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Can your sub debate you on the forums? - 8/31/2008 9:37:15 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Ok. I said I was going to put this up as something of a joke, but the more I think of it, there might be some merit to it.

Let Me begin My thought with a mention of a personal belief. No two people, even those involved in a D/s dynamic, are going to think absolutely the same way on absolutely every subject. Sure, they are going to have many ideas and beliefs in common, but no two people are going to agree on everything. It doesn't matter if it's politics, religion, a form of kink, etc. Sooner or later, there's going to be something that two people won't necessarily agree with each other on. With that in mind, I'll continue to the actual question.

There are quite a few folks that are contributers to the forums who are involved in a D/s dynamic with someone else who also posts in the forums. In fact, some dynamics have started because people have gotten to know each other this way. Others have had their sub create an account so they could participate on the boards, get involved in conversation, and learn things here.

My question is, for those of you involved in a dynamic with someone else who posts on the boards, what's your position on those times that you don't necessarily agree? Is your sub permitted to actively contribute to the conversation, even when the opinion might not agree with yours? For those on the other side of the kneel, has there ever been an issue because you disagreed with your Dominant on a subject here?

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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Post #: 1

RE: Can your sub debate you on the forums? - 8/31/2008 9:57:07 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

(speaking of the past here, I can't get the current candidates to post...) Of course, I encourage and expect him to post if he has something to say, and if he doesn't agree with me, so be it! I do not look to be surrounded by sycophants. I also do not look for arguments on the home front, and I do not engage in political or religious discussions. The boards are a good place for him to let off steam and have the convos that he wouldn't be having with me.

There are a few basic rules that I insist on: never say bad stuff about ME!

Be courteous, and don't stoop to name calling. Don't pick fights. I am one of those cranky old school types who thinks that her man reflects on HER, so making me look bad by being an asshat on the boards is unwise at best. Oh, and use the spell check.

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Post #: 2

RE: Can your sub debate you on the forums? - 8/31/2008 11:38:33 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I have seen posts where both the sub and Dom have given their opinion in the same post. It wasn't that they were in opposition to each other but shining a light from a different perspective. I respect the Doms that allow that very much. It shows that they value the opinion and thoughts of their sub.

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Post #: 3

RE: Can your sub debate you on the forums? - 8/31/2008 11:51:32 AM

pinnipedster

Posts: 217
Joined: 4/17/2008
Status: offline

As a sub (or at least, sub-ish....my r/l experience as a submissive is too limited for me to be 100% certain) I can say that I can't imagine changing my fundamental opinions about the great issues of life just because a Dominant told me to. I could certainly refrain (to a point) from expressing them in her presence or in some forums if that was her wish. (I know a Dominant lady who has played with one sub who had trouble restraining himself from expressing political opinions she disagreed with entirely -- but, she said, that was what gags are for....) Of course, I'm open to being persuaded to modify my views on such issues; that's very different.

As far as *these* forums are concerned, I've only glanced at the political-type posts enough to know I don't want to get involved there; I do my politicking elsewhere, and have plenty of it. I come here to discuss things that I don't get the opportunity to discuss elsewhere. This, I suppose, might be a mistake, as posting there might be a way for people to get to know the "real" me better, but there it is for now.

There are certain things, however, I admit I don't know I could shut up about. Years ago, when I used to play online quite a bit (eventually I began to find this mostly pretty dull), I sullied my relationship with a Dominant woman because I could not -- and would not -- refrain from expressing my disapproval of the fact that she smoked. Sorry, but that's one I feel so strongly about -- particularly since she was quite young -- that I can't put it away. I don't think I could serve a Dominant woman who smoked on an ongoing basis, but if I ever did, I would never cease trying to get her to stop, regardless of the consequences.

