) and simply enjoyed drawing all sorts of things across my shoulders, and upper arms.  She amused herself by writing things like "steffie is a sissy", and by drawing flowers and designs across my skin.

Throughout the evening, if i needed to go to the bathroom, wanted a drink of tea, or needed to so much as scratch my nose, i politely asked my Mistress for her help.  All of which did have the desired effect.  To put me into subspace, but in an entirely new way.  By making me feel completely powerless without her aid.  All of which served to make her seem all the more strong and powerful in my eyes.

Eventually Ms Karen had me sit on the dildo on the hassock, and then during the commercial breaks on TV, she amused herself by telling me to bounce up and down!  And i had to keep it up for the entire length of the commericals, which can run 1-2 minutes. All of which added a whole new dimension of fun for her when commercials were on.  And all of which added a whole new sense of humiliation for me.

Won't share the rest of the evening with you, as this is already running too long.  Just wanted to share with you what i thought was a rather imaginative evening on my Mistresses part.  Perhaps it may give some of you some ideas you can use in your own relationshps.

Just to point out - this not something i dreamt up or asked for or have ever fantasized about.  The true joy of being in a D/s relationship is quite simply being a part of your Mistresses' life... getting to be the one who shares in whatever it is that she concocts or wants to try.  I'm constantly amazed by all the posts on this board by submissives wanting to get their little kinks filled.  You guys are not getting it.  Give it up.  Just let go of your smarmy fantasies.  And let your Mistress take over.  You're just along for the ride.  And what a lovely ride it is.

_____________________________

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RE: Dependence Day - 8/31/2008 9:47:05 AM   
leashseeker


Posts: 22
Joined: 3/23/2008
Status: offline 		Thanks steffie for sharing sounds like it was a fun evening.

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RE: Dependence Day - 8/31/2008 9:59:44 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Thanks for sharing this, steffie!  What a wonderful evening!

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RE: Dependence Day - 8/31/2008 12:57:11 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: steffie

As she cooked she said to me, "You're too independent."  She said she wanted me to know what it felt like to be completely dependent on her for everything.  If i needed to use the bathroom, if i wanted something to eat or drink, or so much as blow my nose - i would have to ask her.  And i'd better use "please Mistress" and "thank you Mistress" as any lapses in manners throughout the evening would be meted out to me later in the form of punishment.


This sort of attitude or situation wouldn't sit well with me unless it is a scene and roleplay.  The "you're too independent" would really bother me if i knew my Owner believed it to be true, just the idea of "too independent" being possible.  But at a lifestyle event or in a scene, or even for a weekend; this type of thing could be fun.


_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

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RE: Dependence Day - 8/31/2008 1:57:40 PM   
steffie


Posts: 95
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde
This sort of attitude or situation wouldn't sit well with me unless it is a scene and roleplay.  The "you're too independent" would really bother me if i knew my Owner believed it to be true, just the idea of "too independent" being possible.  But at a lifestyle event or in a scene, or even for a weekend; this type of thing could be fun.


DC, i think i know where you are coming from.  If you love someone, you see to make them independent - not dependent.  It's like the love a parent has for their child.  You teach them to take care of themself - you don't want them clinging to you eternally.

To a degree, i think my Mistress believes i am too independent.  I'm a single parent and raised my son completely on my own.  I also built two businesses and am financially independent.  For most of my life i've been taking care of everyone around me.  And i think she sees this, and it's important for her to feel "needed."

At least that is my take on the exercise.  Make me feel dependent on her - for just an evening.  So that i realize how much i need her in my life.  Otherwise, if i am "too independent," she probably feels i could walk away at any time and never look back.

I don't think she literally wants me to be dependent on her 24/7.  It was just one of those Domme Jedi mind tricks, to help me realize she is an important part of my life.

_____________________________

There are no secrets to learning how to write. You must learn how to think. S. Leonard Rubenstein

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RE: Dependence Day - 8/31/2008 2:13:53 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline 		I can understand the thing about feeling needed, but I don't see how independence in a submissive can be seen as not needing their dominant.

Ma'am knows that I need Her, but She also knows that I can survive without Her; neither happily nor easily, but my world will not end without Her in my life and She knows and understands that.

I honestly don't mean this as a criticism of your dominant or relationship; but if my Owner were to set up some type of scenario so that She might feel needed by me, I'd either fear there is a dangerous lack in honest communication in the relationship or as a lack of self-esteem that I'd not tolerate in my Owner.


_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to steffie)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Dependence Day - 8/31/2008 2:22:29 PM   
pinnipedster


Posts: 217
Joined: 4/17/2008
Status: offline 		I just have to say that I would LOVE this kind of thing.  Getting to spend many hours in bondage, needing permission and assistance with everything, being taken care of....yuuuum! 

