Munch gathering code of conduct/rules ?

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azropedntied -> Munch gathering code of conduct/rules ? (8/31/2008 8:37:31 PM)
In starting a new Monthly Munch gathering , i thought i would post here and ask what rules or code of conduct could be written up ? One thing i would like to see , no public outing of other attendees IE shouting hey sam and sally kinky person saw you and the kinky fetish gathering last week that was great eeh , while your shopping with grandma and the kids . Not that people want to see a phone book of rules but i think some sort of ground work should be clearly spelled out for veterans and new people alike .For a safe comfortable respectable continued gathering . Any ideas ? Thanks for further helping expand the community .

Alixandria -> RE: Munch gathering code of conduct/rules ? (8/31/2008 8:41:58 PM)
Pay your tab and tip the waitstaff. Shouldn't need to be said but ... Other infractions I've seen, joking with waitstaff about how you'd like to beat them. Waitstaff are paid to seem friendly but there are limits. Alix

azropedntied -> RE: Munch gathering code of conduct/rules ? (8/31/2008 8:49:30 PM)
Alix > Very good point t/y i have seen that done in past gathering s .. respect should be given, more so to people making your food .nobody wants unwanted advances and to be made uncomfortable . thanks again for the input .

SingleRarity -> RE: Munch gathering code of conduct/rules ? (8/31/2008 8:54:27 PM)
Many munches I've been too have a rule that reads something like, "Collars acceptable, but leave the fetish wear at home". You want to be invited back to the restaurant and anything too taboo, could definitely prevent that. I also ditto the above poster that said food should be paid for individually, as there is always some cheapskate who skips out. Daddy's Ballerina, e

UmbraDomina -> RE: Munch gathering code of conduct/rules ? (8/31/2008 9:21:50 PM)
if you feel comfortable with it, I would advice the manager, and your waitstaff the group is adult themed that way if a waitress does over hear something they don't freak out. Making sure all the guests act right in front of nilla patrons is also key.... nothing makes a munch/meeting homeless faster then Mr&Mrs nilla out for dinner over hearing or seeing play or overt fetish wear. Advice people to buy something, even just cup of coffee, as most establishments will not offer a room for free very often if there are no sales. Tell people to leave their fetish wear, toys, books, magazines, rude/or fetish tee shirts at home. hope this helps some,

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Munch gathering code of conduct/rules ? (8/31/2008 9:30:25 PM)
When Fox and I organize ours, our simple ruels are going to be as follows. Keep it Vanilla friendly. Clothingwise and conversation wise, keep the tone down if you are discussing something that shouldnt be overheard by those who wouldnt understand. Fetishwear in a family restaurant is a no go, and I have no problem telling someone to go home if they cannot abide by that rule. Not everyone at a munch particularly wants to be broadcast as lifestyle, and bringing unwanted attention to them can be bad for them as well as uncomfortable for those around you. Dont Ask. Especially a big deal for newcomers, dont ask what someone's role is. You know they are lifestyle, but somtimesthose at a munch arent comfortable enough to be actively looking. It shouldnt matter, and if someone is comfortable enough to mention it, they will, if not dont ask. Use their chosen name, regardless of if you know different. Just becasue I know Fox's real name doesnt mean I am going to use it at a munch if he introduces himself as Fox. Angel will not intrduce himself as Angel, and I wont call him by that. If an atendee chooses not to use their real name, for whatever reason, than you abide by their decision. You do not use whatever name you know them as, unless they specificaly say thats ok. Not a hookup! This is my big one. I understand that meeting at a much may lead to other interaction, but if you are going to treat my munch as a personal singles event for yourself, I will ask you not to attend again. I wont have one person making advances that make anyone else, the target advancee or others in attendance, uncomfortable. You want to do that exchange numbers and do it elsewhere. There may be others, but those are my biggies. And of course, no outting others away from the Munch shouldnt have to be said but sometimes it has to. DV

silkncarol -> RE: Munch gathering code of conduct/rules ? (8/31/2008 9:35:23 PM)
These are the rules our Munch uses....they seem to work. Please, no fetish attire, no provocative/ risqué/ revealing/ outlandish clothing. Blatant collars are not allowed, and you will be asked to remove them. Dress neat and clean to make a good impression. Bear in mind, we ARE in a public area, so no toys allowed, and no dropping of one's pants to show off our latest marks or bruises, and no scening in the restaurant (unless it's the kind one can't see). Also, please, no cameras allowed, unless express prior approval is obtained from the Munch organizers. While the room may be filled with lots of fellow leather folks, the staff of the restaurant may NOT be part of our scene, so cut them a break and remember that they are there.