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 4

RE: Can your sub debate you on the forums? - 8/31/2008 11:57:00 AM

OriginalStuff

Posts: 48
Joined: 6/11/2005
Status: offline

I'm more of a lurker on the boards, but wouldn't be upset if pj posted a comment that didn't agree with My own views. Providing her post was respectful. I too am one of those cranky old school types that feel My slaves behavior is a reflection of Me. I understand that different sides of the slash will see things differently, it's just who we are; and I don't expect her to be in total agreement with Me on any topic. But I do demand her debate, both with Me and here, to maintain a respectful tone.

Typically she finds a post on the board, and links Me to it in an email. When we are online later (sometimes the following week), I can pull up the post and we discuss it together. Most often the post has been covered from A to Z by the time I get around to reading it, so I don't bother posting.

I encourage her to post more often as it gives Me an insight to her thinking on some matters, and I have yet to see anything she's posted that has bothered me in the least.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 5

RE: Can your sub debate you on the forums? - 8/31/2008 12:20:56 PM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline

My boy's got an account on CM and used to post on the forums fairly regularly, but he's been absent from them as of late.

If he ever wanted to debate me? Sure, why not, we "debate" every hour of every day in real life anyway.

I swear to God if this one dies of natural causes the next one I get is going to be a mute.

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Ти симпатична в цій ролі,
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Read my series, Taking Jessica, on http://www.akashaweb.com !

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 6

RE: Can your sub debate you on the forums? - 8/31/2008 12:36:10 PM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

*chuckles* The boykin is usually too busy debating with me in real life to debate with me on the forums.

Honestly, I'm glad that we don't disagree on the forums much. I don't like to have a disagreement with any of my loved ones in public.

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(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)

Post #: 7

RE: Can your sub debate you on the forums? - 8/31/2008 1:04:49 PM

atypicalsub

Posts: 284
Joined: 4/11/2008
From: an atypical sub
Status: offline

My Mistress does not post in these forums, but could I debate her publicly? Of course! There is no contridiction between me being her loyal and obedient pet and my respectfully disagreeing with her one some points and issues. Respectful is of course the key word. What goes along with that is I would not say she is *wrong* for something she believes, but only that I have a different view on the matter.

Then again I think that is just proper manners everyone should assume when debating in public, even with strangers.

_____________________________

Polyamorous, solitary eclectic pagan, pansexual slut, and personal pet of MistressYes

"Do not do anything you are ashamed of, and don't be ashamed of anything you do"
(although I'm sure my bio-family wishes I did less and was ashamed of more)

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 8

RE: Can your sub debate you on the forums? - 8/31/2008 1:19:09 PM

aidan

Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

*chuckles* The boykin is usually too busy debating with me in real life to debate with me on the forums.

Honestly, I'm glad that we don't disagree on the forums much. I don't like to have a disagreement with any of my loved ones in public.

Heh...I am a cantankerous little thing. :-p

And really, the kinds of things that Mistress and I debate and bandy on about are rarely if ever discussed on these boards, so even the potential for argument doesn't spring up too much.

_____________________________

Do what now?

"I aim to misbehave."
-Mal Reynolds

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 9

RE: Can your sub debate you on the forums? - 8/31/2008 1:23:36 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

My question is, for those of you involved in a dynamic with someone else who posts on the boards, what's your position on those times that you don't necessarily agree? Is your sub permitted to actively contribute to the conversation, even when the opinion might not agree with yours? For those on the other side of the kneel, has there ever been an issue because you disagreed with your Dominant on a subject here?

Typically, if there is a disagreement, we will have discussed our different opinions off the boards in any case, so it won't come as any surprise that we have different opinions. My Darling and I often see things from different perspectives, and since I tend to prefer servants who are intelligent, thinking individuals, it isn't inconceivable that there would be occasions that would come up in which we would disagree.

One restriction I would have to this would be that if the individual has questions about how xhe is being treated by myself or my Darling, if xhe has questions about how things are being run in the Household, if xhe has questions about hir status with us -- that these questions come directly to me first, rather than going through the boards. This is because I am the best resource for these answers. Aside from my Darling, nobody who isn't active in our household would know the answers that apply in our situation, so we are the best resource for these questions. Another restriction would come to bear in the event that a servant directly argued with me regarding household rules or my right to differ from hir on a topic. I would not respond to these issues online, however -- they would be addressed directly with the servant in question.