Oh, I'm supposed to LEARN something from it?  Uh....OK, sure Ma'am.   Might take SEVERAL lessons though!  ;)

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RE: Dependence Day - 8/31/2008 2:27:48 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline 		I will have to admit that one of the issues I have with this whole thing is that I've never been comfortable in the position of another taking care of me.  Except, of course, when I'm sick; then I'm like every man out there, whether submissive or dominant, and I just need a 'mommy'.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to pinnipedster)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Dependence Day - 8/31/2008 4:13:10 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Not that I don't think this was a wonderful experience for the OP, I can't say I would ever consider anyone who is submissive to Me as too independent.  I want a submissive who is fully capable of taking care of himself, and yet needs Me anyway.  Sure, I have certain protocols and rituals in place so that he knows who's in control around here, but I also expect him to be able to be fully capable. 

It's so much better for Me to have a sub that wants to need Me, rather than has to need Me.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Dependence Day - 8/31/2008 4:36:09 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'd love to be micromanaged like that for a period of time, hours or even a weekend. I think it would be wonderfully relaxing to be totally under another's control.

Something that most of us never get is a break from responsibility.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Dependence Day - 9/1/2008 3:12:00 AM   
iwearpanties


Posts: 509
Joined: 7/21/2005
Status: offline 		ive never heard of this type or scene or play but it sure sounds like you both had a good time and enjoyed your time spent together ? have you seen her agina or is there a follow up vist comeing?

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RE: Dependence Day - 9/1/2008 3:25:32 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think the issue is necessarily about what constitutes as too independent in everyday life. I see it as more of a very clever way for this Domme to take an independent sub into a whole new headspace, to have a gentle probe at some boundaries. No evidence that She is going to make a habit of this, but I can well imagine that it was an awesome experience for someone who's never had this kind of thing. i well remember the first time Master led me mostly naked through a forest, blindfolded and on a leash, it was an overwhelming headspace and i loved it! And while I am undoubtedly an independent sort, Master chooses to maintain a little dependence on Him, so i still ask His permission to toilet when we are together and i really enjoy that. Just a little way to keep me in my sub violet headspace instead of Jay breaking out all the time!

I'd say you were one lucky sub steffie ... who has found a very creative Domme! Enjoy!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]


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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

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RE: Dependence Day - 9/1/2008 11:32:14 AM   
lilsubrt


Posts: 41
Joined: 5/17/2008
Status: offline
Hello steffie,

     It sounds as if You have one imaginative Mistress, you are a lucky one indeed. She gave you mental and physical stimulation She thought you needed to help you serve Her better, She did it in a way foreign to you to impress it upon you in a much deeper manner. Sweeeeeeet !  You will most likely remember the lessons more clearly and deeply as a result.

    As for the ensuing debate weather you actually are, " too independent " , that as this little one sees it, is for the two of you to ponder. Hope you continue to enjoy each other and grow, after all isn't that what She wanted ?  Hmmm. Please give us the updates as you deem appropriate.

    Thank You for Your Consideration and Time,

    lilsubrt

    Respect and Admiration to All Women, Total Submission to Ones Owner !

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RE: Dependence Day - 9/1/2008 2:20:59 PM   
steffie


Posts: 95
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline 		DC, i understand what you are saying.  As i mentioned in my OP, i'm usually the one taking care of others.  So it was a bit strange to me.  But certainly not unpleasant.  I'm not the type that fights things when my Mistress sets the stage. I just go with it.  And, even if it is something i don't particularly enjoy - i ALWAYS enjoy the fact that she is either giggling, smiling, or enjoying herself in some way.

To give a little background on my Mistress.  She likes trans people.  Prior to me she was involved with a very young TV for about a year.  This other person was in their mid-20's, cute, but not committed to the trans or D/s lifestyle, nor did they have their head screwed on straight.  They were probably just exploring their own identity.  Eventually when Ms Karen kept insisting they go further, doing simple things like shaving their legs, getting their ears pierced or growing their hair long - the sub got scared and bolted.  Ran back to the vanilla world where they now have a young girlfriend, and a beard.

She's admitted to me that she was extremely disappointed and somewhat devastated by the way this person wormed their way into her life and confidences - and then took off for the hills.  Subconsciously, i think this is where "dependence day" came from.  She's admitted to me she is still re-building her own "Domme confidence levels."  We've started out very slowly.  We did not do anything BDSM related for the first several weeks we knew each other.  We just did vanilla things.  But slowly over the past two months she has started doing more and more with me.  I think the whole "dependence day" thing came out of the fact that she does not want a sub who will ultimatley decide they don't need her and will run.

Spent last night with her and we had a blast.  No, she has not repeated "dependence day."  It's always different with her.  When i got to her house Sunday nite she had a male friend over.  We ate then went down into her basement den and played pool for a while.  After the game was over, she ordered me to kneel over a metal chair, bound my wrists to the legs, then flipped my long skirt up over my head, pulled down my panties, and gave me a playful hand spanking in front of her friend (who sat on the couch with a huge tent in his pants she told me later).  Afterwards we took a bubble bath together in her jacuzzi where i scrubbed her whole body down with a lufa pad... another great evening!

As i stated in my OP, i don't know why any sub would want to top from the bottom.  It's much more fun, much more exciting, just to follow wherever she may lead.

