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RE: BEING a Dom - 9/2/2008 12:51:40 PM

bmtphoenix

Posts: 15
Joined: 5/20/2008
Status: offline

I guess I just needed the encouragement that it is normal. This thread really did help me guys...thanks! :)

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Post #: 21

RE: BEING a Dom - 9/2/2008 2:42:29 PM

scottishdove

Posts: 113
Joined: 7/27/2008
Status: offline

Dear Sir Pheonix,

the best gift you can give your wife is the real you.. all of you.. not just the parts you think think are acceptable to show.

that is the freedom i find in this lifestyle.. i finally, finally get to be myself. my natural instincts are finally right.

why would somebody finally realize who they are and have the guts to act on it.. then assume a whole other set of conventions and rules that someone else wrote?

*cheers for you*

alice

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Post #: 22

RE: BEING a Dom - 9/3/2008 12:33:17 AM

MasterSteve57

Posts: 28
Joined: 8/6/2007
Status: offline

I have this black leather wrist band with a black face watch on it. I never wear it in public, only during a scene. When I put it on, it helps transform me and get me into the mood.

I know other doms who have other items of clothing that help them enter into the dom spirit. But for me it's just my watch. Once I put it on and was shocked to notice the battery had gone dead. It still had the desire effect, besides who needs to keep track of time during a hot scene?

My advice is - try to find some item of clothing that you only wear in a scene.

(in reply to bmtphoenix)

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Post #: 23

RE: BEING a Dom - 9/3/2008 6:16:13 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

I use the clark kent approach..I slowly take my glasses off and begin ripping my shirt open to reveal the big D underneath.

< Message edited by Icarys -- 9/3/2008 6:17:17 AM >

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
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Post #: 24

RE: BEING a Dom - 9/3/2008 6:49:13 AM

SirZarath

Posts: 31
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

Hello,

You expressed the sometimes 'wanting to be the Dom' but not feeling like actually doing it.
This makes me think of the early stages of me being a Dom. When I first discovered the lifestyle, I was devouring websites, novels, anything I could get my hands on, to know more about it. A bit later on I met other D/s and bdsm couples in RL. Being insecure as I was in the beginning of 'how to do things' I had the tendency to watch other Doms and then copy their behavior. It looked good from the outside, so I thought: I have to do the same thing.

*shakes his head* that was the biggest mistake I ever made. As that copy-behavior was forcing me into a role that wasn't really me. And so it took effort from my side to behave in a way that did not fit to my personality. And not only did that just not work, it made me feeling being a Dom as sort of a big effort, something I had to push myself to and which I did not always have the energy for.

When I realised what I was doing and talked about that with my sub, and she told me that 'typical behavior' was not at all what attracted her to me, I could let go of it and just be myself. The person she had fallen for to start with. And being dominant was not a chore or an effort any longer. It became just being 'me'.

In my opinion this is just about finding your personal style of dominance, the style that fits to your personality.

Hope that helps,

Zarath

(in reply to Icarys)

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Post #: 25

RE: BEING a Dom - 9/3/2008 8:20:40 AM

scottishdove

Posts: 113
Joined: 7/27/2008
Status: offline

wow, fantastic post, Sir Zarath.

You know, this is about the first time I have found a topic and a series of posts that really speak to me about the lifestyle in way that is authentic and not just frustrating/confusing.

(in reply to SirZarath)

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Post #: 26

RE: BEING a Dom - 9/4/2008 8:07:16 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

Well said.

Side note.
How did that discussion go on the Goren Boards? I'll check it out in a bit.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

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Post #: 27

RE: BEING a Dom - 9/4/2008 8:12:51 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSteve57

I have this black leather wrist band with a black face watch on it. I never wear it in public, only during a scene. When I put it on, it helps transform me and get me into the mood.

I know other doms who have other items of clothing that help them enter into the dom spirit. But for me it's just my watch. Once I put it on and was shocked to notice the battery had gone dead. It still had the desire effect, besides who needs to keep track of time during a hot scene?

My advice is - try to find some item of clothing that you only wear in a scene.

Yaaa, mine is my Hello Kitty underoos and my green rubber chore boots. The combination of cute pink and ruffly and green rubber coated in cut grass, dried mud and horse poo, does it every time.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 28

RE: BEING a Dom - 9/4/2008 8:50:04 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

besides who needs to keep track of time during a hot scene?