The only other restriction I have is that one of our servants be courteous in hir disagreement, both with us, and with the other posters on the topic. It is possible to disagree without being rude or argumentative, and I would be disappointed in a servant who could not grasp that simple concept. It is likely that, if such a situation were a repetitive issue, that servant would be denied the opportunity to participate in the forums.

Calla Firestorm

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 10

RE: Can your sub debate you on the forums? - 8/31/2008 3:13:02 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
There are a few basic rules that I insist on: never say bad stuff about ME!

If I may, it only seems common sense to me that an expression of emotions of that nature between D/s couples, or any couples for that matter, would be kept private. I can't imagine publicly saying something "bad" about my Mistress! Not only would I be showing disrepect for Her if I did, I'd be showing disrespet for both myself and Our relationship as well!

quote:

Be courteous, and don't stoop to name calling. Don't pick fights.

Don't we wish all who participate here on CM did that?

quote:

I am one of those cranky old school types who thinks that her man reflects on HER, so making me look bad by being an asshat on the boards is unwise at best.

I agree that my posts reflect on Mistress as should be apparent from what I wrote above.

That said, please tell me Lady Hibiscus, do you really need the help of your man to occasionally make you look bad here on CM??

Grins, ducks and runs away...

- pixel

Lady Pact's bleaux

< Message edited by pixelslave -- 8/31/2008 3:18:59 PM >

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 11

RE: Can your sub debate you on the forums? - 8/31/2008 3:55:44 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

PIXEL IS A SASSMONKEY~!!!

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Post #: 12

RE: Can your sub debate you on the forums? - 8/31/2008 4:41:44 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I'm glad to see so many folks have the same feeling on this that I did. I have no problem with someone having a different opinion than Mine, even someone in a dynamic. Of course, I would never tolerate disrespect any more on the forums than I would in real life from a sub in My life.

By the way, I didn't mean for the post to imply personal disagreements, just things that pop up on the boards from time to time. The personal thing has happened once for Me, and I hope it will never happen again.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 13

RE: Can your sub debate you on the forums? - 8/31/2008 4:47:47 PM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

Yet another thought-provoking thread here Lady Pact.. Thank you.

I guess I'm somewhat closer to what Lady Hibiscus has already written about being 'old school'. To me the relationship between a dominant and a submissive can be seen as a whole unit, a team, two people working in harmony towards the same things in life. We are fortunate here on these boards that they tend to be generally pretty supportive and therefore both dominant and submissive if posting on the same message boards have the best of both worlds, the support of each other and also the support of everyone else which is, and for me, has always been the distinguishing hallmark of the BDSM 'community' per se, in that support is more readily accessible than say the LGBT community.

Ladies being themselves take great pride in their image, their craft and part of that image is the submissive. This is especially true on a public forum which is shared by other members of their community. A touch of Aristasia, but here it's mainly female dominant and male submissive, they are a couple, a harmonious couple, each has their role and their position. Therefore what ones does reflects on the other and vice versa.

Being of the old tradition I'm in favour of such values as discretion, manners, tact and decorum and also class. I strongly believe that yes, both submissive and dominant though aware of their relationship and dynamic should follow a certain pattern, they should also be themselves because what else do we all come here for if not for the great abundance of different people and different personalities, right?

However I'm not sure whether I would as a submissive feel entitled to debate my Mistress about our relationship or BDSM topics here on an open forum so freely, because I am the submissive and surely part of my submission is some small sacrifice and forfeit. She is the dominant, she has control and she makes the decisions and I either live by those decisions and accept them or I pardon myself and move on. I would never discuss matters concerning my relationship or state my opinion as such without her prior knowledge. If I have an issue with the relationship I would discuss the matter privately with her rather than bring it to the boards. Nor would I express a critical opinion about someone else's relationship and especially not about another dominant and that would include - if the case was - a former Mistress. This would be because I accept that she has the authority and makes the decisions when it comes to other people who share our social circle, not me. She deals with the dominants, hopefully leaving me spontaneous contact with other submissives. However on general topics I would freely express myself on general issues because who I am and what I'm about also reflects on her also.