IronBear -> RE: Munch gathering code of conduct/rules ? (9/1/2008 1:39:43 AM)
I'm guessing that this woill depend on your localoty and it's customs. In my neck of the woods, we go for casual dress if you want and in some cases unmentionables and even occasionally dogs are permitted (depending on the venue).. Often enough the munch may be accompanied by a BBQ as only the Aussies can do it.. IB (The incorrigible, irrepressible and irreverent Bear)

stella41b -> RE: Munch gathering code of conduct/rules ? (9/1/2008 3:56:44 AM)
I'm trying to do the same thing here in London. However at the moment I'm just working on the basic fundamentals which is working out everything with the owners of the pub and getting a few people together. All I'm looking for at this stage is a CM bias and a few ideas and listening to the suggestions and ideas of the people I'm contacting. I'm not really thinking about any rules but rather waiting until I have that small group of people together and arriving at some sort of consensus with them as I feel that others are sure to have better ideas than me and more experience. I feel that making it a group effort from the very beginning and letting everyone have equal opportunity to add their input will be very influential to the success of the munch and its subsequent development. Once we are together and have worked out how we would like the munch to be then perhaps as someone has already suggested we can put a website and Yahoo! group together and start advertising the munch here and elsewhere.

Usako -> RE: Munch gathering code of conduct/rules ? (9/1/2008 4:07:14 AM)
I wouldn't assume a huge list of rules would be needed. Munches are a simple get together. If I had to some up the rules in one sentence or so it'd be "Act/dress like you would at any casual public place where people and children may see you." Pretty much if you wouldn't act or say something in front of a minor you shouldn't do so at the munch. The one I go to is pretty laid back, people wear collars if they want but no blatant fetish wear. The times I've been there conversation was mild usually. There aren't any "don't ask" or "no hook up" rules that I know of since the first time I went I was asked what role I play and I'd assume any sort of hook up is for after the munch anyway.

colouredin -> RE: Munch gathering code of conduct/rules ? (9/1/2008 4:28:23 AM)
My munch is just getting off the ground, in terms of rules umm non fet gear is basically it to be honest, its a public venue so other than that I cant really dictate who can and cant go, people come who i dont see eye to eye with but thats what life is like isnt it. Its just a case of being respectful to others and the bar (luckily its my local and i know most of the bar staff so in that regard they have been really lovely and helpful to us) In terms of dont ask, well people havent really but we talk about it so its implied and meet market well it doesnt bother me, me and the other leader arent really looking for anything but if people are good for them so long as they dont harass or anything i dont see the problem

Missokyst -> RE: Munch gathering code of conduct/rules ? (9/1/2008 5:18:18 AM)
Please dress appropriately for meetings in a nilla world. Be discrete around waitstaff even if they seem friendly and open. Tipping is required. Do not bring along "lookie-loos" to check us out. When in doubt, ASK. Another one we encourage but not require is the use of first names, or nilla names you dont mind revealing. I am always andei. That way no one is embarrassed if someone yells my name across the table as the waitstaff enters. Andei is going to get less attention than Missokyst. It is hard to be discrete when names are being called out and they are masterssluthole, or hardwhenwhipped. This isnt a normal rule in groups, but it works well in ours. Kyst

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Munch gathering code of conduct/rules ? (9/1/2008 6:34:22 AM)
One munch group here basically gets a private room for the group. Within the room, quiet conversations about WIITWD are acceptable. Dress is casual/vanilla, except that we don't restrict collars (we live in a big enough city that nobody is going to spaz about seeing someone in a collar). Individuals are addressed by their chosen name, meals are purchased/paid for separately, and we ask that people treat our wait staff with respect. A second group's munches are held in private homes. There are much fewer restrictions, but the munches are 'invitation only'. Attendees provide a dish to pass, fetish-wear is allowed (as long as it isn't so outrageous that it would startle the neighbors to see you between car and house.) Where we used to live, the private-home model was used for munches, as well, and it worked out well. Calla Firestorm

LotusSong -> RE: Munch gathering code of conduct/rules ? (9/1/2008 6:48:02 AM)
Unfortunately, you can't legislate common sense. "Rules" are always 'forgotten', Ignored, Criticized and the facilitator bashed as "closed-minded". Don't let that stop you though. It'll fall on your shoulders but at least you are the one who has enough initiative and cared enough to get it started. Good luck and success to you .