< Message edited by steffie -- 9/1/2008 2:23:38 PM >

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RE: Dependence Day - 9/1/2008 2:37:21 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline
quote:

I think the whole "dependence day" thing came out of the fact that she does not want a sub who will ultimatley decide they don't need her and will run.


But, no matter what she does unless it's shackling you 24/7; doesn't she realize that you could do that at any time?  Of course there is trust, but trust is merely believing in something that you cannot actually prove before the fact; it does not change reality.  I'm not saying that you would actually decide that you don't need her and then run; just that no scene, training, special holiday, contract, collar, conversation, punishment, reward or anything else will stop it from happening if that's what you choose to do.

She's merely creating the external illusion of confidence instead of having that confidence come from within, where it needs to come from.  This will do her good for now, but as the relationship grows she will need to do some growing herself to eliminate this fear withing her.

I wish you both happiness and strength together.


_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to steffie)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Dependence Day - 9/1/2008 2:58:44 PM   
steffie


Posts: 95
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline 		Oh i agree.  You're spot on. 

"Dependence day" will not prevent me from running, if that's what i chose to do.  It was just a little head game that made her feel good for an evening. 

She has admitted to me, that the more we do together, the stronger her confidence has been growing.  She even thanked me a couple days ago because she said i have been good for her.  She said she is beginning to feel like her "old self again."

She is a very Dominant woman, but she's also a sensitive person.  (Just because someone is Domme doesn't mean they are insensitive or unemotional.)  And, anyone's confidence levels can go through peaks and valleys.  Her confidence took a hit when this previous sub took off.  The way it ended, i think she was left with some self doubts, wondering what she might have done differently.  She's the type that is used to having her way, and i think it rocked her world a bit for her prior sub to be the one to end things.

I think she's starting to realize she didn't do anything wrong.  Her prior sub simply was immature and just not ready to commit to a serious D/s relationship.

That might be a good side topic for discussion.  I think a lot of women are attracted to young boys because they're cute.  Or because it's fun to lead a "virgin" through a lot of their firsts in the BDSM world.  Only to discover later that many 20 year olds are immature, unruly, uncooperative, and uncommitted.

_____________________________

There are no secrets to learning how to write. You must learn how to think. S. Leonard Rubenstein

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RE: Dependence Day - 9/1/2008 3:08:31 PM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

She's merely creating the external illusion of confidence instead of having that confidence come from within, where it needs to come from.  This will do her good for now, but as the relationship grows she will need to do some growing herself to eliminate this fear withing her.



If I may darch, while the exercise may be external, it could very well have an internal effect on steffie's Mistress; helping her to rebuild her internal confidence and heal herself from the pain which drives the fears she has, the fears she's revealed to steffie that stem from her disappointment with the previous relationship.  By engaging in symbolic acts (think in terms of rituals performed in many religions if you will), which you might view as external, it's not uncommon for people to find an internal healing and rejuvenation of the spirit.  
 
 - pixel 
 
Lady Pact's bleaux
 


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RE: Dependence Day - 9/1/2008 6:44:33 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde
But, no matter what she does unless it's shackling you 24/7; doesn't she realize that you could do that at any time?  Of course there is trust, but trust is merely believing in something that you cannot actually prove before the fact; it does not change reality.  I'm not saying that you would actually decide that you don't need her and then run; just that no scene, training, special holiday, contract, collar, conversation, punishment, reward or anything else will stop it from happening if that's what you choose to do.

She's merely creating the external illusion of confidence instead of having that confidence come from within, where it needs to come from.  This will do her good for now, but as the relationship grows she will need to do some growing herself to eliminate this fear withing her.

I wish you both happiness and strength together.


My friend, it isn't often that we disagree, but I think here, we must.

Have you ever heard the expression "fake it until you make it?"  Sometimes, it is these very kinds of exercises that can help in these matters.  If Ms Karen is having an issue due to a past sub or a past life experience, maybe something like this is a first step for her to reconcile that.  In other words, have the illusion so that one can have the faith.  Sometimes, what a person needs most to rebuild their confidence to make something happen, is to find a way to believe it could happen.

As you are often fond of saying, when it comes to a Dominant woman, people focus on the Domme and not the woman.  That means a person who might have fears and <gasp> even insecurities at time.  There might be issues that a woman might have to deal with.  Perhaps this was her way of dealing with something, while a fun twist was added so that her sub could be included in the process.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to darchChylde)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Dependence Day - 9/1/2008 7:25:02 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline 		Fast Reply:

I can admit when I am wrong.  Well, I don't think I am actually wrong as not being completely right and taking too harsh a stance on the subject.

PS:  I never meant that I would not tolerate any lack of self-esteem or self-confidence in my Dominant, but that I wouldn't want a dominant with the high level of low self-esteem I pictured when reading the OP.

Again, no offense intended to anyone.


_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Dependence Day - 9/2/2008 11:09:46 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		What a FABULOUS post, thank you!

I'm with Pinnipedster- I think it sounds positively YUMMY and sweet!

steffie, you are a gem.



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Profile   Post #: 20
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