This is just my own personal take here and I'm sure it would be different for everyone else. To be a Mistress's jewel you must shine.

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(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 14

RE: Can your sub debate you on the forums? - 8/31/2008 10:06:08 PM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

I think it would depend on how it was phrased and what the subject was and what was said. If it appeared that he was bringing a difference of opinion we had within the relationship to the Boards, I wouldn't like it. I would see that as a challenge to my authority. If he was simply stating his opinion on a general subject, and it differed from mine, I would be fine with it.

(in reply to stella41b)

Post #: 15

RE: Can your sub debate you on the forums? - 8/31/2008 10:45:03 PM

atypicalsub

Posts: 284
Joined: 4/11/2008
From: an atypical sub
Status: offline

Beautifully said stella. As distance has so far meant I've been attending munches and parties unescorted Mistress always reminds me that my behavior at such events reflects on her. I wear her name on my collar so I must never do anything she would not approve of were she there with me.

I just thought it went without saying that personaly problems between members of the household are not discussed outside the house.

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

Ladies being themselves take great pride in their image, their craft and part of that image is the submissive. This is especially true on a public forum which is shared by other members of their community. A touch of Aristasia, but here it's mainly female dominant and male submissive, they are a couple, a harmonious couple, each has their role and their position. Therefore what ones does reflects on the other and vice versa.

_____________________________

Polyamorous, solitary eclectic pagan, pansexual slut, and personal pet of MistressYes

"Do not do anything you are ashamed of, and don't be ashamed of anything you do"
(although I'm sure my bio-family wishes I did less and was ashamed of more)

(in reply to stella41b)

Post #: 16

RE: Can your sub debate you on the forums? - 9/1/2008 2:42:56 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

Master doesn't read these boards to any great degree these days. However, it wouldn't be a problem if He did, while we have a lot in common, we aren't clones. An occasional disagreement on an issue isn't a problem.

While He obviously wants me to discuss personal problems with Him, and i do (He's very easy to talk with and also i have my journal), if i really wanted the perspective of say other subs on something, He wouldn't be phased with me posing it as a general question on the boards. i'd be more likely to do so AFTER we'd already discussed it, He'd probably encourage me to raise it and would be interested in the responses. So i would even be able to bring some personal issues here, but of course, it would have to be respectful!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Post #: 17

RE: Can your sub debate you on the forums? - 9/1/2008 3:40:15 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

Lady Pact,

I'm quite an expressive, communicative, submissive, little sassmonkey bitch (the good kind of bitch that is :-). Thus, it's highly likely I'd debate with my Domina in the forums. Certainly, were I not in agreement with my partner's point of view, I'd not feign agreement. To me, this is tantamount to lying. Above all, I'll underline that I'd debate with my partner (as I would with anyone else) in a manner that is polite, courteous, and respectful. Given that I'm addressing my Domina, I'd be extra careful to be courteous and respectful of her feelings, of our dynamics, and of keeping conversation that is better had in private between us, private.

In principle then, no matter what the BDSM dynamics, I see nothing wrong with debating with your partner in the forums. Actually, I had better expose an exception here. Should the agreed upon BDSM dynamics prevent one party from expressing themselves freely, I'd find that worrisome.

Elan.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 18

RE: Can your sub debate you on the forums? - 9/1/2008 4:39:11 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

PIXEL IS A SASSMONKEY~!!!

You just now figured that out Lady Hibiscus?

pixel's a very happy one at that!

- pixel

Lady Pact's bleaux

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 19

RE: Can your sub debate you on the forums? - 9/1/2008 7:40:01 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

It's a very select group, Pixel! Just ask Elan!

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[page 23 girl]

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 20

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