RCdc -> RE: Munch gathering code of conduct/rules ? (9/1/2008 7:21:28 AM)
Start making 'rules' and they will be broken. You can't please all the people all the time, so the only rules you need to have in place is the ones you, as the co-ordinator will follow. Don't allow favours. Do put your foot down. Make everyone aware this is in a public setting and to act accordingly or don't bother coming. It really is that simple. the.dark.

KnightofMists -> RE: Munch gathering code of conduct/rules ? (9/1/2008 7:32:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: azropedntied In starting a new Monthly Munch gathering , i thought i would post here and ask what rules or code of conduct could be written up ? Instead of making "Rules".... how about more statements that reflect Values that are promoted and desired for the munch and ask the attendees to promote these same values instead of enforcing rules on them. Make them part of the solution and not part of the problem that needs rules to contain them. Such as.... "Respecting the Privacy of others in and outside the Munch is promoted by the Munch Group"

windchymes -> RE: Munch gathering code of conduct/rules ? (9/1/2008 7:57:15 AM)
Going by the number of threads started in here that basically say, "I'm going to my first munch tomorrow night and I don't know what to wear, how to act or what to expect", I think a set of guidelines would be much appreciated by newbies, especially. Guidelines such as dress code, the paying your check and tipping is a good one, the not outing people outside the munch, stating what might be taboo topics or activities, whether or not to bring UM's. Some munch groups are totally vanilla where they bring UM's. I know of a group near Atlantic City who actually rents a private room, so fetish-wear is optional, they do have demonstrations, they bring their own pot-luck style food and play games. Since every group is different, I think a set of guidelines makes a lot of sense. You don't have to enforce them like the gestapo, but if you are going to take registrations online, it would be easy to email a list of the guidelines back. And then follow up with giving everyone a hard copy at their first meeting.

Missokyst -> RE: Munch gathering code of conduct/rules ? (9/1/2008 9:04:31 AM)
Yeah, 10 months of the year our munches are very nilla, very open, in a private room of a local restaurant, but it is still just tinged with kink talk. The other two months of the year, one is set as a demo- get together in a private place. And this month we will be having our BBQ. The demo munch is hard on beginners, and I always warn new people that it will involve some flesh. The BBQ is really nilla, but.. lol I am still seeking ways to add some kink to it for a bit of interest. OP, Look at the location of your munch, the people that populate the area, and the attitude of the staff. We use two places, one know we are a kink group, the other thinks we are a computer meeting group. Assume people have no sense, and send a list of reasonable requirements. Rules will be broken, but I find that as people are exposed to what is ok, they soon learn to adapt. Kyst

CalifChick -> RE: Munch gathering code of conduct/rules ? (9/1/2008 9:39:24 AM)
At our munch, we are in a semi-private room at a pizza place. I say "semi-private" because the door is not a solid door but more like bifold doors. At the beginning of every munch, our leader gives a little speech about privacy and not outing people. I like the pizza location because everybody orders at the counter, and the only interaction we have with waitstaff is when they deliver your order to the room. Everyone is encouraged to get there early, in order to have their food before the "meeting" officially begins. I wouldn't think you would have to remind people to call others by the name they want, but then again, this point was brought home to me recently. At a play party I was chatting with someone and introduced myself as "Cali". He said, "is that your real name?", and I responded that it was the name I am called. He pushed the issue of asking me what my real name was, several times, and then compounded it by asking where I work/what I do for a living. I just kept replying, "people call me Cali", and on the issue of where I work, I said "if you don't know me well enough to know, then you don't know." It didn't make me uncomfortable only because I can handle pushy people, but I can see how it would make someone else uncomfortable. Cali

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Munch gathering code of conduct/rules ? (9/1/2008 10:11:37 AM)
Since there is no reason to re-invent the wheel, your best bet is to look up existing munches that closely align themselves to your goals for your own munch, read their guidelines, and write to the list owner and ask if they would mind if you borrowed the munches wording where applicable. Most won't have issues with you using the rules they have written, but no one likes to have their work stolen. The only real thing I have to add here is this: If you have the option of a play party after the munch, keep the two exclusive and separate. One of my first clubs, we had the munch location at the same place as our party and it became exceedingly difficult to control who attended the parties. Not everyone who attends a munch is someone you will want entering your inner circle - not to put too elitist a slant on things. Good luck!

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