Actually I do. It helps me keep track of how long she can stand a certain thing or how long I've had her in a certain situation. I watch her responses then judge how much longer or how far i can push her over time. Keeping records like that are useful at times. Tons of reasons for me to keep track of time.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to MasterSteve57)

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Post #: 29

RE: BEING a Dom - 9/6/2008 1:50:04 PM

Worldly1

Posts: 37
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

I have two things that might help:
1. First, there are times when most Doms just feel like putting their Dom uniform on the shelf and being a normal person for a while. Being vanilla for a short while can actually be kinky!! There is nothing wrong with that, so you're not alone. Any Dom who says they've never felt this way would lie about other things too. LOL
2. Secondly, if your submissive likes the feeling of being naked and cuffed, sitting or kneeling at your feet, you don't need to beat yourself up trying to think of other ways of being kinky right at that moment. Have a mat for her to sit/lay/kneel on, rest your feet on her, caress her lovingly from time to time, and she'll be one happy lady.

Don't put the stress or pressure on yourself to be always in 'DOM MODE'. You can be normal too.

W1

(in reply to bmtphoenix)

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Post #: 30

RE: BEING a Dom - 9/6/2008 5:35:09 PM

DomDolf

Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Hello,

You expressed the sometimes 'wanting to be the Dom' but not feeling like actually doing it.
This makes me think of the early stages of me being a Dom. When I first discovered the lifestyle, I was devouring websites, novels, anything I could get my hands on, to know more about it. A bit later on I met other D/s and bdsm couples in RL. Being insecure as I was in the beginning of 'how to do things' I had the tendency to watch other Doms and then copy their behavior. It looked good from the outside, so I thought: I have to do the same thing.

*shakes his head* that was the biggest mistake I ever made. As that copy-behavior was forcing me into a role that wasn't really me. And so it took effort from my side to behave in a way that did not fit to my personality. And not only did that just not work, it made me feeling being a Dom as sort of a big effort, something I had to push myself to and which I did not always have the energy for.

When I realised what I was doing and talked about that with my sub, and she told me that 'typical behavior' was not at all what attracted her to me, I could let go of it and just be myself. The person she had fallen for to start with. And being dominant was not a chore or an effort any longer. It became just being 'me'.

In my opinion this is just about finding your personal style of dominance, the style that fits to your personality.

Hope that helps,

Zarath

Bravo.... Excellent.

This is certainly something that every dominant needs to make sure they are not doing. Way too much work trying to be something you aren't.

Dolf

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Post #: 31

RE: BEING a Dom - 9/6/2008 6:51:26 PM

Ialdabaoth

Posts: 1073
Joined: 5/4/2008
From: Tempe, AZ
Status: offline

Perhaps a different perspective:

I am not the strongest person. I am not the most self-assured person. I am not the most dominant person. But I am still a Dom.

Sometimes you need to allow yourself the realization that you aren't up to the task, and the simultaneous realization that you can still do it. I'd far rather see someone who always tries than someone who always wins when they try, no matter how much people seem to worship the latter.

(in reply to DomDolf)

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Post #: 32

RE: BEING a Dom - 9/6/2008 6:58:56 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

I'm glad I view my relationships as the prescense of an authority dynamic where there is a "24-7" understanding that I am the boss.

I would drive myself friggin nuts if I thought I had to express only one facet of myself alllllllll tttthhhheeee ttttttiiiiiimmmmmeeee and not just be me when where and how I want to.

It takes a lot of stress off the mind and the cool part is I am still tell her to go fold my laundry WHILE being goofy.

Edited to Add : Maybe you might consider...

1. Viewing "Dominant" as an identity on par with being a "Christian" as opposed to some sterotype or carciature you constantly HAVE to be. It's just something you are, part of who you are, and not something you have to constantly ACT like.

2. Work on developing security in the fact that your girl is still going to do what you say and obey you regardless of whether your being goofy, depressed, tired, or grumpy.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 9/6/2008 7:01:51 PM >

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

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Post #: 33

RE: BEING a Dom - 9/6/2008 7:10:05 PM

MrRodgers

Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
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This speaks of bedroom or sexual domination.

Being dominant for most...not all, dominates your life.

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Post #: 34

RE: BEING a Dom - 9/6/2008 7:42:52 PM

DomDolf

Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
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And you are being yourself while it dominates you correct? That is all that is being said.

Dolf

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Post #: 35

RE: BEING a Dom - 9/6/2008 8:02:29 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRodgers

This speaks of bedroom or sexual domination.

Being dominant for most...not all, dominates your life.

Is there something positive or constructive in this that is relelvant to the OP's situation that I am clearly missing or is the sole point of these two lines to fulfill an egocentric need to stick out one's tongue and say "HEY! I'M BETTER THAN YOU!"?

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to MrRodgers)

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Post #: 36