DameDarkness
Posts: 341
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline
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An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the
remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the
driver, I have a dead pussy.
The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit
with my wife. You two have a lot in common.
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A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her
daughter walks in.
"Mother, where do babies come from?"
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, "Well dear, Mommy and
Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their
bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex."
The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, "That means the
daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a
baby, honey." The child seems to comprehend.
"Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had
daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?"
"Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry."
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A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police
officer pulled her over for speeding.
Officer: May i see your licence?
Lady: what does it look like?
Officer: its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it.
The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and
hands it to the officer.
The officer opens it up and says 'if you had told me you were a
police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over.'
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Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is
heating up.
But then the wife stops and says, "I don' t feel like it. I just want
you to hold me."
The husband says " WHAT???" The wife explains that he must not be in
tune with her emotional needs as a woman.
The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he
might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store.
He walks around and had her try on three very expensive outfits. And
then tells his wife, We 'll take all three of them. Then goes over
and gets matching shoes worth $200 each.
And then goes to the jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond
earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped
out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet.
The husband says "but you don 't even play tennis, but OK if you like
it then lets get it.'
The wife is jumping up and down. So excited she cannot even believe
what is going on. She says " I am ready to go, lets go to the cash
register. "
The husband says, " no no no, honey we're not going to buy all this
stuff." The wife face goes blank.
" No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."
Her face gets really red she is about to explode and then the husband
says " You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a MAN!"
_____________________________
Into the night sky I fly through distant lands and darkened streets... Up into the clouds to play and dance with the moon.....To the hearts of all and I say to you be true to they own heart.
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